Gossip

"Did you hear? It's about the new kid..."

"The demon blade kid?"

"Yeah...that kid...they're saying a lot of things about that kid. I mean, to start with, is it a guy or a girl? I mean, what the hell's up with that? I mean, I thought it was a guy...but then sometimes it acts like a girl..."

"I know what you mean. Yesterday I was trying to watch to see which toilet it went into but I couldn't see. Someone told me it doesn't have a gender, it's some kind of freak..."

"Well, we know that. Do you know it keeps it's blade in its veins. And I heard the kid's so much of a push over that it basically does whatever the weapon tells it to."

"Yep, I've seen it. The kid just cowers there while the blade punches it and threatens it. Who would believe a thing like that would be allowed here at shibusen? I mean, everyone knows that people don't change that much and it wasn't so long ago that she nearly killed Soul-kun, you remember? I think it's probably just all a plan to get inside Shibusen..."

"Definitely!"

I look down at my hands lying in my lap, trying to focus on the details of my gloves and block out the noise from the other side of the bookcase. Ragnarok is oddly quiet. It figures, all the times I've just wanted some peace and not been able to get any then now when I want the sound drowning out he's silent.

I didn't come here to listen to chatter like that. I thought that the library would probably be quiet at this time of day. After all, it's quite late and everything. I thought it'd be ok here. Ok, maybe the people talking behind the bookcase aren't as bad as some people I've heard talking about me. I mean, they don't know I'm back here. It's worse when people talk in front of my face. I don't know how to deal with people insulting me to my face. I don't know how to deal with people insulting me when they think I can't hear either, but at least it doesn't matter to them that I can't cope if they don't know I can hear.

Maka says I'll only learn how to deal with new situations by facing them head on and that nobody will mind if I mess up a few times before I can get it right but that's easy for her to say, she seems to know how to deal with everything. I don't even know where to start to try dealing with most things, so how can I face it head on?

I don't know how to deal with people other than Ragnarok insulting me. I'm used to being insulted by Ragnarok, after all this time it's almost the normal state of things, but normally other people don't insult me. Normally other people are scared of me. I don't know how to cope when people are scared of me.

Should I leave? I don't want to sit here listening to them anymore, but I don't think there's a way I can get out of here without going past them. In this kind of situation, what will happen if they know I've been listening? I sometimes wonder if my old way of dealing with anything I don't know how to deal with, killing it, was actually a good idea. It made it a lot easier to cope with things anyway. But I can't do that anymore. It's wrong, everyone would be mad at me. They'd probably kill me, and even if I managed to escape without being killed I'd have to go away and then I could never come back to see Maka again.

I don't know how to cope with running away...and I don't want to have to remember how to cope with being without Maka.

The people on the other side of the shelf are giggling. It's about me, I know it. I can't cope with this. I just can't stand it. I want them to stop but I don't know how to make them stop. I don't know how to make them understand that I meant it when I told Maka and the others that I'd never kill a human again. I do mean it! I won't ever kill a human again, not for any reason. I know now what I did was wrong. I know now that I don't have to listen to Medusa, I can't listen to her any more. It's much nicer to be Maka's friend and to rely on Maka. Don't they understand, I don't care about power or money or, if I'm honest, if I kill people or not. All I really care about is Maka and what she thinks about me.

Or that's all I should care about, anyway. It shouldn't matter what some stupid people say about me, but for some reason it hurts. I don't know how to deal with other people's words hurting me. I wish I could stop them all saying such horrible things about me.

Maybe Ragnarok's right, maybe we don't belong here. Nobody else seems to think we do, anyway. But I wouldn't know what to do if I left here, I don't know how to cope when I don't know what to do. I just wish they'd stop talking.

"Hey, what are you talking about?"

Maka? Maka is here? She sounds angry. Why is she here right now? Why is she talking to those people who were talking about me? I guess she's probably going to agree with them. I'm probably an annoyance to her after all, it will be nice for her to be able to talk someone else about how much of a pain I am.

"Don't you talk about Crona that way! I've been listening, you've got no right to talk about someone you hardly know like that! You should be more respectful of others!"

"Sorry, Maka..."

"We didn't know you were listening...but you must admit there's something odd about..."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with Crona. You lot seem to be the only ones who have a problem. I don't care what you think, either. I won't listen to anyone talk about one of my closest friends like that. You've got no idea who Crona is or what Crona's gone through so you should just shut up and stop acting like you have any right to talk."

Maka, she's defending me? She's really sticking up for me against these people. She told them I was one of her closest friends, that I'm not odd to her. Why am I crying? I don't know how to deal with tears in this kind of situation! I don't know if I'm crying because of the horrible things that were said about me or because of the nice things Maka said about me. How do you even tell the difference?

The other people are apologising now, I can hear them walking away. I don't think they're really sorry. They probably don't really care about me. I mean, they probably believe all the things they were saying, that I'm a dangerous person and I'm going to lead to the downfall of Shibusen...but I don't care anymore. Maka defended me. Maka stood up and told them they couldn't talk about me like that.

Maka called me one of her closest friends.

I've never been anyone's closest friend before. I don't know how to cope.

"Crona?" I look up and Maka is stood watching me. She looks worried, I hope she's not worried about me. It's probably because I'm crying, but I can't seem to stop. I say her name but I don't know what to say next so I stay quiet, stood frozen in the spot where I heard those girls talking and stood still to listen.

"You shouldn't listen to people like that," Maka is saying. She's walking towards me, still looking worried. She's reaching out her hand, and then she lays it gently on my shoulder. I almost jump out of my skin. I'm not used to people touching me. I don't know how to cope with it.

"People like that aren't worth the air they breath. I'm not sure what you heard them say but you should ignore it; don't let it get to you. They don't know you; they have no right to talk."

How do I respond? I don't know how to cope with someone trying to comfort me. Maka told me that in a situation like this you should normally trust your instincts and do whatever seems to be the most normal. She says that if I do that then it'll all be ok. I know what I want to do now, do I dare? What will she think of me? What if I do the wrong thing? I don't know how to cope if I do the wrong thing.

Still, Maka is the one who told me to always take the risk, so if anyone is going to accept me it will be Maka.

I do it. I reach up and hug her, like we did when we became friends. It feels nice to hug Maka, I like hugging Maka a lot. Nobody has ever been this close to my body but Ragnarok and I don't like when he touches my, normally because he's hitting me or pulling me. His skin is hard and it isn't nice, it always hurts. Besides, I wouldn't want him to hold me like Maka does, even though I really don't want to be hit, I'd rather he was hitting me then trying to hug me. If he hugged me it would be cold and tough, Maka is soft and gently. She's warm too, I feel like I'm safe when I'm being held by Maka.

When I hug her, for a second, she doesn't move and I nearly panic. I thought I made a mess of it, I knew I would, but then she raises her arms and wraps them around my shoulders, pulling me close against her. It doesn't feel so bad to cry when Maka's holding me and my tears soon start to dry up. It doesn't seem to matter what anyone else thinks when Maka is holding me.

Eventually, though, I know I have to pull back. I might like to but I can't spend all my time hugging Maka, there are other things she need to do...Even though I might not want to, I eventually have to pull back.

"Was that ok?" I ask, looking up as Maka to judge her reaction.

"You need to be careful who you hug," she replies, "I lot of people might not like that kind of thing...but if it's me, well, you can always come to me if you need a hug."

"Thanks, Maka," I reply, smiling at her. She smiles and takes me hand and we walk out of the library together.