A/N: Omigod, it's another oneshot.
IN THE SAME DAY.
...is it gonna snow?
Again, Miyagi/Hiroki
Enjoy~~!
NOTE: Thank you ANON for betaing my two fics~~
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Pity you have to remain anonymous...
"Hiro-san. I'm sorry."
In the rare few sappy romance novels Hiroki had ever read in his life, the break-up scenes had always been… well, sort of a mess.
Apparently, the victimized character would be in distress and great amounts of pain and confusion- so much so that they would lose all coherence in his or her thoughts. After the initial moment of confusion, anger would come, and then great waves of sadness- almost simultaneously.
He had always believed that this scenario was, to some level, practical, though Hiroki had never been the type to admit to such a trivial mentality.
After all, it only made sense, right? Why would your thoughts run clear when the one dearest to you revealed that they would be leaving you, forever?
And that was one of the many questions the brunet found himself pondering as he searched Nowaki's face. It was tormented with guilt, somehow, and indescribable sadness. It was as if the taller man had done him wrong. But what exactly had Nowaki done wrong? This was yet another question to muse over in his already growing collection. If these various questions and thoughts kept running through his mind, he felt like he would be overwhelmed, so for right now, he felt it would be most appropriate simply to ask. What did he have to lose, now, anyway?
"What are you sorry about?"
Nowaki gaped in disbelief at his now ex. Said ex heaved a sigh and rubbed his temples. Coherence had seemingly left Nowaki for a moment, before he stammered: "Wh-what do you mean, Hiro-san...?"
"Look," the brunet snapped. "All I want to know is what you're sorry about. Sheesh. You found someone else you can be happy around, correct? You're breaking up with me so as to make me feel better, correct?"
At the taller man's still slightly lost expression, Hiroki growled threateningly, "Correct?!"
Nowaki snapped out of his reverie at the surfacing of Kamijou the Demon and nodded fervently, forgetting for the moment exactly what they were talking about.
"So honest to god, Nowaki? I'm actually glad you did this," The brunet said, straightening up after leaning against the kitchen counter. He stretched out a crick in his neck and moved about in an almost nonchalant air that shocked the taller male to no end.
He had prepared himself for many things; flying books, screaming and yelling, and well, at least a few tears. He had prepared for the absolute worst, but instead... he got this. Though Nowaki thought for an instant that perhaps this was the worst…
This light-heartedness... It was almost as if the assistant professor didn't give a damn about him being there or not. Anger flared within him at the thought. So was that it? Did Hiro-san, who he had treasured for all these years not even reciprocate his love? Or was all this just a mirage? A beautiful illusion cooked up by his over-imaginative mind?
"Why aren't you angry?"
The question popped out before Nowaki could stop it, and he could feel the temperature in the room literally drop a good ten degrees. Hiroki had frozen in the act of checking his wallet's contents, back to his ex.
Nowaki wanted to apologize and take it back, but knew he could do nothing at this point. Besides, what did he have to lose?
The curious, almost lost look on his Hiro-san's face answered that rhetorical question.
Feeling as if most of his internal organs had been ripped out from within him, Nowaki quickly stepped out of the apartment in desperate need of fresh air. So that was it. It was true. Hiroki didn't care at all for him. He didn't need him like Nowaki needed him.
His own naiveté made him want to throw up.
--
Hiroki closed the door behind him, locking it with his key, frown ever present on his would-be handsome features.
Nowaki's question troubled him. Why wasn't he angry? When what's-his-face- Tsumori or whoever it was- had been over last time, the brunet had felt inexplicable fury flare whenever he saw the doctor.
Thinking back, it wasn't that man alone whose closeness to Nowaki had irritated him. Whenever someone got a tad too close to Nowaki for their own good, Hiroki would be mad beyond belief.
So why wasn't he mad now?
He traipsed along the sidewalk, completely lost in thought, heading whichever way his feet took him.
Hiroki would've applauded the poetic effect, really, if he had not been so hung up on one stupid question.
He sighed, scratching his head with a gloved hand. This might take a while, considering a good part of his brain seemed to be malfunctioning as of late.
Or, more precisely, as of the time Nowaki had walked through the door with that expression…
--
"Bye Professor!"
Miyagi grinned and waved to a couple of his students, gathering his grocery bags from the convenience store counter. It was rare for him to actually be out shopping, much less meet someone he knew. So, he figured he'd just smile and nod.
Smile and nod he did, until he rounded the corner. Good professor persona to yin-yang Hiroki's bad simultaneously combusted.
The professor walked out through the sliding doors, feeling the cold air of winter sting at his raw cheeks. Well, he would've felt it, if not for two reasons; one, his cheeks were already frozen and had lost all feeling, so it was kind of redundant… and two, he had just spotted his favorite assistant across the street. His only assistant, as a matter of fact. So Kamijou was both his favorite and his most hated. Lucky bloke.
But one look at the expression on the brunet's face, (Miyagi has good vision, despite his appearance- and he always paid attention to those around him), instantly blew all thoughts away from the professor's mind. It was an expression he had never expected to see on his always-keen, always-sharp assistant professor.
It was an expression of utter loss.
With a grim edge to his always-present smile (again, to counter the evil assistant professor), Miyagi jaywalked quickly across the street and stood in front of Hiroki.
"Yo, Kamijou. What's got you down?"
--
"Down? What do you mean?" Kamijou found himself asking- not for the sake of asking- but because he didn't really feel down, as the professor was implying… he felt confused.
"Well, not down. More like confused." Miyagi reconsidered his initial impression and Hiroki found it odd that this man, Miyagi Yoh, who had always acted somewhat like a clown, was able to read him so well.
"Mmm... It was nothing. Just mulling over some... plot...?"
One simple look at his superior's skeptical gaze told the brunet all he needed to know; that Miyagi wasn't buying this crap.
He sighed for the umpteenth time that hour, mentally berating himself, thinking he might suffer from bronchitis or something if he did that too often, not that he was quite sure- Nowaki had been the medical expert, Hiroki just loved books… He took a moment, contemplating on whether or not he should just ask the professor outright, before Miyagi made the decision for him.
"C'mon, Kamijou. It's not that hard to come clean." The man tapped his foot on the ground, impatiently. Hiroki nodded.
"Alright. I'll tell you. But let's just walk a bit first, alright?"
The taller of the two could only nod silently in response as he followed Hiroki onwards, staring at his back, wondering vaguely and for the first time exactly why the younger man had such good posture, even when obviously depressed.
--
"Why wasn't I angry?"
"...Pardon me?"
The duo had come to a stop in a small, deserted park hidden within a grove of trees. It was previously a hideout for homeless people, before the guard started making rounds at surprising times. But Hiroki knew the guard in question, and knew that he had a complicated, but elaborate schedule thought out for the whole week. It was only a simple matter of math, and the brunet knew no one would bother them here.
Hiroki glanced up from his bent over position on a swing and almost laughed at the bewildered expression his superior wore, and then proceeded to explain everything that had happened, including the cryptic question from Nowaki.
Without realizing it though, the brunet had somehow branched off into another story of him and Akihiko when they were small.
Casually, Miyagi asked questions, and casually, Hiroki answered them all. Somehow, the assistant professor found himself laying his life out before the older man, and somehow, he found himself perfectly content with it.
"...Ne, Kamijou?" Miyagi started after a comfortable moment of silence.
"Hm?"
"I think that you're locking yourself away. Unconsciously..."
It was Hiroki's turn to look bewildered. Locking himself away? Why would he do that? What did that even mean anyway?
"Ah- I meant locking your emotions away. You don't want to feel the sadness of your boyfriend leaving you, so you subconsciously put them in the back of your mind," Miyagi elaborated.
Hiroki stared at Miyagi Yoh, a tad perturbed. The man was apparently psychic.
The brunet vaguely remembered something in one of Nowaki's few books ('a few' was only used to describe the amount of books the man had compared to his, of course- any normal person might feel Nowaki had a healthy abundance of books) on psychology. "But doesn't subconscious act on instinct and/or past experience?" He found himself questioning his superior's theory.
Miyagi quirked a brow. "Must I explain every single little thing, Kamijou? You're the one who just explained the unrequited feelings of love you harbored for a certain novelist for a good… what, decade?"
Hiroki scowled. "Fine, I understand. So because of Akihiko I don't want to feel pain again? Is that what you're implying?"
"Well," the professor reasoned, shrugging lightly. "It's inevitable to feel that way, isn't it? Those painful feelings will always be there, pressing on you, and you can't help but just let it open sometimes. Let some of the overflowing emotions out, you know… I had someone I loved a long time ago, too… while I guess I can't understand unrequited love, I've been around it enough to recognize it- and to recognize how much more painful it can get if you don't let your emotions show once in a while…"
Hiroki stared at Miyagi, who squirmed a bit under the intense look. "What?"
To his surprise, the assistant professor merely mirrored his previous movement and shrugged, putting his right hand over his heart. Miyagi watched as the open-palm clenched into a fist, as if grabbing onto something. It was even more shocking as he held the fist out to him, expression serious and demanding.
Miyagi found it only appropriate to reach out his hand, palm up, to accept whatever Hiroki seemed to be handing to him. As predicted, the fist opened, and the way the brunet looked at the air between their palms... Miyagi couldn't help but feel it was something he couldn't see.
Suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle snapped together.
"The key," he said simply. Hiroki looked up, smiling a rare, small grin.
"I'm entrusting it to you," he answered, taking the hand Miyagi offered him. "The key to all that."
The message that went unsaid was loud and clear as the two made their way out of the park.
Don't lose it.
A/N: *sigh*
Poor Nowaki...
I understand if you're confused...
So basically, Hiroki's subconsciously putting his raging feelings for Nowaki's "betrayal" (it is in his view) under lock and key, because he's tired of the hurt, like with Akihiko.
Yah. I also just finished this at 2:15 in the morning.
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Gotta get to bed now. Hope you review!!
And my thanks to ForeverBlue90 again!