Disclaimer: I do not own Private, or anything affiliated with it.

Ok so I know I'm super, super late to write my own version of Suspicion. I've been on this website many times just to read everyone's own version of Private. Anyway, this is my first time I've EVER written any story, not including school reports. The first chapter of Suspicion is out; you can view it here: /katesblog/ . I tired to keep it close to the original chapter as I could. This follows right after Paradise Lost. Enjoy! Reviews would be great appreciated.

Time

It was warm; very warm. Not in a bad way though. And bright, kind of like the God light. I felt oddly at peace, not caring where I was at…the warmth of the blanket was like a drug; I didn't want to move an inch…

Suddenly, I was aware of a presence near me. A person was lying down next to me. I turned to my right side, just to get a better view. His beautiful blue eyes were looking at me with passion and his dark brown hair, so familiar…

Thomas.

He was smiling and he looked beautiful. Thomas is actually here. Does that mean I'm dead? A million questions rushed to my head. He began to smile more bright, as if he was reading my mind. A sudden urge of longing came to me, and all I wanted to do was to touch him. He was unlike the Thomas that I had known. The angry lines were gone from his face and it was replaced with a calmness that I longed to see.

"Miss me?" he said. His voice sounded like pure silk. He smiled again.

I turned even more to get a better view. How many times did I wish to see him? How many times did I want to tell him that I was sorry? I wanted to know so much...and then I started to cry. I didn't know why I started to cry, but I did. I kept staring at his all too beautiful face, but the tears kept on coming. Thomas looked alarmed. He began to brush the tears off my face.

"Reed, it's ok. It really is. Shhh, you're fine… I'm fine." He then pulled me closer to him. My face was buried against his chest, and he resumed stroking my hair again. I could feel the tears slowing down. I looked up, and again he was smiling. "Better?"

I hugged him and said "Yes." We laid there, I don't know how long, but we did for an infinite amount of time. I began to remember the times that we spent together, the way he would look at me, the way he would kiss me. And then I remembered the awful news I received. That Thomas was murdered. The crushing feeling. The feeling that I was going to fall into pieces. It was all too much. Then I began to wonder where I was. Really, what kind of place was this? Heaven? Was I in hell because I had sex when I was 16, even though I was supposed to wait until marriage?

I looked up again. "Thomas?"

"Hmm?". His eyes were closed.

"Where am I? Am I in some kind of heaven or something?"

He laughed. He looked at me and said, "Well, where do you want to be?" Huh? Heaven must have made Thomas a little bit too fuzzy…

"Sorry for the cryptic stuff". I laughed. "but we're nowhere special. You're dreaming Reed. Sort of."

"Sort of? Does that mean I'm in some kind of coma state?" my heart began to beat faster. I was getting kind of scared. Suddenly, I began to recall the yacht, the party, and someone pushing me over… fuck the world. People were just plain crazy. This was much better.

His dark brows dug deeper into his skin. "Not that I know of…"

I didn't want him to get troubled with my questions. "It's nice here. Calm, peaceful. Better than Easton". At this, we both laughed, his a quiet musical chuckle. Suddenly, he turned serious. He leaned down toward me, his blue eyes piercing.

"Reed? You need to go back. It's not time." At this, he kissed me. It was warm, and passionate. I kissed him back, missing the affectionate feeling I got from him…and Josh. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I brought him closer to me. After a moment, he pulled back. His eyes were sparkling with sadness and joy. "You've gone through a lot. Don't give up now."

But…I didn't want to leave. It was nice here, and Thomas was with me. "But Thomas…I don't want to leave. I like it here. It's hell back there. People have tried to kill me three times already! I'm so tired of it…" I shuddered at my close encounters. He hugged me tighter.

"Reed, I love you. But you can't stay here." We both lied down on the comfy bed. I knew he was right. Inside my head, I sighed. I then remembered I wanted to say something to him. "Thomas, I'm sorry. About me. About Arianna. About how you had to suffer…". The tears started to fall again. "I'm so sorry". I broke down after that. I couldn't contain it. Through the thickness of my tears, I saw a glitter of anger and then guilt.

"No Reed, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I treated you like a piece of dirt. I didn't know how to be with someone so pure, innocent, and someone better than me." He sighed. "I love you, and it's a poor excuse for what I did. But it's all in the past." He kissed me. We laid there for another infinite amount of time. It was perfect. Slowly, I felt my body being disconnected. I was melting away. I was sad that I was leaving Thomas, but…it felt right. And I was glad that I got to see him all happy. As I was slipping away, Thomas gave me another kiss and smiled.

And now I was back.