Ring of Stars
I sat on the top of the front porch steps, staring through the waving ferns that blanketed the ground at the base of the trees in the area that constituted our yard. The morning breeze twisted their trembling fronds in a dance that saluted the coming day, and they shook the collected rain from their feathery fingers onto the pungent earth below. The wakeful sun filtered through and turned the playful droplets golden while they chased each other across the green before spinning… spinning. In their joyous movement, I saw an image that had unexpectedly flashed through my mind's eye only hours earlier. In the sound of wind, I heard the echoed sound of laughter. And I clung to this new memory, playing it again in my head. For as a vampire, my human recollections were few. And this surprising gift was one to be treasured.
"Penny… come and catch me. See if you can catch me, Penny!" And a warm giggle flittered away with the ghostly voice that diminished with the next wind.
With my forearms resting on my knees, I used the fingers of one hand to rotate the small black box I held against the center of my palm. I tipped it from edge to edge, mindful of its delicate weight as I considered the token inside.
How many years had this box remained closed? In my possession… un-opened and tucked away.
Would I have opened it sooner, if I had known that the dainty hinged lid held tight the memory that had flooded into my mind last night, when I finally had the occasion to release it?
Or was it the magical quality of the moment, and the woman in my company who brought the images and sounds so dramatically to life? Images and sounds that, the most amazing of which, had been lost to me for over one hundred years…
"Penny! Come catch me!" My mother laughed and ran. Penny. She called me Penny. She said my hair reminded her of a penny in the sun. And I chased her and watched as pieces of her own hair, only a few shades darker than my own, fell out of her carefully arranged pins in back and bounced softly around her face. She smiled at me over her shoulder to make sure I followed, and the kitchen door banged loudly in its frame behind us both.
With the long folds of her skirt held up to accommodate her quick-moving feet, she playfully ran and led me on a chase over the low-grassy hills behind our home. I knew she would eventually let me catch her. But for the moment, I ran as fast as my five-year-old legs would carry me—thrilling at the sun on my shoulders and the wind on my face and her laughter in the air around us.
Soon, she slowed as I knew she would, and when she turned toward me, I leapt at her. My mother caught me around the waist and leaned her body back to spin me with my feet above the ground.
"Gotcha!" I cried triumphantly.
"No… I've got you!" She giggled and kissed the tip of my nose. And I didn't argue, because I knew that somehow, we both won the game. "Dance with me, Beautiful Boy," my mother asked sweetly.
It was a nickname I liked less than 'Penny,' and so I scrunched up my face and stuck my tongue out. "Blech," I grunted. But she put me back on my feet and reached a hand forward to ruffle my hair. Her nails scratched pleasantly against my scalp in a gesture that always made me feel comforted and loved.
Without another sound of argument, I adopted a dancing frame that she had taught me, and held my arms out toward her. She favored me with another of her beautiful smiles before taking my hand, and then we were spinning. She hummed her favorite melody under breath and we skipped and twirled across the lawn, with me looking up adoringly into the bright green eyes, that everyone said I shared.
When the song came to an end, my mother held our joined hands between us and bowed a curtsey to thank me for the dance. As she did, the sunlight glanced off the ring on her hand, and sent skittering stars of light across her skin. Intrigued, I bent forward to study the source of the sparkling effect more closely. When I did, a wayward star bounced into my eye, and I winced at the brightness.
"Your ring…" I said in wonder, cautiously peeking at it again. "It makes stars."
My mother laughed and sank down to her knees on the thick grass in front of me. She allowed me to twist her soft hand to the left and to the right, experimenting with the way I could capture the light and throw the orbs around us.
"Your father gave me this on our wedding day."
"What's a wedding?" I asked, curiously.
"Oh, Penny," she sighed. "It's a beautiful party. A celebration!" Her smile was wide and the sun highlighted her rosy cheeks. "And two people promise to love each other forever… to always be together. To take care of each other… no matter what. They get married. And there are guests… and gifts… and dancing…" Her voice trailed away in a wistful tone, as she remembered the event fondly.
"I'm going to marry you," I announced with the innocent capriciousness of youth.
"Beautiful Boy," my mother kissed my cheek. "I'm already taken!" She giggled a little again. "But if I didn't marry your father… then I wouldn't have you!" She rose from her kneeling position then, and took my hand into her own, turning to walk us back toward the house. "But someday, Penny," she began to explain. "Someday… you will meet a beautiful woman who you will want to love forever. And then… I will give you this ring to put on her finger."
"But it's your ring," I argued, stopping and tugging at her hand to get her to face me. "They are your stars!"
She turned and looked down into my concerned face. With the hand that wore the ring in question, she ruffled my hair again and I leaned into her touch.
"Oh Beautiful Boy," she smiled and pulled me against her skirt. She smelled like flowers. I wasn't sure what kind, but I was sure the scent must have matched the tiny purple and white blossoms that were printed on the fabric of her dress. She pulled away after a moment and placed a finger under my chin, bringing my eyes back up to her own.
"Anything for you. I love you more than the stars."
A shiver ran up my spine as my mother's tender promise repeated itself in my head. It wasn't the last time her sentiment would be expressed, though it would be the last time I heard those words spoken by her sweet voice.
Years passed by. And this new memory didn't allow me concentrated details of that time that carried me from dancing across the back lawn in knee pants to the adolescent dreams of joining the military and serving my country. I pressed my eyebrows together and tried in vain to recall more solid evidence of that time in between. But it remained evasive and un-retrievable, only solidifying around the edge that marked the near end of my human experience.
Particulars remained hazy, yet I remembered the sickness that swept in like a black cloud over our happy golden days. My father succumbed to the first round of Spanish Influenza. And my proud desire to serve our country turned into a need for me to be the man of the house, a hero for my mother. It was a post I did not take lightly, even as the two of us fell under the same deadly affliction that had stolen my father before us. I fought against the illness with every strength I had in my possession, to be there for her in my father's place.
In and out, the memory ebbed and faded. We were hospitalized. My mother was left in the bed beside me. In and out, her voice weakly called through the haze of the pain. I could hear her suffering, and struggled to stay with her.
"Penny…. Penny…" she whispered in deliriums caused by her own fever. I turned my sweaty cheek to the hard pillow beneath me so that I could see her and concentrated on not giving up. She needed me.
In and out of consciousness, I floated. When I sank into the darkness and my toes skimmed the murky bottom that threatened to suck me down and hold me away from my mother, I kicked viciously and fought to reach the surface once more. The heaviness across my chest pressed harder and harder, and I knew that soon I wouldn't have the ability to get back to her. But this last time, somehow, I did. Gasping for air, I opened my eyes and looked over to where I knew she lay.
My view was obscured by the white coat of the man who sat on the stool beside my bed. I recognized him as the kind doctor who had been trying so valiantly to save us. I remembered his compassionate, yet oddly golden-colored eyes.
The silence in the room and the sadness on his features let me know, without asking, that there was nothing behind him left to see. My mother was gone. I rolled my head back and closed my eyes, feeling the hot tears that squeezed out from under my lashes and ran toward my ears.
"My mother," I whispered through dry and cracked lips as I felt my heart breaking.
"She wanted you to have this."
I opened my eyes to see his hands, closed in front of him as if in prayer. And when he opened them, I saw my mother's ring resting against his pale skin. With the last bit of strength I had, I raised my arm above the bed, and he placed the gift into my palm. And then his hand closed over mine, in a determined hold.
It felt so cold. Like ice.
"She's gone," I mouthed. My voice wouldn't carry the words. But my body began to understand that my responsibilities were over and I could finally let go and give in to the pain that wracked my body. The doctor nodded slowly, not releasing my hand. His eyes darted rapidly over my face, and down to my chest that rose and fell with each shallow, labored breath. My body was already tasting its final measured moments of life.
"She asked me to save you, Edward," the doctor said. "She begged me to help…"
I blinked wearily up at him. He looked guilty. I wished I could tell him not to feel badly. I was beyond saving and had already made my peace with that. Soon. Soon...
"Your mother asked me to give you a message," the man spoke again. I tried to nod acceptance while I allowed my tired eyes to close. And then I felt his cool breath against my ear as he repeated her final words to me.
"Anything for you. I love you more than the stars."
The pain I had been experiencing up until that point was nothing. The feverish heat that engulfed me for days in that hospital bed felt as impotent as a cool spring rain, compared to what I endured next. I thought certainly I had died and gone to hell, and I fought to understand which of the sins I had committed in my short life were responsible for the flames that washed over me and scorched me from the inside out.
And when I woke later, in a strange location, I was this. And the doctor, to whom I have since come to love and respect as a father, explained his miserable part in bringing me to this new existence.
Carlisle Cullen was a vampire. And he had given me the gift of immortality. It was a gift of love… the last dying request of my mother for him to save me. He felt certain that she had known the truth about him. That somehow, being so close to death had allowed her the clarity of vision to see him as a creature that walked, shrouded in it. And so he had acted as he believed, she begged of him. He delivered her final gift… her final words for me… and then saved me as only he had the power to do.
For over ninety years, I walked the earth in the new life I had been given. Trapped, perpetually, in the body of a seventeen year-old man. I was given immortality…
strength… speed…and the unique ability to read minds. I watched as others were brought to our family. And I watched those family members bond and mate… finding love and finding happiness with each other. I was a part of a group… but somehow always, still, alone.
Carlisle had removed the ring from my hand after he bit me, knowing that I could destroy the tiny band during my agonizing transformation. And he returned it to me, in the same black box that I now absent-mindedly rolled against my palm. It had remained stored for years. I never had a reason to retrieve it until recently.
I squeezed the tiny box in my fingers, mindful to not crush the simple vessel while I thought about the reason I had, for bringing it back to the light now.
Recently, I had met and had fallen in love with a human girl. My Bella. Foolish, and dangerous, and a complete tribute to the selfish creature I was… I pursued her despite our differences. A person so selfless and divine, that my long dormant-heart actually felt capable of beating again… her smile warmed my skin and she made me feel alive. Her faith, and her love, and her very essence had become something I could not exist without. And so, I planned to make her mine. But since, for some unknown reason, Bella had the only mind I had ever encountered that remained unreadable to me… I could only guess how she truly felt about that.
My family had gone hunting. I stayed behind, enjoying the chance to be alone with Bella. And I was thrilled when presented with the opportunity last night, to finally offer her my mother's ring.
Elated at the direction our evening had gone, I knelt next to my bedside table and procured the little black box from its resting place in the darkened corner of the drawer. With great intent and determination, I returned to Bella and balanced the little satin box on her left knee.
I knew she was nervous. Bella had not hidden her trepidation about getting engaged from me. I didn't doubt her love or her level of commitment to me. But the institution of marriage and the public scrutiny she stood to face at getting married at such a young age tainted the entire idea in her mind. Still, by some miracle, she agreed to become my wife. Despite her anxiety, I was exuberant as I watched her shaky fingers open the hinged-lid.
The colors and sounds of the childhood memory that flooded from that opened box hit me forcefully in the center of the chest and I was stunned to complete silence.
"Penny… come and catch me. See if you can catch me, Penny!" And then her laughter. For a moment, I was so distracted that I was taken out of the present time. Once again, I danced across the grass with my mother. And I heard her tell me of a time when I would find a beautiful woman that I would want to love forever…
Bella was speaking, and I struggled to control my emotions. Smiling, I took the ring from the box, and slid it tenderly onto her third finger. And like the woman who wore it before her, Bella admired the ring while I gently turned her hand to the left and to the right so that the gems could capture the light.
"You like that… don't you?" my Bella asked, watching my carefully controlled expression. And I, trapped between beautiful new memories from the past and wonderful hopes for the future, could only smile widely and expel a breath that gave my excitement away.
"You have no idea," I exclaimed.
We kissed, and held each other. And later I rocked her to sleep, humming a melody my heart had designed for her.
When she awoke, she smiled shyly while I studied the ring on her hand that rested over my chest. She sat up, and slipped the ring from her finger, asking me to keep it safe for her until we had shared the news with our families. I nestled the band back into its box, noticing how dull the gold already seemed away from her skin. I couldn't wait for the day that I could place it back on Bella's finger for good.
And now, as I left Bella to dress for the day, I sat on the steps and enjoyed the peace of the morning that allowed me to really contemplate what had happened the night before. I felt that the memory, lost for so many years, was a message. Somehow, my mother was reaching through time and space to give me her blessing and to remind me that this was what I was always meant to do.
But…
What if I was placing more importance to a simple memory than I should?
Bella was clearly hesitant…not nearly as eager to wed, as I. What if I was wrong? The box in my fingers felt like an anchor suddenly. I frowned and stared ahead of me, rubbing my thumb over the smooth surface. Would it feel like an anchor to Bella? Weighing her down to a life… a choice she did not want?
I groaned and placed the box on the step between my feet so that I could put my face in my hands. My shoulders slumped forward in my moment of doubt, and I focused on the newly acquired image of my mother's face as she knelt on the grass and smiled while she told me about her own wedding day. The sun on her face… the pink of her cheeks… It would be wrong of me to expect the same sort of excitement from Bella. They were not the same woman. And it would be unforgiveable of me, to force something like this on her, when she didn't want it. I dropped my hands and stared moodily down at the box between my feet, resigning myself to tucking it away, out of sight, once again.
"You're wrong, you know."
A voice in front of me drew my attention up and across the yard, once again. Alice, my sister for all intents and purposes, was standing among the ferns, watching me with a concerned expression.
"You are supposed to be hunting," I spoke quietly, but knew that she could hear me anyway. In a blur of motion, she sat beside me on the step.
" I knew you'd need me here, this morning," she smiled. My sister had astounding ability to see the future. She must have seen something in mine, while I was busy looking into my past.
"We both know, your visions are subjective…" I mumbled, reminding her. "The future is altered when someone makes a decision that changes the course they are on."
"So… you didn't give her the ring?" Alice asked, blinking her wide eyes up at me.
"I did," I replied, but nudged the box on the step with my toe so that she would see that the ring was still in my possession.
"It will be back on her hand," Alice said surely, frowning at the box. "I've seen it there."
"She has to want it," I hissed under my breath. "I could solder the thing to her finger if I wanted, and it wouldn't be the same. Not if she didn't want the ring there to begin with."
"She'll ask for it," Alice smiled. I turned my face to look at her fully. Her thoughts were confident. I wanted to borrow her optimism. I needed to believe that my mother had been right, all of those years ago.
"Will you show me?" I whispered my plea into the cool air between us. Alice grinned impishly and tapped a dainty finger against her chin as though she were contemplating my offer.
"Let me think…" she murmured.
"Please," I groaned in frustration. She just shook her head and giggled.
"Give me a minute. There are some things that you aren't supposed to see yet," Alice hinted. I waited impatiently, trying to discern the meaning of the rapidly flashing images Alice was sorting through in her mind.
"No peeking," she scolded, closing her mind from me again and frowning in my direction.
"Sorry," I scowled. I looked at the box again and concentrated instead, on the memory of how it felt to run behind my mother at five years old. The sun on my face and the wind on my cheeks… the exhilaration was very similar to the pure joy I found while running, now.
"Okay," Alice broke me from my train of thought with a gentle touch to the top of my hand. "You can look now."
I looked into her eyes and let myself see the scene that played in the vision in Alice's mind. Confused by the initial darkness I saw, I blinked and tried to make sense of the diminished lighting her vision provided.
It was night.
Two figures stood… ghostly white. Their skin was bleached by the full moon over them, as they stood in dark water, side by side, with waves softly crashing against their forms. It was always a little disconcerting to see myself from this outside perspective, but once I recognized myself, I could see that it was Bella who was at my side.
Bella turned to me then, and placed her hand against my chest. I looked down, and saw what Alice was gifting me with in the vision. Bella's hand wore my mother's ring.
"Don't be afraid," Bella murmured in Alice's thoughts. "We belong together."
Alice closed her mind to me then, and I shook myself out of the daze our connection left behind.
"Is it possible?" I asked with wonder.
"She loves you Edward. " Alice smiled. "Just give her a little time."
"I've got plenty of that," I laughed, beginning to feel relieved. Alice reached up then, and ruffled my hair. Her short nails scratched lightly at the top of my head, and nostalgia rushed over me with the same feelings of comfort and love that were provided to me when my mother used to do the very same thing. Alice could see the future, but there was no way she could see my past. She didn't know that her gesture would be such a personal one for me. It seemed like yet another instance, of my mother bridging the gap between us, to tell me it was fine to proceed.
"Alice?" I asked, reaching up to take her hand and clasp it in my own.
"Yes?"
"Do you… believe in … guardian angels?"
Alice pressed her lips together for a moment before sighing and shrugging.
"We aren't supposed to exist," she said softly. "I think at this point, I'd have to be an idiot to not keep an open mind about something like that."
"Thank you," I smiled, and pressed my lips to her hand before releasing her fingers. Alice smiled again and stood to leave.
"You're about to have some company," she informed me. But I could already hear the quiet footsteps that approached from inside the house. I nodded once more, and Alice disappeared into the trees the door opened behind me.
"Here you are," Bella said. I smiled and looked ahead of me, inhaling deeply. Bella's natural floral scent mixed with the soap and shampoo from her recent shower and lent a fresh quality to the air around me that made my body instinctually relax. I felt as she sat behind me on the porch. She parted her legs to wrap around either side of me, and slid forward until she would wrap her arms around my shoulders and pull me back against her. I hummed with pleasure and tilted my head back to rest on her shoulder. "What are you doing out here?" she whispered near my ear before placing a tiny kiss on the skin beneath it.
"Enjoying the morning," I replied huskily, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by her presence.
"Hmm. It is beautiful," she nodded in agreement.
"More so now," I told her, lowering my chin to place a quick kiss on her forearm.
I felt her body press against my back as Bella leaned forward and looked down over my shoulder.
"Is that… the ring?" she asked quietly. I followed her gaze down to the box on the steps and nodded, pretending nonchalance. Alice said Bella would need a little time. I was fine with letting her have it.
"Yes," I said lightly. "It was in my pocket. I'll put it away when we go back inside."
"Can… Can I see it again?" She asked timidly. I could feel her heartbeat pounding nervously against my back. I wanted to grab the box and tear it open. To put the delicate ring back in its rightful place on her hand and beg her to never, ever take it off again. But I swallowed the desperate urge and forced myself to concentrate on what Bella needed.
"You don't have to…" I started to insist.
"I'd like to," Bella interrupted. "Please, Edward?"
Bella pulled her arms from around me as I shifted my body to pick up the box, but her arms remained draped over my shoulders. I placed the box in the palm that she held in front of me, and watched as she turned the box over and over between her fingers. Finally she stopped, and opened the tiny jewel case.
She didn't touch the ring. She just turned the box from side to side, and studied its contents silently over my shoulder.
"You told me… this ring belonged to your mother?"
"Yes," I said simply.
"Do you… remember much about her?"
"More and more," I honestly replied with a little chuckle. "I remembered something new, just last night."
"Will you tell me about it?" Bella asked with sincere curiosity lacing her voice.
"I remembered being five years old," I started. "I remember running with her and dancing in the grass in our backyard… and looking at the way this ring sparkled in the sun."
Bella turned the box from side to side, but couldn't achieve more than a reflective grey sky on the cut surfaces of the stones. I looked above us. The clouds had already moved back in.
"It's broken," she pouted. I laughed and leaned my head forward to kiss her wrist.
"Not broken. Just waiting," I smiled.
I felt Bella stiffen behind me, and I closed my eyes.
"Edward…"
"Bella," I cut her off. I needed to tell her how I felt. "Since opening this box last night, I haven't been able to get the memory out of my mind. I truly felt… and still do… that my mother, in some way, is smiling down on us from wherever she is, and letting me know that she approves. She told me that day -- the one I was just talking about-- that I would find a woman who I would want to love forever; and that I would give that woman this ring. Bella… she was right. I found her. I found you. And I don't care how long I have to wait. Weeks… months… years… Bella, until you want it--truly want it--this ring will be waiting for you. I won't press it upon your hand or pressure you in any way. I love you."
With my speech over, I sighed and relaxed back into her slender frame, encouraged that she hadn't moved away.
"Tell me more…" Bella whispered. "About that day…"
I moved my arms over her legs and casually drew my fingers up and down her calves while I spoke.
"I thought her ring made stars," I laughed, thinking about my young logic. "It captured the light and bounced around little points of light. And I thought they looked like stars. It's a pity it's over-cast now," I mumbled, looking up again. "I'd love for you to see them."
"I'm sure it's a lovely sight," Bella sighed beside me. "It's a very pretty ring. I'll be proud to wear it. Soon. Okay?"
"Whenever you'd like," I promised, and smiled as I felt her lips on my cheek.
"I do love you, Edward," Bella insisted. I sighed, because I knew it was true. Just then her stomach growled loudly behind me, and we both chuckled.
"Meal time for the human," I laughed. Bella snapped the lid closed to cover the ring, and I took it from her grasp. I stood and slid the box into my pocket before turning and offering a hand to help Bella stand as well.
"Thank you Edward," Bella told me as we walked hand in hand back into the house. "I can tell it means a lot to you. It's something you cherish… and something you love. And I'm so happy that you want to share that with me."
"I love you more," I smiled and leaned down to kiss her on the tip of her nose.
"More than the stars?" she asked playfully, dimpling up at me. "And you really don't mind waiting a little while?" I felt my throat constrict painfully, and swallowed down the sentimental lump that had risen. It was too much to be coincidence. How could this not be divine intervention?
"Anything for you, Bella," I smiled. "I love you more than the stars."