YO!
It's me, after a long hiatus, that is. I've completely left the realm of LotR fandom for now, or well, I am soon going to reread Silmarillion and the Unfinished Tales but ah well. So here we have a little ficcie of Kakashi and Iruka. Oh yes.
I have no beta. Interested? Review and state your interest.
Constructive criticism very much liked and appreciated.
- shotted
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Every night, you came to me.
Every night, I gave you what you asked for without question.
You'll stand outside my window, staring in, watching me do my chores until I finally give into the mismatched eyes watching my every move. You never cover your eye when watching me anymore, and I am more than intrigued why. I have entertained the thought that you might actually care about me, that I am not just some replacement or substitute for someone. You never did get over him, did you? Obito. I've come to notice that I cannot say his name in your presence. Though we do not exactly talk when we are together, it is much more physical than that. Before I knew just how emotionally impaired you were, I once thought that something could come out of us. But it seems that I am nothing but your dolphin to use as you wish.
Because once again I am in my bedroom cleaning and you are watching through the window. I try to avoid making eye contact, but it is quite hard for me to resist the temptation because the weight of the sharingan can be felt when you are watched by it. Sometimes I wonder if you even know how much it hurts to have you watching me. I still do not know the exact time I fell in love with you but now I know it was nothing short of a violent mistake. I have been beating myself up, yet I remain functioning only because of the mask I now know how to use. Not even Naruto has seen me smile properly for quite a while. But he suspects nothing if I keep buying him ramen. He is such a sweet boy, did you know? He's grown more mature, but he still longs for Sasuke, though not in the way you might think. It is much the same thing as me and you.
My bedroom is now spotless. I'm standing in the middle of it, nearly begging for some speck of dust to make it known so I would not have to entertain you. But none appear, and I raise my brown eyes to watch you and I smile softly. It is a true smile, because I can never stop smiling when you're around. Though there is always the down side, when I do not smile, I have to smother the tears.
We both know that I have no choice, and thus I walk over to the window and let you in. For a while, I just watch you before you grant me the one thing I'd only wish for. Soft lips against fabric covered ones, and it's sweeter than it has ever been. No, I have never seen your lips. I have only felt them, and even then it was with me blindfolded. I know they are soft, supple and wonderful to kiss. I would like to see them, yet I know that I am not the one to voice my needs. I am doing this just for you, and you take everything you can out of it. Your hands are wandering, pressing me into your body and showing me just how much you want me. I've never doubted you, never. I might just be one of those who would do anything for you. I know that the infamous Sharingan Kakashi is not undefeatable. Who do you think sat beside you when you were hospitalised because of your recklessness?
My fingers are deft at tangling in your silver hair, removing the hitai-ate just to give me better access. Have you ever realised, that your hair might be one of your best attributes? It flows so softly through my fingers. But the reason why it feels so good must be because it is the only thing I've ever truly felt of you. I can't say that I have ever felt your skin. This is all for you, and it is of little relevance if I get satisfaction. Yet I cannot deny this, I reach completion every time. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that you are afraid of being touched. Afraid of being affected by anything else but yourself.
Did you know I weep for you every night after you leave?
You've already removed all of our clothing, and I'm on my back, spread out just for you. You're touching me and you're not holding back. Your mission was a hard one, I realise that now as your caresses grow ardent and I cannot do anything else but whimper and arch my body into your touches. Have you ever realised just how pale you are compared to me? You're stretching me, and you are hurrying. You wish to forget, and that is the only thing I am worthy of. It hurts, it does, but I do not care, it is just for you. The hurt, the pain, everything that is me is for you. Could you finally realise this?
And when you finally enter me, it is nothing short of bittersweet and I nearly sob. Once again, you are perfect. We are perfect. I cannot think anymore, for it is all just a comfortable mist of pleasure. And you've learned how to stroke me, how to pound me, how to rape and still make me feel like I am the only one in the world. Yet by now, I have learned that it's nothing but a façade you put up, just because of me. And I suppose, I should feel cherished. We reach completion together, and I sob. You hush me, and your lips are bare and my eyes are not blinded. I can see your face, and I realise you do not know this. I close my eyes, as I respect you. I respect you, and I love you and I would never cause you harm.
You're breathing's back to normal, my fingers in your head running through the soft strands. We are both sticky, and you realise this yet do nothing. You lie on top of me, and I'm glad. I'm hoping you would stay just this once but I know that hoping is futile. You'll never stay, because every time I ask for you to stay, you run away from me even faster. And when you now lift yourself off of me and sit down on the edge of the bed to put your clothes on, I cannot do anything but watch you putting on every garment again. When you're finally done, your sharingan is covered as is your mouth and you have that cold air around you. I cringe, and ask myself how can I love you.
You move to leave, and I cannot stop from voicing out.
"'Kashi, do you have to go?" I am too tired to care for the fact that I used a pet name. I am too tired to notice how your black eye narrows slightly and your lips purse underneath the dark fabric of the mask.
"Iruka, we have had this discussion earlier, nothing has changed," emotionless, cold voice. I cringe and curl up into a foetal position. I can't stand this, not anymore, and I let an anguished whimper. You're at my side, and you are asking if I'm alright. It breaks me even more to hear you ask that and for once, I tell the truth. I tell you no, and you freeze. I admitted something, even you realise this, and you do not know what to do about the newly gathered information.
"You are still nothing more than a fuck, and you better not forget it." Your voice is cold, emotionless and loathing. And with that, you are gone.
How could I forget, when you keep reminding me?