Brownies

Elliot let out a deep sigh. It was safe to say that this was the most unusual night he had ever had. Never in a million years did he think the strangest night of his life would occur after retirement.

"So…how's retirement treating you?" Asked Alex Cabot, the reason why he was here in the first place. That was another weird thing. Of all the people to put him in the middle of a situation like this, Alex was the last person he expected. Maybe Munch, but certainly not Alex.

"It's been fine. Quiet. Eli started preschool…I have relearned all my nursery rhymes."

"That's good," Alex replied, letting out a heavy sigh.

"Did you know the Itsy Bitsy Spider has hand motions?" Elliot asked. It was his version of small talk. Something told him that asking about work wouldn't fit the situation. But he needed something to avoid asking how this whole situation had happened.

"Really? …I guess, if I think about it, I-"

"I'm freeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"No! Don't be free! Not free!"

"Weeeeee!"

The two of them bit their lips, and Alex closed her eyes. However, Elliot couldn't resist peeking into the back of the SUV, looking at the rest of the former members of his team. Olivia Benson, John Munch, Odafin Tutuola, Melinda Warner, Casey Novak, as well as the two new kids, Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro. Elliot was even ashamed to see that his former captain, Donald Cragen, was among them. Elliot would have been thrilled at this reunion, if it wasn't for the fact that all of them were stoned out of their mind. It wasn't exactly how he imagine the situation where he'd see them all again.

Yet, here he was, sitting in his SUV with Alex Cabot in the parking lot of a Taco Bell.

"So, as much as I'm afraid to ask, I…I'm really confused, Cabot. I'm so confused. How…"

"Did this happen?" Alex finished for him. Elliot's eyes fell on Nick Amaro, who was staring longingly at a large burrito.

"I love you," he mumbled to it, before taking a large bite out of the item. Elliot sighed. That was his first impression of his replacement. No matter how many great accomplishments the kid went out to do, that would always be what Elliot would imagine.

For that reason, Elliot was doing his best to keep his gaze off those he respected. He didn't ever want to know what Cragen was like high. Up until that night, the thought of his former boss in that context had never crossed his mind. Now he was afraid he'd never get it out.

Then there was Olivia. He didn't know if it was depressing or hilarious. He tried to think of it as funny. However, they hadn't exactly parted ways on the best of terms. He had just downright left her, no goodbyes, no nothing. That was how he chose to end nearly thirteen years of her partnership. He had hoped that the next time they met would be in some controlled context, where they could sort everything out and leave as friends. Instead, judging by her commentary, Elliot was pretty sure the brunette thought she was a horse.

"So, we had been invited to some 'crime fighters' gallery. It was a charity event run by the city, and we were all volunteers," Alex began explaining.

"My foot is on fire," Casey pointed out from the back seat. Elliot couldn't resist himself; he glanced back. He tuned in just in time for Amanda Rollins to take her extra-large coke, and dump it on Casey's leg. The two women then stared in amazement at the sticky mess. They had the same reaction his toddler son had when he realized his fingers could move. Elliot turned away. He would ignore the fact that he would have to clean up that mess later.

"So, what was that about volunteering?"

"Right," Alex sighed, "They gave us brownies. Really good brownies. And we had just finished up a really hard case…so, we pigged out on them. Only, turns out there was an accident…or a prank. Long story short-"

"They were those brownies," Elliot concluded.

"Long story short, you were the only person I know who has an SUV that I could store everybody in while I wait for them to regain a mindset where they won't do something stupid."

Elliot nodded. He began to wonder if he didn't retire, would he be one of the idiots in the back of the car right now.

"Wait," Elliot said, "You said we. You ate the brownies?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded.

"How come you're not stupid right now?" Elliot asked. Not that he was complaining about it. Alex was someone he never wanted to ever see high, as hilarious as that would be.

"I've never been able to get baked," Alex explained simply. Elliot nodded.

"You've tried?" He asked. Alex shrugged.

"In high school, some of my friends were stoners," Alex explained, "This situation we're in right now? This was the majority of my weekends in high school."

Elliot smirked at the statement, a grin on her face.

"You mean the no-nonsense ice queen used to be friends with stoners?"

"Yeah," Alex laughed, "You think I'm a stuck up bitch now? Imagine if, when I was in high school, I hung out with the other good kids."

"Elllioot," Olivia whined from the back. He froze. Olivia, "I want peanut butter. And chips. Can I have peanut butter and chips?"

Elliot tried to pretend that it wasn't his former partner. That it was the new girl, Amanda. However, it was her voice.

"There's a Walmart on the other side of the parking-lot," Alex sighed, "In my experience, it's best to give stoners what they want. Otherwise, they might try to do something."

Elliot nodded.

"I'll get it, if you want to watch them."

"That sounds great," Alex said, "My car is parked next to yours. You can take that over there, if you don't want to walk."

It was a welcome relief. He wanted to get as far away from this situation as possible. He was still not entirely convinced that this whole thing wasn't some horrible dream. The result of falling asleep to his son's kiddy show.

However, even if it was a short trip, he would still be leaving eight stoned adults with Alex. The two of them had their differences. When they were both working together, they would fight about something at least weekly. However, she was his friend. Leaving her in a situation like this wasn't something he'd do to his greatest enemy.

"Sure," Elliot said, "If you want, I could take a couple of them. It shouldn't be that hard to wrangle a couple of them."

If he wasn't mistaken, Alex breathed a welcome sigh of relief.

"Go right ahead," she sighed, handing him a pair of keys, "have fun."

Elliot had ending up taking along Melinda, Fin, and Olivia. Melinda and Fin, because they were the least active of the eight stoners. It would have only been the two of them, but Olivia had somehow stumbled into Alex's car before he had the chance to leave.

Fin and Melinda were snuggling up to each other in the back seat, like toddlers hugging their teddy-bears. Olivia was looking out the window, as if the parking lot was the most amazing thing in the universe. And, in her screwed up little head, it was.

When Elliot turned the car on, the music went to some happy operatic melody, which was oddly fitting for the situation.

"You're really comfy," Melinda giggled, as she cuddled up closer to Fin. His hand brushed up against her curly hair.

"You're fluffy," Fin pointed out, and began to pat the top of her head.

He finally reached the front of the store. It was merely a drive across a parking lot, but it seemed to take forever. Now he would have to deal with them in the store. Where there was actually things. But he couldn't just leave them alone.

Or, maybe he could. He would only be in there for a minute, he figured. It was two in the morning. It wasn't as if there would be a line. How much shenanigans could they get into if he left them alone for a little bit?

"Heya…Elliot," Olivia asked. He turned to her.

"Yes Olivia?" He replied. He used the same tone of voice on her he used on his son. He was treating her like a four year old. Although, he imagined his four year old was more capable of life then she was at the moment.

"Do you hate me?" she asked. Elliot blinked.

"Hate?" He asked.

"You left. For a long time. Are you mad at me?" She pointed to herself with hand, as he fingers couldn't decide what to point with.

"No, of course not, Olivia," Elliot said, "I could never hate you. I just didn't…I didn't know how to face you."

"Oh," Olivia sighed.

"I just…as much as I loved my job, I couldn't sleep at night. I shot a kid, Liv. She was exactly Lizzie's age. I realized that I needed to spend time with my family. I just can't deal with the dark side of the world anymore. I've spent so much time over there, it just seems like my family grew up without me. Lizzie and Dickie are going to college next year, Liv. College."

"Okay," Liv said, "I'm really hungry, Elliot."

"I know, Olivia," Elliot said, "I'm going to go inside. I'll only be a minute. Less than a minute. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Kay!" Olivia chirped back, she moved her head, hitting the window. Elliot smiled. They would be fine if he left them alone for just a little bit.

He got out of the car, and walked inside. However, he barely made it in the door when he was stopped by the man in the front door.

"Sir, you have to be wearing shoes to come in here," the man told him. Elliot looked down. Sure enough, he was barefoot. He clenched his fists. In his defense, Alex had called him at midnight, telling him it was an emergency.

"Sorry sir," he said, and walked back out. However, to his surprise, the car was not there. It was gone.

In the distance, he could see it slowly driving away. That was when he realized that he had left the keys in the ignition.

Since retiring, Elliot had been very good about not swearing. He was around his toddler son most of the time. He didn't want another incident where he would have a meeting with the preschool teacher about his children's use of words.

However, he figured if there was a good time to swear, it was now.

"Fuck!"

To celebrate my return, I've written this. My goal was to try and create something that was funny, while realistic. A realistic crackfic, if you will. I'm really happy with how it turned out. I've got another chapter for this planned, so stay tuned.

Thank you for reading.

Fayth