Rox3l: What this?! A new story from me? Why yes, yes it is. But I can hear my readers now; "But Rox! You have so many other stories that need to be finished that you haven't worked on in years!"

And my responce to that is; "I knooooooooooooow! I'm sorry!"

But what I have worked on for the next chapters for those stories is stuck on a broken laptop. I don't know when I will be able to pull the hard drive out of it and rescue my stories. So for now please enjoy this.

~O~

Have you ever had you life get so messed up that you didn't even know how to begin to unshovel the shit you were in? Yeah, that's how Roxas' was currently. He hadn't meant to complicate his life. He hadn't been unhappy, per se. Roxas was 30. A member of the board of directors at the company he'd been working at since he was 18. He'd married his high school sweetheart the summer of their senior year. She had finished high school pregnant and decided to become a stay at home mom. They lived in a nice gated community. All their neighbors loved them. It was a perfect life. Roxas loved his life. Just every now and then he felt like something was missing. Like he wasn't ready for this to be it. He didn't want to end it just change it a bit. He just didn't know how to bring this feeling up to his wife.

She was a lovely woman, and had given up so much for him already. He couldn't talk to her about this. It wasn't fair of him to ask her to change or give up something else just to make him happy. So Roxas went through his day to day routine. Up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, newspaper, out the door by seven, at the office by eight, ten or so hours later he was on his way home, and in bed by nine. Monday to Friday. He never deviated. Never changed his routine. He enjoyed structure. He despised change and mess, and it was too late before he realised that he was drowning. Suffocating in his routine, in his structure, his perfect life. He had his epiphany on his drive home while he was sitting at a red light ten minutes from home. He was staring at the light and he realized that he was boring. So when the light turned green instead of going straight like he always did, he turned right.

He wasn't sure where he was going, just that the change in his routine had already thrilled him. He drove for another few minutes before he saw the sign for the karaoke lounge at the corner of Hayward and Main. They'd used to go here a lot back in high school, before the for the pregnancy. He had loved it. He was turning the car before he realized what he was doing. He pulled into a parking space and shut the engine off. He took a moment before he stepped out of the car. It was Friday night and the place was packed. Organization 13 had undergone a complete overhaul a few years back to appeal to the younger demographic of the area. Roxas removed his suit jacket, opened the collar of his shirt, and ran his finger through his golden locks. He glanced at himself in the mirror before deeming it good enough before getting out of the car and heading for the front door.

Once inside he beelined straight for the bar at the back. The bartender was nice and quite flirty as he ordered a Jack and Coke. She handed it to him and he took a hard swallow. The alcohol burn a bit on the way down but also relaxed him. Namine didn't like alcohol in the house so it had been years since his last real drink. Not counting a few glasses of wine at Christmas time. He nursed the glass and it was gone in a matter of minutes so he ordered another one. Drinking this one a lot slower. He turned from the bar to examine the room. There were a lot of young 20 somethings here. The girl up on the stage was singing some popular pop song that he could remember hearing on the radio a few times. He listened along as one singer turn into another and another. After a couple more drinks Roxas was very relaxed and in a pleasant mood. That was when someone took the seat next to him.

He turned his head and started at the young man that was leaning over the bar trying to get the bartender's attention. He had flaming red hair and tattoos on his face. Not to mention the numerous piercing that Roxas could see. He glanced at Roxas before turning his head completely and grinning. Roxas found that he liked the smile.

"Well, hey there gorgeous. Where have you been all my life?"

Roxas' muddled brain had trouble processing the come on and his brow creased. "Excuse me?" He asked.

The redhead rested his head on his hand, elbow on the bar top. "You heard me. We don't get guys of your caliber in here much."

"What are you talking about?"

Red locks moved gently as the guy shook his head. "Dude," he muttered. "You're fucking hot."

Oh…

Roxas turned in his seat and took a good look at the guy that had called him 'hot'. He had shoulder length hair, small purple upside down teardrop tattooed under his eyes, snake bites in his bottom lip and as he talked Roxas saw the glint of a tongue ring. This was not the usual type of person that Roxas associated with. Which was everything about his appeal. He watched the taller's lips move for a moment before deciding he would like to get to know this man.

"How many piercings do you have?" Roxas blurted.

Lipstick covered lips split into another grin. "Why? Are you thinking naughty things about me?"

Roxas drew in a breath at the insinuation. It had never been a secret that he was Bi. He had even dated a few guys before Namine but he hadn't thought about a man sexually since he had married her. If it hadn't been for the booze in his system he never would have sent back the challenging toned 'maybe' that he did. He watched as the other laughed, those green eyes sparkling as he introduced himself as Axel. Roxas held his hand out and gave his name. Axel took the offered hand and shook it firmly. Roxas noticed that Axel's nails were also painted black. It was like he took a page out of a book called "How to be goth".

He was about to say something about it when he realized that Axel was leaning in. Roxas' mind panicked just for a moment before he tilted his head up. He didn't even think twice about meeting those plush lips. He just did. Roxas could smell the alcohol on the taller man's breath. It mingled with Axel's cologne and gave him a unique scent that Roxas realized he didn't really mind. After a few moments the redhead pulled away. They watched each other for a moment. Roxas' head was racing. He had just kissed someone that was not Namine. Someone that he had literally met five minutes ago. He waited for guilt to rise in his stomach but strangely it didn't. As Axel leaned in for a second time Roxas placed his hand on the man's chest, holding him at bay. He could feel the hard muscles of Axel's pectorals and it made him swallow hard.

"What are you doing?"

Axel blinked at him, "I thought it was fairly obvious what I was doing."

"No I mean, we just met."

Axel pressed against the hand on his chest, moving closer to the blond. "So?"

"I-I'm married." Roxas stammered as that handsome face loomed ever closer.

Axel paused just a brush away, "...So?"

Before Roxas could come up with another excuse as to why they shouldn't be doing this lips were once again on his and he forgot what it was he was supposed to be not doing. Axel lips were soft and dominating. It wasn't anything like kissing Namine. She was submissive by nature and never fought him for dominance like Axel was doing now. She never made him feel like submitting. A moan caught in Roxas' throat as he gave into the fight and let Axel take control, and that's exactly what he did. He completely dominated the smaller man. Pulling him as close as he could without either of them slipping from the bar stools Axel placed his hands around Roxas' waist. Roxas shivered as he felt the metal of Axel's tongue ring press against his tongue. He was beginning to lose himself in the kiss when a hand slapped down on the bar top. The two jerked apart at the loud interruption. Axel glanced at the bartender a not completely friendly look on his face.

"Excuse me, you two. But you are making some of the other customers uncomfortable. I'll have to ask you to stop."

Axel grinned. " Awww, you're no fun Dem, you know that?"

The taller snorted. "Fuck you. I'm tons of fun. Now take your boy toy somewhere else."

Axel flipped him off but let Roxas slip from his grasp. The blond covered his mouth, obviously in a state of shell shock. His lips were slightly swollen and moist. He was staring at Axel, his eyes wide. He had just made out with this man. This very attractive young man. His mind latched onto 'young man'. That was right. Axel was probably no more than 25. Roxas swallowed hard.

"How old are you?" He asked.

Axel, who had been sitting quietly while Roxas was having his mental freak out furrowed his brow. "I'm 19, why?"

Roxas choked at the number. He was barely more than a child. And Roxas had kissed him. Not only kissed but made out with him enough to make others uncomfortable. He must be losing his fucking mind. Though his mind supplied him with the excuse that he hadn't known how old Axel was when Axel had kissed him. The redhead was staring at him, confusion in his eyes. After a moment the confusion was replaced with humor.

"I'm going to guess that you thought I was older?"

Roxas nodded. "Well, you're drinking."

Axel's smile widened, "I'm special. How old are you?"

The blond glanced at the bar top, not sure why but now embarrassed about how much older he was then Axel.

"30.." he murmured.

Axel's eyes widened for a moment, but then he chuckled. "Pretty hot for an old dude," he joked. "Wanna fuck?"

Roxas blinked. His mind trying to work out what Axel had just said, "What?"

Axel shrugged, "Do you want to fuck?"

The older was slightly impressed with this boy's brazenness, although also horrified. "I've told you I'm married, that you're half my age. and you ask me to have sex with you?"

Axel nodded, seemingly undisturbed by the facts restated. Roxas let out a startled laugh, shaking his head. This was unbelievable. He was being propositioned for sexually intercourse by a 19 year old. The whole situation was ridiculous. Roxas shook his head and turned back to the bar, wrapping his hands around the glass of his drink.

"I don't think that's going to happen."

Axel slid his hand along Roxas' back, cupping his opposite hip. His long fingers caressing the bone covered by fabric.

"Why not?"

"I'm married Axel, I love my wife."

The redhead made a face of disapproving, "I hate to break it to you buddy. But you didn't see all that concerned with your wife a few minutes ago."

He said it softly, not condescendingly like one would expect. Roxas gave him a forlorn sideways glance. Axel was right, but he didn't like the thought of actual intercourse with someone else. What had already happened had been too much as it were. Roxas shook his head and turned to face the the boy again. Boy. It hit him like a kick to the stomach. Axel really was just a young boy. His greatest concern at 19 was find new sexual conquests. And the thought of being just another notch on his bedpost was even more reason for Roxas to say no. This was not something that was going to happen. He brought his glass to his lips and drained the contents. He then dug his wallet out of his back pocket paid his tab, and got up from his seat. With a last look at the young man he held his hand out to him.

"It was nice to meet you, Axel."

Long limbs pushed Axel up from the bar stool. He took Roxas' hand in his own and pulled him against the front of his body. Roxas started but Axel wrapped his arms around him. It was a surprisingly soft hold that he could have broken at any time. He placed his hands on Axel's hips awkwardly as the younger's lips drifted over the shell of his ear. He shivered, going lightheaded. Maybe it had been a mistake to down the rest of that drink. Axel felt him shiver and pressed against him a little harder. Due to the height difference Axel's groin was pressed against Roxas' stomach and he could feel that Axel was pretty happy with the current situation.

"One night," Axel whispered. "I don't care that you're married. Please at least let me have one night with you."

Roxas shook his head but it made the room tilt off it's axis. "I'm not going to be one of your notches, Axel."

Axel made a low growl in his ear, "I'm not some kind of slut. I don't sleep around. You're different. I want to get to know you, At least for one night."

Roxas moved his hands intent to push Axel away but the world was spinning and Axel was warm and his resolve was crumbling with the way Axel was kissing his neck like he was. The last thing he remembered he was placing his head against Axel's chest before awareness slipped away from him completely. The rest of the night were clips of memory. Axel driving them to his house. Axel handing him a cup of water and some Advil. Them talking on the living room sofa. Then they were in Axel's room with a hell of a lot less clothing. He remembered Axel kissing his way down his body both of them completely naked, and then that was it. The blond woke up early the next morning with no headache and knew he had seriously fucked up.

He laid in the predawn light with Axel on the other side of the bed naked and beautiful. The sheets kicked down around his feet. Roxas studied the younger man's body as his mind flew through his panic. He now had his answer to his question from beginning of the night. Axel had both nipples, his belly button, and a frenum ladder consisting of 3 piercings. Roxas' mind supplied him with the memory of what those pieces of metal in Axel's cock felt like against his own. He shivered at the memory and his limp flesh gave a weak twitch. Taking a breath he slipped from the sheets and gathered his clothes which were in a helpful pile next to his bed. His wallet and phone were on top of the clothes. He pressed the button to wake it up as he pulled his pants on.

He had 14 missed calls and 5 texts. Guilt felt like a lead ball in the pit of his stomach as he speed dialed his home number as he walked out of the bedroom, the rest of his clothes in his hand. Namine picked up by the fourth ring. Her voice was thick with sleep.

"Hello?"

Roxas swallowed hard, "Hey sweetheart..."

"Roxas? God what time is it?" He could hear her shuffle around.

"It's a little after 5:30."

He heard the pause as Namine took in the information. "Where are you?"

"At the office," he lied. "I fell asleep in a conference room."

Roxas heard her make a small noise and knew she was making a face. "You haven't had to pull an all nighter since you were an intern."

"Yeah, I know baby. I'm sorry. I'll be home in like 10 minutes. Do you want me to pick up you and Xion breakfast?"

He felt like such a dick for lying to his wife.

"No," she answered. "We are going out with my parents later."

Roxas made a face, glad she couldn't see him. "Well, then I guess I just grab something and see where the day takes me." Like straight to fucking bed the moment you leave.

"Alright honey, I'll see you when you get home. I love you."

Guilt made his stomach twist, "Love you too."

He ended the call and stood there in Axel's living room. It was neat and tidy. Everything in it's place. It made Roxas feel alien. He stared at a photo above the sofa of a landscape at sunset. It was beautiful. The sky was painted pink and orange and the hills were a dark green. He could have looked at it for hours but he pulled his gaze away. He looked around the room again before setting his stuff on the coffee table and sinking into chair adjacent to the couch. He placed his head in his hands. He knew he told his wife that he would be home in ten minutes but he wasn't even sure what part of town he was on, or if they'd taken his car here. He let out a long sigh. There was a soft "hey" from the bedroom doorway and Roxas stiffened. Slowly looking up from where he was he turned his head to see Axel. The redhead had thrown a pair of satin looking boxers on and looked extremely tired.

"Hey. Sorry, I need to go." He didn't know why he was apologizing.

Axel nodded, "Yeah, no problem." He shifted from foot to foot, "Listen. I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have made you cheat on your wife. It was a real sleazy thing to do."

Roxas shook his head and stood up, pulling his shirt on. "You didn't make me do anything last night Axel. I did it all on my own."

Axel took a step forward, "Nah dude. You tried to leave. You didn't want to do anything. I'm the one that took advantage of how drunk you were. I'll bet my left nut that you don't even remember everything we did after we left the lounge last night."

Roxas didn't say anything and that was answer enough. He just busied himself with buttoning his shirt. His fingers stiff and not cooperating. It took him far longer than he wanted to admit to accomplish a task that he had been doing five times a week for the last 11 years.

Axel was quietly doing the little foot shuffle again, watching him get dressed. "What...do you remember?"

Roxas sighed, and reached for his shoes. "It's all just bits and pieces. But if you mean the sex, I don't remember anything but you blowing me."

A flush flared on Roxas' cheeks and he darted a glance at Axel, "...did we have intercourse?"

Axel gave his a small smile, "No. You told me in the car on the way here that you had never had sex with a man before. So there was no way in hell I was going to do that." He paused for a second as if unsure if he should say his next thought. "You did go down on me though…"

Roxas' blood ran cold and his stomach twisted painfully. He must have looked as stunned as he felt because Axel nodded sadly. "Yeah, I didn't think you'd ever done that before either."

The blond twisted his hands together, "Was I bad?"

Red locks swayed as Axel shook his head, "You were fine. I mean, I came and all."

The news that he had sucked Axel off and had made him come hit him like a blow to the chest. "I-I need to go."

Panic was rising like bile in his stomach and he was sure he was going to be sick. He didn't know why hearing the facts of his actions made it so much worse but it did. He had woken assuming that they'd had sex, but having Axel confirm what had actually occurred just made him feel worse than assume there had been sex. He wasnt ready for the reality of it all. Once he was dressed he faced Axel. The taller looked apprehensive. Roxas didn't know what he should say to the other had been intimate, regardless of the circumstances. Roxas wasn't about to be rude. He was thinking of holding his hand out to Axel, but as with last night Axel took a step forward and engulfed him in a hug. Roxas was startled but wrapped his arms around the man's thin waist. His heart pitter-pattered in his chest when the two pulled away from each other.

"Good bye, Axel." Roxas whispered.

That beautiful face looked sad, "Good bye."

Roxas turned away, the panic he had felt only moments ago was gone. As he closed the door to Axel's apartment all he felt was sadness and loss.

~O~

Rox3l: Let me know what you thought of Chapter 1.