She walked up to him, he could see her eyes glisten with tears yet to fall, "you don't want to be on the hook" she pulled the ring off her finger, lifting his right hand with her left she set the ring in the palm of his hand, "I'm letting you off" she said softly.
He felt his chest constrict as he looked at the ring in his palm.
Shock.
Confusion.
Hurt.
Those were the emotions that coursed through his body, his lip trembled as he spoke, "Kim?" He called out to the empty locker room, one that had held so many good memories for him, for them.
It's where he proposed, he had never been happier than that very moment, right now? It was a complete 180.
He stood frozen in place, totally confused as to what had gone down, sure he cancelled the dinner with his dad and her mom.
He didn't want to, it was just his Dad had to work. He couldn't ask his dad to turn down an opportunity to earn some OT, not even for Kim.
The sound of the door startling him, he looked over his shoulder willing it to be Kim, the disappointment must have been evident on his face judging by her comment.
"What, you expecting Burgess, or something Lover Boy?" Platt scoffed, "it's gross how you two canoodle in here" she couldn't resist the jab.
Adam nodded, "yea..." His voice soft and sad.
It knocked Platt for a loop, "Ruzek? You okay?" The concern in her voice genuine and almost uncharacteristic of her, "Adam, what is it?" She asked again his eyes focused on his hand.
She stepped closer and noticed what held his gaze, "Jesus Adam" she sat down on the bench, "what happened?"
Sure she busted his balls, called him the 'runaway groom', shit she'd even given Kim hell, but this wasn't what she wanted.
Adam sat opposite her on the bench, his eyes never meeting her's, "I blew it...I fucking blew it" he exhaled, "Shit..."
Trudy placed her hand on his back, "What did she say?"
"That she knew I didn't want to be on the hook, that she accepted it now." He struggled to speak over the lump in his throat, "she let me off..."
"Do you want to be off?" The entire district knew he had some weird commitment issue, he never talked about it but it was clear as a day.
He met her eyes for the first time, "I don't know..." He mumbled, he hated himself.
What the fuck was wrong with him? He had the most amazing woman who was totally head over heels in love with him, she was devoted to him.
He loved her, that was never in doubt. He would do anything for her, he'd give up his own life for hers.
"You love her?" Platt knew the question was stupid, it was obvious to even a blind man.
"Of course, she's the only woman I've ever truly loved" a lone tear sliding down his cheek, he reached up and flicked it away with his index finger, "I don't know what's wrong with me" he mumbled.
Platt bit her tongue, she could provide him with many things one could say were wrong with him, but she wasn't that cruel and heartless, despite what they all thought.
"So, what're you going to do?" She asked him, waiting for his response.
Adam slid the ring on his pinky, "Don't know, she's made up her mind" he shrugged the ring in his pinky was evidence of that.
"You're not going to talk to her?" She was dumbfounded, his stubbornness was mind blowing, "Adam, she's doing what she thinks you want, is this what you want?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose, "No, I love her"
"Get out of here and go find her." Platt nudged him, "Fight for her Adam."
He inhaled, "Yea. Yea, you're right" he said softly as he stood, grabbing his coat from the bench, he started for the door before glancing back over his shoulder, "Thanks Sarge"
"You bet" she smiled warmly at him, hoping that they'd be able to figure it out. She knew before they knew it, but they were perfect for each other.
She wadded up another tissue, the pile on her coffee table had grown exponentially since the Uber car had picked her mother up for the airport.
She had been strong when her mother was at the apartment, as soon as her mother stepped out the dam broke and she couldn't stop her tears from falling.
Sean had warned her this would happen since the day she found out about Nicole and that damn push test. They'd been okay for a few weeks after that stupid ass 'test', Adam had that undercover operation go sideways and it seemed to bring them closer.
That was until it was time to apartment hunt, unable to agree on anything he voted to just 'let it be' that 'their' apartment would show up sooner or later.
The final straw was him blowing off the dinner, Sean overhearing the conversation didn't help and then returning that bracelet to the older man.
She wouldn't force him into something he didn't want, Sean had warned her. Told her time and time again that Adam wasn't the marrying type. That it was bound to end in heartbreak, for her.
She'd had enough and she wanted him to realize what he was missing. What he was willing to let slip through his fingers, whatever his hang up was she was done dealing with it.
He needed a reality check, one that told him she wouldn't wait forever, that she deserved more than an extended engagement. One that let the world know, she was his but a wedding never materializing.
It was time to shit or get off the pot, no matter how much it hurt.
She deserved better.
The knock on the door startled her, but it was familiar.
She didn't need to use the security peephole, she knew it was him.
It was Adam.
She knew she looked like hell, she wiped her eyes and went to the door. Slowly she turned the deadbolt and slid the chain across.
She knew eventually he'd show up to talk, but this was a bit earlier than she had anticipated.
"Adam" she spoke softly, tears staining her cheeks and her hair in a sloppy bun.
Even in such a state, she took his breath away, "Kim..."
She folded her arms across her chest, unwilling to speak further.
He looked around the hall, "Can I...can I come in?" His asked tentatively, "a bit more private inside" he laughed softly, almost nervously.
Kim stepped aside and closed the door once he stepped inside, she knew she needed to be strong.
It had taken all she had to walk away from him in the locker room and she wasn't about to cave or make it easy for him.
He rocked on his heels, "I love you..." He mumbled, he wanted to pull her into his arms, he needed to feel her warm soft skin against his. He knew she'd balk at any attempt of physical contact so he settled with jamming his hands in his pockets and lent against the half wall separating the kitchen from the small living room.
"Love isn't always enough" she retorted, struggling to keep her emotions in check, she refused to cry in front of him. She was able to hold it together in the locker room, losing it just outside the door. Thankful, that the hallway was deserted, the last thing she wanted was to have to explain why she was upset.
They'd all know soon enough, and probably have a good laugh at her expense.
She was certain Platt had a pool going on when their engagement would crash and burn.
"I'm sorry..."
Kim smirked, "Me too" she sat on her knees on the couch pulling a throw pillow to her chest, "Just tell me" she paused, trying to push the words over the lump in her throat, "did you...did you ever love me?" A sob mixing with her words.
Adam's eyes grew huge, "Always" he sat on the couch, "With all I have, you're my heart, my soul, my reason for living" he gave up on hiding his tears from her, "you're my oxygen, Kim. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone"
She wiped her eyes, "but not enough to marry me, right?"
He hung his head, "Damn it" he mumbled, "Darlin', I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm scared" he said softly, and it was what it all came back to.
He was scared fucking shitless. The idea of marriage and children with Kim scared the living shit out him.
"Of what Adam?" She leaned against the arm of the couch, trying to put more distance between them, her defenses weakening as he spoke. She could her the fear in his words and most of all see it in his eyes. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him it would be okay, that they'd be okay.
She couldn't.
She wouldn't.
He needed to be the one to figure it out, she just hoped he would.
Adam ran his hands through his hair, "You ever feel like everything you hold close is just going to disappear, that you'll be left alone?"
Kim chuckled softly, "Kind of"
He caught the irony and smiled softly, "I guess, huh?" he was embarrassed, he never wanted to be the one who caused the pain he saw in Kim's eyes.
"Talk to me, Adam. Please?"
He leaned back against the couch, "My parents, God love them" he offered, "they're great parents, but a horrible example of marriage" he wasn't sure if any of what he was about to say would make sense.
"I wouldn't know Adam"
It was a dig at him, he knew it and it stung. He had never introduced her to either of his parents, truth be told he wasn't sure why. Wendy had met them both, and shit his mother thought Wendy hung the moon.
"I'm an asshole, aren't I?" The question was rhetorical, he was pleased Kim didn't answer he wasn't sure he could handle her answer.
"You know my parents divorced when I was a kid, right?"
"I did, you were six, right?"
"Hhhmmm" he hummed, "I hated it, hated going from my mom's to my dad's hated having two homes. My birthdays sucked, holidays sucked. It all sucked" he didn't know if anything he was saying would make a difference to her, but he needed to put it all out on the table.
It was long overdue.
"You aren't the only kid from a broken home, Adam. Lots of kids go through it, doesn't mean you're bound to repeat it" she sat up against the couch, closing the gap between them a bit.
He noticed the change in her posture, "I know, it's not an excuse by any means. Just want you to know" he placed his arm over the back of the couch facing her now, "Kim, what if I'm bound to fuck up, to hurt you?"
Kim wiped the tears from under her eyes, "You did Adam" she wasn't trying to be a bitch but he had, deeply.
"Fuck me" he mumbled, "I'm sorry" it was almost a whisper, "Kim, I love you. I don't know what my deal is. I do know I want to spend the rest of my days with you, I don't want to wake up without you next to me..."
"Where does this leave us, because I can't be engaged forever. I want to marry you Adam, I want to have your children, to grow old together" she smiled at the thought, "but I won't go backwards Adam, I want be satisfied with just being engaged. I want to marry you, and if you can't marry me, it'll hurt like hell...but I will let you go"
Adam didn't know what to say, "Kim..."
She closed the gap and draped her arms around his neck, almost in his lap, "It's up to you Adam, our fate is in your hands" she whispered before she pressed her lips against his, kissing him with a passion she didn't know existed within her, when the need for oxygen forced them apart, she spoke, "I love you"
Adam struggled, "I love you too" she led him to the door, "Kim, I'm sorry.."
She opened the door resting her body against it, "Don't be, just think about it. Think about us, I mean really think Adam and let me know what it is you want" she stood on her toes and she kissed his lips softly, "I know what I want, always have. Since the day we had crosswalk duty, I hope you want the same"
He smiled at the memory and touched her cheek with the back of his hand, "I will.."
She closed the door softly and locked it, hoping he would in fact realize he wanted the same thing she did.
-Note-
This is my first post on here and it's based off of Chicago PD episode 3.12
I usually post on another site (wattpad), but wanted to try this out.