Disclaimer: I don't own James Potter. I don't own James Potter. I don't own James Potter. I don't own James Potter. : I don't own James Potter. I don't own James Potter. I don't own James Potter. I don't own James Potter. If I keep telling myself this maybe the Almighty will fall on my trap of reverse psychology!
Author's Notes: I've had this fic on my arsenal for over a year now and I've been itching to post it here.. Anyway, I would like to ask for some reviews. Oh, it doesn't matter if you read it or not, just review! Okay, I was just kidding there.. Really, I was!
10 things you should NEVER do...
Phase One
Keep in mind: these are no-no's!
James gazed down on his sweaty palms, then to Sirius; then back to his palms. The four former terrorists of Hogwarts were in a cabin of a ship Lily's parents wanted for the wedding, which was two hours away. The Jubilee was filled with witches and wizards, a giant, and four Muggles (Mr. and Mrs. Evans along with a reluctant Petunia and her husband Vernon). It was sailing across the Atlantic coast, headed to Madrid, Spain. James and Lily were to spend their honeymoon there.
James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all dressed, wearing their tuxedos, looking very striking indeed. However, James' mind was on other things. He was reminiscing. In which, he remembers all those times Lily dumped him. What if it happens now? What if Lily suddenly jumps overboard, saying that she'd rather be married to the Giant Squid underwater than tie the knot with 'the arrogant toerag James Potter'?
1. Propose to a jumpy groom
"Why don't you just marry me, dearest?" asked Sirius mockingly, interrupting James' train of miserable thoughts. "That way you won't be so nervous."
Peter looked at him as though seeing him in a new light. Remus sighed heavily, seeing Peter's reaction. How could anyone be that thick?
James looked sharply at him. "Sirius, I know how much we've been through and all, but I'm not interested in having you to live with for the rest of my life -"
"Bloody hell, you didn't think I meant it -?"
"- and the person I do want to share half of everything I have is Lily," James went on, ignoring Sirius like Professor Binns. "You know how I love her. You've known how I felt about her since god-knows-when; I made sure that you were the first person who knew about my love for her even though I know you have an emotional span so small that you could only feel one emotion at a time. We have a very strong connection, and you know that, don't you? But how could you want to destroy the connection Lily and I have? How -?"
Sirius shook James' shoulder to make him stop becoming Binns. "Prongs, listen to me," he said piercingly. "I was bloody joking. You still know what a joke is, don't you?"
"Erm?" James said absently.
Remus patted Sirius on the back. "Let me handle this," he told Sirius calmly, before taking a seat beside James. "You know James, we're beginning to see you're not yourself lately (Sirius snorted) and we want to know WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Sirius, Peter, and James jumped, but Remus ignored them. "Is this the way you prepare for the biggest event of your life, by not being yourself? James, you incredible prat, this is your day. This is the day Prongs becomes James."
"What -?" the three of them began, but Remus raised a hand to silence them.
"Prongs is a young man, dedicated to be the greatest terror and student Hogwarts ever had, an immature dolt accompanied by his impassive best friend Padfoot, and was head over heels with a girl who detests him: Lily Evans. James, however, is a man who did become one of the greatest students Hogwarts ever had, still accompanied by the dolt he considers his best friend ("Hey, I resent that!" said Sirius), and is in love with Lily Evans, who now returns his affection wholeheartedly and is now going to get married to her and be the man he has to be." Remus took a long breath. "Now is the time to show them that you are James."
Sirius gaped at him. "I didn't understand a word you just said. That didn't make the least bit of sense."
"He's drunk," said Peter simply. "He drank a lot of champagne earlier. He said it tasted spellbinding."
"But I'm starting to think he's right," said James.
"What, that I'm a dolt you consider your best friend?" Sirius asked testily, folding his arms and plopping down on a chair, looking extremely put out.
"Yeah, I thought that part made a lot of sense," James told him, grinning. He thought Sirius would smile back, but his expression was quite cold.
"Listen," said Sirius in a serious tone, "I know this wedding means a lot to you, and I'm fully aware that this might change your life, but you can't blame someone who's been awfully close to you to sulk. James, I'm going to lose you. You're to sever ties with me so you could spend your time with Lily -"
James pulled out something from his pocket and threw it to Sirius' direction; it hit him on the forehead and bounced off, making Sirius' reflexes to ignite and catch it with his left hand. He looked at it and saw a dusty, struggling Snitch in his hand. "You still have this?" he asked James, confounded. "You never even tried to polish it, did you?"
"Yeah," said James, "and I've held on to that for a couple of years now. Keep it as a sign of my undying lo - friendship with you. Padfoot, you know we can't be married" - James looked sickened at the thought - "and I can't give you a ring, too. So take the Snitch to keep in mind that I'm always there... erm... through thick-headed gorillas we knew as Crabbe and Goyle, and thin, snappy women we call Petunia."
"It's pretty weird, a priestess doing the ceremony," Peter said thoughtfully, changing the subject since he noticed Sirius looking like he was about to pull James into a huge hug.
Sirius raised his brows at him, all thoughts of hugging James forgotten. "Weren't your parents married by a priestess?"
"Erm - no, they were married in a Muggle church."
2. Hire Bertha Jorkins' sister to do the ceremony
"Oh. Well, what's weird is the priestess doing the ceremony is someone who was - or still probably is - smitten by the groom," said Sirius, smirking at James, who didn't find the idea funny at all. "I guess if she can't help it, she's bound to turn up in your honeymoon, too."
"She's the only priestess in the vicinity who's present," said James hopelessly. "She said the other priestesses were tied up. Funny, she seemed too blissful at the thought..."
Brenda Jorkins was assigned to be James and Lily's priestess. She was the sister of the infamous Bertha Jorkins, which is now currently working for the Ministry of Magic as a gossiper. Unfortunately, Brenda was as much as a dolt Bertha was. Although, she did not share as much passion for gossip as her older sister did, she was an obsessive James Potter fan.
"Well, she's not exactly sane, is she?" remarked Peter. The others nodded in agreement.
"And wasn't she the head of the G.Q.C.L.C?" Remus added, making Sirius and Peter laugh. Only the three of them in the room knew about this Hufflepuff organization founded by Brenda herself.
James stared at them, bewildered. He didn't know whether to laugh or not. "What's G.Q.C.L.C?"
"Gryffindor Quidditch Captains' Lovers Club," explained Remus. "I believe they did make a shrine for you in our seventh year. They also did one for Davies, Higgs, and Wood. Don't worry, Lily doesn't know about it," Remus added, looking at James' bothered expression.
"But she wasn't even a Gryffindor!" said James indignantly. "And Lily didn't want to get her too, but she really was the only one around...but I haven't seen her today, though..."
Sirius then stood up from his chair. "Shall we go out? It's pretty stuffy in here."
"Erm - you guys go ahead," said James, clearly stunned by G.Q.C.L.C.
The other three Marauders stood up from their seats, bid James good luck and stop whimpering, and stepped out of the cabin. They were now in an empty corridor.
Once James was out of earshot, Remus asked Sirius in a sharp tone, "You did take care of it, right?"
"Of course," said Sirius pompously. "I don't want Lily to have our heads, Moony. I've taken precaution."
"What do you mean?" Peter asked them.
"Well, Lily's a bit nervous about her so she - er - requested us to replace her," explained Remus. "We think Brenda's a bit - dodgy. I mean remember when she tied Lily up so James couldn't ask her to the Halloween ball?"
Sirius and Peter nodded vigorously, remembering the time when Sirius found Lily tied up in the broom closet. James had no idea, of course.
3. Miss a chance to torment Wormtail
"Well, we did some research and found another priestess in Kent. Elise Jenner. You remember her, don't you, Wormtail?" Sirius said with a smirk. Elise Jenner was a Ravenclaw in their year that Peter went out with a couple times. They didn't make it, though. Peter just kept annoying her. "Well, she's here."
Peter looked alarmed. "But - but - what about Jorkins?" he spluttered.
"That's what I'd want to find out," Remus said, looking at Sirius. "You did temporarily get rid of her, didn't you?"
"Well, if you must know," said Sirius irritably, "she's rather tied up for the moment. I also knocked her out just in case."
The three of them reached the ballroom, where the wedding was to be held. There were no other people there. The champagne glasses, which Remus deliberately ignored, were all full again. On one side of the ballroom, the round tables were scattered, with glass plates and silver goblets over the red tablecloth. The high table in front of the enormous widow, showing fluffy pink clouds, had a few chairs for the royal entourage. The friends of the groom and bride would be sitting there, including their former Professor Albus Dumbledore. Behind the large curtain were two columns of pews on either side of an aisle with a red carpet. There weren't any people here either.
"It's too early," said Remus. "There's one and a half hour more before the wedding..."
"Counting my last moments, are you?" said Sirius darkly.
Remus looked at him incredulously. "What is it with you? You and James were getting along great a while ago. And so have you and Lily. You're acting like a green-eyed monster, here."
"Green-eyed monster?" repeated Peter. "You're not talking about Lily, are you?"
"No you incredible berk, the green-eyed monster is jealousy personified," said Sirius snappishly, making Peter recoil. "And what am I supposed to do Moony, sit here and be happy when I know I'm going to lose my best friend?"
Remus walked up to Sirius and picked something from Sirius' pocket. "You do know that this" - he held the Snitch an inch away from Sirius' nose - "was given to you by your best friend to show you that you are NOT going to lose him? Didn't you even listen to a word he just said or do I have to throw this again at you and repeat them?"
"Erm - that would make me feel better," Sirius told him sheepishly. Remus just threw the Snitch at Sirius, hitting him hard on the nose as Remus dashed out of the ballroom muttering something like 'dolt'.
Peter's eyes darted from Remus to Sirius, and then followed Remus out of the room. Maybe he thought it would be much safer to be with a flaming Remus than a troubled Sirius.
An hour later, a couple of people were seated in the pews, Peter included. He kept avoiding Sirius and Remus, who was drinking champagne again and was singing 'God save the Queen' at the top of his voice in the priestess' chamber, which was devoid of any priestess. Sirius was probably out in the deck.
It was dark now. All the stars were shining brightly over Sirius' head as he stared at the ocean, contemplating. What a stupid thing to do. He knew he was being stupid, but he really wanted some time alone with his devastating thoughts. He didn't want to give himself a false hope that James might be telling him the truth.
Lily was already in her wedding gown when she came running across the deck towards Sirius, looking at him crossly.
4. Assign Sirius to take care of important matters
"I thought you took care of Jorkins!" she demanded.
"I did!" snapped Sirius. "What in the name of Merlin are you talking about!"
"Well, the person you were supposed to stop from coming just apparated in front of me, and now she'll have to do the wedding since Elise disappeared!"
"But I tied her up!" argued Sirius. "And those ropes were bloody tight."
"But - but -"
Sirius racked his brain for any pathetic excuse. "Moony'll take care of it. He's drunk."
"What?"
"Well, the animal magnetism of a werewolf is incredibly strong..." Sirius laughed inwardly, feeling stupider by the minute.
Lily sighed desperately, turning on her heels. "What am I going to do? She might've seduced James on his cabin for all I know..."
Sirius found the idea quite amusing. "She can't, Lily. James is heavily armed," he pointed out.
"With what?" Lily called over her shoulder.
"With a green-eyed redhead wearing a wedding gown."
Sirius watched Lily from afar, and then gazed back into the ocean. So Lily was just as worried as he was. She shouldn't be, Sirius thought bitterly. Lily was the love of James' life, after all. He would eat a flobberworm whole than leave Lily. If only he would do the same for his best friend...
A voice from behind him interrupted his series of hyperbolic thoughts. "Is it just me, or are you being overdramatic?"
He turned around. Dorcas Meadowes, the bridesmaid, in a red silk gown, her raven hair reaching her waist, wearing an expression of mock concern. She was a good friend of the Marauders, being very stealthy and quite useful when it comes to major pranks. Sirius kissed her once, but he was drunk at the time so both of them had to pretend it never happened. "What's with you?" she asked Sirius interestedly, stuffing her wand in a silk purse.
"Nothing much," said Sirius nonchalantly, feeling a vaguely familiar sensation in his stomach.
"I heard from Wormtail that Snuffles was - ah - acting unusually concerned. You and Peter are big worryguts." She was wearing a sinister grin that usually made Sirius feel like a good guy.
"I am not worried. I'm just - anxious...," he said miserably, feeling a light, happy sensation in his stomach. "And please don't call me Snuffles." Not that he minds. He actually liked being called Snuffles - not in public at least.
"Why not? It sounds - er - cuddly." She didn't like cuddly, though. Dorcas never grew fond of any mushy stuff like the other girls in their year. That's what sets her apart, Sirius thought fondly.
"Cuddly?" he repeated submissively. "Why not call me Schmoo instead?"
"It doesn't sound doggy enough," Dorcas told him nonchalantly, looking at him in a concerned sort of way. "So...how do you feel?"
Sirius finally understood the light feeling. "It depends on how many butterflies you put in me," Sirius said in a wary tone. Knowing Dorcas, she must've put at least a dozen. She always did that whenever Sirius was troubled. Somehow, she knew when he needed it most.
Her steel gray eyes met his dark ones. "Just six. I try to put as little as I can nowadays," she replied, taking her eyes off Sirius and onto the black ocean. "Did it make you any feel better, Snuffles?"
Sirius smiled for the first time since he left James. "A little," he told her appreciatively. "Haven't I told you not to call me Snuffles?"
"You have, actually. You've been telling me that since seventh year."
"Then take a hint and quit it," said Sirius carelessly. "Makes it sound like I'm your boyfriend or something." Ah, now that's a thought.
Somehow, he felt something making him light besides the butterflies. He felt incredibly light, in fact, as he looked affectionately at her affronted look.
"Fine then," she said. "Live for the rest of your life named after a -"
5. Let the best man kiss the bridesmaid
A/N: Would it seem desperate if I ask for a review twice in one chapter? Oh well...