It was all an accident. None of it meant anything. Right?
Ichigo had been sitting in his room, legs curled up to his chest for over an hour now. The closet that Rukia had inhabited had been empty for months, as she'd been deployed to Hueco Mundo for at least half of that time. He was worried, to say the least. In need of comfort. That was the reason – the only reason.
Why else would he have kissed Abarai Renji? Or more importantly…
Why else would he have kissed back?
Groaning, he buried his face in his knees, wishing he could make some type of sense out of what had happened just a few short hours ago.
o.o.o
"How do you think she's doing over there?" The two men were sitting next to each other, so Ichigo couldn't see Renji's expression, but his tone of voice betrayed his worry.
"She's probably out kicking some Arrancar ass," Ichigo tried to make light of the situation, but both of them knew what was left unsaid. All communication from the other world had been cut off for all but a privileged few, and Ichigo and Renji were obviously not part of that group.
"Someone would have told us if something went wrong, right?"
Suddenly, Ichigo snapped. He jumped up, looking down at Renji with fire in his eyes. "No! They wouldn't tell us! Because apparently even though you've known her your entire life, and even though she and I risked our fucking lives for each other multiple times, we're still not important enough to know whether she's alive or dead!" Angry tears had formed in the corners of his eyes, although he never would have admitted it.
Renji rose to his feet, the fire in his eyes matching Ichigo's own. The two men's gazes locked, each full of anger not meant for the other. They stood that way for what could have been seconds or days, an electric current that flowed between them acting as gunpowder that could send their entire lives up in flame at the slightest hint of a spark.
And a spark they would have. Who knew what really happened? What sent that spark hurtling, flying, falling into the unchecked barrel of gunpowder.
For Ichigo it was all a blur. Something in Renji's eyes changed, in a way he was sure mirrored his own. The two crashed together; lips met, fingers interlocked, and bodies molded into a single being. It was all about feeling, the sensation of being touched, wanted.
Renji clutched at the back of Ichigo's head, his hands tangled in the mess of neon orange hair while probing his mouth open with an eager tongue. The strawberry's arms were around the lieutenant's waist, pressing their bodies together until it was almost impossible to tell where one man ended and the other began; the kiss was full of lust, but as much as Ichigo tried, he couldn't deny that some not entirely admittable feelings were pooling in the pit of his stomach, and not the kind that spread between his legs. Everywhere the two touched, reality seemed to fizzle away, become blurry, and was replaced with such intense emotion and physical senses that it couldn't be real.
But it was. Ichigo's tongue explored Renji's mouth, new to the taste of another man. They battled for dominance, a bit of their (former?) rivalry and pent up aggression poured into the kiss.
All this time, Ichigo hadn't let a single thought cross his mind. It was a subconscious refusal to believe that this was even happening. The only thing on his mind was the sensation of Renji's hands, lips, skin on his own. But nothing could last forever. As Renji's hands travelled down to rest on the small of his back, he was thrust back into reality, immediately pulling away.
"I…I've got to go!" His eyes were wide as he turned on his heel and ran from Renji and the situation as fast as he possibly could.
And that's how he'd ended up where he was now.
o.o.o
Renji had been completely baffled when Ichigo fled from his grasp. The orange haired man had definitely been responding to his advances, hadn't he? He hadn't tried to pull away, and the look that Ichigo had given him in the split second before the fateful kiss had, without a doubt, been one full of…something.
Realization dawned on Renji as he sat across the street from the Kurosaki Clinic; the look he saw in Ichigo's eyes wasn't meant for him. It couldn't be. Renji was just a convenient receptacle for the other man's explosion of sudden need. Infuriated, the lieutenant let out his frustration on a nearby wall, kicking it angrily, the only reward being a few extremely sore toes.
'This is a fucking mess. Just when I think the bastard likes me, he has to go and run away!' Furious thoughts raced around his head, all revolving around one person: Ichigo. Renji had been in love with the bastard for who knows how long, and just when he had the substitute shinigami in his grasp…
He disappeared.
And Renji would have none of it. It had been hours since the kiss, but he jumped up through Ichigo's window and into his room as if it had happened only seconds ago.
"What the hell-" Renji stopped cold when he saw what lay before him. Ichigo Kurosaki, the illegal soul reaper known for his fiery temper and fearless antics, was curled up in al ball on his bed, eyes shut tight and face stained with tears. To see the carrot top like this… It was torture.
Slowly, he made his way over to the bed, completely aware that the state Ichigo was in was entirely his fault. "I…I'm sorry," he breathed, resisting the urge to reach down and stroke the spiky orange hair.
After what seemed like an eternity, Ichigo sat up, the expression on his face changed from one of despair to one of fierce determination.
"What for?" Ichigo's voice had taken on an odd tone that Renji couldn't quite place.
"For…kissing you," he responded, confused by the other's sudden change of heart.
Ichigo sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he spoke. "It's not your fault. It's not like I pushed you away. I…liked it." The last part of this sentence was whispered, and if Renji was any farther away, he wouldn't have been able to hear it.
His jaw must have been touching the floor, because Ichigo chuckled slightly when he finally looked up from the floor.
"I think I have for a while now, but I could never admit it to myself. It was always hormones, or wanting to be wanted, or just comforted because Rukia was gone. But in the back of my mind, I knew it was more, and from the way you acted earlier, you think so too." Their eyes met now, with an expression akin to the one they'd shared earlier. This time, though, it was softer, full of desire not only for physical contact, but for love.
Renji smiled now, slowly but surely making his way over to the other man. "Yeah," he breathed, "I do."
They were so close now that their noses were nearly touching, and Renji looked into Ichigo's eyes, asking for permission without words.
It turned out he didn't have to, though, because this time the distance between them was closed by Ichigo. The kiss was one he would never forget, full of passion and love instead of physical need and lust. It was something he hadn't experienced in a long time, and never like this.
Pulling away, he rested his forehead against Ichigo's, still holding on to the other man.
"I love you," the lieutenant knew he was taking a risk, but it was something that couldn't be left unsaid. He knew he had made the right move, however, when Ichigo's cheeks flushed but he held the other's gaze.
"I…I think I love you too." Renji knew that Ichigo was new to this; he was young, and not even sure what love was. But those six words were more than enough.
Because the look in the younger man's eyes said more than words ever could.