The Hired Hammer
It was dark that day in Koopa City- but then again, it always was. Regardless of the weather in the world beyond, the dark magic that lay in the heart of the Koopa Empire made sure that the capitol city was gloomy and foreboding 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The darkness kept the citizens subservient, filling them with fear and distrust, ensuring that there was no one who could dissent against the great King Bowser. There was no freedom in Koopa City- no art, no music, and nothing unique- every street and every building looked no different from any other.
On this day, down one of those identical streets, there trudged a major Koopa celebrity- the advisor to the Koopa King himself, Kamek. Not that anyone on the street acknowledged him, of course- he was known for always getting into "moods", and when he got into a "mood", there was no telling what he would do to anyone that crossed him.
Kamek was not happy. He couldn't be happy- not when King Bowser wasn't happy.
Everything had been going perfectly- the Koopa Troop had discovered a brand new land to crush and conquer, and had done so easily. The citizens of the "Mushroom Kingdom" (awful name, it simply had to be changed once they were done conquering it) were all either cowardly simpletons or traitors, and the ruling Princess of the land was locked away in the King's magnificent castle, where she would soon be forced to marry him. Kamek would have every reason to be happy- if not for one little problem.
Out of nowhere, as if from another world, two strange men appeared and began fighting back. The Koopa Troop, so mighty not a day beforehand, suddenly began facing massive setbacks- every day, the King and his General, Boom Boom, watched in horror as Koopa territory continued to be lost. Every fort that had been set up, every flagpole that bore the glorious Skull symbol of the Koopa Empire, was destroyed and sent back from whence they came.
The Koopas threw everything they had at the men. Soldiers, artillery, captured animals; you name it, the Koopas tried it, and they failed. Even Lakitu, the legendary soldier that had won countless battles beforehand, failed to set the foreigners back for long. There was no one in the entire Koopa Troop that had the ability to defeat these little nuisances.
And so, Kamek was forced to humiliate the entire army by venturing into the city to find someone who could.
He stopped outside of a building. There was only one thing special about it. It was entirely identical to every other building in the city, as was required, except for one small difference: above the door, in large letters, were the words HAMMER BROS., and below that in smaller letters, SOLDIERS FOR HIRE.
Kamek stood outside of the building with trepidation. Maybe they're not home, he thought to himself. Maybe I can just walk right back to the castle and we can forget this whole idea!
Kamek had been against the idea of hiring soldiers since the beginning. It was dishonorable to the Koopa Empire's history, he said. It sent the message to civilians and the enemy that the Koopa Troop wasn't as invincible as it claimed, he said. It wouldn't even work, he said. But the King refused to listen. He had to win this war, using any and all means necessary.
The Magikoopa sighed, walked up the steps, and knocked on the door.
To his surprise, opened a mere second after he took his fist off of it. Standing in front of him was a tall, imposing male Koopa, wearing a look on his face that could make even the bravest of men turn tail and run.
Kamek stammered, "Er… hello. My na-"
"I know who you are," said the Koopa.
Kamek jumped back. "Ugh… of course you do. I'm here to-"
"I know why you're here!" shouted the Koopa.
Kamek was shocked once again. "H-How? Um… I want you-"
"I KNOW you need our help!" screamed the Koopa, growing more and more impatient.
Kamek stammered, "W-W-Well, I wouldn't say… Uh, I, er, wouldn't say help exactly…"
"GET IN HERE!" the Koopa roared. He grasped Kamek's arm and violently threw him inside, slamming the door behind him. The spacious area inside was surprisingly empty, containing only a desk, a couch, a single poorly stocked bookshelf, a very large cupboard, and a set of stairs.
Kamek was indignant. "Watch what you do! I am the greatest wizard of all time! I could-"
"Aw, shut up, you washed up old coot!" interrupted the Koopa, once again. "Like I said, I know why you're here. I know 'cause all the news we've been watching says that the war is just going great and that all the problems are being 'dealt with'. You know what that REALLY means? It means that there are problems, and they aren't being dealt with!"
Kamek gulped. People were seeing through his foolproof propaganda? This wasn't good! "Yes, well, maybe everything really is alright, but… we just wanted you to think that everything wasn't? To… trick you?"
The Koopa scoffed.
Suddenly, a voice from upstairs spoke. "Hey, is that him, Spike? It's about time we had some action!"
Down came Iggy, the Koopa's (Spike) brother and partner. Iggy and Spike were identical in every singly way, from their faces down to the markings on their stomachs. Kamek suspected that this was somehow to their advantage.
"Yeah, it's him, Iggy. Seems the King finally had a bright idea and decided to hire us."
Kamek cleared his throat. "Yes, I'm afraid our army's been surprisingly unable to, ah, negotiate with this new threat. So, we sadly have no choice but to farm out our problems to a third party."
Iggy and Spike high-fived each other, as they always did when they had a new client.
Kamek continued, "I must warn you, you have no idea what you're really dealing with. These boys are like nothing we've ever seen before. They've taken down entire armies!"
The Hammer Brothers were unfazed. "Your army is nothing but a bunch of morons and cannon fodder!" said Iggy. "We're stronger than every one of them put together."
"No, no, I swear, they're lethal! Lakitu himself couldn't stop them! They dodged his spinies and stole his cloud!"
The duo couldn't care less. "Lakitu is nothing but a chump who gets lucky a lot. He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he was put up against us."
"W-well they ALSO defeated the clone of the King that we placed in a castle! Do you know what that means? It means that these two could defeat King Bowser himself!"
Still, the brothers were not alarmed. Iggy said, "The King is strong, yes, but (bless his heart) he's nothing but a big brute. We could outsmart him easily."
Kamek was getting nervous. These fellows sounded like they weren't going to back down. He had hoped that they'd chicken out, so that he could safely have an excuse to go back to the King and calmly explain that there were no takers for the offer, so sadly the Troop would have to defeat the enemy on their own, and not dishonor thousands of years of military prowess by hiring assistance.
He tried once more, but only managed an "I-" before Spike cut in.
"Well, if we're going to take the job, we're going to need to get our equipment," he said.
"B-but-"
"Yeah, that's right," said Iggy. "Wait here, old man, you're going to love this."
The brothers stepped toward the cupboard on the other end of the room. They opened it, and inside were the greatest weapons ever known to Koopa kind.
Hammer Suits. Two-of-a-kind. They were equipped with an arsenal of weapons, most notably a set of huge hammers, to toss at one's enemies. The suits had three settings, "hammer", "boomerang", and "fire", which could be switched with the push of a button, and could be used for differing circumstances. The armor was nearly impenetrable, weak only to fire, other hammers, and attacks from below- thought the Hammer Brothers were sure that those situations wouldn't arise often enough to worry about them.
Iggy and Spike removed their suits from the cupboard and suited up.
Both the brothers and the suits look plenty intimidating by themselves, but with the formers wearing the latters they looked downright diabolical. Towering, bulky, dark, and wielding the most deadly looking weapons you could ever laid eyes on.
Kamek was left speechless at the sight.
"So, where'd you see these guys last?" asked Spike.
Kamek furrowed his brow. It looked like they were taking the job no matter what, by this point. "Around the area marked 'world 3-1', I believe."
"And what do they look like?"
"One, I believe is named "Mario", and he's very short, with a mustache and big blue eyes, and he's wearing either blue-on-red or red-on-blue... I can't remember. The other, what's-his-name, looks almost the same, except I THINK he's a little taller and wearing, er, green… or is it white? Oh, my memory's getting so fuzzy…"
Iggy condescendingly patted his hand on Kamek's shoulder. "Don't worry old man. We'll get 'em," he said with a grin. "You'll pay us once we've knock these two chumps into oblivion."
"Yeah," said Spike. "Those guys'll be chatting it up with the Star Spirits once we're done with them!"
The brothers turned to the door and exited the building. Kamek called after them, "Now be quick about it! His Majesty does not like to be kept waiting."
"And we," said the brothers in unison, "don't like to keep him waiting."
And with that, the Hammer Brothers set off on their assignment.
Whoever this "Mario" and his brother were, they were in for two nasty surprises.