I originally posted this on Tumblr but people wanted to read it on here too so here you go. LUKE ANGST ALL THE WAY.
It was the pinnacle of Summer, the Academy out for a few weeks. The air was hot, more than humid. Luke's dark hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat as he dashed across the Idrisian countryside.
The Morgenstern mansion was large in comparison to the others nearby. So large and grand that the others seemed inferior. Since Valentine's parents were now both dead and gone, the place was entirely his. Not that he visited often now. Luke could sense that his parabatai's distress at staying in the place too long. It was so subtle that no one. unless they were as close to Valentine as he, was would pick up on it. His visit was unexpected, but he knew Valentine wouldn't mind. There was a Circle meeting the following day too.
As Luke slid down from his steed, he ran a hand through his hair, breaths coming out in hot and heavy pants. Summer in Idris could be so harsh at times. This year was no exception.
The boots upon his feet felt like they were made of fire. He kicked them off and dashed into the shade of the house with them in his hands, leaving his horse to wander and graze.
No one else seemed to be home as he walked into the main room, calling, "Valentine?" no reply. But then-
"Lucian?"
He jumped at that, spinning on his sock clad feet to stare at the fire-headed young woman stood there in a loose black silk dressing gown. That hair was tangled and she looked tired. Her feet were bare.
"Jocelyn," Luke smiled, but then it faltered- why was she dressed like she'd just gotten out of bed? "Why are you here?"
Jocelyn's eyes were just wide, spots of red in her cheeks as she attempted to speak. "I was just-"
"Jocelyn? What's taking you so long?"
Luke's eyes fixed themselves upon the figure coming down the stairs, then stopped to stare at him. "Lucian," Valentine exclaimed in surprise. Luke felt his blood run cold at the sight of his parabatai shirtless with his white blonde hair rumpled up. Loose black jeans clad his bottom half with his own feet bare like Jocelyn's. He just looked between him and Jocelyn and felt his heart drop into his stomach, putting two and two together.
Oh by the Angel. No. Just… it couldn't be true.
There was a risk of him being sick as Valentine walked forwards and slipped an arm around the young woman's waist, gazing at him.
"I just came over to ask if the meeting was still happening here tomorrow," Luke asked, not hearing the words. The excuse. He felt more than crushed. There was a dull pounding inside his head as he tried to tried to process the fact his fighting partner was dating the girl he'd always loved.
His fighting partner was dating the girl he'd always loved.
He wanted to run. Run and never come back.
Valentine chuckled at that, his midnight eyes seemingly sparkling in the bright sunlight streaming through the window. "Lucian you know I haven't changed it."
"I was just wondering." Luke laughed, hoping it would hide how much he was shattered. Valentine was watching him curiously, an eyebrow raised the slightest of fractions. "Can we talk?" he asked, glancing to Jocelyn when Luke nodded. "Go back upstairs I'll be there in a moment."
Luke felt like throwing up once more. Jocelyn was avoiding his eyes as she turned away without saying anything. Luke surmised that she was embarrassed at getting caught in a situation like this. He didn't want to even guess at what they'd been doing just before he'd arrived.
Valentine led Luke out into the back garden, the sunlight dancing on his bare chest. There were runes there, dark against his pale skin. Pale like his hair. But in the sun, it gleamed like the demon towers of Alicante at night when the moon shone.
"I won't lie to you or draw it out, you saw with your own eyes," Valentine began, leaning back against the doorway. "Me and Jocelyn are together. We were announcing it tomorrow at the meeting."
"Congratulations," Luke exclaimed, forcing out the most convincing of smiles. He wanted nothing more than to punch his parabatai.
Valentine was smiling, and Luke felt his fist curl into a ball at his side. No, he couldn't hit him though. He wouldn't.
But he wished he could.
"Thank you," Valentine replied, clapping Luke on the shoulder with the widest of smiles. "I'll let you be on your way. We'll see you at the meeting tomorrow. Don't forget to remind Starkweather. You know how he can be." He went back inside and Luke just stood there with his heart in ruins. He felt numb. Utterly numb.
The horse had wandered behind the house, and Luke wasn't gentle as he hoisted himself back into the saddle, shoving his boots back on haphazardly. As he urged his horse into a run away from the mansion, he didn't look back once.
It was halfway back to Alicante, the demon towers sparkling up ahead that he slowed down and just sat there atop his steed for next to ten minuets. There was a storm raging inside his head.
"Damn it-!" he yelled in frustration and rage, causing his horse to skitter a little from the volume. "Goddamn you Valentine Morgenstern!" he raged, slipping down from the horse before it threw him off from his yelling. There were tears of anger, and loss and betrayal burning in his eyes. How could he do that? Surely he, Valentine, had guessed that he loved Jocelyn. They were parabataiafter all. How… how could he have betrayed him like that?
It was the ultimate betrayal; stealing the woman he loved so dearly away for himself.
Luke just stood there staring at the towers with the few tears rolling off his face. He felt like his heart was trying to escape his chest, pounding so hard it hurt. It really, really hurt.
He sighed now, letting his eyes close as a light breeze blew through the area. There was nothing to be done. Not now. Years he'd hoped Jocelyn would realize just how in love he was with her, but she obviously hadn't. No, he was left stood in the darkness while the girl he adored chose his parabatai.
She didn't choose me, was all Luke kept thinking, feeling even more numb and sick. She chose him. Not me. Not me…
Luke sighed and adjusted the straps on his boots before climbing back onto his horse. The animal just stood there, anticipating another wave of anger, but it never came as Luke urged his steed on, silent the entire way back to Alicante with his mind strangely empty. He knew one thing though-
He'd never stop loving her. Never.