The Lunasaur fell with a clatter of bones and one last screech.
They had defeated the boss and earned the right to open his treasure chest. Everyone crowded around and watched as the lid lifted to reveal…
"A ribbon?" Rosa said, puzzled.
"A ribbon," Cecil agreed, gingerly pulling the item from it's overly large box.
There was a pause as everyone stared at it, baffled. It was a simple pink bow made out of what look liked normal satin.
"I'm so glad we fought that bone dragon for this," Kain commented dryly.
Rydia crossed her arms stubbornly, "I can't believe this! Its so unfair!"
Everyone turned to her, encouraging her to continue her rant.
"You three," she said, pointing at male members of the party, "get new weapons forged by the Lunarians that have special powers. What do us women get? A lousy hair accessory!"
"Hey, at least you got something at all," Edge said.
She glared at him, "Says the guy that got not one, but two swords."
"They aren't swords," he argued, annoyed, "their-"
"Katanas," Cecil, Rosa and Kain chanted, having heard it all before.
The paladin smiled sheepishly at Rydia, "This wouldn't have been a guarded treasure if it didn't possess some extraordinary power."
"Why don't you wear it for a while and let me know?" The summoner shot back.
Edge snickered and even Kain looked mildly amused by that while Cecil just glanced at the ribbon and then blinked a couple times.
"Well someone had better wear it," he finally said, glancing between the two mages.
Rydia waved her hands in front of herself, "No, it will get tangled in this mess of my hair and I'll never get it out."
Rosa sighed and held out her hand, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to try it out." She deftly swept the ribbon into her hair and then smiled, "Can't say I feel any different…does it at least look nice?"
They assured the white mage that she looked lovely and continued along their way. However, Rydia wasn't quite done complaining yet.
"It's typical, you know." she said.
Edge glanced at her, "What is?"
"That all we get is a hair ribbon. I mean, it's the same when we go shopping. There's tons of armor and weapons for you guys, with fancy names, made out of fancy stuff and coming with a fancy price tag…but there's usually only one thing that fits Rosa and I."
She scowled, "Either we can wear a frumpy robe that looks like a sack, or get a new bustier."
Rosa nodded and sighed wistfully, "And the weapons, oh, the selection is just awful. I would simple love to have new arrows. Maybe we'll find some here."
Her face lit up and she turned to her green haired friend, "Ah! Arrows that explode on contact!"
"Or diamond tipped arrows!" Rydia suggested, just as excited.
Kain looked confused, "Isn't that…impractical?"
"Nonsense!" Rosa said, shaking her head adamantly, "Diamond can be polished to a razor sharp edge! In fact, it's such a deadly weapon that they used to assassinate royalty with powdered diamonds in wine. They'd drink it and it would cut their insides until they bled to death. Not to mention that it wasn't poison, so there was no real way to tell what caused the death."
By this point, the conversation had obviously taken a morbid twist and Cecil shared a worried look with Kain, and then Edge.
"Interesting!" Rydia said, completely enthralled by the topic, "Maybe I should get a whip with diamonds embedded on the end, in a flail!"
"Well, it would certainly do some damage by ripping the skin of your opponent." Rosa replied.
Edge leaned over and whispered to Cecil, "Are you as concerned as I am right about now?"
The paladin nodded, eyes wide.
"Well, I hope we come across another chest, this time with something useful for us ladies," the white mage said, brushing back her blonde hair in a delicate fashion.
Rydia nodded, "Oh yes, or maybe some actual armor that protects and covers all of my skin while still allowing me to move."
They walked ahead, chatting about weapons and death in all sorts of gruesome details thanks to Rosa's knowledge about the human body.
The three men hung back a few steps and watched, all sharing the same unease.
"Are you two sure you like Rosa? She knows a lot of ways for people to die…" Edge mentioned, glancing at his friends.
Kain made a face and retorted, "Well at least she can't fry all of us with a giant dragon from the moon!"
"…Touché."
Cecil sighed and then shrugged, "Let's just keep up with them and be glad that we're all on the same side."
They hurried to catch up and as they came back into earshot, the paladin added, "And let's hope we find another chest soon…"
Author's note: This is...what happens when I have too much time on my hands, which thankfully isn't happening lately anymore! This completely and utterly pointless and I'm not even sure why I bothered to write it. However, I always did think it was funny that the girls only get ribbons. I mean, really? A RIBBON? I know it's a good piece of armor, but when you actually think about it...the above would totally be their reaction.
That fact about the diamonds is true, by the way. As a Gemologist, I know! I read it and was morbidly fascinated.
Anyway, if anyone ever reads this, thanks and hopefully you at least thought it was funny!