Author's Note: So, I've been spending a few days at my father's house. And.. his horrifying snoring is what brought upon this story. Enough said? Some people should never be allowed to snore. It should be illegal. Honestly..
Cure for the Snore:
Juliet sighed as she laid in the bed beside Sawyer. The only thing she could think at the moment was that the horrifying noise he created as he slept couldn't even begin to be classified as human. And suddenly she regretted agreeing to stay in a one-bedroom house with him, not to mention sharing the bed like 'adults'.
Honestly, snoring she could handle. But this noise, was definitely nothing short of monstrous and a new form of torture that she just couldn't endure. So she rolled off her side of the bed and she only had one goal in mind. She had to make him shut up.
For three months she'd shared Amy's house with her because Jin, Miles, Daniel and Sawyer were staying in another house. Horace didn't want to make her share a house with four men, and she was reluctant to do so anyways. So when Horace had mentioned an extra houses that opened up from scientists leaving for the mainland, she had agreed to go stay with Sawyer.
Now she regretted the decision as she headed into the bathroom. She frowned, wondering in what possible way she could get the incessant noise he called snoring to stop. She eyed the toilet paper warily before ripping off a few pieces and heading back into the bedroom. She glanced at it in her hands, thinking she probably shouldn't do it, but as soon as she heard the monster release his roar again, she didn't give it a second thought. She twisted up the pieces of toilet paper and shoved them up his nostrils.
It seemed to work, momentarily. And she let out a sigh of relief. But of course, just as she was going to lay back down another massive noise that sounded like nails on a chalkboard to her, came roaring to life from beside her. She groaned, looking over at him only to see he'd flung the tissues out in his sleep.
She muttered out a few choice words as she rolled back out of the bed and headed back out of the bedroom. "My god.." she moaned. "He snores like a drunken sailor with emphysema," she stated to herself with a shake of her head as she headed down the hall. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she stood in the kitchen attempting to think. She glances at the plastic clip and arched an eyebrow up at it.
"Why the hell not.." she decided with a shrug of her shoulders. She grabbed the big blue clip and headed back towards the bathroom. She eyed him warily as the volcano erupted yet again and she opened the clip, carefully clamping it onto his nose. She put a hand to her mouth to suppress a chuckle at the sight before she began heading to the other side of the bed. Just as she was about to get on she watched him reached his hand up and whack the offending object on his nose half across the room.
She groaned, putting her hands on her hips and frowned. She jumped at the next noise, and vaguely decided there needed to be a law against something this offensive. She had a sudden, vision of herself whacking Sawyer silly with her pillow until she beat the incorrigible snoring out of his system, but she decided against it quickly. She felt her eye twitch slightly before she pulled open a drawer and yanked out one of her socks. Mostly because hers were at least cleaner. She balled it open and shoved it into his mouth just as he opened it to release the beast once again into the wilderness.
Juliet felt almost guilty for it, but the silence made the guilt dissipate instantly. She let out a final sigh of relief as she laid down and closed her eyes.
Unfortunately, just as she was beginning to drift.. he let out the most ungodly sound that she thought could suck the drapes right off the window of the bedroom. She let out a groan of frustration and put her pillow over her head, muffling the noise slightly. The idea to beat him senseless with the pillow was becoming all the more inviting now.
Still, she held out as she stood. She had heard that snoring was always worse when you slept on your back. And so she scooted from under her pillow and rolled her eyes as the epic noise was released again before she put her hands on him and rolled him over. Yet for whatever reason, he rolled back, then turned in her direction. His arm flopping over her and as he half pinned her down on the bed.
She got a few chills when she felt his face bury into the crook of her neck and she felt his breath hot on her neck. But what was really important, was that as she laid there beneath him for a few minutes, he hadn't let out the wildebeest to harass her. She felt her eye twitch a little though when she felt something wet on her neck, and she glanced down to see him lick her.
"You little.." she muttered, before pushing him off of her and flinging him off the bed entirely. "You've been awake the entire time! You were doing that on purpose!!"
And all she heard was mumbling from the floor, so she crawled to the edge of his side and glanced over just in time for him to reach his arms out and pull her down on top of him. "What the hell are you.." she muttered out, only to realize he wasn't awake. "Oh you have got to be kidding meh---" she muttered.
But just as she moved to get off him she felt his arms wrap around her and pull her back down and she let out a 'oomph' in response as her face was pressed into his chest. "James," she muttered, slapping at his hands as they ran along her back. "God dammit," she groaned out, not because she didn't like it, but because she was liking it too much, and he was just doing it in his sleep.
She rolled her eyes, moving to get up again when she was pulled back down. She heard him mutter 'don't go' and she sighed. This was ridiculous, and even more so when he pulled her head back down and she once again felt his breath on her neck. Only this time it wasn't his tongue she felt, it was definitely his lips.
The minute she involuntarily moaned was when she felt him stiffen.
"What the.."
Juliet felt the flush cover her cheeks, because he still hadn't let go. And she knew he'd woken up. Unfortunately even when she found herself able to speak, the words still came out a little husky. "Can you let me go now?"
Sawyer dropped his hands and watched as Juliet pulled herself off of him. He stared up at her in utter shock and confusion, and not to mention he could see that she definitely had a little pink in her cheeks. "What were you.." he muttered. "And me.."
"You snore.." she answered carefully, grabbing her pillow off the bed and heading out of the room. She didn't quite trust herself not to do or say anything else stupid.
Sawyer blinked through the confusion, still laying on the floor as he watched her leave the room with her pillow. So the reason he'd been groping her on the floor and she'd enjoyed it was because.. he snored?
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Just a stupid little story to make everyone laugh!! Hope it worked.