Note from the Author:
Hello dear reader, what you are about to read is considered a comedic parody. It is in no shape or form supposed to reflect the outlooks I posses on certain subjects brought up in this story-it is purely for entertainment purposes. Another thing to note is that I am not the original author of this work. The original story was called Vegeta Vrs Trojan Man! and was published by Piccolo's Love Slave. This is just a one-shot story that I'm recreating because I felt the original didn't get enough love-it was made all the way back in December, 2002! Additionally-for those fans of mine, I'm still working on the stories I'm beta reading and my own stories. I just did this for a break and to make me giggle for old times sake...
Vegeta versus Trojan Man (V.2)
by
Sabere Commander
It was early in the morning for the residents of Brief's family estate. The Brief family were the heads and leading minds behind the most advanced company in history, Capsule Corporation. This meant the family possessed some of the smartest people on Earth. Having some of the smartest people on Earth meant that their house was anything but ordinary. The family estate, with smaller buildings surrounding it, was in the shape of giant balls-spheres, giant spheres.
Inside of the building lived quite a few people, some human, others less so. For the purpose of this story, we will be focusing on two people in particular that live inside. The heiress to the Capsule Corporation, Bulma Briefs, who's hair was sky blue and skin a fair peach. Next to her was the prince of all saiyens, Vegeta. The man, unlike his wife, had dark brown-nearly black, colored hair with a tanned complexion. The two found themselves sitting on the couch in the buildings living room with a movie playing.
The woman, Bulma, looked to be very invested in the movie. She clung to her man with her eyes glued to the screen. The man, by stark contrast, looked aggravated by the movie in play. His eyes had been sticking the wall and whatever else was around the room. He had absolutely refused to watch what he had learned to call a "chick-flick" with his wife. In fact, the only reason he was sitting in through the movie with her was because she had a bargaining chip to hold over him. He had, in one of his rage with sessions, gone and broken the gravity chamber and she refused to fix it unless he spent some time with her.
"Hey Vegeta..." He craned his neck around to look at his wife but found her eyes still glued to the T.V. screen. He followed her eyes and witnessed something he would consider repulsive. The "romance" film had devolved into a scene were two humans engaged in the bestial act of sex. Very few things could have made him sicker in that moment. Thankfully, the volume was quickly turned down by his wife.
"Huh?" The sound of confusion escaped his lips. That was before he found himself on his back with his woman on top of him. She had locked lips with him and was being aggressive. How anyone could become turned on by the sweaty freak show he just saw was baffling to him. Fortunately, his wife wasn't that sweaty freak show. Let it be known that saiyen men found aggressive women to be highly attractive. Let it also be known that Vegeta's wife, Bulma, knew how to turn him on quicker than a light switch.
"Vegeta..." She had broken away from the passion filled kiss to whisper into his ear. "I want you..." She continued, which caused a grin to break out across his face. He flipped himself and his wife over so that he was on top. He was ready to start and she was too, he could see it in her eyes.
Unfortunately for the two lovers, the sound of a door being kicked down jarred them from their state...
Vegeta leaned back from his position over his wife and peaked over the couch, his wide sitting up to follow him. The front door was off of its hinges and resting on the floor. They could see right into the front yard of the house too! The odd thing was that no one was standing in the door way. Vegeta was about to question the absurdity of the door flying off its hinges on its own but a new voice put a stop to that.
"Trojan Man!" Well, it wasn't one voice but more like a choir of deep voices saying the same thing. Vegeta spun back around to face the T.V. but found an intruder instead.
"Ah! Who the hell are you!" He could hear his wife scream from below him.
"I am Trojan Man!"
"Vegeta, I'm scared..."
"There is no need to fear citizens! It seems I got here in the nick of time!" The figure proclaimed as they raised a hand into the air. Their outfit was completely foreign to Vegeta, not that it matter anyways.
"Can it weirdo! Why the hell are you in here!" Vegeta barked at the stranger in his house. Never deterred though, the Trojan Man replied with his upbeat and dramatic tone.
"I came as quickly as I could! You were about to traverse thy lovelies canal without the proper protection from the elements!" The figure finished cryptically, as if it would clarify what was happening.
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" The, now, angry saiyen said before climbing off of the couch.
"Thy good man! Your troops were not protected from battle!" They said before reaching behind their armor and whipping something out. It was a bunch of silver packages that were flat and square shaped. "Here, this should do just fine!" They shouted before handing them to the saiyen, who took them without complaint-still confused as to what was occurring. Vegeta took a closer look at the packages before his eyes widened and his cheeks flushed.
"Condoms! The fuck do I need a condom for?!" He shouted, throwing them onto the ground and glaring daggers into the person before him.
"Why to protect against-"
"I know what the fuck they're used for idiot!" Vegeta said, grabbing the man up by his armor. "I have no use for these frilly things! They can't stop my seed anyways!" Vegeta roared before tossing the man to the ground. "Now get the fuck out of my house before I murder you!"
The strangely clothed individual nodded before turning tail and escaping the presence of the angry saiyen. The same saiyen that watched them run out the very same door they had kicked in. A scowl found its way onto their face after watching the figure disappear outside. They had interrupted what was going to be a grand moment for the prince. If he ever crossed paths with them again, he'd make them pay. He turned to his wife and sigh before letting a sly grin overtake his face. His wife merely blinked before frowning at him.
"Honestly Vegeta..." She sighed before getting up to walk away, baffling the prince of all saiyens.
"Wha.. what?! What is it?" He asked her, which caused her to stop mid stride to point at the door.
"For one thing, the doors wide open! We can't just do it in full view of the neighbors! Besides! What if I did get pregnant?" She said before huffing and turning away to leave the prince by his lonesome.
The aforementioned prince could only stare in disbelief. His head shot from his wife's retreating from to the door and back, multiple times. Damn that strangely clothed weirdo! He clenched his fists and let out a very primal growl before his eyes widened and he realized something...
"Wait! Can you at least fix the training room!?"
Nearly a week had passed since that incident and Vegeta found himself growing anxious. He needed to train and vent some steam off for crying out loud! The woman had remained peeved for three days following the whole thing. She had no problem finding things to keep her mind distracted but she was adamant about not fixing the gravity room. The hell was he supposed to do for the time being?!
"Hey Vegeta?" His head snapped up to his wife. They had been in the kitchen, him eating, when he got lost in his thoughts. She was leaning over the sink washing dishes from the meal he was finishing up. She too seemed to be lost in thought over something-he didn't really care though. "I was wondering... how would you feel about having another baby?"
He coughed and nearly choked on his food when he heard her. How would he feel about having another child? The idea of another Trunks entered his mind and he grimaced. The boy had been enough of a handful on his own and Vegeta wasn't sure if he wanted to go through that again. More importantly, why would she ask him about it?
"I don't particularly care for another one, why do you ask?"
"Well, I've been thinking about what happened when that weirdo broke into our house..." She admitted to her husband and tried to get him to come to the conclusion on his own. When he didn't, she frowned before deciding to just come right out with it. "Vegeta, I want to have another baby."
"Another what?! Are you out of your mind?!"
"Come on Vegeta, I've always wanted a girl and you know it."
"What? Why would you need another girl!?" He shouted, causing a confused expression to appear on her face.
"Another girl?"
"Yes, that's what I said."
"What do you mean? We only have Trunks and he's a boy-"
"Tsch, go ahead and believe that lie all you want. That boy is fruiter than a fruit cup, I see how he hangs around Kakarot's brat all the damn time." Vegeta shouted, enraged at the possibility of his off spring batting for the wrong team.
"Vegeta!"
"Well!? What if we have another girl and she turns out the same way?!"
"Vegeta." His wife said more sternly, which made the saiyen go silent but keep his glare. He'd be damned if another one of his children turned out crooked! "My biological clock is ticking and there's going to come a point where I won't be able to have children any more." She told him, yet he kept his unimpressed look. "Look, I'm going to have at least one more baby Vegeta-"
"Fat chance Earth woman, last I checked you need me for that and I ain't budging." A smirk grew on his face as a frustrated look plastered on hers.
"I won't fix the gravity chamber if you-"
"I can always just spar with the idiot or his son." Vegeta countered, which caused silence to fill the air. A look of displeasure formed on her face, it wasn't often that she could be stalemated on matters. Then, as if she did a 180 in her personality, he face changed to a fierce look.
"Look Vegeta, I am going to have another baby-whether you like it or not." She added when she saw him getting ready to interrupt her again. "... and I'd rather have you as the father." A look of shock spread across his face as he sputtered.
"You wouldn't dare cheat on me!" He said, a mixture of shock and disbelief spreading on his face. She watched his expression before smirking on the inside, hook line and sinker.
"Vegeta, we have machines here on Earth that can get me pregnant. I may not have sex with someone else but the end result would basically be the same." She told him and watched as a look of horror spread across his face.
"You wouldn't..."
"I would..."
"..."
"..."
"Alright, fine then woman!" He shouted, enraged that he had lost to her again. "You'll get your little half-ling, so long as you don't go around using inanimate beings..."
Vegeta decided not to waste any time and appeared right before her. He snatched her up in his arms and began kissing her. Eventually the two found themselves on the kitchen table with Vegeta standing over Bulma. Deep, ragged, breaths came from both involved and Bulma locked her legs around her prince. Vegeta, as much as he displeased being forced into a scenario, couldn't stop the grin from forming. If she was so determined to have his seed than fine, he'd make sure she'd never want it again! He was about to rock her whole world like never before.
A slip of his pants and they were on the ground and Vegeta ready to take action...
"TROJAN MAN!"
"The hell?!" Vegeta shouted, turning around. The kitchen door was busted open and in its door way was the same funny looking bastard from damn near a week ago. He could hear his wife scrambling to cover herself up from the intruder.
"Hello there citizens, it looks like I wasn't too late after all." They announced before walking into the kitchen.
"You're the same bastard that came here before, from a week ago!" Vegeta shouted and stepped towards the man, ready to beat the ever loving shit out of him.
"Negative sir, you must have me confused with someone else-"
"BULLSHIT! You're the same nut job that broke in last time when me and my wife were about to have sex!"
"Vegeta!"
"Oh no sir, that was not me. You must be speaking about Trojan Man number 21, who works the weekends."
"Wait, there's more of you!?" Bulma cried from behind Vegeta.
"Indeed, I am Trojan Man number 13 and you were about to send your men out into the rain without a rain coat! Here, take these and I'll be one my way." He pulled out a hand full of condoms still in their packages before handing it to the prince of all saiyens.
"Are you fucking kidding me, again?!" He smacked the condoms onto the ground before growling to the stranger in his house. "Listen here you piece of shit! Your stupid prophylactics don't work on the likes of me or any true saiyen!"
"Please sir, I urge you-wearing one saves lives!"
"Listen here perv-"
"If the safety of your men doesn't concern you, then at least consider the improved models!" The roman themed person reach back into their armor pulled out more condoms. "These ones have ridges for her pleasure!" He shouted to the pair before him.
"Ooh-"
"No you fucking freak! Now get out of here before I vaporize you!" He shoved the supposed Trojan Man back. "The only reason you're getting the chance to live is so you can tell your friends to leave us the fuck alone!"
The Trojan Man, dejectedly, turned around and left out the kitchen door... and with a sigh, the saiyen prince turned back to his wife.
"Just drop it, the mood is gone anyways..." She said to him before climbing off of the table and exiting the room...
"Damn that stupid bastard!" Vegeta shouted...
Vegeta found himself stumbling into his house, wasted. It was late at night and he wasn't alone either. On his arm was his beloved wife, Bulma, dressed in a very provocative dress. The two had gone out to a restaurant the night and they had ended up having a few wine glasses too many. It was no surprise that they had to take a taxi home-Vegeta couldn't even muster up the concentration to fly steadily.
Vegeta closed the front door and found himself smooching with the Misses. The two stumbled around in their passionate embrace. Slowly, the two eventually made it to their bedroom. How they got there without tripping or falling was a mystery. Regardless, the situation eventually lead to Bulma being on the bed, shirt open, and Vegeta standing over her whilst struggling to get his shirt off.
"Vegeta~ I'm not wearing any panties~" She said playfully to him, which only served to kick his lust into over drive.
"Oh yeah?~"
"Yeah~" She leaned up and kissed him before pulling a way. "How's about you show me a real saiyen?" A devious grin spread across her husbands face.
"I'll do one better, how about a super saiyen?" He said as he began to unbutton his pants.
BLAM!
"TROJAN MAN!"
"Wha?" Vegeta turned towards their bedroom door, only to see it had been busted down. In it stood the very same roman soldier themed cock blocker that had been pestering him and his wife. "Oh god damn it."
"Whew! Thank goodness I made it in time!" The Trojan Man approached the couple. "Thankfully, I came prepared!~"
"What the hell do you want!?" Bulma shouted out in frustration.
"To make sure you are using proper protection!"
"Didn't we see you before?" Vegeta said in his slurred, and slightly irritated, state.
"Negative sir, it is to my understanding that you've encountered Trojan Man number 13 and 21!"
"You're the same damn thing!" Vegeta shouted.
"Why of course we aren't! I am nothing like those yokels-I am number 55!"
"Do I finally need to kill one of you to make this stop? I let the other one live so he could relay the message!" Vegeta said.
"What do we need to do to make you leave us alone?!" Bulma cried out.
"Just use one of our condoms ma'am, that's all we ask."
"All we ask? All we ask?! You lying son of a-"
"Wait, that's it?" Bulma interrupted her husband.
"Absolutely, that's it."
"Fine, we'll take one." Bulma stuck her hand out and was promptly given an unopened condom.
"But Bulma, you know-" Vegeta tried to say, only to be shushed by his wife.
"Good day citizens!" The Trojan Man turned and bolted for the window across the room and jumped out of it. "TROJAN MAN!" Bulma threw her head back and let out a sigh of relief. She put the condom to her husbands chest and allowed him to grab it.
"Put this on."
"I thought you were trying to get pregnant-"
"Exactly, now put it on."
"But Bulma, you know they don't wor-"
"Exactly! Now put the damn thing on!" It took a moment for Vegeta's intoxicated brain to put two and two together and complete the connection. When he did, his signature grin returned full force and he began letting out very unmanly giggles.
The rest of that night was one of hot steamy sex and love... but mostly sex...
It wouldn't be until a month or so later that they would full realize the repercussions of that night...
Nine months after that night, a beautiful child was born and her name was bra...
"... and that's how you were born!" Vegeta said, clasping a book closed and bringing it down. He smiled and stared into the face of a young girl in front of him. Her hair was a shade of cyan and her blue, blue, eyes were wide-be it fear or shock, no one knew.
"MOOOOOOOM!" The girl cried to her mom...
"GOD DAMN IT VEGETA!"
...The End...