A/N: Hello everyone! Here's a story about the eccentric Casson family. I actually got this idea after I got my friend hooked on the Casson books. She was bored one day and sent me an email in the format of one of Rose's letters, and I replied pretending to be Bill. This 'game' continued for awhile until we both became to busy to write. A lot of these letters in my story actually come from our emails. The rest I either edited or added so it all flowed. I hope you enjoy!
Note: All misspellings and grammatical errors are intentional to mimic the errors that young Rose would make.
disclaimer: I (obviously) own none of these charactes. They belong to Hilary McKay
Darling Daddy,
This is Caddy. And Saffy. And Indy. And Rose. We are all fine, except that Rose got locked out of the house, Mummy broke the car, and Caddy is getting married to Alex. And Saffy and Sarah had a fight. Oh! And Rose had an accident on the carpet at school, and she got scared at Kir-no I didn't don't listen to her, daddy! That's what Sarah said to me (this is Saffy, your DAUGHTER!) "Don't listen to her Saffy! Shut up, mum!" Because Sarah was sick.
Rose again. I did NOT have an accident. I meant to do it. And Miss what's-her-face knows it, too. Caddy went to the zoo and came back with a lemur! Michael gave her a RING, like you're supposta do. I miss Michael.
Indigo would be writing (this is Rose again) but he fell asleep and you KNOW how hard it is to wake him! Darling Alex (who just left and is not very darling at all) thought he was dead. We know better by now. I stole Indy's CD player so I can listen to his cool music while he is sleeping. He will kill me when he wakes up.
DARLING Alex is sweet (Caddy here). You would like him, Dad. He doesn't make Exactly Art, though. He likes you. He is a big fan of your work.
This is Saffron. I hate you, FATHER. (Rose now) Me too! You are an awful daddy!
You aren't all too horrible, Dad (Caddy again) Darling Alex doesn't have an earring OR a ponytail. He is so sweet (I already said that didn't I?) Oh, well.
This is Indigo. (I've just woken up) You need to come home RIGHT now and punish your daughter, PERMANENT ROSE. SHE BUSTED MY CD PLAYER! Ugh! I still love her, I suppose.
Darling Bill, this is Eve. Now, I know I am the last person you want to hear from, but * sorry, a smudge from my tear. Oh dear, darling. It is only paper after all. I love and miss you, darling.
Hello, Mr. Casson! Wheelchair Woman here! I don't think you are an awful father at all! Maybe I shall come and visit you in Londo Oh de r, this st pi pen is ru ni o t of ink
Lo e fr m Ev ry ne!
XXX
Darling Children + Eve & Sarah,
I am so glad Sarah does not think I am a horrible father. And Eve, its fine, but I won't be back for a while (conference). And don't cry. It makes such a mess when you do.
To Caddy. I like this Alex already. I would like to meet him sometime. And I am glad you don't think that I am too horrible.
To Indigo. I shall buy you a new CD player. No, that does not mean I am coming home. I will send it in the mail.
To Saffron. I do hope you do not really hate me. And I am sorry about the secret. Really, I am. And I send my best wishes to Sarah's quick recovery.
To Rosy Pose. Everyone has had an accident in their life. Even me. Your mother too. And Caddy, Saffron, and Indigo. Don't worry. I love you.
Darling Eve, I miss you too, but you know how hard it is to work with four children underfoot. I shall come home when there is not so much work to do.
To Sarah. I do wish you would not encourage such an awful nickname as "Wheelchair Woman." It is neither polite nor proper. Your mother, I know, would not be pleased.
Best Wishes,
Bill Casson
XXX
Darling Daddy,
This is Rose. Saffy says she still hates you.
Saffy here. And no, I don't. I changed my mind. I am disowning you.
(Caddy) She doesn't mean that. I love you. Did you meet Alex?
Rose again! I am dis-owing you, too, daddy.
Darling Bill, how was your conference? And I cannot help crying. I miss you so. I was doing my Young Offenders (I know, not exactly Art) and I thought of you, darling Bill.
This is your son, whom you don't play catch with. I thought you would like to know I am without a CD Player still!
This is Rose. Well, that's about everyon-
No, I am here! It's Sarah, Mr. Casson! And I liked being called Wheelchair Woman. Bye, Mr. Casson!
Ok, now that's everyone. Bye, Daddy! This was Rose, again.
Love from everyone
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Today Caddy took me to the zoo. I was very happy until i saw that awful Alex was there. So I ran away and hid in the elephant house. I did not care what Caddy thought.
Oh, Daddy it was awful! (Caddy here) I was so worried that Rose was gone.
Hey! Who said it was your turn! (Rose again) I wasn't done yet!
Sorry Rose, (Caddy) but I have to tell Daddy what happened. Then you can write more, ok? Sorry about that, Daddy. I'll have to make this quick. I told Rose to make you a picture and we'll mail it. I don't suspect it will take her very long. Alright, where was I? Oh yes, I was in a panic and Alex tried to calm me down. I could not face the idea of coming home without Rose. I was just about ready to call the police when we heard a commotion at the elephant house. And sure enough, there was Rose, trying to climb through the bars of the cage. I quickly grabbed her and she started screaming...Oh dear...Here comes Ros-
My turn again. (Rose again) Caddy no! You had plenty of time to write! There!(She'll be gone for a little while. I just bit her) and I was only screaming because awful Alex is so mean and evil. He might hurt poor Caddy! I will never go to the stupid zoo again! Especially if Alex is there! Oh, here comes Indy.
WHERE IS MY CD PLAYER? YOU SAID THAT YOU'D SEND THAT WEEKS AGO! I'VE GOT NOTHING TO DO WITHOUT IT! -INDIGO
Darling Bill, (Eve, of course) I miss you terribly sorry. I'm crying again. The house is so lonely without you. And empty, especially the cupboards. I will be thinking of you of you.
Hi daddy! (Rose again) Saffron and Sarah are not here at the moment. They send their best wishes, though. I still hate you.
Love from Rose, Caddy, Indigo, & Eve
p.s. from Rose. Here is a picture of you being attacked by sharks. Hope you like it! Rose
XXX
Darling Family,
Rose, you mustn't run away like that. Poor Caddy must've received quite a shock. And I'm sure Alex is not too terrible. I plan on meeting him myself soon.
Indigo, I will send your CD player as soon I purchase it. And I'm sure there is plenty to do without it. Read a book. And remember, patience is a virtue.
Eve, you mustn't cry. Enclosed is a box of tissues and some money to do the shopping.
Tell Saffron and Sarah I say hello.
Your Father and Husband
P.S. Quite an…interesting picture, Rosy Pose. I've hung it up on the refrigerator in my flat.
XXX
Darling (or not so darling) Bill,
This Saffron (and Wheelchair Woman!) We were out getting out belly buttons pierced (to go along with the nose studs).
I couldn't sleep last night (this is Saffron) because I kept hearing there rustling noises, which turned out to be the balloon I got for Sarah when she was sick. It keeps coming back to haunt me!
It does not. (Sarah here) It is a perfectly harmless inanimate object.
You're not the one being stalked!
Anyway, we've got to go. We're headed down to the tattoo studio in town!
Adieu,
Saffron and Sarah
XXX
Darling Saffron and Dearest Sarah,
You are going to get blood poisoning from all those piercings and tattoos. And Saffron, Sarah is correct. A balloon cannot haunt you. Be reasonable. Tell everyone I say hi.
Bill
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Today (because it was very hot) Mummy took us to the pool (this was also because the car was working) Saffron gave me one of her very very old swimsuits to wear. Then we all (except for Caddy, who has ran away to look for darling Michael) got into the hot car and drove away. When we got there, mummy immediately fell asleep on a lawn chair. Indigo jumped into the deepest part of the pool and Saffron went over to a group of boys. I just stood there and stared at the pool. Did i mention that i can't swim? I went over to the edge and watched Indy. I decided it would feel nice to be all the way in. i was just about to go all the way under (holding on to the wall of course) When Indy jumped in. i watched him sink all the way to the bottom and decided that i wouldnt like it very much down there. i stood up to leave (pulling up Saffy's bathing suit because it was very big) i slipped. And i screamed. Water got in my mouth. No air was anywhere. I thought i was dying. Suddenly i felt something move. A shark! It was going to eat me! But then it was not a shark. It was a mermaid. A beautiful mermaid. I was not going to dye after all! She pulled me up to the air. i sat on the side of the pool. it felt so good to breathe! i coughed. A lot. Water was inside. i vomited. Are you alright said the mermaid rapping a towel around me. i nodded but i felt weird all over. Indy came over, all dripping wet. He looked all blurry. Rose! Rose! Are you ok he said. I didn't say anything. I don't remember anything else. Saffron said i passed out, whatever that is. I woke up at home. Mummy was fretting. I think she thought i was dead. Oh darling darling darling Rosy Pose! How do you feel said mummy. i told her i felt better. Then i told Indy about the mermaid. He said she was called a lifeguard. I said i still called her a mermaid. i am never going swimming again i told mummy. Oh no no no Rose she said. I dont think any of us will be going for a long time. So. i still hate you, daddy.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
There is no such thing as mermaids. No nonsense anymore, all right Rosy Pose? Good. And yes, lifeguards are nice people. Tell Indigo that his CD Player is on the way. I should teach you to swim, Rose dear. I will get you an instructor. Not that Michael kid, he couldn't teach Caddy to drive, so I won't pay him to not teach you to swim. Work is going great. Is your mother still painting Not-Exactly-Art. Say hello to Mummy, Caddy, Saffy, and Indigo for me.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Of course there are mermaids! I read about them in books (actually, i just saw the pictures, but that counts) Plus, the lady was much too pretty to be a lifeguard. I told Indy that his CD player was coming. It's about time he said. I dont want to learn how to swim. I feel much more safer out of the water.(but i would consider lessons if darling Michael was my instructer) I do not care how work is for you. I hope it gets horrible. Mummy still paints what you call not-exactly-art. I call it the most beautifulest thing ever. Much better than your crummy old pictures. I told everyone you said hi. Indy grumbled about his CD player. Saffron broke a plate and said she hated you. Sarah says hi back and mummy cried. Caddy was not home. I still hate you.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Saffron broke a plate, you say. Well, it better be true, Rose. I will not let Michael teach you. And mermaids do NOT exist. Indigo should be happy that he even has a CD Player. There are plenty of people who do not have that. How is Caddy? Ah, Rose? Who cried again? Rosy Pose, you WILL learn to swim.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Saffron will brake even more plates if you say hi to her again. I want darling Michael! No one else. And mermaids do to exist! I saw one. I've got proof! Indy still didnt get his CD player. He says you are a liar. I agree. You are wrong because everyone at school has a CD player says Indy. And Saffron. Caddy is horrible. She is still searching for darling Michael. In her car. Because she is such a good driver now. Mummy cried. Again. After she read your letter. i hate you!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
I am on a bumpy train, so my writing might be odd. Rosy Pose, I will get someone to teach you to swim. There are NO mermaids. Indigo-your CD Player should be there soon. Tell mummy not to cry. How's Caddy again? She can drive? That's wonderful! Eve darling, whatever it is you are crying about, I am sure it will be all right. Saffron-no more plate breaking, all right? Hugs and kisses to you all.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Why are you on a train? Are you coming home? I will tell everyone! Mermaids are so real! I asked mummy and she said yes of course Rosy Pose i saw one when i was young. So there! Mummy is much smarter than you! Indy's CD player still isnt here. He is mad. I told mummy not to cry. She cried even more. I told Saffron not to brake any more plates. She broke the whole set. Oh dear i shall have to buy a new set said mummy. Except she cant because caddy stole the car to find Michael and got in a crash and now is in the hospital. So that answers your question on how Caddy is. Mummy wont tell why she is crying. I dont want a hug or kiss from you! i hate you!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Caddy is in the hospital? No, I am not coming home. I am going to a meeting for my painting Rose. Why is Mummy crying? Tell Saffron she is in big trouble for breaking all the plates. I found a swimming instructor. His name is Charles. Your mother does not know what she is talking about. Indigo's CD Player must be there by now! I am going to meet my new secretary, Amanda. She is very nice. Maybe you would like her more than Samantha? I hope. She is coming with me to my meeting in Paris, France. I will get all you kids some presents. Love and kisses.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Yes Caddy is in the hospital. She might die said a doctor. You should come home to visit her. Why do you have to go to a meeting for your paintings? Mummy never does. I told you mummy wont tell why she is crying. I think she is missing you. Saffron says she will brake more things if you tell her what to do. I dont want Charles! I want Michael! Indy's CD player is not here for your information. Amanda and Samantha sound too much alike. Why not choose mummy? Eve is a pretty name. Paris is stupid, like you! No more love and kisses! I hate you!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
I love your Mother very much. Amanda is NOTHING like Samantha. You will be nice to your instructor, Charles. Caddy is the hospital? Maybe I should come back . . . . .but it is a very important meeting. I will be back soon. Eve, I miss you too. Indigo's CD player should be there. Hugs and kisses.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. If you loved mummy, you would come home! I liked Samantha so Amanda must be awful. I had my first swim lesson. I hated Charles! He tried to drown me! I punched him and he quit. You will have to find me a new swim teacher. Michael maybe. Caddy is more important than a meeting. You should come home. Mummy cried again when i said you missed her. Saffron is being good because you havent said anything to her. Indy's CD player is STILL NOT HERE! I said no more hugs and kisses! I hate you!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Must make this quick, as I am going into my meeting. I will find you a new teacher. Saffy is good I hear. And what about Caddy? Tell Mummy not to cry; I will be home soon. Indigo - STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR BLASTED CD PLAYER! This is the last time I'm telling you. Hugs and kisses
Daddy
P.S. Amanda is very nice. I think you'd like her if you gave her a chance.
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. No new teacher! Unless it is Michael. Saffy is no good. She hates you. Caddy came home. Her leg is broken. She has a cast. I drew pretty pictures all over it. Mummy crys a lot now. Especially because of Amanda. I already hate her. I have a confession to make. Indy's CD player came a week ago. I stole it and hid it just so he would be mad. You deserve it. No more hugs and kisses! I will not give Amanda a chance! I hate you!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
You mustn't lie, Rose. I hope Caddy feels better. Tell Mummy not to cry. Your new teacher is named Harry. Amanda is very nice. Hugs and Kisses. Saffy - be good! Indigo - are you mad at me now?
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. I dont lie! Ever! Well maybe sometimes...mummy cried. Harry is a stupid name. Amanda is stupid like you! I SAID NO MORE HUGS AND KISSES! Saffron is being bad and of course Indy is still mad at you. i hate you.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Please tell your mother not to cry, Saffron to be good, and Indigo not to be mad. And please don't hate me.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. I HATE YOU!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
No you don't
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. YES I DO!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose
No
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. YES!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Your new teacher is Jerry.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. No Jerry! Mummy misses you. Saffron hates you. Indy is mad at you. (still) And Caddy sorta tolerates you. I hate you too! At least you give no more hugs and kisses.
Love from Rose
p.s. i found a puppy. Mummy let me keep him. I named him darling Michael.
XXX
Darling Rose,
Dogs are filthy and full of disease. The house is already much too dirty without one. You must take him to the shelter at one. I'd say more, but I have a meeting in just a few minutes. Hugs and Kisses.
Daddy
XXX
Darling Daddy,
This is Rose. I went to the library today and me and Indy went to the top and jumped off. It was fun. Caddy is gone. I think she went off to search for darling Michael again. And Mummy says darling Michael (my puppy) can stay. So there. And just so you know, Mummy hasn't come out of her shed in years! She is doing not-exactly-art.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Don't talk of such nonsense, Rosy Pose. You and Indigo would not be alive if you jumped off the library. Tell Caddy she needs to stop with this Michael business. I know some very nice boys who live here in London. And Rose, it has only been a week since I last wrote to you, so it would be impossible for your mother to be in the shed for years. Hugs and kisses. Tell your mother I miss her.
Daddy
P.S. Take that mutt to the pound immediately. I don't care what your mother says!
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. No! No hugs or kisses! No! Saffy hates you, and will NOT talk to you! (she says) Caddy loves Michael. Not those dreadful blokes in London. And mummy has been there for years. So there.
Love from Rose
p.s I took darling Michael to the pound like you said but then he ran away and came back here. so.
XXX
Darling Rose,
Now be reasonable, Rosy Pose. Tell your mother to come out of her shed. I need to talk to her. And tell Saffron I love her. Amanda says hi. I would like you to meet her sometime. You would like her. Got to run. Hugs and Kisses.
Daddy
P.S. If that dog is there the next time I return, I will personally make sure he gets to the pound and stays there.
XXX
Darling daddy,
I hate Amanda! She's mean! And you love her and not Mummy! Which is bad cos Mummy still loves you. But Saffy hates you and so do I! No more hugs and kisses or I'll run away. In fact I will. I am going to New York to see Tom. So there. And Caddy is getting married to Michael. Indy said I hate my new CD player, cause it doesn't work! You need to give him a new one!
Love from Rose
p.s Does that mean your coming home? THE DOG IS STILL HERE (just so you know)
XXX
Darling Rose,
You have never even met Amanda, so you can't possibly say you hate her. And who said I loved her? I love you mother very much. Enclosed, I have a letter for her. Don't be silly, Rosy Pose. You can't run away. I love you and Saffron very much. Of course Indigo's CD player works! I bought the best brand. And Rose, you need to work on your penmanship. I have hired a tutor for you. Her name is Lillian. Hugs and kisses.
Daddy
P.S. No, Rose, as of right now, I am not returning home. I am just telling you that when I am home, the dog better not be.
...
Darling, darling Eve,
You know how much I love you. I will come home in time. I will send some money for groceries. Kisses for you.
Love,
Bill
XXX
Darling daddy,
You are no longer darling. And I don't want Lillian! NO no no no no! And i do hate Amanda. so there. Mummy cried at your letter and i am running away forever! And Indy's CD player doesn't work. Mummy said so. So there.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Lillian is very nice. I want you to give her a chance. Please don't hate Amanda. Tell mummy to call me or write back. Did she use the money I sent for groceries? And don't be ridiculous, Rosy Pose. You can't run away. I will send another CD player and IT BETTER WORK! Hugs and kisses.
Daddy
P.S. Indigo would benefit from a tutor as well. What are they teaching in schools these days? I wondering if Frances does group tutoring…
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. I broke Indy's CD player. (truth) I hate Amanda. (truth) Lillian is mean. (truth) Mummy used the money for paint.(truth) Indy went on an artic expidition (lie) I will too run away. (possibly truth) No more hugs and kisses
Love from Rose
XXX
My darling Rose,
First you hide the CD player, THEN you break it. Whatever will I do with you? I might have to send you to obedience school along with that mangy mutt. Tell you mother she'd better start spending money on practical things. Hugs and kisses and NO MORE LIES.
Daddy
XXX
Darling Daddy,
This is Rose. Darling Michael is not mangy (though he is a mutt) I gave him a bath and brushed his teeth (with Caddy's toothbrush) and then I painted his toenails bright pink. And paint is practical especially WHEN YOU ARE AN ARTIST. And most of the things I said was the truth and not lies. So there.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Enclosed is some more money and it BETTER be spent on groceries. And food comes before paint, even for an artist. And you painted that dog's nails? Oh Rosy Pose, what are we going to do with you?
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. Today Mummy bought me a pen with a pig on it (with the money you sent) the kitchen sink smells like Saffron's socks. Also I was quite bored. I painted the walls all different colors. It is very lovely Rosy Pose said mummy. Saffron still hates you and so do i.
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
I will send a plumber immediately to fix the sink and I will also call for a grocery delivery service (since it seems no one can follow my simple orders to BUY FOOD) And I shall have to paint over the walls again, it appears. Tell everyone I send hugs!
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. The plumber made the whole sink blow up and now it smells even worse in the kitchen! But at least we have food now, though we have to keep it in the living room. Saffron wants no hugs and neither do I!
Love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
Its sounds simply disastrous at home. Oh and by the way, I was just reading over your letters (I have them all saved in a box) and they are very entertaining and hilarious. Though I still think you need to work on your penmanship.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
This is Rose. THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY! They are supposed to be scary and make you come home. So maybe I will stop writing.
No love from Rose
XXX
Darling Rose,
I'm so very sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. And with the way things seem to be going there, I don't suppose it would hurt if I stopped by. I will be there Saturday afternoon.
Daddy
XXX
Darling daddy,
AT LAST!
Love from Rose