Title: Christmas Lights

Summary: In the spirit of the coming Holiday it seems some of our favourite characters are having romances out of Christmas songs. Severus reflects on Christmas' past, ones in which he and Lily were young. He yearns for the chance to return to those years, but sadly he can't.

Written By: May Waters

Rating: T

Characters: Severus Snape and Lily Evans

Christmas Lights

"And I am up here holding on to all those chandeliers of hope, and like some drunken in this city, I go singing out of tune. Singing how I've always loved you, darling, and I always will. Oh when you're still waiting for the snow to fall, it doesn't really feel like Christmas at all. Still waiting for the snow to fall, it doesn't really feel like Christmas at all."

"Come on Sev, we're going to make snow angels."

Severus could still remember the press of Lily's small, warm, gloved hand in his. Pulling him into the chill snow. Her laughter as her body created an image of the angel she was. Her voice often echoed around his head during this time of year, it induced severe grumpiness. Severus looked down at his pale hand, remembering how Lily's hand had wrapped perfectly inside his.

"I got you a Christmas Present, I hope you like it."

The blue and green jacket swam before his eyes as yet another memory struck him. Twelve year old Lily smiling, and holding out the carefully wrapped fluffy package. He recalled the soft smile on her face, how happy she was when he wore it during the Christmas Holiday.

"Sev, my sister really doesn't like me. She broke the present I got her."

Lily's eyes shimmering with tears. How Severus had pulled her into a hug. Her body molding with his; her hands circling perfectly around his shoulder blades, clawing at his body as she cried mournfully into his shoulder. Trying to find the good in the situation, for Lily, when the relationship would most likely never mend.

"Sev, I got you this snow globe. I know it seems kind of girly, but it has a willow tree and it remind me of you and me. I hope you like it,"

He still had the snow globe, tucked away on a shelf, only looking at it when his heart particularly ached for her. The willow tree, full of the love he had thought she might return with time. He had loved it, more than he let her know, and it was one of his deepest regrets. He should've let her know how much he loved her while he had the chance.

"Sev, I'm scared I'm losing you, so I made this scarf. I spent a few months working on it, I hope you remember me when you wear it."
The scarf had become something akin to a security blanket to Severus. It was tied around the headboard, where he could feel it each and every night before he would fall asleep. If he buried his nose in the fabric and waited a little while, he could still smell Lily in it.

"James!"

He could still remember that cry. The first Christmas he would not spend with Lily. How James Potter had caught her in the Great Hall and swung her around. Every fibre of his being screaming out his love for Lily, yet he could not tell her. How happy she was to be with the four boys who had made the last five years of his life living hell.

Seventh year, witnessing the mistletoe induced kiss of Lily Evans and James Potter, his worst nightmares manifest before the whole school. He wore a disgusted sneer on his face for weeks, causing Lily to frown when they locked eyes. It hurt being the cause of her pain, even if her happiness was his pain.
When he had gone to the Potter household, prepared to beg for forgiveness from Lily, seeing Potter waltzing Lily around the room, a smiling child in a high chair, munching on crackers. Black and Lupin calling out at them, Lily tossing her head back and laughing as Potter spun her out magnificently. Pettigrew bringing out a platter of sugar cookies and poking Potter in the ribs with his elbow teasingly. Severus knew though, he knew what Pettigrew was as he had been at the last meeting, surely the people inside were still naive? Severus considered revealing it, but in the end, let them enjoy their Christmas. This memory piling on the regret Severus felt every time his past struck his mind.
Severus looked towards the ceiling of the Great Hall, in his mind he could picture Lily's smiling face in the stars, looking down on him. When he looked at the Gryffindor table, the first thing he saw was Lily's son. Harry Potter, smiling and laughing, enjoying the beginning of the Christmas Holiday's with the Weasley family.

He wondered what Lily thought of him now, with a life at Hogwarts, working as a double agent, looking after her son. Snow began to fall outside and above the students, created by Albus for sure. A single flake escaped the enchantments and floated down around Severus and his food. In the end, without Lily here, it didn't feel like Christmas at all.

Note: If I did not break your feels with this... This years Christmas fics are one-shots for various fandoms based off of Christmas songs. If you have any interest in the following fandoms: Fairy Tail, Lord of the Rings, and more Harry Potter, then check out my coming Christmas one-shots! Leave a review. ~May Waters