Loki Plays Matchmaker or The One Where Thor Pleads to Odin for a Chastity Belt For Loki

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or any of the characters, please stop mocking me

Chapter 1

It all started on a Tuesday, Tony hated Tuesdays he always knew that was a horrible day of the week not the beginning or quite the middle, or even close to the end. Anyway, the Avengers had all moved into the newly restored Stark Tower, which was re-named Avengers Tower. So about three months after Loki had unleashed the Chitauri on New York City, the Avengers were all gathered in one of the kitchens for breakfast, and for the most part getting along. Needless to say that Fury was extremely happy.

Tony wandered into the kitchen were all the Avengers were gathered, in a zombie lack of caffeine induced state. "Coffee" he mumbled pushing past his fellow man of science Bruce Banner. Bruce smiled fondly at Tony, for all of the swagger the man usually packed Bruce could not for the life of him find a more apt word to describe the genius billionaire, but adorable. He was almost tempted to reach over and ruffle his hair, almost, luckily Clint choose this moment to burst into the kitchen screaming. Yes screaming, throwing an adult hissy fit.

"No! No way in fucking hell! I don't care what the fuck Fury says, no!" the archer crossed his hands over his chest and perched himself on one of the cabinets.

"Barton this is not up for discussion, the decision has been made." Agent Coulson says evenly trailing behind Barton, never breaking his icy composure.

"He almost killed you Phil! I am not about to pretend like everything is okay and play house with him!" Barton was now pouting with a deadly force.

"Stark, I assume you have read Director Fury's memo, and understand what you must do, S.H.I.E.L.D. agents will arrive here at noon to drop Thor and his brother off." Coulson brushed Barton off with a final cold look and shot once last icy glance around the room before taking his leave.

Several moments and three coffee cups later Coulson's words finally registered in Tony's head, his eyes shot open comically wide, and Bruce had to really restrain the urge to pat his head.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to what? Loki! As in the guy that tried to takeover the world Loki, is coming here?" the sleep deprived playboy exclaimed. Steve stood and took his ridiculously large empty coffee mug, and walked over to the fancy coffee machine to refill it. He only did because he wanted to show everyone how well he could work said machine, not in any way to please Tony and make him feel special, because the man already pretended to own the world he didn't need to feel like he was special to Captain America. Even though he was, agonizingly so, Tony was so important to Steve that it frustrated him. The rest of the team probably knew too, he would try his best to cover it but Tony always put his life in danger with his reckless behavior.

"You didn't read the memo did you?" Steve said trying to sound disappointed, but a smile played at his lips it was simply impossible for him to ever be truly upset with Tony. and the way Tony was constantly calling for attention made the frustration worth it. Steve liked to think it was for him that, the captain liked to believe Tony was calling out for his attention. '

Tony huffed "Of course not! Bruce tell Fury I say no, I don't want an evil reindeer living in my house!" he pouted leaning into Bruce's personal space and settling his head in the doctor's lap. Steve's smile disappeared completely, at times like this he could manage to be angry with Tony, but only because he never laid in his lap like that. Steve tried to hide all this behind a blank stare but the mischievous glint in Natasha's eyes told him it was too late, and that he had exposed too much. The very first weeks at the tower had been just like this, only Tony would cling to Pepper, who dumped Tony exactly three weeks after the Loki Tries to Take New York fiasco. That was when Steve had realized he was helplessly in love with Tony Stark, the genius playboy billionaire that had daddy issues to the tenth degree and extremely low self-esteem for someone who constantly used the word awesome to describe himself.

Steve learned that Tony had built the armor to save himself and the doctor that help put the first miniature arc reactor in his chest and save Tony's life, all this he had been briefed on but what S.H.I.E.L.D files didn't record was that Tony Stark was an insecure little nerd hiding behind his huge ego for compensation. Tony made it extremely difficult to see past the spoiled rich boy with a huge ego walls, unless you were really looking or unless the only person would had been there for him had just decided she couldn't be there for him anymore. That night Tony didn't drink, like everyone thought he would J.A.R.V.I.S even took precautionary protocols. Tony just sat on the floor of his workshop back against the wall, with defeat etched into his entire being, Steve had gone down to find him after a couple of days. Natasha said he would need time, but he also needed to stay alive, so Steve ignored her and went down to find him. And there he was in almost the same position as before utterly defeated, dark heavy bags under his brown eyes, clean lines of his trademark goatee faded into an almost full beard. Steve's heart broke completely the second Tony's eyes met his, dull, lifeless, showing all the insecurities he had tried so hard to suppress.

"She's gone, I don't know why I could ever even start to think I deserved anyone as great as her, she was always there for me. Always no matter how much bullshit and fuck ups I caused, always. She said she couldn't watch me risk my life anymore knowing I may not come back." Tony chuckled darkly "She said she was proud. She said I was doing the right thing. Yet she sat by all those years watching me fuck countless of people and the world, but won't stick around to watch me do something good. "

"You are doing the right thing and she knows it Tony, but you have to understand out there you can get hurt. Not everyone is as lucky as Phil." Steve had offered squatting so he was eye level with Tony.

"You know, all my dad ever wanted was for me to be just like you, but I turned out to be just like him. You can imagine how disappointed he was, to hope for someone like you and get someone like me. Regardless of having to try and live up to those impossible standards, instead of hating you, I worshipped you more than Phil does now. I wanted to be someone my dad was proud of." Tony had stood up "I understand why now, why he liked you so much, it's because you are borderline fucking perfect. You are done here offering comfort to someone you can barely even stand."

"That's not true Tony, I want to be friends with you. We are teammates, and you let me live in your home after I said all those awful things about you. I was wrong, you are the guy who will sacrifice himself for others, and I know it can never be the same but I am proud of you."

After that Tony had finally left the workshop and started to get back on his feet, Pepper visited but not as often. Things got better Tony went back to being Tony before commitment only much less destructive, unfortunately just as promiscuous. His relationship with Steve grew and they had become friends, witty banter no longer a cause for alarm but a way they bonded, and Steve fell further and further in love.

"You heard Coulson Tony, there is nothing we can do, the decision was made, and maybe if you had read the memo you could have avoided it." Dr. Banner said giving into his urges and running his hand on Tony's head petting his soft messy hair. Steve snapped out of his daze just time for his jealousy to flare up.

"Isn't it illegal to force people in your home? I'm pretty sure it is Stark, you should sue Fury and then …" Clint's brilliant plan came to a halt when Natasha threw a fork that land exactly a centimeter away from him with precision that rivaled his own.

"I'm sure we can all find a way to make Loki feel very welcome," she said with a straight face. Tony and Clint both visibly cringed, "Yeah, okay maybe then housing two destructive Norse gods won't be so bad, so long as Natasha is around" Tony affirmed as he nuzzled sleepily into Bruce's thigh. Steve could see a sort of smile forming on Natasha's face and he would be surprised if pure rage would have let him, but before the normally sweet super solider knew it he had pulled Tony out of Bruce's lap with unnecessary force. Tony stared wide-eyed at the blonde that was currently dangling him in the air, Steve frantically searched the room as though looking for an explanation. There was defiantly a smile on Natasha's face now, and Clint looked very smug, while Bruce looked terrified.

"Uh, … I-I … um" Steve stuttered helplessly, his face heating up a blush spreading over his face and probably down to his toes. "Sleep! … Yes, you need sleep! Go, up to your room and sleep! I'm sure that Dr. Banner has very important things to do, and they don't include you sleeping on him." the Captain said regaining his composure, and pushing Tony out of the kitchen and into the hall. Trying with all his might not to turn around and punch the doctor for touching his Tony, because it was totally Bruce's fault and not Tony's. Bruce was taking advantage of the fact that Tony was the world's biggest attention whore.

"But mom it's not my bedtime yet!" Tony mock whined pushing back futilely against Steve. "Please Cap, sleep is for the weak, I am Tony Stark, and I don't need sleep, come on Brucie-Bear the lab calls!" Tony called already walking down the stairs to the workshop, the usual swagger back in his step as he left the super solider behind to wallow in his embarrassment. Dr. Banner or "Brucie-Bear" walked past the utterly embarrassed Captain with two mugs of coffee after Tony. Steve felt like he was punched Tony never gave him cute nicknames, all Steve ever got was "Cap", "Capsicle", and "Star Spangled Man with a Plan" and he was fond of none of those.

"Wow Cap that was so smooth, and by that I mean not at all." Clint said as soon as the Captain returned to the kitchen, Natasha elbowed him in the ribs.

"Shut it" Natasha glared pointing a menacing finger; Clint knew that if she wanted she could kill him with just that. "Make Me," he challenged anyway because he was a very brave man.

"Clinton Barton there are exactly 47 different ways to kill you with this napkin, which would you like to test?"

"Remind me to never double cross you, and Jesus Cap, you are carrying a torch for Stark brighter than Johnny Storm!" Clint shook his head, Steve blushed "I-I don't know what you are talking about Barton" Natasha narrowed her eyes at the both of them

"No, of course not. Dr. Banner on the on hand, I would watch out for if was you, Stark is an attention whore and seems to me that the doctor is willing to shower the spoiled little rich boy with all the attention Stark wants." Clint hopped off the countertop "And if you really want Stark that badly the easiest way is probably through his pants, I wouldn't waste time trying to woo him."

"You have no idea what kind of person Tony Stark is Barton, he only lets you see what he wants you to see. For someone who hangs around Natasha so much you would think you would have picked up some of her talents." The Captain said fixing Clint with a stone cold glare before leaving the kitchen.

"Ouch, Captain burn, that may just be the worst kind" Natasha said grinning smugly.

"Yeah, note to self don't mess with the Captain's girl." Clint said sarcastically.

As soon as noon rolled around Steve ran down to the lab, the memo had said all the Avengers were to greet the new houseguests, and to be honest Steve had been looking for an excuse to rip the two scientists apart all morning. He had no problem with Bruce, he found the doctor very admirable but it made his blood boil whenever he saw that Bruce got smiles and cute nicknames from Tony, while the only thing Steve received was the regular brand of Stark sass. It was hard connecting with Tony on the same level as the rest of the team, but Bruce Banner was a whole different ballpark. Thor and Tony would always go drinking together whenever Thor wasn't on Asguard, often bringing Clint along, and Steve could tell Natasha had a special place in the Natasha Romanov equivalent of a heart for Tony Stark. The doctor not only got along well with Tony, but he also adored Tony, and it showed, even in the Hulk. Too often did the team trigger the Hulk when he was not needed, and they had to call Tony to try and control the wild beast. Upon seeing Tony the Hulk would just relax and literally held Tony like a rag doll in his large green hand, "Tony stay with Hulk" and the billionaire would until Hulk disappeared and Bruce came back.

The Captain jabbed his code into the door and J.A.R.V.I.S let him in, he looked over and saw that only Bruce was busy at work, Tony was nowhere in sight.

"Dr. Banner" Steve said cautiously but still making the doctor jump in surprise.

"Oh Captain, it's you, Tony is over there by Dumm-E" Dr. Banner gestured towards the sleeping man, "He fell asleep almost as soon as we got down here"

"I told him to go to bed" Steve muttered as he walked over to where he was fully intending to wake him mercilessly, that was of course before he caught sight of Tony's sleeping face. Calm and quiet, and oh so very unlike Tony, yet at the same time way too cute for a man pushing forty.

"I think he just likes disobeying you, he says you're more attractive that way" Bruce chuckled fondly, "But don't tell him I told you that".

"He w-what!" Steve spluttered in surprise, Tony thought he was attractive; he felt like his heart could burst as heat rose to his cheeks. He cleared his throat and tried regain his composure with all he could muster. Bending down to be level with Tony's sleeping form he very lightly tried shaking him awake.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't take him to seriously Captain, Tony's a natural flirt I don't think he means anything by it" the doctor said while still tapping away on a tablet in front of him.

"I'm sure we are not all you doctor, Tony actually like you" Steve could not help keep the bitterness out of his tone. He blamed Tony, the man made him possessive and jealous of everything and anything he decided needed more attention than Steve Rogers.

"Ah, I don't think that is it Captain, he likes everyone. I don't think I'm different" The doctor had put his tablet down and taken of his glasses off to clean. He was giving Steve a puzzled look, Steve turned away from the doctor and back to Tony immediately his expression softened.

"Hey Tony, Thor is going to be here soon, you need to get up" the young Captain said softly, his voice dripping with affection in way that Bruce would otherwise find repulsive, if it was anyone else. But the Captain seemed to shamelessly show his interest in Tony Stark, while the latter seemed completely oblivious to all of Steve's (some what) advances, for a genius, Tony was such an idioit sometimes. Bruce was aware of his own feelings for Tony, but he was also aware the extreme harm he could put Tony in if he ever choose to pursue those feelings. The doctor was forced to suppress those feelings and settle for Tony's close friend, but that didn't mean he wouldn't just let the Captain have him. In Bruce Banner's eyes Tony was someone special and he would make the Captain work for it because he knew Tony wouldn't, and Tony needed someone to value him the way Pepper and so many others hadn't.

"Bru-bruce" the genius mumbled slowly coming back from dreamland; Steve heard his heart shatter into tiny pieces.

"Get up stairs, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are probably here by now with Thor and Loki." Steve replied coldly, standing up quickly and giving Bruce a look then said, "You too doctor". Bruce nodded and made his way over to Tony, Steve left before having to witness something that would further cause his heart to break or threaten his blood pressure.

"What was that all about…?" Tony said desperately trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

"We got to get up stairs. The memos remember, Thor is moving in today." Bruce loomed over him

"Oh right more insanely attractive men moving into my building, that is exactly what I need' Tony sat up and yawned. Dumm-E handed him his coffee mug upside down meaning either he had finished it before falling asleep or the robot had spilled his precious drink somewhere.

"By that I hope you are talking about Thor and not his brother" Banner chuckled arms crossed against his chest.

"Hey, for an evil fairy magic "god", he is pretty easy on the eyes." Tony winked "But he will never replace you Dr. Banner" Tony stood fluttering his long lashes for emphasis.

"Tony Stark ever the smooth talker." Banner shook his head; Tony just smiled and began to head up the stairs.

In the living room, well one of the living rooms stood the Avengers new housemates, not only were Thor and Loki moving in, but Thor's girlfriend Jane and her best friend Darcy. Steve quickly learned that the dame Darcy was to be taken with caution as she had not been in the house for more than ten minutes and had already tazed Barton and Thor.

"Whoa, I'm really liking this place now, hey there Captain" Darcy said shoving Jane out of her way she leaped in front of Steve and held out her small hand (the one not holing a Taser). Steve smiled down at her and took her hand when he soon found himself embraced by the small girl. "I'm more of a hugger really," she said as she rubbed her face into his abs. If Steve had still been the pre-serum Steve he probably would not have been able to breath, the small girl was strong and she was making very uncomfortable with the way she kept rubbing his back. Jane had to pry her off the Captain, looking extremely embarrassed. "Darcy you don't just go up and grope a national icon!" she whispered hoping no one would hear.

"The way I see it, it is my right as an American citizen to grope him" Darcy said while winking at the Captain.

"I'm so sorry about her" Jane smiled apologetically and then glared daggers at Darcy "she will behave I promise".

"I won't and I don't" Darcy assured

"Hey I like her, can we keep her? She seems fun, we need more fun people in this house, pfft house, and it is more of a tower really." Tony rambled coming into the room with his usual "swagger". Darcy pushed past Steve and ran up to Tony, "Tony Stark, the Tony Stark, the genius playboy billionaire philanthropist! Oh my god!" she threw her arms around Tony's neck. Tony winked at Natasha who was standing by the seemingly lifeless bodies of Clint and Thor, she rolled her eyes unimpressed but a smile tugged at her lips.

"The one and only babe" Tony said pacing his hands on her hips and stepping back to look her in the eyes. "I am a genius and a billionaire, but I can show you why the call me a god anytime you like" Tony said huskily, Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Wow, you are a lot shorter in person, I always thought you would be taller. Anyway, I will do anything you want, for the small price of becoming your wife. Kinky threesomes, anything all you have to do is marry me and give me a credit card with no limit." Darcy said with a serious face, Natasha and Bruce snickered, Steve smiled; it never seemed to get old that people found Tony small (in height of course).

"Ha-ha, very funny, yes, everybody laugh at Tony because you are an inch or two taller. Now, everyone who is richer laugh, oh no one, yeah I thought so. Now you girl, I am so in on the threesome you tell me when and where and I promise not be late, but marriage that's not going to happen. Ever. J.A.R.V.I.S give this girl a lovely fruit basket and a car as a rejection gift." Tony explained as he walked over to the bar and served himself a drink. "Yes sir" J.A.R.V.I.S. replied in his usual crisp tone. Darcy perked up "Wow, rejection has never felt so good! Oh! Oh my god I got rejected by Tony Stark! This is going on Facebook!" because she had a feeling Tony was not lying about the car. Which he was not. "I guess that does make you special," Natasha muttered so only Bruce could hear the doctor stifled a laugh.

"Loki, the last time I saw you in my living room you threw me out my own window and we weren't even drunk! Oh, the good time we have had" Tony laughed bitterly.

"And I apologize Stark, I assure you that won't happen again." Loki said solemnly, if Tony didn't know any better he would feel sorry for him, the master trickster looked sad. Next to him the giant heap of muscle that could only be Thor started to stir, Barton remained still.

"Of that you can be sure" Natasha said with a deadly clear and crisp voice only she was capable of. Loki cringed, "Of course, now since you are all here I would like to apologize to all of you, and I hope that you can all forgive me and accept me into your home." He said in voice that could be considered sincere if you had not known who Loki was. Yet somehow Tony had the feeling Thor probably was totally convinced, Thor who had a look on his face like he might star to cry.

"Right, scotch?" Tony said offering the lie-smith a drink. Loki took it and thanked him. "Darcy your soon to be wife will have one too, and Jane because she needs one a.s.a.p." Darcy said waltzing over to Tony sliding her arm around his waist in a one armed hug. Tony draped his arm on her shoulders, and handed her a drink. "Anyone else want one?" he offered the room.

"I too which to have one! Friend Tony, you and the lady Darcy are to be wed?" Thor said in his loud booming voice.

"Yes" Darcy affirmed

"No" Tony denied, Thor looked utterly confused "No Thor, I'm too young and handsome to be married" Tony handed Thor a glass and detached himself from Darcy to give Natasha one, which she graciously accepted. He looked at Steve he already knew the Captain would refuse but even Tony had manners, sometimes anyway.

"Tony its barely even noon" Steve gave Tony a disapproving look.

"It's 3 o'clock somewhere," Loki offered the Captain, Tony laughed, "Well, there you go! Maybe living with you won't be so bad, I sense the beginning of a beautiful bromance!" Tony raised his glass to Loki and drained it.

"I do hope we can get along," Loki said raising his glass to Tony's.

"Oh we will, of that I can be sure" Tony exclaimed enthusiastically, and Steve wasn't so sure he liked the sound of that.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter reviews make me happy and i love feed back!