Author's Note: I've been meaning to write a Sparky fic...
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She went through it every time that his team stepped through the gate. A cold feeling would settle in her stomach, and she would be afraid that this would be the time that they would not return; that he would not return. She had tried to ignore the feeling; but it was hard to ignore something that stared you in the face every day. She was constantly surrounded by reminders of his presence; and in spite of herself and all of her efforts she still felt weak every time that he came in the room.
She fought against the feelings; he was not the first man that she had loved, and she knew that if they ever got back to earth, she would have someone waiting for her. it wasn't as if she didn't miss Simon; but she had seen, so many times, how far John Sheppard was willing to go for his team, for her; for everyone in the city. And she loved that about him, so much. In spite of the times that they had clashed--- and there had been times--- she knew that he would do whatever he had to to protect her and this city; even to the point where he would be willing to lay down his life. He had proved that by coming here, by pushing for that mission to rescue Colonel Sumner; everything that he had done, no matter how reckless, had been to save lives. She admired that undying devotion in him, and she sometimes wished that he had a little extra in reserve just for her.
Deep inside she feared that it would never be; they were friends, but they were not peers. They were leaders, working for a balance which would quickly be lost if they pursued anything more.
But still she waited in fear until they returned through the gate every time, wondering if he was coming back for the city or for her.
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He dealt with it each time he went out on a mission. He hated leaving her behind, not knowing if the wraith were going to show up. He knew that Teyla, Ford, and even Mckay could take care of themselves and would take care of each other; and he did have confidence in his people on the city. But there was no one that he trusted to take care of Elizabeth more than himself. He loved her, so much; and his heart ached for a way that they could be together without ruining what they were working so hard to create on the city. What she was working for. He hated to admit it, but in the selfish part of himself he would have been perfectly happy to let all of that work go to shambles if it were not hers.
She was unlike anyone that he had ever met; she was strong and compassionet and a different kind of leader than he had ever worked with. She was much more lenient than some, but her displeasure with his recklessness was evident without court martials or black marks. He lived to get past those moments and to tease that wonderful grin onto her face that she so rarely seemed to have a reason to share.
His love for her was killing him, but he knew that he couldn't tell her. Maybe, if they were on earth and they were not both leaders; if they did not have to bow to each others decisions. Maybe if she was just a civilian and not technically his boss...
He didn't want to dwell on that anymore as he stepped through the gate. For now, he would have to be content with protecting her like this, the best that he could. And maybe, one day, their love would be possible...
Fin.
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A/N: Okay, not my usual style; but I've been meaning to write something like this. I've been looking for a good Sparky fic to try my hand at, and while I don't know if this counts as "good", it's the best that I can do at 3am. Enjoy :).