On My Own

.

.

Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling

Setting in Alternate Universe / AU

I take no profit of this and all the characters inside. All of the purpose for making this is just for fun and entertaining.

.

.

Written by Oulamort

.

.

CHAPTER ONE;

Hermione Granger still could remember the ringing voice on her ears as she woke up in sudden by the people who surrounded her in the bed; motionless. People—Harry and Ginny—were babbling about something; incoherent information about her husband. They flee to St. Mungo's at once; they were determined to find out about Hermione's husband condition regardless. When they arrived at the hospital, there was a crowd in the receptionist; they wanted to ask about Remus Lupin's room. Fortunately, a receptionist recognize Hermione and sent them to the examination room.

As one of her colleague had informed her that healers had been assigned to handle Remus Lupin's case—Hermione wanted to perform the diagnostic test to her husband since she was a healer in St. Mungo's. Some of her co-worker in hospital began to chattering and whispering about her husband' condition; she excused herself and needed time to be alone whilst Harry and Ginny trying to comfort their best friend in the corner of the examination room.

The exam was done at noon in an empty room. The entire process took four hours, and when one of the assigned healer crawled herself from the room, leaning towards to the cold hospital wall exhaustedly; she gave the final verdict regarding the case she had been taken: someone had obliviate and beat Remus Lupin before he was found this morning.

"Fortunately, I'm irrefutable that he's fine, for now. There's three broken ribs and all the bruising. But I'm sorry to inform you that…-" The woman hesitated, gaze was fixated upon Hermione's worried eyes. They were alone in the corridor; Hermione had requested it even tough Harry insisted to come with her—he sensed something odd and suspicions happening on Remus.

"Is he alright ? He's not that bad, isn't he ?" She began, watching the other's expression: fear was displayed upon the healer's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Lupin but I have to inform you that you're not in any of Mister Lupin memories at all." The healer elaborated, avoiding the confusion that reflects on Hermione's face. Those words were meaningless—obviously, Hermione wouldn't believe those words unless she prove the diagnostic that has been given, yet she believed it. The healer left Hermione when Ginny asked for an explanation of her friend's husband because now: Hermione sat on the floor, biting her thumb nail, apprehensively. The paragon disheartened—and it feels de já vù for her. She had been in this situation and experienced it.

Over the next two weeks, she had been isolated herself from everyone—the situation was insufferable and abysmal for her. She never visited St. Mungo's again. Ginny confessed to Harry, her husband that Hermione is not herself anymore and she's like something precious had been taken away from Hermione's life. Surely, Harry hasn't told Ginny about Lupin's condition. Every evening, Harry would come to twelve Grimmauld place where Remus Lupin and Hermione lived together to inform her, to ask her to come to St. Mungo's. She refused several times; saying she couldn't bear to see those same expression from someone who never interact with her. She felt nothing. She's the nameless woman for her husband.

One day, Hermione decided to come by herself to St. Mungo's. The door opened by a loud noise— an accident on her part. She didn't mean to make her entrance to be so dramatic like those muggles movie, despite how traumatizing this was for her. She didn't mean to interfere his daily conversation with certain healer. Huh, Remus Lupin surely had forgotten about her existence entirely because she could see hundred questions on his expression; startled and confused by her. It's like a husband being caught by his wife that he's cheating on her. The healer greeted her and left the room. Luckily, Remus heard the visitor's name.

"Good morning, Miss Granger." He articulated, smiled upon her, and it was a knife hitting her in gut to hear him using the formal causalities with her. Like the ol' days in Hogwarts before their marriage. For a second, she would stand there; unviable.

Swallowing, she walked towards to the bed as casually as she possibly could. Fortunately, she pretended to be apathy around him— she had not broken down sobbing like she did on the first night she came to twelve Grimmauld place without him.

"Hello, Professor Lupin." She returned the formal causalities— she chose the term 'Professor' because perhaps, Harry had informed him about the Golden Trio and the recent war he fought alongside with her, six years ago. "Did the healer tell you something about my presence here ?"

The man shook his head, a chortle dispersed, "Oh please, Miss Granger. Call me Remus—that's what people call me in this hospital—and also because I'm no longer a Professor again." He replied, smile still lingering upon his chapped brims before he bestowed a nod for an answer, "Yes. She mentioned that you're taking over my case. I hope we can get along as soon as possible." He murmured. "Though really, I feel fine at the moment. I've told Harry that I feel fine and if you wouldn't mind discharging me, I would be—"

"I wouldn't call three broken ribs as 'fine'; even tough you've assumed yourself fine because the full moon is in two days and obviously, you'll getting worse in the morning after the full moon." She sharply commented, "Also, if you try to avoid regular check after full moon, I will find you. I know all your hiding places, even that secret door behind one of library shelves in Grimmauld place."

Due to her articulation, mouth falling slightly agape and pupils were dilated. "How did you know ab—"

"That you hide there after full moon ? Sirius told me and I've seen you there." She smirked upon her statement as she could see the man bit his bottom lip; Sirius had swore an oath he wouldn't tell anyone about it—speaking of witch, Sirius had never visited him. Has Harry told Sirius about his condition ?

He didn't pay attention to the female figure who sat upon the mattress—his calloused hand was being held by the female and an brow was perked; he didn't expect they'd share glances because their physical interaction. This is the first time she'd felt his touch in weeks since he was gone for couple weeks—she had missed the warm and assuring glance from him. She wished she could give him a peck on his forehead, like she usually did whenever he was being cute and talkative with her.

It brought a smile on her face as she recalled the memory on her own, one of the many interaction they shared and perhaps, that now only she seemed to keep because old habits is more likely hard to die. She wanted to bring him to Grimmauld place, bring him to their room they shared in floor two and lazily laying upon the bed; listening to each other' heartbeats and constant breathing. It is obvious, they couldn't do it. She wanted to bring the stacks and stacks of photo albums they'd made and she had scrounged out of the donated photos from their friends—mainly their moving candid where usually taken place on library; Hermione would brush her tips on her husband's hair that's on her lap, feminine voice will fill the silence as Hermione read the man a book and Remus would listen to her, enjoying himself with soft voice of hers. But, she had been in this situation and understand how volatile memory was. She had to start slow, letting him to study about her. To study about their life together, once again.

"Do you know why I've been assigned to handle your case ?" She inquired to keep the other man talk to her as she tried to exam his expression—the same smile he'd share to her that she hasn't receive today.

For a brief moment, he remained silent as his gaze fixated upon the corner of this room, searching for answer on the blank wall. "You're a brightest healer witch ?" He answered, his attention now is on her again. His answer had startled Hermione, suddenly; her grip tighten and Remus could sense that something is wrong with his answer. "I'm sorry, Miss Granger. I didn't mean to say that." He released her grip on him and once again, avoiding her gaze that always locked upon him. Hermione, whom sat uncomfortably due to her old family name is lingering on his lips—she dispersed an heavy exhalation.

"It's odd, y'know. When I was your student; you've told me that. But obviously, It wasn't 'brightest healer witch'…- it was 'brightest witch I've ever seen.'" She mused, recalling the ol' memories back to her mind. Upon her statement, Remus had been taken back to reality and he inquired, once again.

"I was your teacher ? Oh! That's why you called me Professor Lupin! It's funny tough, Harry never mentioned that I was your teacher for a year. He never told me anything about you. Is there something wrong between us ? We're not enemies, aren't we ?" Hermione swore she'd hex Harry once she arrive at home, even Ginny is there; she'd hex him. Why he hasn't told him about her ? Is he waiting for the right moment ?

A good estimate given the current circumstances, but she shook her head several times.

"No." She answered softly before she decided articulate something she shouldn't have. "We're married."

He didn't say anything—mesmerized by the female's articulation. The symptoms were pupils dilated, mouth slightly opened and gaze locked upon her. She hadn't expect him to say anything yet seeing him like this; it's like degrade her. They have reached its pinnacle of embryonic conversation between them and she had eradicated the brief familiarity within him. She wanted to retract but somehow, she has no regrets whatsoever to tell him the truth. Deliberately, she brought out a small box from her pocket and reached for his hand, and she placed it on his palm. Pushing aside layers of silk before retrieving a small gold band in his palm, plain other than the engraving of a Celtic words on the inside of the metal before his gaze lifted to his left hand. She observed and she knew what he was looking at; the lack of tanline in his left ring finger. It is excruciating to assured him that they were married for two years.

"You don't wear it often," She explained, glancing on his finger. "You always said that if you wearing it on full moon—when you transform to Moony, you'd lose the ring and you don't want losing it in the mud." Hermione equivocated, a chuckle was given but it was short-lived because Remus was remained silent and unapproachable to her.

"That day, you left me a message alongside this ring—you didn't tell me where you went in the message and I assumed you were searching for Sirius. Sirius hadn't come back too back then. He was gone two months ago. You never owl me, I was worried sick! and when the others went to look after you, Sirius brought back you! He wasn't as wounded as you but he never tell me anything about what happened. I'm sorry I didn't come as soon as possible I didn't want to make—" A sob had chocked her off—she couldn't believe she had burst into tears as she began to explain the memoir of their relationship. She never behaved this way; she didn't realize she had given the other man an impression of crybaby which is obviously not her personality. Probably, because Remus Lupin had forgotten about her existence in his life—slowly, she become someone new, the old Hermione had been buried by the memories. She wanted the man to look at her with discomfort expression and ask her to leave him alone—an excuse to get away from their awkward and emotional conversation. Only Hermione who was emotional because she has memories about them and the man has no memories of them, which is making him as awkward as it can be.

"I—I'm sorry." She apologized for her behaviour, hiccupped and then laughing slowly because her bluntness and unpredictable emotions she has for the older man. However, Remus was polite enough about it and gently placed a comforting hand upon her head and patted it few times—the man had treated her like a child; it does make her mad every time he'd do it in the past yet right now, every touch that came from the man was what she needed—she missed it.

"Take your time," he told her with a deep voice; calming voice. He was using his teacher-voice to her, patronizing her. Slowly, she'd realize that she is only a student for him. She wanted to laugh at him. No teacher would've ever fucked her mercilessly in a library and in the morning, he'd apologizing himself for being so rough, treated her so badly and saying it was because the Moony that's within him. She wanted to laugh at him for being so clueless at this moment—he shouldn't have behaved her like one of the student he didn't get marry with.

She wiped away her tears with her coat sleeves and gratefully accepted the tissues he handed to her from the little table on the right side. She balled it up and discarding it in her lap. For a while, they just sat there; staring to each other like an competition Fred and George would do. Looking for honesty and the person they knew before. Remus exhaled an heavy exhalation before spoke up.

"Miss Granger, you see—"

She flinched and closed her eyes, "Please, call me Hermione, Remus."

"—Hermione, I apologize that I didn't give you information about my location nor send an owl regarding my condition several weeks ago. I must be in very dangerous situation and I must be didn't want you to get involve with it." He began, fills the serene silence that had been taking toll on Hermione—she needed a dissertation from tears that came out brief moment ago.

Same old Remus, he'd apologize himself for being old, poor werewolf; Hermione thought. Neither of them looking in the eye. She realized she must stop this

"Remus, do you really have no memory of me at all ?" She inquired. As soon as possible, she'd remember that Obliviate spell could erase the whole memories of certain person or place or information. She tried to keep the forlorn figure out of her voice, tried to build more confident about false hope she'd receive any seconds now.

Remus maintained his gaze on the book with red cover on the table.

"Am I just gone in your head ? Perhaps I could alternate your memories about me, about us and we could—"

"Harry tried and It didn't work. I saw him did something to regain strength and perhaps, memories about you when I was asleep and it didn't work. I have no recollection about you; who you are, what you are to me, everything about you. I'm sorry."

Their marriage, she could forgive—it had only been two bloody years. Their months dating each other, she also could forgive that—but her entire existence? The years of struggle and effort she spent trying to prove to him that she deserved his recognition as an adult and can make a decision of what she wanted, of what she desired, of what she needed. The years of pain and sorrow they had been through together after war—they've felt the loss of someone who was valuable and important for them. She'd known this man for ten years or so years; he had been part of her life when he filled the Defence Against the Dark Arts post in her third year in Hogwarts, when she discovered that he's indeed a werewolf, 'til the battle against you-know-who that had taken his lover and her lover too. They'd saved each other time and time again and loved each other just as often as it should be. This just couldn't be real for the young witch.

"I'll make you remember then," She told him with a determination— a personality Gryffindor has. She was no longer a lost little girl in the woods and trapped inside with a wolf; she'd grown stronger, braver, wiser. Life had thrown war, betrayal, and loss and she had faced it like an old friend. Perhaps, this is her new battle. Without magic.

"And, If I can't make you remember about me. I would make you fall in love with me again, again and again." She declared her temptation. Her mind began to make a to-do-list and possibilities as she debated her options and opinion. Where do we start ? She had told him about their marriage—well, not so detail. She had told him that she was his student; thank Merlin Harry saved the secret because she couldn't make a scene about Remus's expression as he hear the information from Harry—she wouldn't hex him tonight. Should she start with that night when they were both lonely in Grimmauld place, library to be exact because war had taken away their lovers…- or perhaps when Hermione told him that she didn't mind about him for being so old— enough for to be a dad figure for her, poor, a werewolf…- or probably when Remus finally realized that he needed her as much as Hermione nee—

Calloused hands slowly held her hands as her attention was being interrupted by the plans she tried to make.

"Hermione," He murmured; at the first time, a wish to call her with her first name had been granted by him. A slight familiarity of her Remus slowly began to appease her.

"Yes ?" She replied with hope reflected within her eyes.

"Perhaps…— Perhaps you shouldn't bring my memories back."

An svelte brow was being perked by Hermione. Of all the possibilities statement he could give to her—he chosen this; something Hermione could not have ever imagined this would be one of the endless possibilities. It hadn't crossed her mind, this request is more like a demand from the man. But there it was; echoing her head in a tone that she had been missed for several months due to lack of presence of Remus Lupin. The tone was doleful, remorseful, and so achingly tender that she almost wanted the man to repeat it again.

As she processed the statement in her mind—her expression had changed from full of hope to blank; it was transient and it barely could be count. The wedding ring was being pressed back into her hands as she spoke inarticulate, "Wh— ? I'm sorry I don't under—"

"Miss Granger, I believe from what you said that you are the brightest witch I've ever seen because I think you are. I believe every single words you said about the fact who we are, who you are, who am I to you; I believe that we were happily married—you've summed out our relationship perfectly but as matter of fact, things aren't quite adding up to me. What you've given to me was a story of us in the past—you could say it was a beautiful love story— a story about beauty and the beast but as a witch and a werewolf, I cannot help but suspect all the story you given to me as a trap. An individuals can't be disappear from person's life; there must be a glimpse of their appearance but…- If I was in love with you, If you were in love with me, If we were in love with each other, I'd remember you because I was in love with you, deeply.

"The fact that you are the only person I have no memories at all—despite our marriage might suggest that this amnesia was voluntary. I don't think you are a bad person when you walked to my room with loud noises, I didn't mean when you cry about something I couldn't remember. I don't remember what did I do 'till I couldn't remember you. But, our life together—regardless how many years we've spent together as a colleagues, friends, lovers is something I chose to forget. If myself had decided to forget your existence—perhaps, I was trying to protect you from something I didn't want you to get involve with because I love you, I loved you."

Gaze lowered, he was disingenuous to himself—if he loved this woman, why would he chose to forget her ? From all of possibilities, he had taken the wisest choice Remus Lupin would do; he'd choose to forget her to protect her. Probably it is opaque for the female as he saw her body began to shake once again and he could hear the silent sob from her. He didn't mean to hurt her, he didn't mean to use past tense because for now, he has no feelings for her; for anyone.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Miss Granger. I didn't mean to hurt but this is what I wanted before I woke up here. I hope you could forget everything that happened between us in the past and move on with our life." He articulated so easily and didn't realize the last sentence could make Hermione hex him now.

And she tried to embrace—to keep it together—but the last words was a painful hex on her.

Her hands were clenched so tightly, tears became flood once again and she couldn't figure out whether it was from anguish or fury. Did it matter, they were over, now. They were over before they began to make their new relationship.

She knew she couldn't stay at this room with him again. If not for saving her pride from further smooth humiliation from the man she loved. He wouldn't give her a comfort when she need. He wouldn't never do it again. She had no place in his life—he chose to forget her existence in his life.

She gathered herself, getting up from the bed; the tissues began to fall to the floors and before he forget her existence as she disappear herself: she wanted to articulate,

"My name is Hermione Lupin—It's no longer Hermione Granger!"

For another second, she wanted to obliviate herself from current situation so she wouldn't remember what happened between them— crumbling apart before they began to build again. She wanted to throw his ring away and broke his fucking nose so he could stay in hospital as long as he wished to because if he didn't want his ring, she didn't want hers either. Yet, she remembered the memory about him giving her this ring in muggle ceremony because her parents insisted. But as quick as the anger erupted— she hesitated; her eyes trailed to her shaking hand, and the fact that he saw her do this killed her.

But it was no longer about him, she had chose to delete her existence from him. Clutching the ring against her chest, she apparated herself to twelve Grimmauld place and she could see Sirius Black standing in the room— didn't say anything but she could read his mind at once; she shook her hand and went to upstairs: to her room she shared with her husband.

Writer's Note :

12:02 AM — Lost Stars sung by Keira Knightley playing

hello, hi, so I started this on going series of Remus Lupin/Hermione Granger when I finished my sociology exam. This is my first time publish a story in English in this website and If you may notice; English is not my first language and there'll be some grammar mistakes. Hopefully, you can forgive me because I'm still learning to write a story in a proper English grammatical.Leave a review if you like it / critics about the story and I need to log out because I have math exam tomorrow,

Good night!

Lex.