Author's note - this is something I wrote for the livejournal comment-fic site.

SURVEILLANCE

Do not get involved.

Do not lose professionalism.

Do not.

Do. Fucking. Not.

Dear God, Sharon thought to herself, her assignment was absolutely gorgeous.

Sharon sighed, rolled over, punched her pillow in exasperation, and tried once again to go to sleep.

Then her phone rang. Saying something unladylike, Sharon grabbed it from the nightstand. It was from Hill. What the hell did she want at this hour of the night? The sensor webs around Steve's - around CAPTAIN ROGERS' - apartment, apartment floor, and apartment building were all green. There wasn't a problem.

Or was there?

"Hello, ma'am," Sharon said worriedly as she sat up and reached for her firearm. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Hill said very flatly. Then she paused before continuing. "Well... not the kind of 'wrong' that you should be most worried about, Agent Carter. But there's something else."

Sharon chambered a round in her Glock and said, "I don't understand, ma'am."

"Agent Carter," Hill said, her tone even more very stiff and formal. "I've just read the riot act to just about everyone involved in the Captain's surveillance op. And now it's your turn."

Sharon blinked in surprise. "Uhm... what did I do wrong, ma'am?"

"As far as I know, you've done nothing wrong, Agent Carter. However, I'm covering all of the bases - just to be sure."

"Yes, ma'am," Sharon responded warily.

Then Hill took a deep breath before she continued.

"Agent Carter, the surveillance cameras associated with this operation are not intended for anything other than professional purposes. If I find any evidence that you or any other SHIELD operative are spying on Captain Rogers while he showers then I WILL HAVE YOUR FUCKING NIPPLES FOR EARRINGS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!"

"Yes ma'am," Sharon said hastily.

"Very well," Hill said very evenly. "Good night, Agent Carter."

"Good night, ma'am."

Then there was a series of three rapid beeps that indicated the conversation was now encrypted so deep that God probably couldn't eavesdrop on it.

"Maria... what the hell?" Sharon asked in amazement.

Maria sighed. "Some of the girls - and guys - in the IT office hacked the bathroom mirror feed."

Sharon put down her gun and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Oh, for Pete's sake... How much trouble are they in?"

Sharon couldn't see Maria's shrug, but she could feel it. "I've scared the hell out of them and will have them pulling extra shifts for a long time to come. But there won't be anything official. However, if anything like this happens again, I'll have to really come down on them."

"They're lucky Fury didn't hear about this."

"He probably has. He's just pretending not to notice. If he did, he'd have to go maximum on them."

"That sounds about right."

"How's the assignment going?" Maria asked casually. Maybe too casually.

Sharon let out a short laugh. "Well, let's just say I understand what motivated those IT guys."

"Is that a problem?"

"Not yet. Any advice? You ran that surveillance job on Stark back when he got back from Afghanistan."

Maria hesitated - and then laughed. "Masturbation. Lots of it."

Sharon made a wry face. "If that's an order, boss, I'm pleased to report that I've already anticipated it."

"You'll understand if I don't write you a formal commendation for your initiative. Good night, Sharon."

Sharon yawned, "G'night, Maria."