A/N: I'm sorry! I'll try to get around to updating Des Ailes Doreés, Of Scarlet and Silver, and Best Laid Schemes.
Anyway...
Inspired by the song Love Until We Bleed by Kleerup ft. Lykke Li
Warnings: Sadstuck, mentions of blood, and this is a pitiful drabble. You have been aptly warned.
Ciao for now!
~Webs
Almost ever since it happened, there's been this nagging voice at the back of your head.
Bro.
It's always been quiet, almost like it isn't there at all, but then... neither is he.
Bro.
You remember the night Jake called you to tell you that Bro had collapsed and was in a coma.
It had been one of Karkat's days off. He didn't get many, what with his job, and school, and his volunteer work. You'd had him curled against your chest on the couch, watching She's All That, when the phone rang. You'd almost ignored it; this was your time with Karkat; real life could wait.
But he'd sat up to retrieve the phone from the other side of the couch, and you had groaned as your paused the movie. You'd put your head in the crook of his neck, kissing up and down it to get his attention back on you. He'd giggled, swatting at you, but then he'd frozen, going pale.
You didn't like that look on his face; you'd made a half-frightened joke asking if that was the doctor telling him he was pregnant
He didn't even anything, looking at you with wide, terrified eyes. You'd hated it, and asked him what was wrong. he'd slowly handed you the phone, and you'd brought it to your ear to hear your life fall apart.
Bro.
You'd spent months visiting the hospital, sitting next to Bro's bed. Looking back, you realize Karkat was always there with you, holding your hands silently.
But you didn't notice then. It was only Bro, and how he should wake up, and put his shades resting on the bedside table back on his face where they belonged.
Bro.
But he never woke up. They'd wanted to take him off life support, but you'd refused. You'd thought Karkat would have talked you out of it, and you almost wish he did, but he didn't. He quietly supported you, and convinced everyone else to keep trying. You've never thanked him for that.
Bro.
The voice started the day you walked into the hospital, Karkat's hand in yours, and they told you Bro's heart had stopped not an hour earlier. The one day you'd arrived late, and he'd up and left you.
Bro!
You'd ripped your hand from Karkat's, shoving him away, before bolting from the hospital and sprinting back to Bro's apartment. Jake had moved in by then, so it wasn't just Bro's, but his room was the same as it had been when you were growing up; underused the past few months, but the same.
Karkat found you there, collapsed on your knees in the middle of the room. He'd knelt in front of yo, putting his hands on your cheeks. He'd had a split lip, and you realize now that you'd done that; you'd hit him, but you didn't know then.
Bro.
Karkat had just hugged you, the movement jarring you to life as you'd burst into tears and hugged him back. You'd both sat there for hours.
After that, you didn't recover. You'd just... stopped functioning altogether. You stayed in bed all day, not sleeping well at night, and the only reason you ate was because Karkat made you.
Bro.
Every night, you had strange dreams of your Bro, all of them ending in his death. You'd wake up screaming, thrashing around until you'd calmed down.
Now, you realize it was Karkat, hugging you, and whispering to you, and quieting your sobs. But you didn't know then.
Bro.
Karkat stopped letting you just stay in bed; he'd make you get up and shower, walk around the house, watch a movie, help him make dinner. He made things as normal as he could while you slowly fell apart.
He'd kept everyone away, too; he'd known you didn't want to see them. He'd deflected all their calls, and when they'd show up at your guys' apartment, he'd let you hide in the bedroom until they left.
You'd thought the voice would get quieter as time went on, but it didn't. It stayed pretty much the same, just always...
Bro.
Then things got worse. One night, you'd had the worst dreams of your life, but you couldn't, and still can't, remember what happened. Karkat had been there after, just like he always had, hugging you and rocking you and singing to you until you were almost asleep again.
But Bro.
After you'd been calmed, you heard Karkat leave the room, then a sliding sound and a muffled thump, before quiet sobbing. Now, you realize that was him, and you almost knew then.
You'd started paying attention to Karkat again. He still worked, now to support both of you, but you didn't know what he did, because he was around more than before Bro...
Bro.
But he wasn't the same. He was thin, perhaps dangerously so, and his skin was pale and stretched over his cheeks. The rings under his eyes were the blackest you'd ever seen them, and the eyes themselves... they use to hold so much sparkle, and luster, all claret and cerise, but then... they were just red. Red like his lips use to be before they faded color. You'd started to realize the visits from your friends were no longer about you.
You'd started hearing him crying more, never with you in the room, and you'd realized you were hurting him. You were slowly killing him with trying to keep you alive.
Things changed again one night; you didn't dream at all, but something was wrong. Karkat wasn't there. You'd slowly gotten up from your shared bed, and walked slowly down the hall to the living room.
Karkat had been there, curled up on the couch with his legs to his chest and face in his knees.
You'd realized everything you had done to him, and everything you should have done.
But... Bro?
He'd looked up in surprise, freckled cheeks grimy and stained with tears, tinged pink. "D-Dave..?" he'd said carefully, getting to his feet and coming over to you. "What's wrong?" You'd realized you hadn't gotten up without him making you in.. months. Years, probably.
You'd shakily raised a hand to his cheek, resting your palm against it as your thumb brushed away the wetness. "You're..." you began, voice scratchy from underuse. "You're wrong."
You'd pulled him into a hug, and it'd felt like you'd just woken up from some kind of trance. You realized then that you had done just that.
You were crying before you knew it, crushing him to your chest and apologizing over and over as you'd heard him cry harder in what sounded like relief.
... bro?
The voice got smaller, and almost faded completely when you'd pulled away to see Karkat smiling. You didn't think he'd done that in far too long.
...bro...
The voice tried again, but you blocked it out when you opened your mouth to ask the boy in front of you to marry you. You didn't know why you'd thought he'd want to marry you, after everything you'd done, and failed to do. Hell knows how long you were like that, in that trance-like state, but you knew then that he'd been there for you, and that you needed to be there for him.
Karkat had looked at you with such shock and disbelief, you'd been afraid he'd say no, but in the smallest voice you'd ever heard him use, he whispered
"Yes."
Now there's no voice. No voice constantly reminding you of what you'd lost. Sometimes, you miss it, but you only have to look at Karkat to remember what you almost lost.
You never want to come that close again.
It'd taken a while to regain everyone's trust; you'd been a mere ghost to them for almost three years, and you'd almost killed Karkat. They didn't exactly say that, but it was in the looks they gave you, like you didn't know that, but you know it to be true.
It'd taken even longer for you and Karkat to tell them you were engaged; Karkat had told you they'd wanted him to leave you, and to take care of himself instead. but he hadn't wanted to leave you, no matter how much it damaged him physically and emotionally; they wouldn't have easily accepted that you were going to start treating him right.
Now, you plan to, want to, with every fiber of your being. You have three years to make up to him, and you intend to make every day of the rest of his life perfect.
You get a job, and you start supporting the both of you; Lord knows Karkat needs as long a break as he can get.
You spend as much time as you possibly can with Karkat no, and everyone slowly starts trusting you again.
You're at work on one of the few days you have to go into the office at your new music label when the voice comes back. But it isn't a soft whisper, nagging at you to listen; it's louder, more insistent.
Karkat.
You bolt from the meeting you're in and sprint all the way to the apartment. You don't know how, but you know something's wrong. The voice keeps getting louder.
Karkat!
The front door has been kicked open, and there's shattered glass all through the entryway. You're calling 911 as the voice is almost a scream.
Karkat!
You make your way in cautiously in case whoever did this is still here, but you lose all reason when you see Karkat's body curled up in a pool of blood in the middle of the kitchen, and you realize then you're not going to survive this.
KARKAT!
A/N: I don't think I'm sorry about writing this. I was listen to aforementioned song, and had a great idea, and it just kept building and then bam. I finished this at exactly four in the morning. I originally had a different direction I wanted to go with this, with Karkat and Dave fighting on top of everything else, but I half couldn't bring myself to, and half just accidentally wrote in said different direction.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this semi-lovely drabble.
~Webs