Author's Note-Welcome to my second venture into JK Rowling's sandbox. While the first is fairly serious, this second story is more corny. In a way this is a satire of other Harry Potter fanfiction, but then again my mind could be making me merely think it is. Enough with my ranting, enjoy the story!
Mighty,vorpal,Disclaimer of sheilding +10, minty fresh-These character's aren't mine. I merely 'borrowed' them and increased their sugar, caffiene and morphine levels a little, before setting them back and observing the results. Hogwarts isn't mine either *hands the deed back to JK Rowling*. Also let me take this time to apologize to Kohei Kadano and studio Madhouse of Boogiepop Phantom, if I told why it'd kinda ruin the point of the first couple chapters soooo I'll name it when it comes.
The Experiment
Chapter 1:We're so D-E-A-D!
It was the beginning of the school year. Voldemort was on the loose. Harry was trapped in a supernatural depression. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle had waved to him in the hallway. Hermione was morphing into a shorter, frizzy haired, blonde, female Percy; with the added annoyance of being in the same year they were. Dumbledore's insanely long beard was shorter by several feet. Percy's nose was in such a high angle that most people taller than him could see up his nose, provided it wasn't snugly buried up one of his superior's posteriors. Ginny could'nt speak two words without bringing up Harry's name. Professor McGonagall's usual neat and trim bun had downgraded to a loose and rather messy braid. And worse than all the above things, yes there was something definatly worse, and it was sitting at the staff table, throwing murderous, if drunken glares at a certain part of the Gryffindor table......A plastered Professor Snape!
"We're so dead," Ron squeaked.
"Huh," Ron's prediction of impending doom knocked Harry out of his current gloom bubble.
"Look at staff table," Ron growled, clutching Harry's shoulders and drawing forward in a manner that looked like he was going to kiss him. Except Ron was snarling and foaming at the mouth like he had rabies.
"Have you been spending some quality time with Professor Lupin Ron?" Ron growled. "Sorry, sorry, down boy, good Ron." Harry looked up at the staff table before Ron could rip his nose off.
A pair of glazed over dark orbs made an attempt to latch ominously onto the invading lightning (heh) green eyes. The green pair took no notice and slipped over the professors trying to locate the threat to their continued existance. Why couldn't Ron just come out and tell him, he spent the last four years playing sleuth, looks like this one wasn't gonna be any different. Like-groovy man. Uh-oh! Something clicked behind those frequently taped up glasses, a stroke of precosious genius!
"My God!" Harry gasped.
"What is it," Hermione sprung up from her book.
"You see, our lives are in danger!" Ron was glad his friend was onto him now.
"Why would Professor McGonagall's new hairdo kill us? I mean once you survive the intial shock factor it's not...all....that...bad."
"I think you need another look Boy Wonder!" Ron spat through clenched teeth
Hermione pulled out her wand and cast a minor exorcism on Ron. Who blinked twice before he realised what happened, he muttered a quick 'thanks' and on impulse a peck on Hermione's cheek. The young witch turned pink and tryed to resist doing anything stupid.
Ron was about to eat a huge peice of roast potato when he stopped and quipped, "But I wasn't kidding around though-"
Quick as greased lightning (heh) the three whirled to look up at the staff table. They saw Dumbledore finish what looked like a cheery speech directed at the staff, after that the staff looked became quite cheery themselves, laughing and telling what looked like dirty jokes amongst themselves. Proffesor Flitwik passed around a little metal cannister which the majority of the professors added to their morning coffee, tea, or whatever they happened to be drinking. This really livened up the table, A-L-L the professors were carrying on like it was the last day of school, not the first.
Whatever Flitwik passed around was too much for Professor Sprout, she fell out of her seat! She didn't hit the floor though, but was snatched out of the air by Hagrid. The professors, Dumbledore and Hagrid then commenced with passing the giggling woman around the table. One professor would get her, hold her in his/her lap for a moment, then presumably after being asked 'So-an-so, would you pass the Sprout?" They'd pass the little professor to said asker.
Sprout's giggling delerium easily passed to the others. Once she landed in Snape's lap (which made Harry, Ron, and Hermione cringe) the Potions Master smirked, tilted his head back and yelled "Secret Agent Man!"
That was definatly the wrong choice of volume. The entire Great Hall became so deathly quiet that the tic-tic-tics of several student's watches were heard, and had there been any mice running about they would've been heard as well. The professor's, shocked to be the center of attention snatched their wands as fast as they drunkenly could.
Hermione dropped her fork. She, Harry, Ron, Neville and the Weasley twins all made a mad scramble for the utensil.
"Obliviate!"
The Great Hall filled with voices again, as the mind modified students went back on with their own business.
Harry and Hermione gazed at Ron in disbelief. "You knew?"
Neville started quacking in his bones, while Fred and George glanced at each other and smiled, mischeivously.
"Thing is," Ron's gaze shifted around nervously. "That definatly wasn't the last of it."
End of Chapter 1
And now a word from our sponsers-
"Hello fellow fanfiction readers and reviewers. When you send your reviews out into the fanfiction community, you want only to think the best of them. We feel the same way at 'Save the Reveiws', we believe all reveiws should be beautiful. Diry words such as sh!t, and obscene references about the author performing hermaphrodite-ish things on their person quickly make a reveiw ugly. So please, take the time to make your reviews beautiful, from your friends at 'Save the Reveiws."
Mighty,vorpal,Disclaimer of sheilding +10, minty fresh-These character's aren't mine. I merely 'borrowed' them and increased their sugar, caffiene and morphine levels a little, before setting them back and observing the results. Hogwarts isn't mine either *hands the deed back to JK Rowling*. Also let me take this time to apologize to Kohei Kadano and studio Madhouse of Boogiepop Phantom, if I told why it'd kinda ruin the point of the first couple chapters soooo I'll name it when it comes.
The Experiment
Chapter 1:We're so D-E-A-D!
It was the beginning of the school year. Voldemort was on the loose. Harry was trapped in a supernatural depression. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle had waved to him in the hallway. Hermione was morphing into a shorter, frizzy haired, blonde, female Percy; with the added annoyance of being in the same year they were. Dumbledore's insanely long beard was shorter by several feet. Percy's nose was in such a high angle that most people taller than him could see up his nose, provided it wasn't snugly buried up one of his superior's posteriors. Ginny could'nt speak two words without bringing up Harry's name. Professor McGonagall's usual neat and trim bun had downgraded to a loose and rather messy braid. And worse than all the above things, yes there was something definatly worse, and it was sitting at the staff table, throwing murderous, if drunken glares at a certain part of the Gryffindor table......A plastered Professor Snape!
"We're so dead," Ron squeaked.
"Huh," Ron's prediction of impending doom knocked Harry out of his current gloom bubble.
"Look at staff table," Ron growled, clutching Harry's shoulders and drawing forward in a manner that looked like he was going to kiss him. Except Ron was snarling and foaming at the mouth like he had rabies.
"Have you been spending some quality time with Professor Lupin Ron?" Ron growled. "Sorry, sorry, down boy, good Ron." Harry looked up at the staff table before Ron could rip his nose off.
A pair of glazed over dark orbs made an attempt to latch ominously onto the invading lightning (heh) green eyes. The green pair took no notice and slipped over the professors trying to locate the threat to their continued existance. Why couldn't Ron just come out and tell him, he spent the last four years playing sleuth, looks like this one wasn't gonna be any different. Like-groovy man. Uh-oh! Something clicked behind those frequently taped up glasses, a stroke of precosious genius!
"My God!" Harry gasped.
"What is it," Hermione sprung up from her book.
"You see, our lives are in danger!" Ron was glad his friend was onto him now.
"Why would Professor McGonagall's new hairdo kill us? I mean once you survive the intial shock factor it's not...all....that...bad."
"I think you need another look Boy Wonder!" Ron spat through clenched teeth
Hermione pulled out her wand and cast a minor exorcism on Ron. Who blinked twice before he realised what happened, he muttered a quick 'thanks' and on impulse a peck on Hermione's cheek. The young witch turned pink and tryed to resist doing anything stupid.
Ron was about to eat a huge peice of roast potato when he stopped and quipped, "But I wasn't kidding around though-"
Quick as greased lightning (heh) the three whirled to look up at the staff table. They saw Dumbledore finish what looked like a cheery speech directed at the staff, after that the staff looked became quite cheery themselves, laughing and telling what looked like dirty jokes amongst themselves. Proffesor Flitwik passed around a little metal cannister which the majority of the professors added to their morning coffee, tea, or whatever they happened to be drinking. This really livened up the table, A-L-L the professors were carrying on like it was the last day of school, not the first.
Whatever Flitwik passed around was too much for Professor Sprout, she fell out of her seat! She didn't hit the floor though, but was snatched out of the air by Hagrid. The professors, Dumbledore and Hagrid then commenced with passing the giggling woman around the table. One professor would get her, hold her in his/her lap for a moment, then presumably after being asked 'So-an-so, would you pass the Sprout?" They'd pass the little professor to said asker.
Sprout's giggling delerium easily passed to the others. Once she landed in Snape's lap (which made Harry, Ron, and Hermione cringe) the Potions Master smirked, tilted his head back and yelled "Secret Agent Man!"
That was definatly the wrong choice of volume. The entire Great Hall became so deathly quiet that the tic-tic-tics of several student's watches were heard, and had there been any mice running about they would've been heard as well. The professor's, shocked to be the center of attention snatched their wands as fast as they drunkenly could.
Hermione dropped her fork. She, Harry, Ron, Neville and the Weasley twins all made a mad scramble for the utensil.
"Obliviate!"
The Great Hall filled with voices again, as the mind modified students went back on with their own business.
Harry and Hermione gazed at Ron in disbelief. "You knew?"
Neville started quacking in his bones, while Fred and George glanced at each other and smiled, mischeivously.
"Thing is," Ron's gaze shifted around nervously. "That definatly wasn't the last of it."
End of Chapter 1
And now a word from our sponsers-
"Hello fellow fanfiction readers and reviewers. When you send your reviews out into the fanfiction community, you want only to think the best of them. We feel the same way at 'Save the Reveiws', we believe all reveiws should be beautiful. Diry words such as sh!t, and obscene references about the author performing hermaphrodite-ish things on their person quickly make a reveiw ugly. So please, take the time to make your reviews beautiful, from your friends at 'Save the Reveiws."