Land of One Hundred and One Dreams
Once upon a time there was a wise and mighty King – Oh, let's cut that out, shouldn't we? The King actually wasn't that mighty, as he couldn't even control his own brother and he wasn't that wise, as his brother Sherlock was much wiser than him (a wise-arse Sherlock was, at any rate). The King – Mycroft was his name – was a very lazy man as well. At the moment he was eating cookies. Cause what else would a King do while his subjects were busy working?
In this important business he was interrupted, though, by his annoying brother Sherlock (he wasn't that annoying, actually, but if the King thinks he's annoying, we will have to accept that for the moment, all right?). "How's the diet?", Sherlock asked. The King stared at him in boastful annoyance (cause simple, plain old "normal annoyance" just wouldn't do for a King) ... and while doing that completely forgot what he was about to say. So instead, he asked: "No new cases, prince?" "Not yet, but I've found some interesting new specimen in the castle pond." "What do they do?" "Nothing, but if you lay them in the sun, they turn from green to blue within three hours." "Interesting... you can show them to me after dinner, if you must." "I can't... they all died in the process." Mycroft rolled his eyes. "So you killed another species. If you go on like this, there will be no life left in this world in a few years. " "I wouldn't be that bored if you let me talk to the magician!" "The magician will stay in his cell, where he belongs. And you will stay out of his cell, where you belong! He has done enough harm!" Sherlock pouted. "He just wanted to show me some interesting stuff." "He wanted to MATE with you!", the King exclaimed. "I'm sure this was a misunderstanding." (In fact, Sherlock KNEW it was... he just kept that option open in case he got REALLY bored.) Mycroft scowled at him. "Anyway, he wanted to take you away from this world and I will not allow that. It would only upset Mommy." "Mommy is dead." "Only because she's a ghost doesn't mean you can disrespect her!", Mycroft shouted.
But even in his shouting he was interrupted. "Excuse me?", a polite voice asked. The King sighed. He hadn't even had half of his daily amount of cookies and had already been interrupted TWICE. "Yes, Princess?", Mycroft asked, suddenly polite as well. (Changing from angry to polite in an instant is actually one of a King's most important features.) "There's a newcomer in the garden," princess Ianto answered. (Yes, Ianto is a princess's name, even though it is, of course, only used for MALE princesses... more on that topic later.) "What do you mean, a newcomer?", the King asked, still polite, even though he was slowly but surely getting irritated. (But you can't possible be impolite to a princess, can you? (No, not even to a male one...)) "I don't know... Jack and I were playing in the grass (he was using the term "to play" very liberally here)... and then he was suddenly there."
"I'm sure he only wanted to 'play' with you", Sherlock said sarcastically. Ianto blushed slightly. "Sherlock, just leave him alone for once," Mycroft growled, (He only addressed his brother by his name when he was REALLY angry.) "in fact, you could put your 'brilliant' mind to some use and find out where this visitor comes from and what he wants here." "I'm not your servant boy," Sherlock said, but followed Ianto into the garden. (He actually WANTED to go, as visitors to the castle were rather rare these days and therefore promised to be not-boring and not-boring was exactly what Sherlock was looking for (in his mind "not-boring" is always written with an hyphen (or if it isn't, it is HERE, don't doubt the author! Never doubt the author!)).) (Also, he didn't want to get killed by his brother.)
In the garden, Jack welcomed his lover back with a kiss, something he always did when they were separated for longer than three minutes (and sometimes in between). Sherlock rolled his eyes, something he always did when kissing (or sentiment in general) was involved (or when someone said something stupid, or when nobody said enough intelligent things. (There were many more occasions when he rolled his eyes, but we want to get on with the story.)) John, the newcomer, looked confused (which he also did quite often (especially since he had found a blue phone box in his garden, which turned out to be bigger on the inside).) "Who are all of you?", he asked. "And what are you doing in my garden?" (The castle in the background made an effort not to stick out; otherwise he would have realized he was no longer in his garden.) "This isn't your garden," Jack said patiently, "and who are you?"
"Shush, let me!", Sherlock suddenly shouted. "He's about 40, has been single for 3 weeks now, British, obviously, and some sort of... knight. And a doctor as well! And he's – wait, don't say anything – oh!" Sherlock's eyes suddenly went wide. "You are not from this world!" "But how did he get here?", Ianto asked. Sherlock scanned the lawn with his eyes. "With this blue box over there!" He pointed at the police box. John just stared at him. "From another...", he started to say, but Sherlock interrupted him: "Wait, there's more! There was some sort of war in your country. No, not in yours, in a country your country is currently in war with. (Sherlock liked confusing sentences, you see...) You were wounded there, a bullet in your shoulder, and you suffer from a psychosomatic limp. (He also liked talking real fast.) You are very fond of tea, your housekeeper – who is not your housekeeper – sex with slightly younger men (he did know what shame was, he just never bothered to care) and a cold shower in the morning." John gawped at him, open-mouthed (which didn't make him less attractive. (Did I mention he was attractive? (Not in a common sense, maybe (more in a hedgehog kind of way. (Ok, I'll shut up now.))))) "That about right?", Sherlock asked. "That was brilliant." Jack laughed. "That's not what people normally say." "What do people normally say?" "Piss off." John laughed. (Actually, some people would prefer to hit Sherlock in the face when he was being a bit 'too smart', but you can't hit a prince in the face, can you? (In fact, it is also not a nice thing to do.))
"So, who are you?", John asked again, now in a much better mood, because admiring people always got him in a much better mood (much more so if they were gorgeous (and Sherlock was gorgeous. (But you have figured that out already, haven't you?))) Jack introduced everybody to John. "This is Sherlock, consulting prince, this is my beautiful lover, Princess Ianto, and I am Jack Harkness, knight and personal protector of the King." John looked confused again. "What's a consulting prince?" "Oh, you can't know that, I invented the term," Sherlock beamed, "I'm the only one in this realm, in this world, actually on all worlds." (Always use figures of three if you want to sound really impressive!) "And what do you do as a consulting prince?", John asked. "Oh, I solve crimes, mainly, but I also carry out experiments, and when I get really bored, I talk to my brother about my experiments." "You are a detective, then?" "No, the term hasn't been invented yet." "I see," John said. (He clearly didn't.) "But you said he's a princess – you certainly meant 'prince'!" "No," Sherlock said, "I am the prince." "But he's male!" "There can only be one prince," Jack explained, "otherwise, how could you tell them apart?" "By their names?", John asked. (It wasn't a question, more a polite way of saying "How thick can you get." (But hedgehogs don't say things like that.)) "I've always said that," Sherlock pointed out, "but my brother insists on calling everyone by their title." "Who's your brother, then?", John asked. "The King." "Oh, sorry, stupid question." (He was one of the few people who sometimes realize that they have said something stupid. (They are really rare, actually.))
John suddenly realized that he hadn't introduced himself yet. "I am John, by the way, John Watson." He hesitantly held out his hand. "Is that all right or should I bow or something?" Sherlock took his hand and shook it. "Now, this is quite alright." He smiled at John and John smiled back at him, looking Sherlock in the eyes, maybe a bit too deeply. (You can get lost in there, you know.) Ianto coughed to get John's attention. John cleared his throat (Sometimes, hedgehogs do get embarrassed), let go of Sherlock's hand and took Jack's (which didn't really improve the situation as Jack was kind of gorgeous as well). Before the handshaking got out of hand (wow, first unintended pun in this story!), Ianto coughed again and John took Ianto's hand in turn (which was much easier, as John could just pretend the 'princess' was really a female and he preferred men (even though he wasn't actually gay (as he was always afraid the word might be confused with 'gay' in the meaning of 'happy' and nobody wants to be happy all the time.))). (Also princesses don't cough while shaking hands, so there would have been no way of stopping him this time.)
"Want to meet the King?," Jack asked when John had let go of Ianto's hand. Sherlock rolled his eyes. (Yes, he really does that a lot.) "I'm sure John won't be interested in THAT." John, however, said politely "Oh, I'd love to meet the King. But why are you American? Now that really doesn't make any sense!"