It was a good day for James Potter. The sun was out, Gryffindor had crushed Slytherin in ther last quidditch match, and he was up bright and early, for once not awakened by a bouncing Peter, a screeching Sirius, and a motherly Remus. None of his friends were truly like that, but he thought it best to avoid all chaos is his dorm with a long shower. However, just as he had begun to relax in the shower, planning out his breakfast for the day, a loud pounding interrupted his reverie.
"James Potter! Get your bloody arse out of there! I was sleeping and I need to use the loo!" James grinned. Sirius banged on the bathroom door and screeched every morning, regardless of whether anyone was in there or not.
"Language, you idiot. The whole castle can hear you." Remus' groggy voice floated through the bathroom door.
"I wonder if they will put out those chocolate pastries again for breakfast." Peter was up. James smiled. He had been hoping the same thing.
After he got dressed, James snuck out of the room just as Remus was trying to get a few more minutes of sleep with his covers over his head, Peter was checking his charms essay, and Sirius was turning their dorm room upside down while looking for clean socks.
James spread out in his favorite chair in the common room to finish his charms essay, and twenty minutes later Sirius came downstairs, showing absolutely no sign of the chaos that reigned in their dorm.
"Tsk tsk, Jamsie-boy. Finishing so last-minute?" Sirius flopped down into the chair next to James.
"Shut up. I've just finished it anyway. Let's go get breakfast."
Just as James stepped into the great hall, the heavens opened over him and a torrential downpour worthy of a tropical monsoon fell on his head. James glanced up to find Peeves cackling at him.
"Good morning to you too, Peeves."
Peeves stuck his tongue out in response as he zoomed away.
"Oh, Potter. That doesn't look fun." Lily Evans was all of a sudden right next to him. "I can help you with that." Lily was suspiciously cheery to James, but nonetheless, he accepted.
Lily muttered something incomprehensible under her breath and all of a sudden sprinted off. James was suddenly very cold, and looked down only to disover his robes were gone. He was in the middle of the great hall in his boxers with crowns on them. At least they were clean boxers that fit him. He silently thanked his decision to search for good boxers this morning before panicking.
"Shit. Sirius, what do I do?"
"Act natural. No one will notice."
"Are you sure?
"Positive."
James heard a wolf-whistle. Then another.
"Hey, Potter. Nice outfit." Act natural. Act natural. Natural? What was James' 'natural,' anyway? Cocky, full of himself.
"Potter, what's that on your boxers?"
"What's under my boxers? Well, it would be hard to explain, but I can show you." James grinned cheekily and motioned as though he was about to take off his shorts.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A tall, lanky missile launched itself straight at James, knocking him onto the table, and his face straight into a bowl of porridge. For the first time in his life, his hair was lying flat. He was also covered in the grey, goopy breakfast food that James hated more than anything in the world. Except maybe slytherins.
"James, I may be your best mate, but don't ever, EVER take of your underwear in front of me. I will never be able to look at you the same way again." Sirius was slightly breathless from his flying leap at James, and trying as hard as he possibly could to avoid getting porridge, and in fact any food, on his robes. For the first time in a while, Sirius had found clean clothes and had woken up early enough to spend ten minutes on his now-ruined hair.
"Potter! Black! What is going on down there?" Professor McGonagall was rising from the faculty table to investigate the chaos at Gryffindor table. "Potter. After two years here, I would expect you to understand that clothes are necessary, even if you can't handle the finer points of our uniforms." Her eyes drifted to Sirius' untucked shirt and scruffy tie. "Black. Try not to disturb everyone's breakfast with your enthusiasm for porridge." At this point, Sirius was in a tight ball in the middle of the table, twitching every time he thought a drop of porridge was too close to him. James had resumed eating breakfast, despite his non-traditional attire and mask of porridge.
"Would either of you care to explain this situation?" McGonagall was tired of their non-responsiveness. James shot Sirius a 'please help me' look, and within a second Sirius was sitting next to James, also in his boxers. James gulped. This couldn't be good.
"I have a plan. Follow along and don't worry." Sirius whispered to James.
"Oh. I worry."
"Professor. Last light, James and I were thinking, and talking about how our nation pride seems to have decreased over the past few years. People these days really have no appreciation for Great Britain-"
"Exactly Professor, Sirius and I thought we could help the school in their love for our nation..."
"But we weren't entirely sure whether anyone would be interested in a couple of third years giving some speech about national pride, so we thought we could get people's attention this way!"
"By not wearing any clothes?" Mcgonagall's eyebrows had very nearly reached her hairline.
"Exactly, Professor. Now, if you would please permit us, James and I would like to get the attention of the student body."
"That won't be necessary. I really cannot allow students of my house to make such a spectacle of themselves. You both have detention tonight."
"But professor!" James blurted, "We were only going to sing 'God Save the Queen'"
"Very well. I see that I cannot stop you. I expect to see you both in detention at eight PM tonight. Unless, of course, you were lying, in which case I will see you at eight PM for the rest of the month."
"God save the Queen
All dressed in green..." Sirius' singing was terribly off-key, but for one used to his voice, the tune sounded vaguely like that of 'Here comes the bride.'
"Sirius! What the hell are you doing! Those aren't the words, or the tune.. I think." James was beginning to panic. No part of him wanted detention for the rest of the month.
"Fine. You do it. It was your idea."
"I hate you Sirius."
"God save our gracious Queen"
"Sonorus," Sirius muttered with his wand pointed at James.
"Long live our noble Queen
God save our Queen
Send-" His voice cracked.
The stunned silence that had been the great hall melted into giggles, then loud laughter. Even Professor McGonagall was trying to hold back a smile. James kept plodding through the song, despite Sirius very nearly having a fit next to him, for James Potter does not give up on anything.
When James had finished, before the laughter had died down, he begged Sirius to take the spell off him, but Sirius couldn't stop laughing to breathe, never mind cast a spell. Finally, Professor McGonagall took pity on James and removed the spell.
"Potter, I think you have had quite enough punishment for a while, but please do find some robes before you lessons start. Black, I expect to see you in my office at eight o'clock sharp. Fully clothed!"
As McGonagall left the great hall, the school erupted into cheers for James. Of course he took full advantage of this, bowing, prancing around, mooning everyone, and even curtsying a little bit before scurrying off to get dressed. Sirius just stood there, stunned.
"I cannot believe he got out of detention."