A/N: Hello all! So I've been infatuated with this couple ever since the series finale. I'm so glad they kept Varrick for more than just a plot device in season 2. Anyway, here's a little oneshot that it slightly AU in the fact that it pushes Kuvira's invasion back to the week it was supposed to arrive, though this story doesn't actually get to that. I simply needed more than two nights for this little idea of mine to work.
I hope I did a good job of showing Zhu Li in a much more human light, and I hope I've also done the same with Varrick, while still keeping them in character. Let me know how I did!
Also, youtube is a buttmunch. Seriously, it keeps getting me for season 4 clips when season 4 was released FREE ONLINE. Jeez, youtube, get with the program… I did get one video up for this couple though. My youtube name is LinWolf7. Check it out when you get the chance!
Please enjoy!
It was good to be home. Good to be home and out from under the command of the self-proclaimed 'Great Uniter.' Good to be home in Republic City.
Good to be home with Varrick.
He wasn't her boss anymore. She was no longer his assistant—she had made that quite clear.
She would place herself beneath him no longer, despite his brilliant mind and her overwhelming captivation and adoration for him. She was not simply a tool; she was a human being. She was his equal, and she had been adamant that if he wanted to keep her around, he would have to start treating her as such.
But although she refused to be Varrick's assistant anymore, she was well aware that her attachment to him was too great to ignore. She could not keep her distance from the man who had become the center of her world. Being separated from him for all of those weeks while under the guise of Kuvira's loyal henchwoman and Baatar's assistant had strained her heart and her mind. To be away from Varrick a second longer would be too much to bear.
Thus, Zhu Li agreed to stay with Varrick at his stately townhouse in the city. It wasn't as if she had anyplace else to go anyway. She had worked for Varrick for so long, living under his roof—in the Southern Water Tribe, on his yacht, or in Republic City—that she really had nowhere else to call home.
Truth be told, she couldn't properly call anyplace home if Varrick wasn't there.
Zhu Li sat down on her familiar bed in the familiar room that was adjoined to Varrick's. The entire townhouse was familiar. Warm. Safe.
It was home.
It felt strange to be there, however. They had not set foot in that house in over four years—not since they fled prison together and ended up in Zaofu. Shortly after the capture of the Red Lotus, Varrick had insisted on working for Kuvira in order to further his research on the spirit vines that he had been captivated with ever since one had burst through their jail cell, setting them free.
Still, it felt good to be in a familiar place. Even as she sat in near darkness, even as she knew that peace was far, far away since Kuvira was on a war path from which she could not be deterred, Zhu Li felt relaxed; balanced. She was no longer teetering over that edge between fear and hope—fear of being caught, fear of a punishment worse than death for her deceit, fear of what may have happened to the man she had devoted so much of her life to, fear of the fate of the world; and hope that everything would turn out alright in the end.
Zhu Li laid back onto the bed, pulling the covers over her and turning off the lamp on the nightstand. She let her body relax, her head sinking into the feather pillow as she let her weary muscles rest. Her eyes closed, and though it felt good to rest them, her mind would not allow her immediate sleep.
She lay there in the darkness, thinking over the past few years, and about all of the changes in their lives. They had come a long way, much of it thanks to the Avatar and her friends.
And she and Varrick?
The best and worst part about being back in his company was the knowledge that Varrick deeply cared for her, and the reality that he kept his head so far up in the clouds that he would never allow it to speak with his heart. All the years Zhu Li had worked as his assistant, he had been one thing above all else; an eccentric, self-centered capitalist with the mind of a genius and a heart made of stone. If something didn't directly benefit him, he wanted no part of it. He had lifted himself from the poverty of the South and made millions with his creations and inventions.
At first, Zhu Li could have cared less about Varrick in a personal way. She had needed a job, and he had hired her. End of story. But she quickly came to realize the height of his intellect, and to marvel at the creativity that was singularly Varrick. She began to take an interest in his work, desiring to delve into the inner workings of his brilliant mind. When his directions became vague, she didn't care. Whenever he'd say, "Zhu Li, do the thing," she knew what he meant, for she had dissected his words, his actions, and his mannerisms quite extensively.
Until recently, however, she had not dared—not even thought—to get any closer to him on a personal level.
She remembered the first time she felt any sort of emotion in her heart regarding Varrick the man rather than Varrick the inventor: that time when they were in prison together and he had told the Avatar that he had named his battle ship after her.
"Named her the Zhu Li. They're both cold, heartless war machines."
She had kept the air of stoic professionalism because that was what he had wanted from an assistant; someone to wait on him as needed and stand quietly in the corner otherwise. That hadn't meant she was cold or heartless. She simply knew the boundaries of her position as a professional woman and worked hard to keep them to appease the man she worked for. But that comment had stung more than he knew—more than he would ever know.
It wasn't until they had begun to work for Kuvira that Zhu Li really began to buckle under the pressure of having to maintain silent stoicism. She had worked for Varrick for so long, and over time, it seemed that she had fallen for his mind as well as all of his eccentricities. It was only after she began admitting her admiration for him to herself that she started to dwell on the physical attractiveness of the man she worked for.
Love and relationships had never been her goal in life. She'd always been quiet and simple, wanting only security—not necessarily stability. But once she had realized her feelings for Varrick, the physical attraction appeared as if from another dimension. Suddenly she began to notice his dark, wavy hair, soft as silk, and his rich, blue eyes, deeper than the ocean and sparkling with mischievous and wondrous ideas. His skin, darker than her own, reminded her of a mixture of milk and tea, and his square chin and shoulders spoke of handsome power and physique. His mustache that twitched with every vocal and facial expression gave testimony to his comical character.
He was beautiful in both mind and body.
The incident on the train with the spirit vines had pushed her over the edge, hurtling her into emotions she never thought existed outside of books and Varrick's movers. She had seen the pure terror in his eyes, a terror different from her own, as she hung precariously above the speeding railway tracks. She paid no attention to his comments about her weight because she was aware of his fear, as well as his determination to save her.
And he had.
Lying on top of him on that train, her heart pounding in her chest, seeing the relief as well as the hint of some other unknown emotion in his eyes, Zhu Li had felt a heavy swell of warm adoration deep in her chest. And when he had cupped her face in his hands, whispering that, of course he had saved her, she had, for some inexplicable reason, hoped that he would kiss her. In fact, she had sworn he had been about to.
She had clearly been mistaken, and she began to clean up the mess from the spirit vine explosion, her stoicism returning to mask her heartache at the reminder that all she would ever be was his precious assistant. Still, the thought of being separated from Varrick had torn her heart even further. She had been surprised to learn how far she'd fallen for him, but she had, and she threw herself before Kuvira in a desperate attempt to save Varrick from the horrible fate she feared he would face. She hadn't counted on Varrick's attempted suicide, and she had honestly thought that he'd destroyed himself when Baatar had borne the bad news to Kuvira.
Zhu Li had silently wept in her bed that night. Growing angry at herself, she had swiped away her tears, telling herself that he had to have gotten away somehow, and that she would not abandon her mission, and thus abandon Varrick.
Her relief at seeing Bolin and hearing his tale of he and Varrick's great escape had been overwhelming, and she had smiled quietly to herself.
"I'm sure you're excited to see Varrick, huh?" Bolin had asked as they made their getaway on the flying bison. Zhu Li had simply nodded. In truth, she felt nervous and anxious all at once.
Today had proved trying for Zhu Li. She had tried her best to convey her feelings as well as her regrets to the man she had come to care so deeply for, and when she had falsely believed that he would confess his feelings for her as well, her heart had sunk.
Hope was not lost, however. She knew he cared for her just as much as she cared for him. He was simply so unaccustomed to allowing his heart to feel anything at all that he could not—possibly would not—admit his own human emotions.
But Zhu Li was a patient woman. She would not allow herself to be used any longer, however she would be there for Varrick until he finally decided to admit how much she meant to him.
She had just begun to drift off into a light sleep when she heard grumbles coming from Varrick's room next door. The headboards of their beds were practically back-to-back, separated only by the wall that divided the two rooms. Zhu Li kept her eyes closed, giving in to her drowsiness, but suddenly she heard Varrick whimper before his voice became clear, as if he were speaking to someone. She listened, disinterested at first, but more intently as the words filtered through the wall.
"No… No, not the thing! Zhu Li! Please, not the thing! Zhu Li!"
Zhu Li sat up abruptly. He had called her name, but in what context? It sounded as if he were still sleep-talking.
"Zhu Li!" he shouted.
She threw the blankets from her body and rushed to the door that connected their rooms. She swung it open and looked inside.
Varrick was curled tightly in on himself and gave no sign that he was aware of her presence.
He was sleeping.
She walked silently into the room and toward the bed and squinted to study his features. His face was contorted, his eyes squeezed shut. He whimpered like a child, now whispering her name in desperation.
"Zhu Li, no… No, not the thing… I'm sorry… Come back, Zhu Li…"
Zhu Li frowned, her heart aching at the realization that he was still scarred by the thought of her betrayal. Her suspicions were confirmed. He was not weeping for the imagined loss of his assistant. No, he wept because he actually felt something for her—enough that her absence had burned in him a deep sense of both loss and remorse.
She wanted to touch him, to hold him, to wake him and to comfort him. Those things, she was sure, he would not appreciate. His dreams were his own—his dreams as well as his nightmares—and she was sure he would want to keep them that way. He hadn't been able to admit his feelings for her to her face; not yet at least. He may not appreciate her unwanted comfort.
As much as it pained her to leave Varrick to toil with his own inner demons, Zhu Li knew she must resign herself to returning to her own room and attempting to get some rest. Now that she knew the cause of the noise on the other side of her bedroom wall, perhaps she could put it out of her mind and get to sleep.
Or perhaps not.
She lay awake, gazing into the now cold darkness as she listened to Varrick's desperate pleas. It took three quarters of an hour for his dreams to stop tormenting him, and all the while, Zhu Li tried as hard as she could not to give in to the burning behind her eyes. By the time she was finally able to fall asleep, there were three, tiny, wet dots on the pillow next to her cheek.
x-X-x
The day was busy, full of evacuation and battle preparation. Prince Wu and Pemma worked diligently to file all Republic City residents down into the subways and onto trains as quickly and as orderly as possible. President Raiko had urged the United Forces to man the outskirts of the city post-haste. The Avatar and her friends were putting a plan into action to stop Kuvira's super weapon in its tracks. Meanwhile, Zhu Li, Varrick, and Asami worked diligently to get the hummingbird mecha suits up and running. With all of the mounting tension and the inevitable battle with Kuvira and her army approaching, matters of the heart were laid to rest and lay in wait for a better, calmer time and place to emerge. A war was brewing on the horizon, and no one could afford to be distracted by wayward thoughts, fears, and emotions.
The next few days passed just the same, but so did the next few nights.
Varrick's nightmares resurfaced and continued for an hour or so each night, and each night, Zhu Li lay awake, bearing the burden of hearing his tortured cries, elicited from a deeply-rooted fear of loss. He spoke often of his reputation, of his wealth, and of his genius; but it seemed that above the fear of losing those precious things, he was most afraid of losing Zhu Li.
Her heart swelled with adoration as well as pain. Knowing he cared set her heart alight, but the awareness of his suffering only brought upon heartache. The combination of these served only to allow a suffocating pressure to build in her chest.
Nearly a week had passed since her return, and his fears had clearly not subsided. Instead, they only seemed to grow worse as his outbursts went on longer and longer each time, and each time, Zhu Li let a few more tears fall.
She could take it no longer. To the spirits with Varrick's unappreciative tenancies! She could burst into cries of agony herself, but more than that, she wanted to take away Varrick's pain. She cared for him far too much to let him suffer in his own delusions any longer.
She threw off her covers as he shouted her name, and she went to him as calmly and as confidently as she could. Varrick needed her to be strong, then more than ever before. She vowed not to buckle under the weight of her own fractured heart.
Zhu Li climbed onto the large bed beside him, reaching out a hand to place on his shoulder.
"Please, not the thing!"
"Varrick…" she whispered, wanting to comfort him, but not necessarily to wake or startle him.
"Zhu Li…?"
"Varrick, I'm here. I'm… I'm not going anywhere. I promise…"
"Zhu Li…please don't go."
Tentatively, she removed her hand from his shoulder in order to run her fingers through his mussed, silky hair.
"I'm not leaving you. Ever."
He curled in on himself again, rolled onto his other side, then rolled back, flinging his arms so wildly, she had to twist and duck in order to avoid being hit.
"Zhu Li!" he yelled again, a sound so agonized, the former assistant felt her heart snap in two.
When his arms found her waist and held it tight, his head finding a secure place to rest against her belly, Zhu Li gasped silently. At first, she wasn't sure what to make of it. She simply stroked his hair softly, watching as the tension that had his body wound tighter than a spring slowly left him. He cried out no more, and his whimpers had turned to quiet murmurs. When he said her name again, it was so quiet, she almost didn't hear him.
His arms had loosened their hold on her waist as his entire body seemed to relax, and his head nestled more comfortably into her. When it was clear he was no longer suffering, Zhu Li allowed herself a moment to realize that heat had begun to creep up her neck and into her ears and cheeks. No one had ever held her in such a way, least of all Varrick. To have him in her arms, drawing comfort simply from her presence was enough to make her soar. Her own heartache melted away at the realization that she could have such a powerful effect on him, even in his dreams.
She sighed a little, wishing only that he'd admit as much while he was awake. Once the war with Kuvira was over, perhaps…
She sat there awhile, absently fiddling with Varrick's hair and losing herself in daydreams, her eyelids beginning to fall heavily over her grey irises. Knowing that since Varrick was settled, she should head back to her own room to get some sleep, Zhu Li made to untangle herself from his embrace only to find that he tightened his hold on her.
She tried again, and her efforts yielded the same result.
"Zhu Li…"
"…Sir…?" she inquired, unsure if he was awake or asleep.
"Zhu Li, don't go… don't…go…"
She frowned. It seemed that he was still asleep, but even so, he refused to let her go. Torn, she thought for a moment about forcing her way out of his grip only to resign herself to staying when she feared his nightmares may return should she leave him. She also feared Varrick's reaction when he woke to find himself holding tightly to his former assistant, but Zhu Li couldn't bear to hear his terrified cries even one more time. His security meant more to her than being free of his possible outrage come morning.
Sighing, resigned to her fate for the evening, Zhu Li shifted, accommodating Varrick and his iron grip on her waist as she attempted to make herself more comfortable by leaning back into his pillows. She managed to pull the blankets up over herself and tuck them under his head where it remained resting on her stomach. Once she stopped her wriggling, Varrick's hold loosened once more and his breathing evened out again. Letting her head fall to the side, her eyes sliding shut, Zhu Li placed her hand atop Varrick's head as before, idly toying with his wavy locks until she, too, gave way to sleep.
x-X-x
"Monkey marmots…cold tea…spirit magic…head rush…"
Zhu Li's tired eyes refused to open, even as Varrick's sleep-murmuring roused her groggy brain from its slumber. She tried her best to tune it out and go back to sleep. Her head still felt heavy and her eyes burned with weariness. Her hand was still in his hair and it resumed its lazy motion through his wavy locks, the movement methodical, rhythmical, soothing…
"Rabid hog monkeys…foot fungus…twenty miles…Zhu Li…"
That last part was whispered so sweetly, it didn't really fit with the tone of his other mutterings. He moaned happily, the vibration tickling Zhu Li's belly and warming her insides. Still, she did not feel like moving.
As Varrick's own foggy brain began to wake, he slowly became aware of a soft, warm presence in his arms and beneath his head. He snuggled deeper into its comfortable softness, thinking that if he was dreaming, he didn't wish to wake. Little quivers tingled his spine at the sensation of his hair being touched and stroked and played with. Still not fully back in the world of the living, he hummed, "Mm, Zhu Li…don't stop…so nice…"
Absentmindedly, she listened, assuming his murmurings were still a result of his sleep-talking.
But as Varrick's brain began to rouse itself, he started to realize that the sensations he was feeling were indeed not a product of his dreaming imagination. His body was becoming attuned to the fact that his sensations were of the real world, and as he realized this, he forced his hazy eyes open. He saw his arm in front of his face and what looked like legs beneath the covers that he knew kinesthetically were not his. He still felt that hand in his hair, and spirits, did it feel wonderful.
Furrowing his brows, he slowly lifted and turned his head to see what exactly his pillow was made out of. His eyes widened and he blinked, part ecstatic and part mortified to see that he was holding onto his former assistant.
"Z-Zhu Li?" he sputtered, surprised rather than angry, pushing himself up off of her slightly.
At the realization that Varrick was no longer asleep, Zhu Li opened her eyes to the hazy sunlight that filled Varrick's bedroom. Instantly she registered his shock and slight mortification, and memories of the previous night flooded back to her.
"Yes, Varrick?" she asked, aware that her voice was a bit raspy from sleep.
He frowned, and Zhu Li could see the wheels in his brilliant mind turning. His tone quickly became serious and demanding.
"Zhu Li, what the heck are you doing in my bed—in my room—in my bedroom?" He began to panic. "We didn't…didn't do the…the thing…did we?!"
He was beginning to sweat with nervousness and Zhu Li's cheeks heated at his quick—thankfully false—deduction.
"No, Sir, of course not," she said, much more calmly than he.
He looked slightly relieved, but no less surprised. "Oh… Ok good, well… then what the heck are you doing here?" he demanded.
Her tiny mouth turned down slightly and her eyes grew slightly pained before she answered quietly.
"You were having nightmares, Sir."
She could see some of the color drain from his face as his eyes registered recollection. He dropped his gaze immediately to her lap as his heart felt suddenly heavy. That's right. He had had nightmares. Many of them. Every night since she had left him to work for Kuvira. When she'd returned, she'd told him it had all been a ruse to save him, to fool Kuvira, and to gather intel. But still…
He shook his head, trying to dispel those awful, painful memories. His tone resumed its usual, flamboyant, and demanding energy. "Alright, but that doesn't explain why in spirits name you're in my room—bed…bedroom! And why the heck are you…I mean…why did you…"
"Why are you holding me?"
"Yes! I mean, NO! Yes, why are you holding me?!"
"You're holding me, Sir. You have been for several hours."
"Don't be ridiculous, Zhu Li."
She sighed, deciding it would be best to tell him the full truth. "Varrick…I've heard you every night…talking and…shouting in your sleep." He frowned again, all fire and outrage leaving him instantly. "I…I couldn't stand to listen to you suffer anymore. I came in, just trying to calm you down so that maybe you could get some peaceful sleep. But…you sort of…well…" she gestured downward with her gaze to where his arms remained loosely around her, holding himself up, but still not removed from her waist.
"I tried to leave, but you were obviously comfortable this way, so…I just stayed. I was afraid that if I left, your nightmares would return."
If she left…
Varrick felt defeated. He had tried so hard to hide his emotions from Zhu Li—not because he didn't want to admit them, but because he was afraid to. He didn't know how, or what would happen if he did. He wasn't used to feeling this way—feeling as if his entire life revolved around a single person, a person other than himself.
What had he said in his sleep? What had she heard? He was afraid to ask. He didn't want to know. Part of him felt—dare he admit it—embarrassed at his own weakness; embarrassed that she had witnessed that weakness.
But regardless, there she was, no longer his assistant, but still there for him when he needed her most—though he'd be damned if he'd admit as much. She was there, her arms warm, her body soft, her voice so soothing it could allay all of his fears and all of his doubts.
Well, almost all of them.
He laid back down, still refusing to remove his arms from Zhu Li, and rested his head—willingly this time—back against her stomach. He had no words for his gratitude; no words for his amazement and captivation and adoration of Zhu Li. He felt all of these things, but he could not put names to them. He just…he simply wished to remain in her arms, and to keep here there for as long as he possibly could.
Zhu Li stared down at the top of his head, utterly bewildered. His anger had been fleeting. Actually, it hadn't even been anger, really; more like confusion and fear.
And now?
She had been surprised enough when he had latched onto her in the night as he slept. The unconscious was a powerful thing after all. But now, Varrick was wide awake and fully aware of the circumstances that had led to finding themselves in such a precarious situation. And yet, rather than moving forward and putting distance between himself and what Zhu Li had assumed would be a very uncomfortable situation for him, he had chosen instead to embrace it.
What did this mean? Zhu Li wondered. She took a moment to think it through, not just through her eyes, but through Varrick's. At last, she had figured it out.
He needed her, and he knew it. He just didn't know why or how, and he definitely had no way to express his feelings in words. Therefore, since he couldn't completely comprehend it in his own mind, let alone verbalize it, he wasn't fully ready to admit or accept it.
Zhu Li could live with that for now. His actions at that very moment told her all she needed to know for the time being.
She hadn't noticed that she had resumed toying with his hair, but when she realized this, she forced herself to stop.
"Darn it, Zhu Li! Don't stop! Keep doing the thing!"
Silence fell as Zhu Li stared down at him in bewilderment. Varrick, though, must have assumed a different cause to the short period of silence.
"I mean…" he began much more gently. "Please…do the thing…?"
Zhu Li couldn't help but smile as she did as he requested. He had often said thank you, but she couldn't recall a time when he'd ever said the word 'please' during his waking hours. Perhaps her words the other day had not fallen on deaf ears after all.
A longer silence fell, one in which the pair reveled in quiet warmth of the morning in each other's arms, though neither one dared to voice their contentment. The mood spoke much louder than words ever could. It wasn't too much longer, though, that Varrick broke the silence once more.
"Zhu Li?"
"Yes, Varrick?"
There was a lengthy pause before he continued, his voice unusually quiet. "Did you…mean any of those things you said?"
"…What things, Sir?"
"You know…those things you told Kuvira."
"I already told you I didn't mean a word of it."
Another pause. "Not one word?"
This time, Zhu Li took a moment to think back on her monologue all those weeks ago. Finally, she said, "Well…I did mean some of it."
He looked up at here, his face harboring unspoken fears. "You did? Which part? That I'm a fool?"
She shook her head. "No."
"That it was a mistake to work for me?"
"No."
"Then what?!" he demanded.
She chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment before she spoke. "I meant it when I said I believed that you possessed the most brilliant mind in the world. And I still do."
She saw his eyes light up, a hint of the Varrick she had come to know and care greatly for. She was quick to give him a reality check before he got carried away.
"But I also meant what I said about not being appreciated."
He frowned again, averting his eyes like a child who'd just been chastised.
"You know that's not true. I've always appreciated everything you've done. I just… you know… never said so."
"Varrick…I've always prided myself on being your perfect assistant; on the fact that I had come to know the inner workings of your mind. But I only know the mind of the inventor, the entrepreneur. Not Varrick the man." She shook her head again. "You've never allowed anyone a glimpse into your thoughts or feelings. I don't know that part of you." She paused. "But I'm starting to."
Another long silence passed, one which was punctuated by ticking of the grandfather clock on the opposite side of the room. Zhu Li continued her methodical stroking of Varrick's silky waves, feeling his shoulders rise and fall with the slight motion of his breathing. The longer they lay there together, the more endeared to him she became. She was sure that this was difficult for him on a number of levels, but she appreciated his willingness to stay near to her rather than to push her away.
She recalled that day on the train after she'd nearly plummeted to her death, and she remembered Varrick's protests against working with the spirit vines any longer.
"Recently I've been having these strange feelings—inside. It's like I'm…concerned with others."
She would like to think the fact that he had almost lost her that day had contributed to his change of heart, but she couldn't be sure. A girl could dream, though, and given their current circumstances, perhaps that was one of his reasons for achieving some level of human virtue.
Regardless, Zhu Li felt the most wonderful butterflies in her belly, and the most pleasant warmth in her heart as she stared down at the mass of brown, silky hair that belonged to the man she had devoted so much of her heart and her life to. She felt his arms holding onto her as if he were a child in need of security. She knew he would never show this level of emotion to any other human being, and this knowledge made Zhu Li feel special beyond measure.
The silence stretched on as Zhu Li basked in the sincerity of the moment, and she was pulled from her reverie when Varrick's voice brought her back to reality.
"Thank you, Zhu Li."
She smiled down at him endearingly and allowed her fingers to brush the side of his face as she replied. "No, Varrick… Thank you."
She pressed her lips to his hair so softly she wasn't sure if he even noticed. Varrick was a mystery all right, but she knew, given time, she could unravel him—peel back all those layers upon layers in order to find the man behind the mask of the millionaire. Assistant or not, Zhu Li would follow him to the ends of the earth.
Because wherever Varrick went, to her, that was home.