The descending sun drenched the sky and the soft clouds in a warm, orange tint. Two women strolled down the street wearing generous, breezy dresses and chatted excitedly about their swollen bellies. I desperately waited until even the sound of their loud voices and the tapping of their sandalled feet mingled with the rest of the city noise before dejectedly returning indoors, quickly wiping away the plastered smile on my lips with the back of my hand.

"Hmph. Still anxious about Sebastian, I see?"

A short, stout woman with sharp silver streaks in her bundled up hair blocked my way and threw me a pitying look. To many she was known as Lydia, the toughest drinker in all Karanese, but to me she was known simply as my aunt.

I waved her away. "It's nothing, I'm just a bit tired."

"So your soggy face ain't got nothing to do with him."

"I'm pretty hot too."

"Then go take a bath." She crossed her fleshy arms. "Hell Sera, you look like you've passed halfway through to the realm of the dead as well!"

Before I could launch an equally taunting response or blurt something else I would regret later on, another voice harshly interjected.

"Mom, you can't say things like that! Especially not in a situation like this!"

And downstairs came my savior and cousin Miriam. Unlike with me, Lydia never chose to battle out arguments with her daughter since Miriam could dismantle close to anyone with just the proper set of words. An arguable ability in the world we're living in, but since I always knocked heads with Lydia and nobody of us liked to back down, I would have had a lot of use for such a diplomatic solution. Miriam was a good speaker, younger than me and both sweet and clever, but I had to admit she wasn't the prettiest girl; her nose was too big for her face and her rye-colored hair never really seemed to have a real length. She wasn't a popular claim amongst the other sex but was, nevertheless, a very nice person and also my best—if not only—friend. Except for Sebastian. A thought which got my head winding.

Where are you, idiot? It's already been a good while since the bells announced the Survey Corps' return. Don't tell me you're intentionally pulling this to annoy me? Again?

Pondering, I lost my catch of reality for a second. Miriam surprised me when she gently knocked on my head; we're the same height so I was confused when I had to crane my neck backwards to look her in the eyes. But I soon realized that I had slumped down on a nearby stool like a sack of rotten potatoes, my arms hanging lifeless to my sides like a ragdoll's. My aunt had for once been rather accurate with her earlier statement: I was thoroughly exhausted and I would bet all my meager savings that I looked about the same.

"Don't be so troubled, Sera," Miriam said with a smile. "Mom doesn't know what she's blabbering about. And you know how much she adores Sebastian; she would never crack a joke like that if she actually thought it was true. He'll be here anytime."

She sounded so reassuring I almost felt bad when I answered, "I actually think Lydia was talking about my mother."

And as if it was something I was supposed to comfort her about, I gingerly caressed her arm.

Miriam's following silence only confirmed my theory. Guessed so, I thought as I eyed my aunt who was starting to prepare for dinner. She never gets tired of complaining about how much of a burden my mother and I are, even though they're sisters. I'm supposedly "lucky" with this… predicament.

"I'm going out," I announced and rose to my feet. As much as I loved Miriam and even my aunt, I couldn't deal with either at the moment. My worry for Sebastian suffocated me and influenced all my actions. Miriam opened her mouth to say something but refrained, and decided to join her mother in the kitchen instead. Something in my expression probably told her to stay away from me, at least for a while.

With stiff limbs and my mind elsewhere, I carelessly swung open the door. And almost slammed it right into a visitor.

I could feel my skin draining with color. He probably could too, and his fair, handsome features turned mournful. We both knew what he was here to deliver; the emblem on his jacket was unmistakable.

"Are you Seraphina Berninger?"

I slowly nodded. The noises from the kitchen died in an instant.

"Then I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Berninger. Sebastian Berninger is no longer with us."

My stupid, reckless, carefree, humorous, beloved brother was dead. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Even my aunt was silent for once as we sat opposed to each other by the table. The only ones who seemed to be fine enough to talk were Miriam, sitting to my left, and the famous Erwin Smith, commander of the despised Survey Corps, who sat next to my aunt. I couldn't even remember why he was dining with us—not that anyone was eating.

"Wait…" I fumbled to formulate a comprehensible question, my words disappearing before I could catch them. "What are you doing here, sir?"

His piercing blue eyes immediately turned to look at me. "I'm not sure I understand," he carefully replied.

I clenched my cup until my knuckles whitened and the porcelain threatened to crumble. "Why are you the one to come and tell me of…" My voice trailed away and I swallowed hard. "Instead of Seb—his squad leader? I thought that was the way you did it. And I cannot remember Sebas—him to be in your group."

"True," admitted the commander, his gaze unwavering. I briefly wondered how many times he had knocked on a door to tell an already distressed family that one of their children had died fighting under the Wings of Freedom, and how many times more he was going to deliver news of death. "But as it stands, the lance corporal is currently unavailable for such tasks."

"Coward," I spat.

Miriam stared at me and my aunt raised her head from the table to look at me, eyes widened in surprise. The commander remained calm.

"No, the reason is different, I promise," he replied. "I actually wanted to come visit you myself."

"Levi still wouldn't have come, would he?"

His icy-blue eyes lost their focus on me for barely a second and I understood that I had been correct. He sighed when realizing that I knew. "I trust he has his reasons, Miss Berninger. He's Not a bad man."

A horse and carriage passed the building. The sunset was fading away, giving in to the darkness of the night.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. "What is it you want from me, sir?"

"I'm here because I want to help you."

I fought back my frustration; I didn't want to lash out at him for no reason except bad memories about a certain someone. "And with what would that be?" Can you bring my brother back? Can you bring my father back? Can you make my mother able to walk again?

"I have assessed your family situation. Your finances won't make through." He suddenly turned to my aunt. "Your clinic will have to be closed down by the end of next month if you don't do anything about it."

Miriam inhaled sharply.

"Mom, what is he talking about?" she exclaimed. "He's not being serious, right? All of this is just a bad, bad dream, huh? Sebastian is still alive, our business is going outstanding and aunt Alina is going to become healthy soon because we're doing everything to treat her, right Mom? This is just a horrible nightmare."

"For being such a smart girl, you're really naive," I said and rubbed my cold hands together. Miriam looked at me, shocked.

"I'm afraid he's right," continued my aunt. Her gray eyes were empty. "I'm sorry, Miriam. I'm buried too deep in debt. The money that Sebastian provided us were the only thing that got us going. And since he's—"

Lydia quieted when I looked at her.

"Well, isn't there anything we can do?" tried Miriam, her voice weak.

My aunt shook her head. "Even if we kick out your aunt and cousin it'll barely help sustaining us more than a month or two."

"And here's where I want to have a saying," said the commander. His focus had returned to me and I could read in his bold eyes what he had in mind. It came to no surprise after all, because I had seen it already before he stepped into the house.

"I would like you to join the Survey Corps."

I pressed my lips together. In the corner of my eye I saw Miriam press a hand to her chest, her jaw hanging slack.

"We lost many in the latest expedition, together with your brother," Erwin went on, his face grim. "And since you're not only an adept 3DMG-user but you also have some advanced medical experience, your contribution would mean twice as much."

"Never!"

My aunt slammed her thick palm against the wooden table and a strange look of fear temporarily straightened her wrinkled face. "There will be no talking about that rubbish! How dare you bark in and ask such a horrid thing?" She suddenly seemed to remember whom she actually was talking to and lowered her voice. "It's a fool's endeavor, sir. A suicidal road. And I will not stand and idly watch as you drag another poor soul into the titans' bloody gobs! Especially not when her brother just—"

"Calm down, please." The commander raised a gentle hand and met my neutral gaze. "It's simply an offer, Miss Berninger. You are free to choose. Only, I know that you scored amongst the top ten during your training years before you quit to help your family." For a second, there was regret in his voice. Then it was gone. "That cannot have been a mere coincidence or pure luck. You fought for something, didn't you?"

I stayed silent but looked away.

"Tell me, do you remember which military branch you were most focused on enrolling into?"

My focus involuntarily twisted back to him. His blue eyes glittered. He already knew my answer.

"The Survey Corps, sir."

"To join your brother, I reckon?"

My hands balled into fists. "Yes," I replied quietly. There was no idea hiding the obvious.

"Then, Miss Berninger," he began, "if you're still interested in what's best for humanity and your family, I would like to meet you at the western gates tomorrow morning at eight. For now I fear I'll have to excuse myself; there are a few more things I have to attend to before midnight."

Erwin Smith promptly stood up and straightened his shirt before heading towards the entrance door, turning around one last time to glance back at us. "Well then, have a nice evening."

"Sir."

He patiently waited.

I swallowed hard. It tore my heart to even think about it, but I asked anyway. "Where… where are his remains? I… I must..."

My voice broke. I could feel my throat swell up and my vision turn blurry but I refused to cry, at least while my aunt and cousin stared at me with nothing but pity. They probably thought I was restraining myself, too proud to show them any weakness, and although they were correct in that particular aspect I honestly didn't want anyone to see how truly close I was on the brink of madness. Sebastian was dead. The words rang in my head, mockingly and repetitive, and I could just barely keep myself from screaming: Shut the hell up! It's a lie!

I hastily dug my nails into my palms and tried to regain full control of my emotions. My audience was merciful enough not to make comments on my rigid behavior.

"I must see him, at least one last time," I whispered, finally, and looked towards the door.

The commander was soft in his response, sorrow darkening his gaze. "He was fully consumed by titans and we were unable to recover anything of him. Again, I am sorry."

I continued staring at the door even long after he left, as if it would redo today's happenings or turn back time. Anything so that I might see my brother again and give him a proper goodbye. The already tense atmosphere in the kitchen could only grow heavier as the silence prolonged, none of us brave enough to relieve whatever spell that locked our tongues. It still felt unbelievable, like nothing more than a scary dream, but in my mind, the achingly revelation of the truth was pristine.

"Sera," someone said for the fifth time.

I stiffly turned to face my aunt. Her forehead was creased and she looked gravely back at me, grasping my numb fingers between hers.

"Sera, it's alright," she said in a low voice, as if she were trying to calm a terrified animal. "You don't worry about anything. Just… just go upstairs and rest, okay? We'll talk about everything tomorrow. Now you need… now you need to rest."

That man… He knew unusually much about me, I suddenly realized. Things only Sebastian should know. And he knew exactly how to control the flow of the conversation and push me into his direction. What a clever mind.

"Miriam, sweetheart. Can you help your cousin to bed? And you go sleep as well, I'll handle the dishes. Take a candle."

There must be more to it than simply extending a helping hand for a lost comrade's family; I would exaggerate greatly if I said I thought he does something like this on a regular basis. Then again, there has most likely not been many other people set in a similar situation like this. Would he do the same towards any of them? Nevertheless, I should be wary of the commander. He's a very intelligent person and someone I don't know if I should trust.

"How are you holding up?"

Miriam's kind voice woke me from my brooding. We had already gotten to my room, far away from my aunt's prying ears. How she had managed to budge me up the stairs was a mystery.

"Honestly," I replied between gritted teeth, "I don't really know, Miriam."

She gave me a warm smile and sank down on my mattress, placing the thick, dripping candlestick on the coaster on top of my nightstand. "I understand. Anyone would be conflicted about their feelings. You're going, aren't you?"

My eyes involuntarily widened. "How did you know?" I exclaimed as I joined her, too shocked to even bother cloaking up my trembling voice. Not even I had been sure about the answer.

"Well," she began, "when we first met and I forced you to tell me about your past, you seemed happiest when it came to the military. And whenever Sebastian went off on another impossibly crazy titan-story in the bar to impress the girls, you always glared at him with so much jealousy I thought your eyes would fall out of their sockets."

Her latter mentioning made me flinch, not only because she spoke of my brother's name with such ease but because she triggered a deeply buried memory with her words. One I was none too keen to relive.

Regret immediately filled her blue eyes. "Sorry, still too early, huh?"

She wasn't talking about my brother and we both knew it.

"Look, if it's him you're worried about, don't be," she continued reassuringly and patted me on my shoulder. "How long has it been now? Uhm…"

"Almost five years," I said in an instant. She looked at me and I shrugged. "So what, I have a good memory. It's not my fault you can't remember anything."

She scoffed and crossed her arms, her eyes staring defiantly back at mine. "Right. It ain't abnormal at all to remember exactly when it ended with my ex."

I averted my gaze and started rubbing my hands together.

"You never…" started Miriam, suddenly shy. "You never told me which rank you were during the Training Corps. What the commander said was..."

"Surprising?" I proposed, with a quirk of my brow. I was happy she changed subject, but this was starting to get humiliating.

She quickly shook her head.

"No," Miriam said and smiled. "It was just like you. I just wonder, why you never told me that."

I mustered up a faint smile in reply. "I didn't want to brag."

"You know I wouldn't have taken it that way," she said a bit accusingly, but in a playful way. "You're the last person I would ever say is arrogant."

Wrong, I was very arrogant. Once. "Yeah, yeah, cut it with the praise." My smile widened. "You're too sweet, cousin. Watch out or I might forbid you to ever leave me for another man," I dramatically added.

She giggled but my own joy abruptly faded and I firmly gripped her hands. "You have to stop being so concerned about me, Miriam," I continued, no longer joking. "I… I was very mean towards you earlier and I apologize for that. It's just…"

A warm body suddenly embraced me. "It's fine. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to hear… all that. I was paralyzed with fear."

A shiver rolled down my spine. "He was consumed by titans…", I reminisced. Is that what's going to happen to me as well? Am I also going to be devoured by those hideous creatures—like so many others?

I started pulling back from Miriam. I wasn't really one for hugs, but this one had really been necessary for the sake of my sanity. My hands were cold but no longer shaking and my heartbeats had gotten in order. I felt human again.

"I have a lot to think about."

She nodded and rose to standing, grabbing the candle as well. "Goodnight, Sera," she said in a gentle tone before she left and closed the door after her.

I exhaled loudly and slumped down on my bed, clumsily peeling off my pants and shoes in the process. I kicked them away into some random corner of the room and slid in beneath my sheets, irritably pulling out the pins that held my hair. I was too tired to visit my mother and promised myself to meet her first thing in the morning—after a shower. But now wasn't the time. Because it wasn't until now, alone in my dark, gloomy room, that I realized how Miriam intentionally had gotten me to talk about easy stuff so I wouldn't be reminded of Sebastian.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. My dignified guise finally crumbled and I wept myself to sleep for the first time in many years. A part of me was happy to finally be able to let go and for an unknown amount of time I didn't really know what exactly I was crying about. Was it my poor, broken mother who would never walk again? My consumed brother? My dead father? Or was it because I was overjoyed to finally be able to go outside the walls? Was it because I wanted to taste the thrill of the titans as well?

But deep inside, an anger boiled and grew stronger with every second I was lying there, every tear I shed. I was furious at everyone, myself included. Everyone was responsible for Sebastian's death.

Especially this one person.