EVEN IF…
I felt my world falling apart as he started to step back and let go of my hand. But as he stepped over the town line, at that certain moment, my heart broke into a million pieces; it's like Daniel's death again, just a thousand times harder. And all I feel is pain, one that I've never felt before. I took out the page of our supposedly meeting, which had once encouraged the hope within me that maybe I could get my happy ending, but then everything is broken now, this will never ever happen anymore because, I just let him go… I couldn't bear to break a family now, especially when I know that Roland will be devastated. He already lost his mother once because of me. He can't lose her again and still because of me. And so I tore it apart since, I'll need to move on sooner or later or I will once again be consumed by darkness and revert to my old ways. I walked as fast as I could towards my car and once I've started the engine, I drove towards the nothingness blurring my eyes.
I drove and drove until I realized that I reached the town hall. I hurriedly went to my office; it was as if something was pulling me towards it, like a magnet. As I enter my door, flashes of images came to me, the time when it was just me and Robin by the fireplace, like we were just the only people in the world, and when the time came that he had to try and kiss Marian as he tried to save her by an act of true love: TRUE LOVE'S KISS but didn't work, and when he said that, the kiss didn't work because his heart belongs to a different person. That drew a faint smile in my face. I went back to all our memories together for a short time and it help me escape the misery I am currently in. It did me well in the beginning but when it came to the part when we had to let go, I felt the pang in chest again, and tears started to stroll from my eyes once more, and I for once let my walls break and just cry in the silence having the shadows as my witness.
I felt the knock upon the door I am against, and felt like I knew who was there. Emma Swan. I didn't want to hear anything from her and so I casted a spell that blocked my senses from whatever she's saying because it won't really help me, In fact it will just ruin me to the extent that I know I can't handle anymore. She's really like her mom. The blood of the one who ruined me and put me to misery also runs in her veins. I felt the atmosphere becoming lighter as soon as she left. It's too late for second guessing but I'm starting to doubt myself. Was what I did really right? They say it's the right thing, but why does it feel so wrong? Is being happy, not for myself? Maybe what they say is really true; villains don't have happy endings, even if they change.