Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.
A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.
Italics are internal dialouge/thought.
"Quotations are spoken dialouge."
(Reposted because of format errors.)
Chapter One- Loveless
"YUKI!" Shuichi Shindou flung open the door to the apartment, arms wide and ready to glomp his blonde-haired lover as he usually did when he came home from the recording studio. However, today he ended up kissing the floor.
"Yuki? Ow…" Shuichi lifted himself off the floor and began searching the spacious apartment, slightly concerned that he had greeted the hardwood panels instead of the man he loved, rubbing his nose. Maybe he was in his office. Eiri Yuki was a master novelist, after all. And Shuichi did remember him grumbling how his little pink baka kept distracting him from his work by teasing him… Shuichi, not being the brightest of individuals, had to think about what about his appearance or mannerisms could be so bad for Yuki's concentration… until he became distracted by his lover's call to bed, and promptly forgot about the matter. At the moment he wondered if it would be wise to check in on the irritable novelist. If he had a deadline coming up, then he would need as much quiet and space as possible. Deciding that that was the reason for the stillness of the house, Shuichi relaxed on the couch with a cup of strawberry milk and flipped to the music channel. He'd simply glomp Yuki when he emerged into the kitchen for something to eat.
---
"Suru-chan, please listen to me, I'm not trying to make your life miserable. I just want you to be happy!"
"Shut. The hell. Up." Suguru Fujisaki stopped dead in his tracks, turning around slowly to face the woman who was pleading with him. "If you had wanted me to be happy, you wouldn't have let that… that..." he couldn't finish his sentence, too disgusted for words. He simply turned back around and continued to collect what small belongings he had. The woman framed in the doorway watched sadly and with a hint of anger in her eyes, but said nothing, seeing as her son-in-law was right. She shouldn't have done what she did, but still…
"Suru-chan, I'm still your aunt, and I love you very much…" her trembling and emotional voice had no effect on the teen. He continued to go around his tiny room- a closet, really- checking to make sure he hadn't left anything that he wanted to keep unpacked.
I should have done this years ago, he thought to himself.
"Please forgive me, I wasn't myself… Suru-chan, I don't want you to leave me… I'll be all alone…"
"Then you should have thought about that before you decided to get drunk and bring that bastard home with you. I'm tired of your excuses."
Finished packing, he whipped around and glared at her full on with the patented family look of contempt and disgust- a small, thin smile with no warmth in it and icy-cold eyes full of enough disdain to make even the proudest of men crumble into nothing. Though she may be family, Suguru had never felt much love for her. Or any one else, for that matter. It had always been one thing after another…
"You and your whore-friends are out of my life for good now."
His aunt let him pass without a word until he got to the door of the apartment. "Suru-chan, where are you going to go? Can't you stay a little longer, just for me? For the sake of the family?" Her quiet plea seemed to be thunder in Suguru's ears. But like his cousin, he reigned in his raging temper and kept a dangerous smile on his face.
"What family?" he asked, just as quietly, just as sadly. "All I ever was to you was a toy to impress the sluts you'd bring home. My mom and dad couldn't care less about me either- I'm just a source of amusement to them. The only one who seems to give a damn about me any more is Tohma, though even he seems to be less sympathetic now that we're rivals."
As his mother-in-law broke down in tears, Suguru left her with an emotionless "Goodbye."
---
"Mou, I wonder what he's writing…"
Shuichi was still on the couch, several hours after he had arrived home, and slightly annoyed that he couldn't express his love to Yuki. The irritable blonde hadn't come out of his study yet, which worried Shuichi as well, but he had learned from past experience that it was best to let the writer finish what he was writing- no matter how long it took him. So right now the little pink baka's thoughts mostly concerned himself and the preparation a microwave dinner. He was starving. Surely, Yuki would forgive him for eating without him, just for tonight. Forcing himself to move, Shuichi staggered into the kitchen area to heat up some rice and a mug of tea. He didn't want to make anything fancy incase Yuki came out and demanded something too- then he'd heat up something else. Besides, Rage had threatened him with annihilation if he didn't curb his love for sweet and fattening foods. Shuichi wasn't fat- he worked out at least three to four times a week- but Bad Luck's crazy manager had decided that all of them should be eating better. They were planning to go on-tour again in a few months and she wanted everyone to be the epitome of physical fitness and nutrition.
Mulling over the impending doom he was likely to face when he showed up tomorrow with no new songs written for their tour, Shuichi finished his dinner and cleaned up, debating whether or not he should put something in for Yuki. In a fit of selfishness he decided that if his blonde lover wanted something to eat he could fix it himself. Shuichi headed for the bathroom to take a shower before going to sleep. It was because of this that he failed to hear when the apartment door opened hesitantly and was shut fairly quickly, with more than one pair of feet padding towards the master bedroom.
---
Unable to resist the temptation, Shuichi knocked at the office door. He had to know if Yuki was still writing or had fallen asleep at his laptop, as he sometimes did if he didn't have the energy to pull an all-nighter. If the writer had fallen asleep at the desk, then Shuichi had a blanket ready. He himself was cold in his short-shorts and belly shirt. When he received no answer, he knocked harder. Silence.
"Yuki…?" Shuichi opened the door just a crack to peek inside. He was surprised when both the writer and the laptop were missing. Instead, a note was folded on the table. Wondering what it was about and trying to dispel any misgivings he was having, the rock star entered the room and unfolded the paper. He was relieved to find that it was just a note telling him where Yuki had planned to go.
Shu-
I needed to take my laptop in for repairs today- I think you dropped it one too many times last night, baka. I'm not sure how long it's going to take. Also planning to run some errands afterwards, maybe hit the bar if it's late by the time all's said and done. If I'm not home by dinnertime just fix yourself something- but if you burn down the house, I swear to god I'll rip your balls out and castrate you.
-Yuki
Well, that would explain where he had been, and why he hadn't come home. When Yuki went drinking he usually didn't come back until the early hours of the morning. Shuichi wasn't happy about it, but there was always something that couples had to agree to disagree on. In this case, Shuichi didn't like it when Yuki went out drinking late at night (he had gotten beaten a few times when Yuki got pissed at him for not wanting to have sex at four a.m. on a work day), but Yuki also didn't like how Shuichi was a near-constant ball of energy that never seemed to think. They just accepted their differences and lived together as best they could, and Shuichi himself admitted that all in all, it wasn't so bad. He loved every day of it, in fact, though sometimes he couldn't help but have his doubts…
I think I'll wait in his room. When he comes home, he might want to go at it again, and I don't want to be dragged out of my bed like last time… that was really hard, explaining my bruises and cuts to everyone. Lucky for me every one thinks I'm a natural klutz, so falling down the stairs from the third level is an acceptable excuse to use, once in a while. Too often and they'll get suspicious. I wish Yuki was a warmer person, and didn't think so little of me all the time, but what can I do? I love him, and that's enough to heal any bruise he might give me… I think…
Placing his hands on the bedroom door, Shichi had a moment of sadness. Yuki still wasn't kind to him. On top of that, he had really matured over the last year or so, but no one seemed to notice or care. Hiro even continued to treat him like always, expecting him to come crying and wailing whenever Yuki kicked him out of the apartment. The only one who treated him any different was Suguru, but Shuichi personally didn't care all that much. Suguru only talked to him more often, and about trivial things like evading fans and the paparazzi or business; never anything that interested him terribly. He was usually too distant and professional to have a normal conversation with, though Shuichi had tried a few times to get him to open up and realx, to feel more welcome into his and Hiro's friendship, but the boy seemed content to stay out of it and seclude himself as much as possible…
That's a little pointless of him, but what can you do? He's probably so busy he doesn't have time to make friends anyway… just like Yuki. Hell, Yuki hardly says "hello" to me anymore! It's like as soon as I start to grow up, people just either ignore me or treat me the same. I can't win.
Voices from the other side of the door interrupted his thoughts. His hand was still poised to grab the handle and slide it open, but Shuichi paused to listen. He recognized one- he could pick out Yuki's voice anywhere. But the other… he had never heard it before. It was feminine, husky, and full of desire.
"You sure he won't turn up?"
"Yeah, he's probably already asleep. I told him I went out drinking. He thinks I won't be back until morning, and that I'll probably want to fuck him so hard he'll cry."
What the hell? What's going on here? I'm his lover- Yuki's mine! He said so himself… Shuichi's hand twitched as the woman's voice spoke again.
"My my, you've got him trained so well. He must make a wonderful little pet." His temper flared at being called a "pet". Sure, he was always on the bottom and usually did what he was told, but that didn't mean he was someone's bitch!
"Not really… he complains a lot and never shuts up. I can't stand him…"
No… Yuki, you don't mean that… you can't mean it…
"So why keep him around?"
He loves me!
"He follows me everywhere; I can't get rid of him. I can tolerate the whining because he's pretty good in bed."
… No… I'm not… a toy…
"Hmm. So, when's the last time you had a real sex partner?"
Shuichi couldn't believe what he was hearing. This couldn't be happening, he had to be drunk… but Yuki never got that way… no, this was real… it was terrifyingly real…
I-I can't believe this!
"Too damn long. Let's get to it." Yuki's voice had taken on the quality that said he was ready to play. Shuichi's heart was stabbed each time he heard his lover growl, grunt, pant, and hiss with pleasure. Yuki was really cheating on him! He was tempted to run in there and scream, to demand an explanation from both of them. How long had they been seeing each other? How long had Yuki been doing this? Were there more people lined up, just as they did in bookstores to receive his signature? WHY? But he didn't have the strength of will. He couldn't take it any longer… the abuse, the neglect, the admission that he, Shuichi Shindou, was just another play toy in bed. Going to his room for the last time, Shuichi set about packing his things and scrawling a hasty, hate-filled and tear-stained note. He still loved the novelist with all his heart. But his love was no longer blind either. It was time for him to go, and leave Yuki alone once and for all.
Yuki-
I heard you and that bitch in your room. Since I'm just a toy to you, I suppose it won't matter much to you that I'm leaving. At least you'll get the quiet you've wanted since I started living here.
Love,
Shuichi
It was too early in the morning to call Hiro. Shuichi simply wandered the streets, his backpack crammed with clothes and some personal items. He carried a shopping bag with his blankets and pillow- Yuki had bought him the futon, and at the moment he wanted to leave all his memories of the novelist behind. The young rock star couldn't help but cry as his feet took him past familiar sites- the intersection where Yuki had almost run him over, the first club they had gone to together, the first restaurant that Yuki had ever taken him to, the bookstore that Shuichi had shown up at to get his autograph, just to surprise him and make him smile, and… this was…
The bridge that Shuichi now stood on was where they had looked over across the water during a sunset last year. The approaching dawn reminded him of that night, and he played the scene through his head, matching the conversation word-for-word as he and Yuki exchanged vows that they would never be unfaithful to each other. Sniffing and wiping his eyes, Shuichi sank down and curled into a ball, hugging his knees. Yuki was his poison, his drug- he couldn't live without the man even though he was source of his misery.
He promised this wouldn't happen… he promised…
---
Suguru sighed in despair as his cousin's phone rang endlessly. He must be talking to his wife, Mika, who had left Japan to do… something or other. He didn't know, and at this point, he couldn't honestly say that he cared either. If Tohma was going to be talking until this hour in the morning- it was almost four o'clock now- then he needed to stop calling and try to get some sleep. At the moment he was outside the NG building waiting for it to open. His cell phone batteries were almost dead any way. Over the tops of the buildings, Suguru could see that dawn wasn't far away...
Wonderful, I'll get to see my first sunrise out on a park bench in front of my cousin's company building. How lucky I must be…
Despite himself, Suguru found that he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He fought it at first, since he didn't want to be found by any one coming to NG early, but he soon gave in. The constant stress he had been under was just too much for the poor teen. Between school, Bad Luck, and his aunt's habit of bringing home strangers that were looking for a good time, he was worn out and exhausted to the bone. Of course, he never let that interfere with his schoolwork or job as the synth player for the band… no, personal matters were best left to be dealt with when one was alone. He couldn't understand how Rage, Hiro, or any one else could put up with Shuichi, who let his problems with Yuki affect the entire band's future. If he had a fight with that damn novelist, then they were all pretty much screwed until he got over it.
Rage only allows it because she has a major crush on him, and Hiro's been friends with him for years so he's probably used to it… but… I don't know. Shuichi's become a bit more mature over the past year since he and Yuki-san got serious. It's a pleasant change, though I wish he wouldn't keep telling us how wonderful Yuki-san is and how Yuki-san can do no wrong… one day, he's going to get his heart broken for good by that cold man, and then where will we be…?
Suguru's thoughts drifted away from the lovesick singer and to his own dilemmas. He didn't have anywhere to stay, and now that he was thinking about it, he didn't really want to live with Tohma. The two of them were too much alike to get along very well. Oh, they were very professional and easy-going at work, but they had had a strained relationship ever since Suguru's parents had kicked him out of the house when he was ten. It hadn't been his fault, but then again most things weren't. He just seemed to attract negative energy.
Tohma would try to keep me under his thumb at all times if I requested to live with him, so I can't ask him. Thank goodness he never picked up his phone… so who can I stay with? I'm still seventeen, so I can't own my own home… I'll have to share the rent with someone else. But who? Hiro's got his own one-room apartment, but that would be too crowded. Rage scares me and I don't think she's very sane at all. Shuichi's living with Yuki-san, but he'd be my last resort any way… oh, what am I going to do…
He couldn't help it- he was fading fast. Just as the top of the sun appeared on the roofs of the skyscrapers, Suguru had one final thought before slipping out of consciousness.
I can't keep a single important promise I make…
A/N: Oh, cliché, cliché, cliché! XD Well? First chappie of the first fic I've ever taken longer than twenty pages! (Yes, I have the second chapter, but I'm saving it to see what kind of feed-back I get here. o.o;) To tell the truth, I have about oh, maybe half of it written… probably a little (or a lot) less. I'm re-doing a great deal of the plot structure in the third chapter… ever notice how a lot of these fics seem to end up with a character or two in the hospital AT LEAST once? Yesh, I was guilty of it, but I'm changing it, though the ending I have in mind MAY incriminate me… heh heh heh. Tiny little teaser. . But we'll see. I often have problems keeping my story ideas on-track even though I write them down in an orderly fashion, yet it usually seems to work itself out in the end. Yays!
Next up, Chapter Two- Lonely!