Hanschen looked down at his former lover from down his nose. Underneath his façade, his heart skipped a beat. He almost lost composure right then and there, however he was far above that kind of nonsense. He was, after all, a powerful politician now.
And any kind of word of his past with this man would surely ruin him for life. He was not about to ruin his reputation and status by re-associating with him. There would never, ever, be anything more between them than a silly fling, or rather multiple flings, they both regretted. His reason was firmly back in place, steadying his palpitating heart. He always used his superior skill of persuasion, even on himself.
"Hanschen?" Ernst asked again, sounding just as unsure as first time, perhaps even more so.
He blinked slowly and stiffened his stance. How dare he have the audacity to approach him in broad daylight!
"It's Herr Rilow to the likes of you!" Hanschen snapped at the smaller man. He narrowed his eyes and turned on his heel to walk the other way.
"Han-I mean, Herr Rilow, won't you please stop for a moment to talk to an old friend?" Ernst said, catching up to Hanschen quicker than he thought was possible. His voice sounded desperate, but he was sure he had just imagined it.
Hanschen made what sounded like a growling sound in the back of his throat. He was getting more agitated as the minutes ticked by. He stopped abruptly and turned to face Ernst.
He narrowed his eyes, is lip curling in disgust. "I have nothing to say to you," he said harshly but quietly so no one else would hear. "And if you do not leave me be in ten seconds, I will make your life a living hell. Got it?"
Ernst stared at him, his face neutral. He shook his head while he let out a small bitter chuckle. "You are…one of a kind Hanschen. Proud and deceiving till the end."
With that, Ernst turned and walked back in the direction they had just came from. Hanschen swallowed, then lifted his head back up arrogantly and began walking again towards his flat. He kept the mask on effortlessly as he passed by various colleagues.
When he finally reached his flat, he leaned against the door and sighed, suddenly exhausted. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache about to explode. He closed his eyes as he carelessly and uncharacteristically tossed his jacket to the floor and walked into his elegantly and expensively furnished bedroom. When he finally reached the bed, he collapsed backwards onto it and flung his arms up to cover his face.
"I will not! I WILL NOT!" He began screaming into the air. "I will not feel, anything, for that…that…"
He did not finish the sentence before his whole body began to shake with sobs. His mask had finally broken and was now shattered across the room. He hadn't even realized it happened, for if he had, by hell he would have done all in his power to stop it. But, he could no longer hide from the truth. It had always crouched within him like a hungry lion, waiting for the most opportune moment to come crashing in for the kill and wound him.
And the truth was, despite all his fighting and arrogant remarks, he was and always would be Ernst's. It killed him to admit such a thing, even if he hadn't even said it out loud. He had never made it known, but his flings with Ernst had been the most wonderful, beautiful thing he could have ever experienced. He never regretted it one bit, but had always let Ernst believe he had. The look on Ernst's face when he would pull away and leave had always killed him. Yet he always believed it was for his own good.
Hanschen quickly bolted up right and screamed at the top of his lungs. He began to breath heavily as he stood up and paced the room like a caged animal. He stopped in front of the mirror and looked at himself. His eyes were filled with anger and his mouth was turned down in a scowl. He reached down and grabbed the antique vase that he had purchased on a trip to India the summer before. He looked down at the intricate swirling details and the expertly painted animals. He held it up to admire before throwing it as hard as he could against the mirror, shattering them both. He was showered with shards and didn't flinch when he felt them slice parts of his face.
He walked around the room, carelessly yet violently, smashing everything he could onto the floor. He laughed as he watched the turquoise statue of an ancient Greek God that he cherished most break into hundreds of fragments. He sank to the floor, fingering each shattered piece lazily with a content smile on his face. His smile faded quickly however, as violent sobs engulfed him. Tears began to slide down his cheeks, stinging the wounds on his face. He moaned in both physical and emotional pain.
"Fuck you!" He yelled into the room. Though, he wasn't sure who he was yelling at. Ernst or himself? When he finally calmed his tears, he looked at the mess he had created around the room. He laughed bitterly as he realized the wreckage expertly mirrored how he was feeling inside. Broken.