"Hey Tien!" Greeted Master Roshi from his recliner where he was enjoying yet another one of his many bathing suit model magazines.
Yamcha was behind his chair, plucking up a few issues and tucking them in his shirt before turning around and asking, "Aw. Did some guy hit you in the head with a pool stick again?"
Tien lowered his head, where you could unmistakeably see a blue circle from the end of a pool stick. "Yes." He groaned.
"Maybe you should grow your hair out Tien." suggested turtle from the floor.
"How can you talk?" Tien asked. "Besides, thats the stupidest idea I ever heard."
"That's actually a great idea!" exclaimed Krillin.
"Yeah," Tien replied, "I was just thinking to myself that Turtle is a genius."
Turtle hmphed. "Someone move me away from that creep" he mumbled.
"Mr. Popo does a great job as a hair dresser, let's go." Roshi jumped up and headed for the door.
Meanwhile at Kami's Lookout.....
"Yo' dawg. Dis shit is mad wack. Oh! What it do Master Roshizzle! Come to give me da fo' one one on dem streets man?" Piccollo said.
"Yo P-dawg, pound it brotha!" Master Roshi held out a fist and finished, "Naw. See, ma' - -"
"Ahem." Mr. Popo cleared his throat.
"Uh, see, Tien needs some hair."
"Popo will hook a brotha up! Check it!" Piccollo ripped his turban off and reveal tightly braided cornrows.
"Whoa whoa, Lilly, hold on..." Kami shouted at the author, "are you making racial stereotypes again? I know you want to make a funny fan fiction but this is in bad taste. Besides, Piccollo is green. Nobody is going to think this is funny."
Then Kami fell off the side of the lookout.
"If I had those, I would be so cool." mumbled Tien.
"Not really. Yajarobe got them and everyone still hates him." corrected Piccollo.
"Naturally." nodded Master Roshi.
"But everyone hates me, too. Akira Toryama created me and even he hates me. I've been off the show forever."
Yamcha then spoke, "But we like you a little bit more because you're banging the chick who sneezes. She fucking hot."
Everyone nodded.
Kami crawled up the side of the tower, puffing and out of breath, "Now - - huff - - you're - - womanizing. You are a - - huff - - woman!"
Then Kami got a cramp and let go of the side of the tower, only to fall again.
"Fuck you Lilly!" Kami shouted as he fell.
"What's his problem? Who's Lilly?" Asked Roshi.
Piccollo shrugged.
"If she was hot, I'd know her." Yamcha said.
"Any ways, back to my problems." Tien reminded, "I have to grow some hair out and fast. People would notice I was a guy and not que ball if I had some hair. Heck! I could even become more famous than Goku!"
Everyone laughed, "No Tien," Piccollo began, "See, he's hittin' Chi Chi. Her name even means boobs. He's the fuckin'
man."
"That explains everything now!" Shouted Vegeta who stepped out of the shadows, "it's all about who your sleeping with! No wonder! Maybe I would be stronger than Kakarot if I did his woman."
"Now you're on the right track Vegeta! See, you have Bulma which means panties and thats not near as hot a boobs." Popo winked at Vegeta.
"You know everything Popo, but please don't wink at me anymore." Vegeta shuttered.
"Well we can go in the back and I'll see just how strong you get." Popo drug a finger down Vegeta's chest.
"Gay jokes, Lilly? Do you really think people like to hear gay jokes? What if someone gay is reading this? They'll be offended and they'll never read any more of your stories!" Kami's voice was heard from below the lookout. "Oh, hey dinosaur can you, ahhh! He's carrying me away! Someone help! Lilly you bitch! Make someone help me! Ahh!"
"Whoo. Someone needs to stay off the acid for a little while." Vegeta rasied his eyebrows and scratched his head.
Yamcha shook his head, "Kami used to be such a good, clean guy."
"Um, back to my hair!" Tien pouted.
"Hey is that red hair stubble?" Roshi patted Tien's head.
Everyone gasped.
"Wow. Tien a red head. Now I've seen everything." Piccollo said dead-panned.
Just as he said that, Goku ran across the lookout with his shirt off. He rubbed his hands up and down his stomach, jogging, while shouting, "Llama llama llama llama llama llama llama DUCK! Llama llama llama llama llama..."
"That was just stupid! That's not even remotely funny. Sounds like something a fifth grader would write and only a thrid grader would laugh at. Face it Lilly, you're not funny!" Kami's voice was heard.
"I'm going to cut that wrinkley Namek if he don't shut the hell up. Everytime he opens his mouth, no one understand what he's saying and if we do understand it's just to prove he's a senile bastard!" Yelled Dende, followed by a stream of sad rock music.
"Now emo jabs?" Kami said in disbelief.
"I'm going to stab you with my eyeliner, ass hole! You never understood me!" The the door slammed behind Dende.
"Okay things are getting a little too weird around here so let's go around back and see if a little Rogain won't get him growing. Haha. I made a funny." clapped Popo while jumping up and dowin in one place. Then he danced off to go get his hair supplies.
Tien now had long, flowing locks of fire red hair streaming from his scalp. He looked up in the mirror at everyone else and said. "Okay. How many people do you know who have made it big who have a third eye?"
"Duh. Bret Michaels." Goku answered.
"Really?" Everyone asked and turned to look at Goku.
"Oh yeah, haven't you ever noticed that he always wore that bandana over his forehead. He's a thrid - eyed freak just like you." Goku nodded.
"That's not true! Bret Michaels is a great guy and only has two eyes." Kami walked into the room, his clothes tattered and worn from some sort of struggle from the dinosaur.
"Geez Kami, what happened to you?" asked Goku.
"Well let's see, Lilly had me thrown off the lookout TWICE! Had a dinosaur carry me away and try to mate with me! And she's writing this horrible story that will get horrible reviews and no one will want to read!"
"I thought we all agreed that we'd stay off the acid when we came back from Namek." Goku said and everyone behind him nodded.
"Ugh! I'm not on acid!" growled Kami.
"Getting back to more important things, like Tien's thrid and not to mention lazy, eye, I believe bangs would distract everyone from his forehead and would do a good job covering up that hideous growth." Popo added.
'Indeed! But kind of gay. A simple fro' would be da bomb yo." Piccollo suggested.
"Stop talking like that!" Yamcha shouted, "You're not a gangster."
"I'm not trying to be a gangster. I'm a pimp. A pimp named Pic-a-ho. Heh heh. Instead or Piccollo. See you pay me and then 'Pic a ho'." Piccollo smirked.
"Stop confusing me! I'm white!" Yamcha yelled.
"Actually you're Asian." corrected Roshi.
"Perfect!' Popo shouted and stood back from his masterpiece.
There in the seat in from of him sat Tien who had a perfectly poofed up red afro on his head. Tien patted it thoughtfully and smiled. "I am so going to get famous, bang a hot chick, and be more powerful than Goku!"
"Pfft. Okay." Goku rolled his eyes and took to the sky, hysterically laughing.
"No one will take me seriously with a name like Tien. I need a stage name." Tien announced.
"Something like Kakarot since you want to beat him and all. I can be you're manager if you're only purpose is to beat him. Where else will you find a manager with this in common with you." Vegeta offered.
"Yeah like carrot. Carrot is a good name." Yamcha said.
"And something that gives major props to your super cool hair." added Popo.
Everyone nodded in agreement.
***TWO YEARS LATER***
A stage was set up with a blue curtain. The lights dimmed and everyone bacame quiet. An announcers voice came over the sapeacked and bellowed, "We would like to introduce to you a new comic who is super cool, super strong, and will be banging a hot chick by the end of the night for sure! Here's Carrot Top!"
"Wait! This isn't true either. None of this is true! Tien is not Carrot Top! What the hell Lilly. Do you want people to take you seriously as an author or what? This is completely absurd! You expect people to read this crap? You're out of your mind! You have suffered through some major writer's block to come of with this piece of shit my friend. You'll be too emberassed to write another - -" Then Kami was shot dead.