His arms stretched out longingly, ready to passionately embrace her, knowing it would be a very long time before they would be together again.
You see Edward had decided it was time to leave Forks and head to Hollywood and start his own cooking/ghost hunting talk show. Even vampires have outside interests and Bella was getting very fat from all of Edward's home cooked meals. Sure, he didn't eat most of the food he cooked but that doesn't mean he couldn't do it well and of course he always wanted to catch a ghost on an EVP.
Bella waddled into Edward's awaiting arms. Sobbing she cried, "I just don't understand why you are leaving!" Edward just pinched her pudgy cheeks with his cold white fingers and said "Oh Bella, when am I going to get another chance to have my own show? Holly wood is waiting and besides I have already picked out the title. It will be called 'Ghosts and Toast!' Isn't that awesome?" He said "awesome" while simultaneously pumping his arm in the air.
Bella was busily searching the room for something to eat and then blurted out, "Cheese enchiladas!"
"What?" moaned Edward?
"How am I going to make it without your cheese enchiladas?" Bella located some leftovers on the counter and was busily shoving taco chips into her awaiting mouth. She looked at Edward hungrily and then burped heartily. "Oops," she said with a girlish giggle. Bella, if anything, did know how to be a lady.
Edward just smiled. He would miss her hearty burps and girlish giggle. Ah, but a vampire's gotta do what a vampire's gotta do.
Edward left the house then and hollered back at Bella who had begun to work on a jar of peanut butter while humming 'The wind beneath my wings.' He yelled, "You know, Bella, maybe you should join a gym."
Then their eyes met and they held each others' gaze and just laughed and laughed. Bella knew she got enough exercise bringing her hand to her mouth. Edward just laughed because she was so cute when she's fat.
Edward went on to fame and fortune and then became engaged to an 18th century French ghost in Europe who, on the down side was dead, but, on the up side was surprising thin.
Bella exploded.
The End.