A/N: So, I've been having this story stuck in my head for months. It decided to come out a few weeks ago and here's the end result. However, as I wrote it, I realized this made absolutely no sense and never would Sam in his right mind leave Jules' side. But my desire to get this story out of my head was stronger than logic. Hope you don't throw tomatoes at me, I'm not liking where this is going either but it does make for good drama, right? Good love stories need heartbreaks. Still, I hope I managed to make it make sense a little at least.
For those of you waiting for the end of "Don't Play Hero", it will come very shortly! This story had taken over for a little while. Hope you enjoy!
Shift was nearly over. The team had just gotten back from a late call as they had been on night duty. Sam didn't like to claim that any kind of call was easy, every situation had a tricky part and what made the team successful was the way they worked together. But all things considered, this had been 'easy' is the sense that they had gotten through to the subject without any harm and without too much hassle. So it was no wonder the whole team had came back to the barn rather cheerfully, especially since later today after they all got a good night's sleep was the annual Team's BBQ. Sam was still rather new to the tradition but he had to admit he quite liked it and would always look forward to spending a good time with whom he considered his friends in a situation where they didn't require to wear the cool pants.
However, Sam's cheerfulness had just received a hard blow at Winnie's desk. They were getting ready for the BBQ, making sure to have their check list filled up with what each of them would bring when the boss had seemed less than joyful about joining them. And then hearing Winnie mention he was waiting for the chief's call at 7:30 made his heart stop beating in his chest. He couldn't say he had forgotten about it as it would be an enormous lie, but he had pushed that thought to the back of his mind, locked in a container that he wouldn't need to open until the time came. But the time was now.
A call from the Chief didn't only mean the Boss would have to make his decision about his future with the SRU, it would also decide the fate of his and Jules' place among Team One. Well, one of them anyway. As much as Sam wasn't ready to say goodbye to the Team, he wasn't ready to give up on his relationship with Jules either. But it was probably too late for that now anyway, if the Chief's decision was that they couldn't stay among the same team, their relationship status wouldn't care anymore. One of them would have to leave.
The sun was rising on the city of Toronto and as he grabbed a bottle of water from the vending machine, Sam couldn't help but to admire the beauty of the sunrise peaking through the tall buildings at dawn. He had always been an early riser, not only because his job required him to but because he liked to see these magical moments that only nature could bring, the few minutes that consisted the twilight of the day, between the night and the morning. However, even this beauty wasn't enough to ease his mind at the moment. He'd always been a half-full kind of person and he trusted that after proving so clearly that he would put the life of the public ahead of Jules', the Chief would allow them to stay among Team One. Leaving her to bleed on the ground while he brought another injured women out to safety had been the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life, but he'd done it, dammit. They proved that they could be professional even if they were romantically involved. However, there was also this nagging voice that reminded him of his father's phone call and how there were no such things as coincidences in life. Maybe it was some sort of sign…
He moved back to the end of the gym where Jules was standing and offered him the bottle of water. She took it from his hands absentmindedly.
"Thanks."
Her gaze moved back to the corridor that led to the gun range where Ed and Greg had moved to minutes before. Sam followed her gaze for a moment. She was looking that way without really seeing anything but as if she was waiting for someone to turn the corner at any minute and come speak to them about their future among the team. It was obvious he wasn't the only one with a lot on his mind and he let out a sigh at that thought.
She broke the silence before he did. "I guess that was our last call for Team One as we know it," she said as she looked back at him and unscrewed the cap of the water bottle. Her facial traits had fallen slightly, showing her defeat towards this situation neither of them had control over.
Sam tore his gaze away from the corridor as well to look back at her. His brows furrowed just slightly and he looked down at her saddened face, pained to see she was ready to admit their defeat already. "We don't know that."
"Yes, we do." Her response came quickly as if she had been waiting for him to try and argue with her. "The Chief already made his decision." She brought the water bottle to her lips and sipped in it carefully.
Sam's response was just as quick as if him too had figured she would argue with him. "And Dr. Toth is making a personal appeal to overturn it." His head gave small nods as he spoke as if pressing his point, trying to prove to Jules that everything was going to be fine.
Jules took a moment to swallow her water, which also seemed to give her enough time to think about what Sam had just said. "It's the Chief we're talking about," she said in a no non-sense manner, as if that itself was a valid argument. And actually it was. The Chief didn't really care for breaking up the teams as long as rules were respected and that the lives of the public were safe. For the media's eyes, at least. It was still all a bureaucracy and the SRU was government funded, if the media came to find fault lines among one of its Team, it's the whole reputation that would suffer from it.
Sam took a moment to take that in as a short silence settled between the both of them. At loss of what to say against Jules' last point, he extended his arm and shook it slightly to reveal his watch under his SRU shirt, gave it a quick glance and then let his arm drop back to his side. "Yeah, well not long now."
Jules' gaze had dropped to the floor for a moment before she looked back up to Sam. Her anxiety about this situation was obvious in her usually strong deep brown eyes. Sam knew too well this was the kind of moment Julianna Callaghan hated the most in the world. She liked to make a difference and take matters into her own hands. Now, not only was she forced to wait anxiously to know what their fate was but she couldn't do a single thing about it either. She forced her eyes to look away from his as her shoulders rose slightly and then dropped back down along with a long desperate sigh she had seemed to be holding back for a moment now.
Sam had to agree that this whole situation was unnerving. It wasn't the first time they were confronted with the question of what would happen if either of them was forced to leave the team. When they had first started dating a few years back, the reason for their breakup had been that neither of them wanted to sacrifice their spot among the team to be with each other. Thinking back on it, Sam should have decided otherwise. He loved being a part of Team One but now, Jules was a lot more important to him than a spot among the elite. He didn't want to leave the team, but if matters came to it, he wouldn't keep her from staying and be a part of the best team there was, she had worked too hard for it.
"We still haven't talked about it."
It seemed like their train of thought went in the same direction because as soon as Sam spoke, Jules knew exactly what he was referring to. She pursed her lips for a moment as if afraid to even say the words. "Which one of us leaves." she finished his thought. They had both avoided that conversation ever since they knew their relationship had been put into light to the Chief. Neither of them really wanted to discuss it as it would make the possibility of the Team being split up even more real, but they had to now.
"Maybe it's me," Sam said, trying to sound casual. He shrugged his shoulders slightly as if it was no big deal, as if making this situation sound mundane wouldn't make it all the more real. "I'm ready to lead a Team of my own."
"Yeah, but there's no vacancies for SRU Team Leaders."
Jules Callaghan. Voice of reason. Sam usually liked when she spoke her mind, it was part of what made her the strong-minded person she was and what differed her from many women. But right now he hated it because he knew she was right and he didn't want to hear it. He kept looking away from her for a moment and licked his lips nervously, pondering whether to tell her what was on his mind or not. He didn't even want to have to tell her such a thing but he knew she needed to know, whether she was ready to hear it or not. "My dad called," he threw out in the open before he could chicken out and keep it for himself.
Her expression barely changed and she didn't speak a word. She kept looking deep into his baby blue eyes and her brows furrowed slightly in a gesture to show her confusion and to invite him to continue.
"He said there's a position overseas for me if I wanna take it."
Again, there was a small silence between them. Sam observed every inch of Jules' face, trying to decipher what she was thinking about this. But he didn't even need to tell her to know she wouldn't approve of him going so far away from her for a job. But the job options in Toronto if he couldn't be Team Leader and with the kind of experience he had were limited. Jules' face twisted in worry and her eyes lingered away from Sam's eyes for a short moment before settling back on them. "Where?" Her voice was low and despite her trying to hide the sadness in it, almost pleading for this not to be true. It was obvious for Sam that the only idea of having him go away was painful for her. And it was probably worse for him.
Shaking his head slightly, Sam tried to think of a clever way to tell her where his father wanted him sent. He didn't want to tell her where it was because only mentioning it seemed so far away. They weren't out of options yet and the only thought of going back to the military was making him cringe. "Does it matter?" he asked rhetorically. It didn't really. The only truth about this was that they would be away from each other and he couldn't even being to imagine what this would be like. His father hadn't mentioned how long the job was for but knowing him and knowing how much he wanted him back in the military, it was probably more permanent than temporary.
Again, Jules looked at him for a moment before she spoke. "Would you take it?" Her face was pain stricken with the only idea of having him leave her side. Accusing, even, as if she couldn't believe he even considered this as an option.
Sam hated to make her feel like they might have to split up not only in the team but also in their personal lives. It was a lot worse that it would be if at least they could stay together despite not both being with the SRU. He started shaking his head in response but it didn't turn into a full no. "I don't wanna take it," he responded and it was the entire truth. However, it hid the fact that he might not actually have a choice but to. He couldn't afford not to work, he couldn't afford accepting any kind of job either.
It seemed like Jules caught on the fact that it could happen. She swallowed hard and tore her gaze away from his eyes.
"Sam."
Tearing his gaze away from the window, Sam turned around to look at Jules who was sitting on the living room couch on one end, obviously meaning to leave a place for him right next to her. When their eyes locked, none of them spoke. Jules' expression was almost pleading for him to join her side. He gave another glance through the window to the street in front of Jules' house that he'd come to know so well. It was probably the last good look he would give it in a long time. The sun was fading through the houses on the street and was about to set place to the night. And he knew that when it would rise again, he'd be gone.
Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly at that thought and closed the curtains as if closing them on a part of him as well. It took a moment before he turned around to look at Jules again and as their eyes met once more, she forced a smile on her lips which quickly faded as if she was sharing his thought at this exact moment. He closed the distance between them and came to sit right next to the woman he loved, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her to his chest. He heard her take in a few deep breaths of air, knowing full well it was a way to ease her emotions and push the tears away. Admittedly, he had to take a few as well.
"Let's just worry about tonight for now, alright?" she proposed, her voice so small he couldn't have heard it if she hadn't been so close. She pulled off his embrace just enough to twist her head and look right into his eyes. In response, he simply nodded before lowering his head toward her and kissing her soft lips. There were many things he would miss about being here and mostly about her, but her kisses were probably what he would long the most. Their kiss deepened and soon exploded into more passion. Jules pulled him even closer to her, her tongue moving along the edge of his mouth and begging for entry. Reluctantly Sam broke off the kiss, hearing a soft disappointment moan coming off Jules' throat. She opened her eyes to look at him, a soft frown on her forehead.
"There will be plenty of time for that later," he simply said as she almost pouted at him, which made him smile genuinely. He planted a kiss on her lips again, full of promises and then broke it off once more. He reached out to the living room table in front of him and grabbed the opened bottle of wine. He picked up a first glass with his free hand and poured wine in it, handing it over to Jules. When he had repeated the process with the other, he put the bottle back down and held his glass up for her to cling with. She gladly did and again forced a smile on her lips before sipping in it. It was a good wine and probably the one she preferred but at the moment her stomach was too messed up to find any pleasure in drinking it.
Sam took a sip as well, his eyes remaining on her, searching for her gaze while it seemed she was desperately trying to avoid it now. A crack from the fireplace got Sam to tear his eyes off her and look at the fire he had lit a few minutes before. It wasn't cold out but it somehow seemed appropriate for tonight. For Sam, it represented the fire burning inside of him for the small brunette sitting by his side, the fire that would keep burning even if he was away, no matter how long he would be. At that thought, he pulled her close to him again, careful not to spill her wine but needing to feel her body against his.
A minute later, his phone chirped on the living room table and he quickly closed the alarm, setting his glass on the table and giving Jules a look. "I'll be right back," he announced and drifted off to the kitchen. He had insisted on cooking for their last dinner together, claiming she wouldn't get to taste his delicacies in a long time. She argued back saying he needed the time to get his things ready but deep down, she was happy that he would do this for her.
He returned moments later with two full plates of chicken and steaming veggies with his special side of pastas. At the sight and the smell reaching her nostrils, Jules couldn't help but let out a content hum in anticipation.
"This looks amazing," she commented when he placed the plate right in front of her.
"I hope it does more than look amazing," he responded with a playful smile. He sat down right next to her on the couch, taking back his rightful place by her side. On top of deciding to cook for her, Sam had also claimed that a living room dinner sounded perfect because they wouldn't even have to move from that spot if they wanted to cuddle for desert. Besides, this was a special night and dinning on the couch fitted perfectly with the kind of cosy atmosphere he wanted to create.
Both of them remained rather silent all through dinner, both because they were enjoying their meals and each other's company quite simply and because talking would inevitably bring up to a conversation they didn't want to have – that they did have before and which outcome was also inevitable, but they didn't need to dwell on it right away.
"No way," Jules said, shaking her head frantically. "I'm not letting you do this."
"Jules, what other choice do we have?"
"We have plenty," she snapped back at Sam, letting her hand drop to her side loudly, showing her annoyance. Right now it was directed at Sam but it was unintentional, she was more annoyed at the situation they were forced to be in. "There will be an opening for you on another team, you could just work for the military stationed here in the meantime. This is not your only option. Not our only option."
"There is no opening and with the background I have, I'm not a paperwork kind if guy. I need to be out in the field, I can't afford to stop working." His tone meant no non-sense but his voice betrayed his sadness at the thought of having to leave her for an extended period of time.
"Sam it doesn't mean you have to go overseas!" It came out faster and louder than she intended but she made no attempt at an apology. She couldn't believe he was willing to give up on them so easily.
It was 2 weeks ago since the team's BBQ, it was two weeks ago that Greg had announced them that even with Toth's personal appeal, the Chief's decision was that they could not remain on the same team and that one of them had to leave within the week. They would assign someone else to the team temporarily until they decided on a new member.
Hearing the news had shaken Jules up a lot more than she would have imagined possible. This changed everything. Completely. Being her usual self, she had not crashed down in front of everyone else even as they all hugged Sam and her in support to this harsh decision. She had remained strong, at least it looked as if. But as soon as Sam and her had been in the Jeep on the way back home, she had exploded. They ended up staying in the parking lot of the park for a little while, just holding onto each other and letting emotions get the best of them.
Now, two weeks later, Sam had decided to take the job overseas his father offered him without really consulting her first. At least not until now.
Sam looked at her and didn't say anything, knowing she needed a moment to calm down. "I've been off the team for a week now." After hearing the news and not agreeing about who was to leave the team on such short notice, Sam hadn't given her a choice and went to resign behind her back. She hadn't been happy, but she also knew if it wasn't him, it would be her. The decision had to be made in one way or the other. "I've seen you leave in the morning, I've seen you come back at night without knowing much of what happened in between. This is killing me slowly Jules, not only because I'm not part of it but because I have no way of watching over you at all times anymore. And when my mind isn't busy, I think of what could happen and it kills me even more."
"I should have left the team instead of you," she said darkly even though she knew too well Sam would have never let her do it.
"Jules you're not being reasonable. This is all you've ever worked for. There are plenty of openings for me and you know that."
"Yeah, 6000 miles away from here," she scoffed and looked away from him, clenching her teeth in order not to explode in another fit of anger. She didn't add anything to that, losing herself in her own thoughts. A rational part of her brain was trying to tell her she had already been away from Sam when she broke up with him the first time and she had survived. Besides, this job of his wasn't permanent, at least not according to Sam. It was hopefully just for a few years. But the emotional side of her was coming back and reminding her of how hard it had been for her to break up the first time around. When they started seeing each other again earlier this year, they both knew the risks of what their secret relationship entailed and Jules thought she was ready for it as it was a risk worth taking to be with him. But now that she was confronted with the consequences, it was unbearable.
She closed her eyes, trying to roll the tears back but one of them escaped and ran down her left cheek. She didn't even bother to wipe it off quickly in order not to show that weakness, she knew Sam would see right through her even if she didn't cry. As she opened her eyes, they were reddened by sadness. She sought for his and stared at him for a moment. "What am I gonna do?" she asked it that small voice she used when emotions were too overwhelming.
Actually it was the other way around, Sam thought. What would he do? She would still have the guys to hold her at least. Not only would he be away from her but he would also be on his own without friends to rely on. But he knew it was unfair of him to tell her that, she would hurt just as much no matter whom she was around. Instead, he closed the distance between them and wrapped her in his arms, Jules' head crushing on his chest and her arms holding him tight against her. Sam kissed the top of her head tenderly. "We'll get through it. I'll come back as often as possible and as soon as I have an opportunity around here, I'll take it regardless. I promise you that."
Jules put her fork down in the empty desert plate and leaned back in the couch, holding her stomach with her hand. "I'm so full," she commented, already regretting the exercise she would have to do to make up for it. "Thanks that was amazing."
"You've seen nothing yet," Sam answered with a sly smile before Jules slapped him on the chest. His face was full of promises which would have made her blush if they had just started dating. But instead she responded with one of her own at the thought of feeling his naked body against hers, feeling his kisses all over her.
Her smile faded slightly and she fell into silence, her gaze dropping to her hands. She would miss that, she would miss him by her side, she would miss his touch, she would miss sharing everything with him after a long day at work. Her eyes watered up at the thought that these were their last few hours together until they were roughly separated. Not bothering to hide the tears, her eyes sought up for his and his face quickly dropped at her pitiful sight. Again, he pulled her to him and held her tight to which she started sobbing. Unwillingly but unable to hold it back in anymore, Sam's eyes watered up, both from seeing her so sad and because he had to leave her, leave everything he knew.
"I thought you proposed just to worry about tonight," he said after a moment, when he could compose himself enough not to make it sound as if he was crying.
"I can't. Now I worry about what comes after tonight," she admitted, her face still crushed into his chest. She marked a short pause before continuing. "And I hate it. I hate everything about it."
Sam knew there was nothing he could say to make her feel better at the moment. They have had this conversation multiple times and it always came to the same conclusion: being apart for so long would be a torture. Now that they knew what being together officially and without hiding it from the rest of the world felt like, it felt so unfair that it would be taken away from them so soon.
As if something crossed her mind, Jules looked up at him, seeing the tears that were also falling silently down his cheeks. "Sorry it's not fair to you for me to cry so much. You're the one whose life is changing drastically."
"Both of ours are, honey."
They both let that thought linger for a moment and then Jules broke the silence. "I love you so much, don't ever forget that."
"I won't," Sam promised and they both knew it was true.
Sam couldn't sleep. Jules had almost sworn she would stay up all night with him to make the most of their last few hours together, which she managed for most of the night until exhaustion took over her. She had been on shift the previous day and all the crying – as well as the epic sex – had worn her out.
Sam smiled at that thought, tonight had been perfect from the start, exactly how he wanted their last night to be despite hating that it had to happen at all. After dinner, they quickly cleaned and nearly ran to the bedroom, kissing each other all the way through the door and to the bed. Jules dropped against the mattress, grabbing a hold of Sam's shirt on the way, forcing him to follow along. And from there, hot and steamy sexual tension was released in more than one way.
Sam stared at the alarm clock, the red numbers on it looking back at him like a dare and he glared at it as if willing them not to change. He had to catch an early plane and before daylight would rise through these curtains, he would be gone, leaving behind a gorgeous naked woman, but mostly the woman he loved above all. He sighed when yet another minute appeared on the clock and decided not too dwell on it anymore and switched his gaze over to Jules who was sleeping by his side. She looked content in her sleep, all of her worries gone as long as she was in the dreamland. Seeing her that way made Sam want to wrap her in his arms again but at the same time, he didn't want to wake her up and take her out of the peaceful state. He glanced at the clock again, the alarm was due to ring in 4 minutes. He extended his arm and shut it off before it could ring and again, found himself staring at the small brunette by his side. With a long sigh he slowly pushed the covers off him and flipped his legs off the bed. Another quick glance at Jules told him she was still profoundly sleeping.
He made a quick stop to the bathroom before getting dressed as silently as possible. His luggage was already by the door and his backpack on the living room floor, ready to leave along with him. He went to the kitchen to call a cab and then went back to the room he had shared with Jules not nearly long enough. Jules was still sleeping, it was like she hadn't moved at all. Sam felt the urge to go check on her and make sure she was alright but the soft movement of her chest under the covers told him she was perfectly fine.
Knowing the cab would take a moment to get to the house, Sam leaned against the door porch and observed the woman he loved as she slept. Part of him wanted to tell her a last goodbye, a more official one. But he stayed put, his mind was made that he would not wake her despite this going against his deepest desire to hold her and kiss her one last time. He wanted the last memory she had of them together to be a good one filled with love and passion, not a heart-breaking moment of tears and sadness.
He could have stood like this for hours just watching her, trying to take in every single details of her up to the way she breathed just so that he could remember them properly and as clearly as possible when he would be so far away from her. Of course, he was bringing a ton of pictures along, but it wasn't the same as seeing her move, reading her facial expression, hearing her snappy comments, smelling her delicate sent, tasting her lips on his and holding her in his arms as much for comfort as out of physical necessity. He let out a long sigh and rubbed his face with an open hand as if to erase the emotion from it. Turning to leave, he gave a last look behind and stepped out of the room.
The sun had yet to come up, there were glimpses of sunlight on the horizon but it wasn't enough to lighten his way to the living room. However, he had done that path so many times – especially when he couldn't sleep in the past few weeks thinking and dreading this exact moment – that he didn't need any kind of light to know exactly where he was going. Once in the living room, a quick look out the windows told him his cab was already there. He grabbed his luggage on the way out but hesitated before opening the door. He looked back at the house once again but a painful expression ran across his face, as if realizing for the first time the extent of what he was leaving behind. It was even more than the woman he loved, it was his whole life, his heart, his home. He made a mental promise to himself that he would make everything in his power to come back to Jules as soon as possible, but before he could make it happen, he had to leave.
Unwillingly, he opened the door and stepped out, bag on shoulders and luggage in hand before silently closing the door back behind him.
As if sensing his absence, as soon as the front door closed Jules' eyes flew open.
A/N 2: Technically, this was a one-shot in my mind but I feel like trying something because I like this story line. If you have requests in what you would like to read concerning this story (happy, sad, angsty, right when it ends, weeks later, months later, different POV, anything), feel free to mention it in the reviews or through PM, I will take the one or ones that inspire me the most and carry this plot on. :)
Until then, thanks for reading!