Roy Mustang was once again reaching the end of his wits due to a certain pair of brothers whose apparent goal in life was to give him ulcers. What were they up to at that precise moment? Well… to be honest that was the problem. Nobody knew. Literally- nobody. The boys had been holed up in their room with almost a library's worth of alchemical textbooks of such specialism that they probably hadn't been read for at least a decade each.
He couldn't help but think back to what Hawkeye had once told him about when Black Hayate was a pup- apparently it was when everything seemed peaceful and quiet that the mutt was up to the worst types of mischief. Roy was pretty sure he had a similar situation developing with the Fullmetal Shrimp.
Running a hand roughly through his hair, he glared at the clock on his office wall. It had been over an hour since he had sent Fuery and Havoc to check in on the Elric's… not that he was concerned for the boys… of course not… he was simply being a competent and responsible superior officer. Even so, he couldn't help but feel slightly concerned that his recon team hadn't reported back yet… with a half groan, half sigh, Mustang pushed himself up from his desk and decided to hunt down his various subordinates.
It only took a few minutes to reach the barracks, and he was confidently striding towards the Elric's assigned room, when suddenly the sound of frantic yelling followed by a crash echoed down the corridor. Real fear rising in his throat, the Colonel sprinted the last few meters, slamming open the door and slipping an ignition glove onto his hand and… freezing as he tried to take in the sight before him.
Fuery and Havoc were crouching behind a barricade in one corner, hunkered down behind what looked like a wall of books. Opposing them was (and he actually did a full double take) a FORT. But not just any fort- it was a towering construction of yet more books, the sheets from the bed, and apparently the upturned bedframe itself. It was a fort of dreams for kids everywhere, and sure enough he briefly caught sight of the tell-tale flash of a red coat and gleam of armour which denoted the troublesome Elric brothers. Were the youngest military prodigies, terror of the criminal underworld and general bane of his life, the personifications of destruction… playing?
This line of thought was both confirmed and derailed when there was a fierce battle cry from the, admittedly very impressive, fort and a heavy barrage of paper balls, paper planes, and- were those rubber bands? Were lobbed at the barricade. Only a moment later similar missiles were returned, and Roy was pretty sure he had heard Havoc gleefully holler, "we will take you down Fullmetal Pirate!"
"What the hell is all this?!" Mustang's shout cut across the apparent warfare of his subordinates, who suddenly registered his presence as four heads popped up from behind their various defences, an unspoken truce breaking out as they turned guiltily towards the bemused colonel.
"Sir!" it was Fuery who snapped to attention as unofficial spokesperson for the group. "We were… that is to say… we found the Elrics, sir. Everything is under control… turns out they, uhh, built a really neat fort sir."
"Wait- is that why you took out all those rare and specialist library books Fullmetal? To build this?!"
"Umm," the blond in question had the decency to look a little bit shamefaced… "Well, we did actually need a couple of them which had notes by a particular researcher…"
"I see."
For a tense moment there was only silence as their superior officer apparently processed the idea of all of his subordinates getting roped into this mad scheme. Such deliberations were rudely interrupted however by a sharp sting to the end of his nose, apparently the result of a particularly vicious rubber band sniping attack. He blinked, before he heard a snigger from the fort of, "Epic shot Al!"
Without further ado colonel Mustang threw himself behind the book barricade built by Havoc and Fuery, and began launching office supplies with surprising force. Once again battle was joined, as Havoc hurriedly explained that the only rule was no alchemy, and the forces of the Amestrian Navy once again attacked the Fullmetal Pirates.
…
Riza Hawkeye came striding into the office, a stack of papers under her arm, and was taken aback by the apparently deserted desks. Frowning, she checked her holsters and ammunition as she began searching for her co-workers. Eventually she wound up at the Elric's room in the barracks, remembering that this was the last place Fuery and Havoc had been sent. Cautiously, put on edge by the apparent sounds of a struggle, she cracked the door open and peered inside.
Completely oblivious to her presence, the valiant forces of the Amestrian Navy had just leaped over their book barricade, launching a volley of rubber bands which were unfortunately too inaccurate to take down the dreaded pirate forces. Mustang, proving slightly slower than the rest of his forces, and already sporting what looked like a fairly nasty welt on the end of his nose, was the unlucky target of piratical retaliation. A pair of rubber bands arched out from the fort, one catching him on each cheek. With a dramatic cry the colonel fell back behind the defensive line as the snipers shouted with glee at their success.
Hawkeye silently praised their aim, shook her head at the foolishness of her commanding officer, and decided to let them be for now. After all, it wasn't often that those kids were allowed to just be… kids.
Although, as she headed back to the office she mentally added the addendum that if the battle wasn't over by the time she wanted to go home, then the feared Pirate Queen Hawkeye might be forced to make an appearance…