Why didn't I choose him?

Chapter 1

Credit: Anberu Shiruru

-edwards la tua cantante

"You little bitch," Jacob yelled at me for at least the fifth time. He's mad cause I didn't want to have sex with him, which means he's gonna rape me later on tonight, but I was used to it. Uh Oh! Now he's going out for a run as a werewolf, great, that means I'm gonna get twice the beating.

I have more cuts and bruises on me then I would admit. Ever since I picked him over Edward, he has taken advantage of me by raping and abusing me, most every night. It's been about five years since I left Edward. I'm still trying to figure out why I left him. He was so loyal and trusting and loving. He just made me so mad, that I yelled and ran off to Jacob. To this day, though, I can't even remember what we fought about. What I would give to have his stone arms around my waist, for him to kiss the tears that I've cried over Jacob away. They moved right after I left him, and I have no idea where they went. I've been looking for them, though, and when I find them I will ask for their forgiveness like I never have before. I've got friends all over the world looking for them. Even the volturi have tried to help me find them. Right now, I'm just waiting for someone to get a lead on them. Everyone knows just how bad Jacob has hurt me and thats why they are all helping me out. I hate this life and I would give anything to have my wonderful vampire family back. Plus the fact that I really need a doctor to check me out, but I don't trust anyone like I do Carlisle. I just hope that they will all forgive me.

Slam! Oh crap, now Jake's home, I need to get to my bed before he finds me grieving about my long lost family. No matter what I'm doing I always have to be in bed when he gets home, I have no idea why, but I do. "Are you hiding from the big bad wolf?" Jake asked me. I rolled my eyes, he could be so cheesy.

"I'm in here, Jakie." I usually got off easy if I called him Jakie. I had learned my ways over the last five years. "Are you ready?" Jake whispered, trying to sound seductive. Ha!

"No, Jakie, I don't want to have sex with you right now," I told him vehemently.

"Well then, I'll just have to make you want to." He ran at me from across the room and smacked

me right across the face. I tried to fight him which was a very stupid idea. Guess I haven't learned all my lessons. He ripped my shirt off and fumbled with the clasp of my bra until he finally got it off. He tried to take my pants off but I bit him. Another stupid idea. He threw me against the headboard and I could feel the darkness creeping up on me. He threw me on the bed and ripped my pants and underwear off. I passed out right as I felt him inside me.

I woke up, burning up, cause I was wrapped in Jacobs arms. I tried to sit up, which again was another one of my stupid ideas. I hurt all over! I slowly got of bed, so I didn't wake up Jacob. I went in the bathroom to check the damage. It was so hard to look in the mirror, it felt like routine, I did this practically everyday. I had a huge cut down the side of my face, I could barely move my arm, it was probably fractured. That was the only damage I could see. There was also a huge pain in between my legs, Jacob probably screwed me more times than I would like to know. Those weren't as bad as I've had before so I was fine with what I got.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Oh crap! My phone! It better not wake up jake. I ran over and grabbed the stupid thing before he even stirred.

"Hello!" I asked, a little breathless.

"Hey bells, guess what?" It was my friend Lisa I had her looking for the cullens over in west.

"What Lisa?"

"I found the Cullens"

"Yay, where are they?" I was so excited, I have been waiting so long for this.

"In phoenix, they live in a very secluded area, and the house looks almost exactly like the one in forks" That should be easy to find. I thought.

"Great, is the house easy to find?"

"No, its very hidden, but I can't stick around, I've got plans, but you'll be able to find" I hope so.

"Thanks Lisa, bye"

"Bye, bells" and we rang off.

Yay, now I've got to find a way to get away from jake. Two big, hot hands wrapped around my waist. His big meaty paws tried to get my pants undone, but I stopped him. I knew that we were about to fight and I was actually happy, we needed to fight, so I could go.

"No jake, not right now," he started to tremble violently and I knew I wouldn't have to wait much longer.

"You little bitch" he screamed as he ran off into the woods. I just ran out of the house, like a bat out of hell. I got in the car and sped off toward phoenix, leaving all my stuff behind. I got to phoenix later on that night. I drove around 'til I found the nearest hotel. I asked the lady at the desk if she knew about any of the cullens but she had no idea who I was talking about. I checked in and barely made it to the room before I crashed. That night was the first in five years that I didn't slip into unconsciousness cause of jacob making me have sex with him. That morning I woke up and I wasn't hurting, physically or emotionally. I loved every second of it. I got and got dressed with new found energy. I was going to find my cold angel, I wasn't gonna hurt anymore.

I searched all the secluded areas I could find. There was nothing at all. I started just searching anywhere. I looked in the woods, downtown, and the whole stupid city. There were no sparkling vampires to be found. I drove over every road, searched every trail. It started to rain and I remembered that they could be in high school. There were no pale skinned people in any of the high schools either.

I don't know what made me do it, but after a while, I parked my car and started walking around the city, which just got me soaking wet and depressed. Finally, I sat down on the side of the road and cryed. I lost all hope, there was no one here. I had no where to go, no where to live. I couldn't go back to jake, he would kill me, and no human could protect me from him. I didn't have a family, a true love, I had nothing at this point. Everything was pointless. I ruined what little life I had to go on this wild goose chase for someone who probably wouldn't take me back anyway. I just sat there and cried, wallowing in all my self pity. I noticed a long time later that I was dripping with water and I had enough sense to go back to my car. As I was walking back, I saw a silver volvo on the street. No, it couldn't be, but that looks like his car. No stop it bella, that is not him. I just kept walking until the volvo pulled up to me and my heart skipped a beat. The person rolled the window down and the next word out of his mouth changed my world.

"Bella?" His musical voice sounded very confused, which he probably should be. But I heard the love in his voice. The way he said my name, it was like he used to when he would hold me close at night. They were here. I had a family. I was gonna survive with him by my side.

"Oh edward," I cried, too choked with emotion to say anything else.

"Come on, i'll take you to the house" Oh my god! I was going to his house. I was going to see my family again.

I climbed in his shiny volvo and let him drive me to the house that I hoped I would stay in for a very long time.