So I've kind of had this head!canon idea that Kurt would want to deal with Sebastian once and for all and who better to help him than Santana Lopez? No one, of course! So, yeah… this is just that :)

Also, I don't hate Sebastian (or Grant, who I think I might be in love with lol) and fully appreciate and respect people who may ship Seblaine (even if I will believe in my boys until the day I die). So please no bashing Sebastian or Seblaine :)

I don't own Glee

"Santana! Hey, Santana!" Kurt called, running to catch up with the Latina cheerleader.

"What's up, Lady Lips?" she asked, not unkindly. Honestly, if anyone other than Santana (and Coach Sylvester, but that was because she kind of scared him) called him things like Lady Lips, he probably would have bitched them out. But he knew that it was a term of endearment from her, so he let it slide.

"I kinda need… a favor."

Santana raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "What kind of favor?"

"Uh…" He looked around the hall to see if Blaine was anywhere within earshot. He wasn't, but Kurt didn't want to risk him showing up so he grabbed Santana's wrist – a very bold move on his part, he should add – and dragged her into an empty classroom.

"What the hell?" Santana demanded as Kurt closed the door.

"Sorry. I just uh… I don't want Blaine overhearing us."

"Do mine ears deceive me? Is there trouble in pretty pony paradise?"

"No," Kurt said automatically because there was nothing wrong with his relationship with Blaine. There was just a minor… blemish that he needed help getting rid of. Hence, why he'd asked Santana for a favor. "It's just… there's this guy. Sebastian Smythe," he said sourly, the name rolling strangely on his tongue. Even if he wasn't after Kurt's boyfriend, there was something about the new Warbler that just rubbed Kurt the wrong way. Maybe it was the way he assumed he was better than everyone else because he'd lived in Paris or because he…

Okay, so maybe it was because he was after Blaine.

"What about him?"

"He uh… well, he likes Blaine. Like, he's always flirting with him and stuff in front of me. And I've already had a little… talk with him, but it kind of went in one ear and out the other." Actually, if Kurt was being honest with himself, their confrontation at the Lima Bean had only reinforced Sebastian's… quest or whatever you wanted to call it (also, Kurt would be lying if he said Sebastian comments about him being stuck in Ohio working at the Lima Bean didn't freak him out just a little bit). "Which is why I need your help. Because there is no one else I know you can dish out a verbal lashing the way you can, Santana." Kurt knew how to work most of the kids in glee club and the way to handle Santana (as was the case with many of them) was to shower her with compliments.

"So let me see if I understand this correctly. There's this new boy who's trying to creep up on your man? And you want me to sit him down and go all Lima Heights on his ass?"

"Exactly," Kurt confirmed.

Santana nodded sagely, contemplating. "And why is it that you don't want your precious little hobbit to know about this?" she asked after a few minutes, eyeing Kurt as if sizing him up.

Kurt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Because Blaine actually likes this guy. He… he trusts people too easily and tries to see the best in everyone. Which is really adorable and endearing most of the time, but I'm always telling him that it was going to get him in trouble one of these days." He paused. "Blaine just can't see that Sebastian has more than friend feelings for him." Or he does and doesn't really care, a small, pessimistic part of his brain said. Kurt shoved the thought out of his head, chalking it up to Sebastian trying to get into his head.

"This guy's really getting to you, isn't he?" As much as he didn't want to, Kurt nodded.

"So will you help me out?"

Santana put a hand on his shoulder. "Just let me know when and where. Auntie Tana might have a few words for this Sebastian guy." Kurt thanked her and she nodded once before flouncing out of the classroom, her short Cheerios skirt swishing as she went.

"Want to do something after school?" Blaine asked Kurt a few days after his talk with Santana.

"Uh… I can't. I'm going shopping with Santana. Her cousin's quinceanera is this weekend and there's no way anything in her current wardrobe is suitable enough." He was surprised at how easily the lie came and was sickened by it in the next moment. He'd never once lied to Blaine, but he also knew that Blaine would try to talk him out of it if he knew what Kurt and Santana really had planned.

"Oh, okay," Blaine said cheerily, completely oblivious as always.

"But I'll call you when I get home," Kurt promised, trying desperately to make up for something Blaine knew nothing about.

"And that's why I love you so much," Blaine replied, kissing Kurt's cheek, which only reassured him that what he and Santana were going to do was the right thing. Blaine was his and someone needed to get that through Sebastian Smythe's obnoxious CW hair.

"There he is," Kurt said, nodding towards Sebastian, who had just walked into the Lima Bean. The taller boy ordered his coffee, then sat down at a table not too far from where Kurt and Santana sat, which was perfect because Kurt kind of wanted to be out of the way – but still able to hear everything – while Santana did her thing.

"Don't sweat a thing, Porcelain," Santana said, putting a reassuring hand over Kurt's on the table. "By the time I'm done with him, he won't even be able to look at that Warbler of yours without thinking of me and flinching." And that was exactly what Kurt wanted. "Watch and learn."

Kurt watched Santana and her impossibly short skirt walk towards Sebastian, making every male head turn in her direction (some of them were definitely going to have whiplash). "Hey, there," she said, leaning over Sebastian. "This seat taken?"

"I'm flattered," Sebastian said in that oily voice of his. "But I'm gay."

"Funny," Santana replied. "Because so am I." Sebastian looked at her curiously. "All right, let's cut to the chase, preppy. I have it on good authority that you've been trying to get into Blaine Anderson's horribly cuffed pants. Now, that doesn't sit very well with because, you see, the thing is that Kurt Hummel's my numero uno gay. And Blaine is Kurt's boy, which means he's off limits to anyone else. Now, I know that some people may think that he's a dreamboat or something, but that doesn't give you the right to leer because he's taken. So you're going to back off or you'll have to deal with me."

Sebastian eyed Santana's Cheerios uniform with an amused expression on his face. "No offense, but what's a cheerleader gonna do to me? Shake your pom poms in my face?" Oh, that was the wrong move, buddy. No one insulted Santana Lopez and lived to tell the tale.

Santana placed her hands on the table and leaned forward so her face was almost touching Sebastian's. "Let me tell you something, Sebastian. I'm from a little place called Lima Heights. It's not a nice place. And I learned me two things there. 1) Don't get pregnant because your abuela will hit you with a chair. And the second thing I learned was to protect the people I care about. So I'm going to tell you this once and once only. Stay away from Blaine Anderson or I will make sure you'll wish you'd never been hatched or however it is scum like you come into this world." She straightened herself out. "And I have eyes and ears all over the place. Comes with the territory of being the most sexually promiscuous girl in Allen County. So don't even try anything because I will find out and I will rearrange your face. Got it?" Sebastian nodded dumbly. "Good."

Santana walked back to where Kurt sat. "Wow," was all he could say. None of that had even been directed at him and he was scared out of his mind.

The Latina picked up her coffee and took a long sip. "Yeah, well, he shouldn't be bothering you anymore. But if he does, just give Auntie Tana a call and I'll come down and straighten him out. Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. The pair got up and started to walk out of the Lima Bean, but Kurt stopped to chance a glance at Sebastian, who was looking right at him as if to say "This isn't over".

Kurt gave him the best Bitch, Bring It look he could manage because it didn't matter what kind of power Sebastian thought he had because Kurt had Blaine and his "Auntie Tana"…

… which kind of meant that he won, now didn't it?

Loved everything but the end. Hope I did Santana justice…

NOT TRYING TO BASH SEBASTIAN OR GRANT (I already said I'm in love with him). It's just Santana's character!

Review!