Scotch, Sex, and Power

by KeladryB

And she's drinking scotch, and it's sweeter than it was when she was tasting it on his lips." C.J.Toby

Title: Scotch, Sex, and Power
Author: keladryb: keladrywrites@aol.com
livejournal: , website:
Fandom: The West Wing
Summary: "And she's drinking scotch, and it's sweeter than it was when she was tasting it on his lips."
Disclaimer: Not mine, Don't sue.
Notes: For 15minuteficlets, the word was "Disaster"

She's falling apart and they're all pretending not to notice, but she knows. So she drinks the scotch that he left at her place a few weeks ago, and she likes it, because she wasn't -- she isn't -- a scotch drinker, but she misses him, misses the taste on his lips, so she's drinking his scotch and it's sweeter than she remembers, but maybe that's only because her cigarettes are so bitter.

And she's sitting on her balcony and she's drinking scotch and smoking cigarettes and she's not a smoker but she's thinking of picking up the habit, and somewhere down the block some asshole is screaming at his dog, and the dog shuts up for a moment but then starts barking again, and the asshole screams, and she wonders vaguely if the guy is hitting the poor dog, but she doesn't really care because the scotch is sweeter than it was when she was tasting it on his lips.

She likes the scotch, because no one would expect it of her. They all tease her about her grasshoppers and cosmos and apple martinis, but she could learn to be a scotch drinker, because it tastes sweeter than a cosmo right now, and she's drunker than she gets from apple martinis, and grasshoppers always leave her throwing up green because her older brother was right: milk and alcohol really don't mix. The dog is whimpering now, and someone else's dog is howling at the moon, and she waits to hear her neighbor's voice, but it doesn't come, and she fantasizes about the dog attacking him for yelling, pictures him lying on the ground, bleeding as the dog takes hold of his crotch, because when a dog wants to bite you, they can't often reach your face.

And she remembers biting a guy once, in high school, when he wanted to go further than she wanted to, and she figured a well-placed bite was the best revenge, and now she loves giving blowjobs, because it reminds her that she is the one in power, reminds her that if she gets pissed or hurt or scared, she can always take back some measure of control. So she blows more men that she sleeps with, and she's gotten very good at it over the years, but he's gone and probably wanted more, so she's drinking his scotch and smoking too many cigarettes and fantasizing about her asshole neighbor dying from a dog bite.

And tomorrow at work, they'll all treat her like nothing is wrong, like she hasn't gotten drunk every night this week, like he didn't leave her again without so much as a goodbye. She'll smile and do her job and they won't notice anything's wrong, and then maybe she'll make a mistake, and they'll notice, but they won't ask what happened. They'll scream and yell and cut her off from everything she needs to do her job well, so she'll make more mistakes, and they'll fire her, and it'll be okay, because then she can drink more scotch and smoke more cigarettes, but it won't matter that she's slowly self-destructing, because she won't be in the public eye anymore, and no one will care.

Maybe he'll come back, then, to check up on her, to make sure she's okay. And she won't be, but he won't notice it, and they'll end up fucking on her kitchen floor again, and she'll have bruises on her arms and hips from him being too rough, and she'll draw blood as she scrapes her fingernails down his back, and that's how it always is with them. Fast and hard and more pain than pleasure, but she only ever fucks him when that's exactly what she needs. And he won't call her name when he comes, and he might call someone else's, because they've only ever been fill-ins for each other. He'll go back to work, and maybe she'll see him in the background when she's watching CSPAN, and she'll continue to empty her savings and drink his scotch and the world will keep on turning, because no one will notice that there really is something wrong.

Or maybe they'll notice before she fucks up, and they'll try half-heartedly to get her some help. And Leo will suggest AA, and Abbey will offer up the name of a therapist, but he won't say anything, because for all his beautiful words, he is silent when it comes to her. So she'll laugh off Leo and take the number from Abbey although she'll never call it, and he'll keep silent. And she'll screw up anyway, despite their best intentions, and they'll all be worried about her, so they won't fire her although God knows she'll deserve it, and when they don't fire her, she'll resign, but of course the President won't accept it, because he's gotten too damn nice for his own good.

So they'll keep her around, but she'll suffer for it because they won't treat her the same. And he'll watch her to make sure she doesn't break, but she will anyway, but he still won't say anything, because he still won't be able to find the words for her. She's not sure if his silence is because she has power over him, or he has power over her, but she'll get frustrated, so she'll show up on his doorstep one night and before he can even say hello she'll have his dick in her mouth and just before he comes she'll stop, just so he knows who has power, and without a word, she'll turn around and walk right back out the door, leaving him with his pants around his ankles. And the next day, he'll stop watching her, and he'll treat her badly when she tries to talk policy, and they'll fight in Leo's office, or maybe even in the Oval, but no one will think twice about it, because he's always fighting with someone.

And that night, he'll let himself into her apartment, because she made the mistake of giving him keys after she locked herself out that time, and he'll push her into her bedroom and fuck her, but she won't come; she won't even enjoy it. It'll be about him getting revenge for her leaving him like that the night before, about him taking back whatever power she held over him for a day. And after it's over, she'll go out onto her balcony dressed only in a sheet, and she'll smoke cigarettes that she doesn't even like, and she'll listen to the neighbor's dog barking, and he'll dress silently and leave, and the next day, things will go back to whatever normal has become.