The Results of the Honeymoon
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece.
Summery: Naruto discovers what he's been missing out on when he returns. Sequel to 'The End of the Honeymoon', but can be a stand-alone.
Author's Note: An attempt to continue 'End' in a way that was as humorous. Possible out-of-characterness and general abuse. Probably wasted one too many brain cells on this piece…
Rating: K+
Konoha realised that when they set-up Naruto to walk in on his former senseis, they should have been prepared for some repercussions.
Sakura came into Tsunade's office on that fateful day, worried about her former team-mate. She had run into him on her way to the Tower and had noticed that something was amiss. It wasn't exactly normal for her recently returned and over-exuberant friend to be in a fetal position on the curb, rocking back and forth with his hands over his ears, singing the birthday song to himself.
Hinata was concerned because Naruto kept muttering something about going to a 'Happy Place' in between verses.
Kiba had to run because he had suggested that Hinata flash Naruto to help him from his shock—right in front of Hiashi. Who knew that the man was standing there?
Gai and Lee were torn—should they praise the teacher-student bond that Iruka and Naruto seemed to share or should they be concerned that Iruka was bellowing and smacking Naruto upside his head while the other seemed to be coming out of shock?
TenTen was impressed when Naruto bounced back and no lasting damage seemed to have been sustained. Truly, his healing powers (or maybe it was his ability to forget) were amazing. She didn't think that she would be able scream back at her sensei about mundane things such as being corrupted and buying ramen to sooth the wounds if she had walked in on Gai with anyone, much less another former sensei.
Ino made the mistake of asking if Naruto had gotten a look at Kakashi's face.
Moegi asked Udon if it was normal for teenaged boys to be whimpering on the edge of the street moaning 'my eyes, my eyes, oh sweet gods, my eyeballs!! Happy birthday to me…'
Kakashi and Iruka confided to each other that they felt bad and maybe they should try something different to help the boy as they groped each other and generally disturbed the village.
Izumo—ever out to help a comrade in need—slid the card of his therapist in Naruto's forehead protector and noted that there were openings for appointments on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Chouza expressed his concern that it was Kakashi would was trying to comfort the blond boy. He didn't seem to think that it was appropriate for the masked man to be explaining love and homosexual relationships using potting soil, handcuffs, a dildo, expired ice cream, and a cardboard cut-out of a Spanish Galleon.
Kurenai and Ibiki both offered to help erase the memory of not only Naruto, but anyone else within a hundred meter radius of that talk. They also offered to make a good memory of eating ramen at Ichiraku with Iruka when Naruto came home instead of the scene he had witnessed.
Neji couldn't even bring himself to reassure Naruto that he was fated to go through this. The idea was too cruel a prospect, even if he was tired never being able to practice using his Byakugan because he never knew when he'd get an eyeful of Kakashi and Iruka together. He did, however, put an umbrella over the traumatised boy when it started to rain a few days later.
Some hope was restored when the owner of Ichiraku send five bowls of his best ramen over. The smell rousted Naruto to stop rocking and uncurl. By the end of the third bowl, Naruto seemed to have recovered.
Kakashi and Iruka were guilt-free when they screwed each other into oblivion that night.
Things to seemed to be fine and Konoha had more or less resigned itself to its fate when Jiraiya upset things again. The Sannin cheerfully told Naruto that he was thinking of expending his Icha Icha repertoire and did Naruto care to help out by giving the Frog Hermit a head start on his notes?
Anko felt bad enough for Naruto that she would throw a half a dango his general direction ever time she passed on her way to get missions. The dangos usually bounced off of the unbalanced teen's head, and while she hated to see good food go to waste, at least she could feel like she was doing something about the situation.
Hanabi got into trouble later when she started giving directions that included 'turn left at the rocking blond basket-case'.
Tsunade finally stormed down a week later and slapped Naruto silly and ordered him to visit Izumo's therapist. She screamed that it should take more than seeing his two father figures screwing like rabid rabbits and giving him bad sex talks to break a future Hokage. The rest of the village had to suffer through it as well and had done so for two years, so Naruto should suck it up. Anyhow, it's not like him being there made much of a difference and she had lost another bet on whether an interruption from Naruto would dampen Iruka and Kakashi's sex life.
Shizune observed that while it was effective in getting a reaction out of Naruto, perhaps Tsunade-sama should have left the last part out. Still, it was nice to see Naruto screaming and throwing fits again.
Kakashi and Iruka—disgruntled, but used to being interrupted—came down and watched the scene in front of them. When the destruction looked like it was getting out of hand, Iruka magically produced a voucher for ramen and Kakashi waved an ad for a new gambling bar in front of the Hokage's face.
The village gave up then. It resigned itself to not only be doomed to Kakashi and Iruka's appetite, but Naruto's shrieks whenever he interrupted them—which people decided was better because then Kakashi and Iruka would lay off for a bit.
Naruto vaguely wondered if it was purposeful that he always seemed to be the one sent to get one of his senseis, but then dismissed the thought. Nobody would be mean enough to subject him to that again and again.
x Fin x