VISITING
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it. Mores the pity.
Summary: Set shortly after HBP Severus pays a visit to somewhere very meaningful and has an unexpected encounter with someone.
In Severus Snape's opinion, Hogwarts had always looked at its most impressive in the moonlight. Especially on cold damp nights like tonight. The Dementors were still reproducing and so even in the middle of summer the chill air and the soft rain that was falling had become typical. The former Head of Slytherin certainly didn't mind though, he had always felt more at home during the winter and besides, the current weather certainly suited his mood. The grounds were silent and there was an air of abandonment about the place that took him by surprise as the school had only been closed up, for the foreseeable future, the previous week.
He had stuck to the perimeter of the schools grounds until he'd been able to ascertain that the reports of a moving mountain in Wales had in fact been Hagrid, before setting out around the edge of the forest and striking out across the grass towards his final destination. The white marble seemed to glow in the night and he quite surprisingly, was reminded of the strange radiance of Draco Malfoy. He had found the boy, or young man he supposed really, on the roof of Malfoy Manor the previous night just staring out into the middle distance. He shook his head to clear himself from the worries that had plagues him for the last fortnight; after all he was taking a great risk to be here at all and he had only one mission.
As he approached the tomb and rested his hand, hacked and stained from years of intensive work with potions, on the cool surface, it suddenly seemed to come home to him. An overwhelming guilt flooded through him threatening to drown him, and he automatically gripped at the stone plinth as though it was his lifeline. It wasn't that he didn't think that Albus wouldn't understand, wouldn't forgive him for what he had done, he knew for a fact that he already had, in that moment when they had caught each other's eyes, in that moment when occlumency allowed the obvious decision to be agreed upon.
He was so wrapped up in his own world that he was taken completely by surprise when he was bowled over onto the wet grass and was suddenly under quite a fierce physical assault.
"Damn you! Damn you to hell and back!" The new Headmistress half yelled as she continued to pummel into him. He grappled with her for several minutes, at one point using his weight to overturn her, intending to pin her to the ground when they narrowly avoided hitting the memorial. She continued to fight like a wildcat again winning the advantage before he managed to grip her wrists above her head to protect himself. "How could you? How could you?" In an instant she transformed into her feline form and slipped from his grasp, she only ran a few meters away before changing again. He was only pushing himself up off the ground when she crumpled back down. There was no hesitation, no second thought before he crossed the distance between them and fell to his knees beside his former colleague.
"Minerva?" he asked, brushing away her hair, which, having fallen from it's fastening, now obscured her face. She was out cold, pale faced and ashen lipped and when he eventually found a pulse it was weaker than he would have liked. Now that she was no longer trying to beat him or scream him into submission he saw that he was not the only one for whom the days since Albus' death had been hard. He would bet good money that Minerva hadn't slept more than a few hours a night since that night and as Severus repositioned himself, so that her head was lying in his lap, off the damp grass, it only became more obvious how frail she had become.
"Come on…" He muttered, lightly slapping her cheek. She stirred slightly but did not wake. He supposed that as every indication he had been able to gain from his limited access to the news reports and gossip about what was going on in the wizarding world, had talked of Minerva McGonagall as well pulled together and practical he had assumed that was exactly how she was. Her recent outburst however might suggest otherwise. That said, seeing the one responsible for killing her closest friend at the foot of his tomb might be enough to push anyone over the edge. He couldn't bring himself to believe that she would think that he had betrayed them, betrayed her, though.
Subconsciously, Severus had realised quite early on in her attack that if Minerva McGonagall had genuinely wanted to harm him she could have done so with her wand in a flash and yet she hadn't. Perhaps he was deluding himself, but he was convinced that the outburst he had just witnessed or more appropriately been subject to, was simply that – an emotional outburst by a woman who had spent the best part of the last fortnight pretending everything was alright. It dawned on him in that instant that he wasn't entirely sure that there was anybody else who would have realised quite how not-all-right she really was. After all, Minerva was not the most open of women, and Albus and he had probably been closest to her.
His sensible, survivor side kicked in, locking down on his emotional response again but before he could decide on his next step a familiar and soul-destroying pain flashed through his left arm. He could not prevent his arm twitching beneath his former colleagues head and quite surreally, this in turn caused her to stir again. He recoiled against the idea of leaving her unconscious in the gentle rain, susceptible to what and who knows what, after all she shouldn't even have been at Hogwarts, though where she was supposed to be staying he didn't know. Never the less, he knew he didn't have time to wait for her to come round, didn't have time for the conversation he knew he owed her. He stood slowly, lowering her to the ground and it seemed that the cold was enough to wake her. She opened her eyes, immediately focussing in on him and seeming to trap him there.
"I'm so sorry Severus." She said in a barely audible whisper.
"Not nearly as sorry as I am." He replied but her eyes had drifted shut again already. He glanced around him, for no practical reason, but he was suddenly aware of a presence that had become familiar of late. "Fawkes." He barely breathed, and for the first time since that fated day the bird actually came into view. "You'll look after her, won't you?" He asked and in return seemed to receive quite an open reply in the gentle inclination of a head and a soft coo. For all it's showy plumage Severus knew that he could trust the bird. Fawkes would stay with her, perhaps even ensure that one of the Order found her and gave her the mothering he suspected she would genuinely need.
He left quickly, his steps taking him directly to his point of entrance, left to tend to his master, to continue in his charade, once more abandoning someone he cared for. All for the Greater Good.
A/N: Ok - so I wrote this last summer and just never got around to posting it, but here it is. Hope you enjoyed it - let me know anyway.
thanks in advance!
Linds
xxx