Stay Here With Me
He pressed against her tightly, holding her down, lifting her up so high she could have screamed. Struggling, restraining. Pushing, promising. That was their nature.
Empty, hollow promises about a golden future they both knew was impossible. Yet when they were together she wanted nothing more than to believe it.
But no-they were too different. Man and woman, lord and squire. Friends and enemies, all at once, because she loved him, she did, but she resented the pressure he placed on her.
Stay. It echoed in her mind, rang in here ears. Stay with me, Alanna.
Not a question-barely a request.
Mostly an order.
An order she could break, should break, but hadn't, yet.
Because of warm kisses on cold nights, because of callused fingers in her soft hair, because it felt so wonderful to have someone there. Someone who cared about her, as no one had in so long.
Stay with me, Alanna. The most beautiful voice she could ever imagine. Stay with me. Leave them, Alanna, and stay here with me.
I wish I could! She wanted to scream. She wished she could leave all the bad things behind, the terror and pain and all of life's every day problems, and stay with him.
But she couldn't, because she had honor, she had duty, she had made promises and so had he. Promises she could keep.
And the promises she made with him she couldn't keep.
Stay, stay with me.
She wanted to scream yes. She wanted to scream she'd stay.
She wanted to say no, to leave, to go back to everything she knew was right, everything she knew made sense. The life she was supposed to live, even if it was fool of terror, and pain, and day-to-day problems.
Because if she stayed with him, there would still be terror, still be pain, still be day-to-day problems.
And they would be worse.
Stay with me, Alanna. Stay with me.
And she said what she knew was right, though it broke her heart to do it.
I'm sorry, Jon.
I can't.
Disclaimers: I'm not the talented Tamora Pierce, 'cause, y'know, this is FANfiction.
A/N: Yeah, I meant for this to be while she was his squire but it seemed kind of different towards the end…let me know when you think it is in a review. -rowena