I ranaway and found myself in New York because I couldn't see Chris like that. Him having a seizure and me not being able to stop it. Blood coming out of him as I tried to shake him out of it, but I couldn't. There was nothing I could do. He said he was alright. I told his mom he was alright. He lit his cigarette as soon as he woke up and I shouldn't of let him do that, but I didn't know any better. I don't think any of us did.
I watched Chris die in front of me. And I wasn't happy Cassie anymore. I couldn't be happy Cassie anymore, and I was NEVER happy Cassie at all, really. But when I got to New York, I lost the dreamy girl who I used to be in the UK. And I lost Sid, but that didn't matter anymore because I was starting to forget his face.
And I didn't want to think about Adam, either. Because I seemed to lose every good thing that happened to me. Bad things kept on happening to me and they wouldn't stop. I wasn't sure what Adam meant when he told me he was going to take some snaps. I had a heart racing feeling that he meant he was going to go kill himself, but I would never know because I never asked him for his number, and he just let me stay in his apartment without paying for rent for as long as I needed.
Bad things did happen to me. But there was some good out of them. Although I didn't stay in that apartment because of the thought that Adam could—might—be dead. He was pretty shaken up about his girlfriend, but I didn't fuck Adam because that wasn't what he wanted out of me.
He just wanted to help.
But then he left me alone in the apartment. What I wanted was a friend who I could've shown my raw side to, and not even Sid saw that one-hundred percent.