"Nympho!"
She was about twenty, fit and lean as befitted an Auror-in-training. Her Irish-green hair clashed magnificently with her Bulgarian-scarlet robes. A clash of colours, a conflict of loyalties.
"Wotcher," she said brightly.
"Wotcher?" he hesitated. "What happened to dia dhuit?" During their sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts, she'd greeted everyone with a dia dhuit - that had been during her Aidan-Lynch-fangirl phase. Lynch was Irish, so Nympho had started learning Gaelic in an attempt to seduce him in his native tongue.
"Dia dhuit's Gaelic," she explained. "And I found out that Lynch doesn't know Gaelic. Like my robes?"
"You know I never cared about clothes..." he began and then his voice trailed off. From a distance, he had only noticed that she was wearing scarlet. Now he noticed that Aidan Lynch and Viktor Krum were passionately making out on her breasts. Aidan Lynch and Barry Ryan were making out on her legs. Aidan Lynch and the referee, Hassan Mostafa, were making out on her waist. She twirled around and he saw that Aidan Lynch was making out with the other six players of the Bulgarian team on her ass.
"That's a little..." He considered it for a moment while she wriggled. "Subdued."
"It gets more explicit in low lighting conditions. And less explicit in front of preteens," she said, winking at him. "Want to check it out?"
"I'll pass. Still fangirling over Lynch?"
"Ah, no, not really. I just had this great idea for this dress and since I have contacts at Madame Malkin's now, I thought hey, why not, get it done?"
He was duly impressed. "You have contacts? Like real Aurors? Neat."
"Well I am a real Auror now," she said proudly. "Earned my badge last week." She dipped her hand inside the collar of her robes and pulled something round, firm and beautifully shaped out.
He regarded that too for a moment. "What's up with wotcher?" he said, after she'd slipped it back in. He matched his stride to hers as they walked down the campsite, past small children flying away from harried parents and Irish and Bulgarian fans at wandpoint.
"Means 'what cheer'," she explained. "Cockney."
It sounded cooler than what it meant. But Nympho was cool so everything she did or said, no matter how stupid it was, was cool. She was one of the barometers by which Hogwarts students had measured their coolness for years. Bill had been a hotness barometer, and it looked like Fred and George were the new coolness barometers. He, Charlie, had just been warm, while Percy had been freeze-your-toes-off cold.
"And I had this little sort of crush on Barty Crouch-"
He choked on air. "Hang on a second - Barty Crouch? You mean the-?"
"Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement," she said, nodding. "Major hottie."
"He's old enough to be your grandfather!"
Nympho shrugged. "Older man, younger-" she ducked her head as he whacked at her. "OK, very younger woman. And he's my boss too. Animal magnetism, pure animal magnetism. He's a wild beast, man. A wild, wild-" she shivered and giggled.
He tried not to throw up. "How'd your endeavours fare, Nympho?" he asked. Nympho was persistent. Nympho was very persistent. Hence the nickname - Nymphomaniac for Nymphadora.
"It's Tonks now," she said, frowning. "I don't go by Nympho now... it sounds kind of stripperish."
He looked at her. "Rich, coming from a girl who started stripping in the middle of a Quidditch game just to distract the Slytherin beaters."
She grinned. "I had some wild days."
He wasn't sure that they were over.
"So, what happened with old Barty. Did he-?"
She shook her head. "I got bored of him," she confessed. "I mean, I don't mind threesomes-"
"Isn't his wife dead?"
"Oh I'm not talking about his wife," Tonks said, grinning. "I'm talking about his house-elf. He's having an affair with her. Winky."
Kinky. "Been reading the Quibbler?"
"I've been chatting with Bertha Jorkins." She smiled. "And I figured, well, banging house-elves just isn't my style, I mean it's like nonconsensual, kind of, isn't it? Because their job is to please you but maybe it'd kind of be like rape... besides, I don't know a whole lot about their anatomy so..." She rolled her eyes at the look he gave her. "Oh come on, Charlie, don't be such a prude. I've been reading these amazing Japanese Muggle comics they call manga and there's some seriously kinky stuff in it... I wonder why I never tried that out at school before."
"At school?" He said, feeling lost. "Isn't Hogwarts sort of programmed not to let students have sex? The staircases to the girls' bedrooms, the utter lack of privacy in the common room and all the corridors that are supposed to be deserted, the voyeuristic portraits in the Prefects' bathrooms, the ghosts..."
"Everyone takes midnight strolls on the grounds," she reminded him.
"Yeah, but that's the point... it's cold at midnight. And it's usually wet. Not exactly ideal conditions for-"
"That didn't stop us."
"Nympho! We didn't do anything!"
"We were about to!"
Yeah, you were about to rape me in the hope that I would fall deeply and madly in love with you... thank God, Snape rescued me in time. Though we both got detention. Nympho was persistent. Very persistent. If she wanted a boy, there was no stopping her. She'd pretty much gone the whole way with him. First had come flirtation, then seduction, then attempted rape and finally blackmail. She'd suddenly, magically lost her Metamorphagus powers and morphed into a sullen, morose, mousy-haired version of her former self and half the castle had been on the point of forcing him into going out with her. Yes, Nympho was a persistent girl alright.
"Anyway, like I said about school... I was reading this manga and there was a lot of tentacle-sex in it-"
"Tentacle what?"
"Tentacle-sex. Oh don't look so horrified. It's really very cute, and I was thinking about the Giant Squid and-"
He held up his hands.
She grinned. "Then I decided squids weren't really my thing after a while, though tentacles are cute. So I was wondering, what do you think it'd be like to shag a werewolf?"
He thought about it. "Kinky once a month."
She nodded. "I might try that once."