Title: Anew
Author: Katigox
Date: 28. Jan. 2007
(Dedicated to the next generation)
Disclaimer: I do not own rights Degrassi or any of its characters; it's a Canadian show owned and aired on CTV.
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J.T.
It taken her hours just to say his name - but she still found she had the same reaction when she thought about him.
She cried.
She wasn't able to do much else and even though it had been several weeks, she could barely make herself get out of bed. But today would be different - today she was starting anew and she wiped the tears from her face. It didn't matter how hard she cried, that wouldn't make anybody change their mind, all it would do is make her appear desperate.
But she was. She had lost him, the man she loved for years. The father of her child. Toby confessed to her what J.T. told him, just before he got murdered, and it was the only thing that comforted her at night. To know that he died loving her. Yet it didn't stop the other thoughts from racing through her mind:
If I just wouldn't have run off that night . . . if I just would have stood there and listened and we could've talked and-
She popped the top off of a pill bottle and swallowed a large pill. An anti-depressant that helped her dim the things her heart was screaming at her to do. She looked in the mirror once again and actually managed to smile. If everything went right, then soon enough she could fill that emptiness. It took courage just to bring it up, but she was met with understanding.
This was the only way she could have him back. Keep a part of him with her forever. Most of her friends were supportive, but not hopeful. But it didn't matter - it wasn't like she was demanding a miracle.
"Liberty are you ready?"
Liberty turned and faced her lawyer, "Of course."
She patted down her outfit and walked behind her lawyer into the adjoining courtroom. The judge looked over at the family and then turned to face Liberty.
Envision. Achieve. Win. It's a simple formula.
"First I would just like to say that this court understands the plight that Ms. Van Zandt has faced since Mr. Yorke's death. And after reviewing the case file and speaking with several established and redupatable witnesses, this court has reached a verdict in the matter of Ms. Van Zandt to receive visitation rights with the defendant's adopted son . . . "
She understood that her son had new parents and she wasn't asking for custody. He didn't even have to find out that she was his mother. She'd deal with the fact that he would always refer to her simply as a "family friend," but she had to be in his life. Actually he had to be in hers. He was the only thing left of J.T. and their love. And it would be more than enough to help keep her going. She could hug him and celebrate birthdays with him and maybe even teach him how to drive - well maybe she shouldn't do that last one; but no matter what, she could look at him and find some comfort. Some love. Some joy like only J.T. was able to bring to her.
And maybe one day - she could tell him about J.T. and just how much he had loved her and made her smile.