A/N: I finally admitted to myself recently that I have writer's block on Ensnared and Usurped, so I wrote this after seeing some One Piece stripper!au stuff that is currently taking over my dash via reblogs by other people on Tumblr. And as I can't draw well enough to join in on the fun (?), I started writing instead. This fic actually has nothing to do with strippers, as it switched gears almost immediately, but I was inspired to write some KidLaw in any case. So this fic happened (modern AU, btw), with the first chapter here a poor attempt at a semblance of a plot (which is essentially Kid going ooh yeah nice booty, which...isn't much of a plot, I guess, but it did give me an amusing idea for a title in the process) before the next two chapters kind of ignore the attempt at plot and just have Law being sassy, and eventually, kinky, and Kid just on and off pissed off.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from One Piece.

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Kid enjoyed a good drink now and again, or when he had the free time, really, which was why he'd gone through the trouble of finding the best bar in town to use as a regular haunt. He certainly enjoyed it more after a good days work in the mechanic shop he ran. And the trips for drinks after that hard work were made even better because he'd found a way to amuse himself while he drank.

Besides having a great variety of choices for drinks in general, there was also the fun of getting on the nerves of one of the bartenders. In fact, it had become one of Kid's favorite things to do when he went out for a drink, mainly because the guy was such a sarcastic asshole. Kid even went to the bar when he wasn't interested in getting a drink. He would do it just for the sole purpose and pleasure of exchanging a flurry of insults between himself and the bartender, who seemed to enjoy the verbal dueling just as much as Kid did.

However, the red head noticed that, the longer he went to that bar over the course of a few months, the less he insulted the bartender and the more he observed the man instead. Kid had even begun to take note of the bartender leaving the drink he most often got on the countertop of the bar. It was even in front of the stool that Kid usually took, so it was there for the red head to drink the moment he entered the establishment. Not that it was free; the one time Kid had tried to leave without paying he'd gotten a hand down his pants' pocket as the dark haired bartender yanked cash out of it. Kid had threatened to punch the man in the face but the sarcastic as well as dismissive response gave the red head pause.

"Punch me and you'll be banned from the bar for good. You wouldn't want that, would you?" The smirk had been there, smug and confident. "And you wouldn't like missing out on what you believe to be witty back and forth banter." The bartender used Kid's frozen state to stuff the extra money down the front of his pants. "We don't allow tabs here, just so you know." The man flashed the money he'd taken. "So I'll have you pay up now so it won't be an issue."

Kid paid for his drinks after that, mainly because he liked that the bartender had had the gall to put his hand down his pants like that. And once the red head was let back into the bar after threatening the bartender with bodily harm a second time, Kid made sure he left extra money. Not that any threat seemed to have intimidated the dark haired man in any case, based off the smirk on his face after the two month ban from the bar. Kid could see it in his eyes. As if the other man were daring him to try his shit again and get himself banned again from the bar. Kid figured it would have been a longer ban before had the bartender not stepped in and admitted he was at fault as well; all without losing that fucking smirk on his face.

The red head came back as soon as he was able to, but instead of the customary verbal sparring the bartender seemed to expect of him, Kid opted for something different. The red head stared and grinned, like he was thinking of something positively wicked and indecent. Kid let the grin deepen when the bartender smirked in return before promptly ignoring him as he went to mix some drinks for other customers.

Kid slid some money on the counter and waited for the dark haired man to pass him by. And that was when Kid realized that there was something going on that he hadn't been aware of, as soon as the man moved by him and continued onward after picking up the money.

Shit.

That bartender had a nice ass.

Why hadn't he noticed that before? The red head figured he must have been too busy trading insults to really notice before. Kid tilted his head to the side and let his grin slip to something immoral, to let the bartender know that he was thinking naughty, naughty thoughts about him.

The bartender slowly slid another drink his way on his return, appraised Kid with a sweep of those golden eyes, before the dark haired man moved on with a hint of a smirk flashing across his face.

And that was when Kid noticed it.

The bartender had a fucking sway to his hips like he was on a damn runway as he walked further away. A quick glance over a shoulder let Kid know the slight show was for him.

Interesting.

Kid showed his teeth more in the grin he wore. That look he'd been given had sent his mind to interesting places, but he needed some time to think why first. Kid left more money after he finished the drink, and slipped away with one final glance the bartender's way. And grinned some more, pleased, when he saw that the man's eyes were fixed on him.

Once they caught one another's gaze, the bartender lifted one tattooed hand and flipped Kid off with a flourish before going back to serving drinks.

The red head liked that, very much so, and went home to his apartment to figure something out. And that something Kid wanted to figure out? He wanted to know the reason why he had liked being flipped off, even if he had a good idea already.

-x

The why became apparent the next time Kid went to the bar.

It took the red head maybe ten minutes of scrutinizing the bartender to figure out that his question to the why he'd liked being flipped off had been answered. Well, in that he knew that he liked it because it had turned him the fuck on with the teasing shake the other man had given his ass the last time he'd been in the bar. When Kid realized this, he knew that tonight was the night he was going to get himself hammered. The red head was going to order as many drinks as he could think of. Kid wanted to make the dark haired bartender have to go up and down to the shelves along the back of the bar to get his drinks. And why did Kid want this? Because the bartender was wearing different pants that night.

The bartender wore the same shirt as always, along with the apron that came and went for reasons unknown.

But those pants.

Those fucking pants were going to be the death of him.

Kid focused on those pants as if his very life depended on memorizing what they had to offer. Fuck, those pants were a thing of beauty because they left little to the imagination. The red head felt himself internally drooling and hastily downed a shot of whatever the bartender had set on the counter for him when he'd walked in.

Whiskey.

Kid tilted his head to one side and then the other as the dark haired man walked by him to pass out another drink at the far end of the bar. It allowed Kid to get a good view of the man walking in those tight, tight pants that hugged that fine ass. And it was a great ass no matter how close or far away the red head looked at it. Kid didn't discriminate when it came to a good booty, man or woman. And the bartender had a fine one indeed, and Kid found himself having dangerous thoughts of wanting to touch it should it come within his reach.

"You want another shot?"

"Yeah." The red head hastily slapped a good deal of money on the table and met the bartender's smirking visage with a wolfish grin of his own. "Get me other stuff too. I want to get drunk off my ass tonight." If he passed out, it would be worth it to get a good eyeful of that ass on that sexy bartender. Kid wasn't sure when he had started to find the other man so attractive, but that night it was amplified and even Kid's dick seemed to agree that it was a nice sight.

"I'll see what I can do." The bartender promised, his golden eyes taking on a mischievous glint as his smile stretched into a satisfied smirk.

Kid didn't fucking care why he was being given such a pleased smile, because he was being given a great show of that ass in those pants as the man fucking swayed from side to side as he went about his work.

It seemed like it was going to be a great night minus the inevitable lecture Killer was sure to give him once he was sober again. For once, Kid felt he could handle it, as the bartender seemed to sense his eyes on him and did something even better then before. Kid swore under his breath as the dark haired man put a damn near rolled those hips in a sashay like he liked the attention the red head was giving him. Once, Kid could have sworn the dark haired man flexed the muscles in his legs to give his ass a shake as he passed within inches of the red head, who'd taken to leaning and leering over the counter at the sight. Kid shifted uncomfortably on the bar stool as he gulped down some more alcohol in an attempt to ignore it. But the bartender's ass swaying to and fro in those snug fitting pants, coupled with that damn infuriating smirk, did not help in the least bit to solve his discomfort.

Fuck.

There was no use denying the full on erection he now had. If Kid drooled for real at the sight before his eyes, he felt justified in doing so. The red head was even sorely tempted to vault over the counter and violate the bar's code of conduct in front of everyone. Hell, Kid had a feeling that the bartender wouldn't mind a little groping here and there from the leer that came and went with the standard smirk the red head was now used to seeing.

And since the dark haired man appeared to know the effect he was having, he now made no effort to hide it and went all out in flaunting himself, as if he'd found an interesting way of getting revenge for past irritations. And turning the red head on while in a bar packed with patrons seemed to be an amusing way to go about it.

Kid didn't mind. Not anymore. Because really, who wouldn't want to get an eyeful of that?

That being the bartender pointedly leaning over to pick something up off the ground.

Kid almost, almost reached out to slap that ass, but restrained himself. It earned him a not so nice middle finger aimed his way like a missile. Kid figured he'd deserved it because he was certainly looking like he was more interested in drinking something other than alcohol. It probably showed on his face, and in the way he'd been all but leaning over the counter in the bartender's direction. Another drink appeared before him, and Kid hastily grabbed it instead of the tie around the other man's neck.

At the time, as Kid guzzled down drink after drink, the red head had no idea how much he was going to get out of this self-induced drunken fest he'd decided on. He wouldn't even really recall the fact that he'd started preening himself in the form of flexing his muscles in response to that ass moving so tantalizingly just out of reach before him. If Kid looked like a goddamn idiot it didn't matter to him at the moment, because it got him an awesome show of bartender booty as well as more booze than the red head had actually paid for.

The blank in Kid's memory that followed all of that booze was not accounted for and therefore the red head was understandably confused when he woke with a hangover in bed. Not only that, he was also completely naked. Kid wouldn't be able to ignore the naked bit for long, as his drunken antics had landed him in an interesting situation. Because along with being naked, he found that he was not alone in bed. And as soon as Kid realized who it was that was in bed with him, the red head really couldn't help himself.

Because damn, he'd lucked out in the best way ever after drinking himself stupid.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A/N: I will forever be amused by any fanfic that has Kid mesmerized by Law's ass, AU or not.

Expect the next chapter up within a week, hopefully. As for the third/last chapter, it may be longer before it's posted, as I have to get it written out the rest of the way. I ended up summarizing the longer I typed, just to get it out before I backed out of writing it through to the end.

And I may tone it down a little for this site, as I'm still so-so with the rating system regarding posting stuff like this, and therefore this fic will more than likely end up on A03 as well, where I don't have that to worry about.