A/N: Plot bunnies will be terminated with extreme prejudice. This one is no exception.
Cretan Front
Frontline Trench 44
0630 Hours
Life in the trenches was hard. There was artillery, sniper fire, a lack of food and medical supplies. Oh, and the bugs. Always the goddamn fucking bugs and rats and fleas! The normally stoic Riza nearly screamed in rage as she swatted yet another insect away from her face. Seven months on the frontline without rest hadn't been very good to her or to the rest of Amestrian military.
Normally she would have dealt with it by herself, in her own way, and been just fine. However, this campaign was different. The gunners in the enemy trenches seemed to have horrible aim right until the latest supplies came in. Then they came in and blew them all to hell. Including the coffee. The coffee. That brown, bitter, terrible, vital powder that essentially fueled the efforts of the Amestrian army in general, Riza in particular. Enemy barrages managed to leave the rest of the supplies unscathed, but the coffee always got blown up. All the soldiers sent to pick up the supplies could do was to watch helplessly as their coffee went sky-high. It had almost become a routine, with the soldiers making bets as to how long it would take for the latest coffee to be destroyed.
Ah, coffee. The most wonderful thing in the world, when she had it.
"250 cenz says seven minutes, tops!"
"Nah, it's gonna get hit even before it makes it here! The entire truck is probably gonna get blown up on the road, eh?"
"No, no, no, the latest shipment isn't even going to arrive. The REMFs back in Central FUBARed it, just like the one last month. Remember how we got a truck full of clothing meant for Briggs?"
"Ugh, don't remind me. I nearly starved." The rumor mill was interrupted when the soldier on watched shouted.
"Hey, heads up! Convoy's here! They need help unloading, now!" A few artillery rounds began exploding. Riza grabbed her rifle, stood up and waved to the soldiers currently with her.. They struggled to their feet, grumbling and groaning. In a single column, following military regulations on adequate spacing and pace, they marched to Offloading Bay 6. It wasn't so much a bay as a large pit in the ground, littered with debris and trash. The first truck rolled into the bay and stopped. The sergeant in charge of unloading began barking orders at everyone in the pit. Riza deferred to his experience and waved her people forwards. Supplies began flying out of the truck and into a pile by the side of the bay. Very quickly the truck was unloaded and the driver pulled out of the bay, anxious to be away from the increasing amounts of artillery. The next vehicle rolled in.
"What's in the truck?!" A sergeant shouted above the noise.
"The usual! Food, ammo, coffee…" Every soldier within 30 meters looked up and simultaneously said:
"Coffee?" There was a massive rush to get everything out of truck as fast as possible. Soldiers climbed into the truck, yelling and ordering. Ammo and rations were thrown into waiting hands who then passed it to runners waiting to take them to where they were needed. But really, there was only one thing they were really after.
"Found it!" Buried at the bottom of all the rest of the fresh food and ammo was the coffee.
"Get it out of there! Hurry!" They started to unload the coffee but it was too late. Artillery rounds began landing inside the unloading bay.
"Shit! Incoming! Scatter!" The driver kicked open the door and dove out, rolling behind the tangled wreck of a previous truck. Soldiers sprinted for nearby bunkers and foxholes, ducked under and behind various objects, or just went prone and spread out from each other. Shells began raining into the loading dock, pulverising the ground and supply crates still there. Fortunately most of the food and ammo had already been moved. However, the coffee was still in the truck. The soldiers could only gaze on in despair as the barrage blew the truck into twisted steel and shredded canvas. After digging a few more craters into the already pulped landscape the artillery ceased. Soldiers began to poke their heads up. One surveyed the destruction, checked his watch and turned to his buddies.
"See? Six minutes. 250 cenz, pay up."
Cretan Front
Forward Observation Post 9C
0200 Hours
Riza peered through cracked and dirty binoculars. She squinted, trying to penetrate the thick morning fog. Somewhere across no-man's land, she knew her counterpart was doing the same, trying to see through the fog and kill her. Try as she might, she felt no hate for that mysterious other. This was war, after all. The person in the other trench probably didn't want to be here just as much as she did. Riza lowered the glasses and wiped them off. A yawn hit her, which she tried to stop with no success. Her shift would be over in a few more hours. If only there was some coffee…
It was more a feeling than anything seen, but something moved in the fog. Her rifle was in her hand in less than three seconds. "What the… Star!" No response came for several long seconds and she considered firing.
"Central!" The response to her challenge came, but Riza didn't lower her guard. For all she knew the Cretans got the response from a captured patrol.
"Show yourselves! Slowly!" Four people appeared out of the mist. "Identify yourselves!"
"Sergeant Xavier Kim, sir! My squad and I are back from deep recon. Permission to enter the lines!"
"Let me see your ID first." Cretan infiltrators were top-notch, and everyone who lasted more than two months on the frontlines learned to be wary for them. Riza had been there eight. Kim handed over his identification. Riza shone a small black light on it to confirm that it was real. "Thank you sergeant. Go get some rest and food. You've earned it." He grinned and waved his soldiers forwards. Something about their smiles tipped Riza off. "Hold up sergeant. What are you up to?" Kim started, then tried to look innocent.
"What're you talking about, lieutenant?"
"You know. Spill, sergeant."
He shook his head and chuckled. "Was I that obvious? Wait, don't answer that. Well, what we've got here is a bag full of Cretan contraband. Specifically, the caffeinated kind." Riza's eyes widened. Cretan coffee, as one of the best blends in the world, was naturally out of the reach of the ordinary soldier. Add to that high command's ban on anything "Made In Creta" and well… let's just say that even the black market couldn't keep up. And now these soldiers had bags full of the stuff.
"Do I want to know how you got this?" Her inner soldier was telling her to report these soldiers, to throw the book at them. But the other side of her only heard the word "coffee". After a brief war the soldier side of her was destroyed with extreme prejudice.
"Nope!"
"Alright. I'm willing to let you go this time." Riza smirked. "Provided that you hand over some of that contraband for inspection."
Kim shook his head with a smile on his face. "Got me there lieutenant. Alright. How much do you want?"
"I'll take enough for...oh, let's say three cups."
The sergeant pretended to choke while his soldiers played along and looked stunned. "Thr - three cups! Are you trying to ruin me?!"
"Come on sergeant. You wouldn't want me to report you, now would you?"
"Bu-bu-bu-bu- fine. Here's the coffee." The sergeant pulled off his bag with a grumble and handed over a few tins.
"Thank you sergeant. Now, double time. I imagine your friends will be happy to see you."
"Yes sir!" The four disappeared into the fog behind Riza, doubtless going to share the joys of caffeine with their comrades.
A few hour later Riza staggered back to the main trench line, exhausted from her long watch. She put her pack under her cot and collapsed. Before blacking out she touched the bag once. She fell asleep smiling, knowing caffeine awaited her in the morning.
Truly, coffee was the best thing in the world.
Cretan Front
Chow Line
0700 Hours
Riza stood in line to receive her rations for the day. She picked up three tins containing breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As she turned away, a voice whispered behind her.
"Psst! Lieutenant!" She turned around and saw a group of soldiers standing near an ammo crate.
"Yes?" They looked around then motioned for her to come near. Against her better judgement she went over.
"Hey, is it true? I heard you actually found coffee somewhere!" So that was what this was about. The speed at which rumors got around never failed to surprise her.
"Yes. Why?" Keep it simple and she might be able to get out of this situation.
"So, you think you could spare some?" Oh, great. The soldiers looked at her hopefully.
"I-I don't know…" Stalling, stalling, looking for a way out.
"We'll pull your guard duty for you!" Well, that was tempting. "We'll also trade you the chocolate in our rations!" Oh, that wasn't fair. Riza had no defense against chocolate. Add to that the prospect of not having to spend time in that FOP and…
"Alright, how much do you want?"
"Um… three cups?" Ooh, that was hard. But the rewards were worth it.
"Deal." All walked away from the deal satisfied. If this is what coffee could get her, it was the greatest thing in the world.
Cretan Fro… you're not even reading these, are you?
Derpland
3600.5 Hours
"Come on! Give it here!"
"Hell no man! It's mine, fair and square!"
"Fair and square my ass! You cheated, I saw you!" The two soldiers argued over who won the card game and thus the rights to the the most important, greatest thing in the world, at least to them.
Coffee.
"You calling me a liar?"
"Yeah, what if I am? You gonna fight me?!"
"Maybe I will!" The situation was escalating pretty quickly. The two men were almost at blows, weeks of caffeine deprivation taking its toll. Luckily a certain blond lieutenant was conveniently around the corner.
"What's going on here?" Riza poked her head into the dugout. Both of them instantly turned and saluted. They shouted simultaneously.
"Sir! It was him! He started it!" Fingers were pointed and glares were exchanged. Riza pinched her nose. She'd been dealing with this kind of thing for months. There was a certain process to this.
"Alright you two, tell me what happened."
"Sir! We were playing cards for this coffee and this son of a b-I mean, valued comrade, cheated!" He turned to the other man, glaring at him. "And now he's trying to deny it!"
The cheater turned to face the cheated as well. "Oh wah, wah, wah! Deal with it! Do you have any evidence? No? I didn't think so! Now run on home to mommy and tell her how you lost to a big boy!"
"Come on, fight me!"
Riza interrupted as she stepped outside the dugout. "Gentlemen, as enlightening as this conversation was, I believe I'll be taking my leave. Now, don't start anything, and I won't report you to the higher-ups, okay? Thanks!" And with that she walked off, coffee under arm. The two soldiers looked at each other, stunned. They then simultaneously face-palmed and groaned.
"Godammit!" The sound followed Riza as she walked back to her own quarters, a happy spring in her step. She supposed it was no surprise they were fighting over coffee. It was the greatest thing ever.
Cretan Front
Field Hospital 9D
1800 Hours
"Hey Riza." She groaned as she blinked open an eye. The world took a few seconds to come into focus, revealing the concerned face of Roy Mustang.
"Colonel? Why are you here?" Riza struggled to sit up in bed.
"I heard you got injured. I came here to check on you." He looked her over. "Pretty bad, huh?"
"I guess so, sir." Roy raised an eyebrow.
"That's all you can say? 'I guess so?'"
"What do you want me to say, sir?"
"You know we're on our own, right? You don't have to call me sir."
Riza snorted. "Drop the pretense, sir. I think we both know why you're really here."
A smile. "Heh. In that case, Riza, may I?" She laughed, her first genuine laugh in several months.
"Do you even have to ask?" As their lips made contact, she changed her mind. Screw coffee, this was the greatest thing in the world.
Although coffee was still a close second.
A/N: So… tired…. need… coffee…