Author notes: I own nothing. This is my first fic, so please be gentle. I don't have a beta so I apologise for any mistakes.
Gail woke up from a deep sleep with a strangled scream. Another night, another nightmare. It had been months since she had watched Holly walk through the gate at the airport, yet every night her brain decided she had to relive the worst moment of her life. Gail sighed and looked at the time on her phone, 04:45. Gail was on first shift and didn't need to be awake for another hour and a half. She knew going back to sleep wasn't an option, so she decided to start her day early.
After taking a shower and shoving some cereal in her mouth Gail decided to use her extra time to do some research. She would be seeing Sophie again this week and she wanted to find some fun things she could do with the girl. Sophie was smart and loved all things nerdy. Of course she did, Gail thought. After finding an exciting looking exhibit coming to the Ontario Science Centre she looked back at her clock. The time was close enough, Gail was sick of sitting in her empty apartment, so she grabbed her duty bag, and her keys, and headed out towards the station.
Gail showed up half an hour before parade. It was something that the other officers in 15 division had started to notice happening routinely. Most of the other officers knew of Gail's intentions to adopt a child, as with any sort of gossip, the news had in fact, spread around the department like herpes. Most of those officers also just assumed that it had something to do with why Gail had begun to show up for shift early everyday. Only Traci knew the truth, she had been able to sense something wrong with the blonde immediately after Holly's departure. Of course it had taken several attempts, and some tequila, before Gail began to give any sort of clue as to what was bothering her. Gail had begun to trust and confide in Traci more and more since the adoption process had begun, and because Traci herself had a child Gail figured she would eventually need advice from the detective. And thus began Gail opening up to someone other than Holly.
Gail sat in the locker room typing out a text to Traci knowing that the detective would be awake.
I had the stupid dream again. My fucking brain needs to give it a rest already. Holly is gone. I've moved on why can't my brain. Gail hit the send button and placed the phone back into her pocket. Gail had just entered the parade room when her phone vibrated. Gail glanced around the mostly empty room then opened the message from Traci.
Maybe you haven't moved on Gail.
Gail rolled her eyes and locked the phone before putting it away. She didn't feel like answering what she knew deep down was the truth.
The rest of the day was your standard patrol day. Gail had been paired with Dov and the biggest call of the day had been a shoplifter at the Beer Store. Gail was always thankful that Dov was too focused on mending his relationship with Chloe and hadn't felt the need to comment on Gail's relationship, of course as soon as the thought left her head Dov opened his mouth, "Gail. I know this isn't my place but are you ok?"
Gail turned in the passenger seat to look at Dov, "peachy. Can we get back to the station already. I have better things to do."
"Come on Gail I know you, you've been like a robot since Holly left. I know she..."
"Shut. Up. Dov. We are not having this conversation. Not now. Not ever. Just shut up and drive." And with that the conversation was done. Dov kept his eyes focused on the road whilst Gail stared out the window.
After finishing shift Gail returned home and threw her bag next to the door like she always did. She then sat on the chair in her living room and cried, as per her now daily routine. Today's tears were just a touch different though. Having thought about Traci's text all day had put her brain into a loop, a loop that circled around one Holly Stewart. Gail knew she hadn't moved on from the dark haired women and that if she was honest with herself, she never would. No one had ever seen into her so quickly and so completely. No one had devastated her so completely either. Gail stood up from the chair wiped her eyes and headed to the kitchen. She pulled out a bottle of whiskey and began to drink.
Twenty minutes after opening the bottle of whiskey Gail heard her phone rang. She picked it up and was confused by the name written on the screen. It was Sophie's social worker. Gail racked her now fuzzy brain to try and think of a reason the woman would be calling on a day when she wasn't scheduled to see Sophie. Gail's brain failed her.
With a quick swipe Gail answered the call. "Hello?"
"Gail, it's Laura, can we talk?"
Suddenly stone sober, Gail's stomach dropped. This was not good, not good at all. "Is Sophie ok?"
"She's fine Gail. The reason I'm calling is to let you know that there's been a development in finding a family member for Sophie."
"Oh." Was all that Gail could croak out.
"I'm so sorry about this Gail, and I didn't want to tell you this way. I know how much you care for her. But it turns out her father is alive and in Canada. He didn't even know about Sophie until we reached out to Sophie's distant cousin in the states. He has to go through screening, but he wants to take her. I'm so sorry Gail. I'll try to talk to him and see if he will agree to let you continue to visit Sophie, if you want."
Gail couldn't stop the tears from running down her face, but she tried to choke them back as much as she could. "I would like that. I won't give up on her."
"I know you won't Gail and I know it doesn't mean much, but I really am sorry. Once I know anything else I'll let you know."
Gail mumbled a thank you and hung up the phone. Her world shattered in pieces again.
Gail woke up the next day on the floor of her bedroom with an empty bottle of whiskey still in her hands. Her head felt like a marching band was playing, but Gail didn't care, the nightmare hadn't come last night. Gail could only remember darkness after passing out from the alcohol. Gail looked around the room and after finding her phone she checked the time, 10:23. Gail groaned, she was over two hours late for duty. Gail then checked her texts and found two from Andy, three from Chris, two from Dov, but only a single one from Traci. She opened that one.
Gail are you ok? Really?
Gail walked into the washroom and turned the shower on. She began to strip her clothing off when she saw her reflection in the mirror. Dark circles appeared around her eyes, they were accompanied by pink puffy skin beneath her eyes. In other words, she looked like shit. Her fellow officers would surely notice her appearance on top of her tardiness. Her only option was to call in a sick day, and that's exactly what she did, for the first time since joining the police force. Gail took a sick day.