A/N: Hi! I'm sorry this is shitty, Unbetaed poorly written fic. I hope at least I don't waste your time reading it. Is it angsty? it isn't right? I mean it's badly written even if I strive for angsty you end up laughing because MISTAKES!1
"I am done." it was spoken so quietly but the meaning those words hold wrecked everything around Castiel.
They're fighting again, and for Castiel he feels this is the worst and probably the last and it stuns him to where he is standing, hand clenched and mouth gaping from the blunt blow of those words. He turns, shoulder slumping a gesture of defeat and exhaustion and maybe Dean's right.
Maybe they are both done.
The thing is, Dean and Castiel are the best of friends, joined to the hip. The dork with the jock. There's no in between - well except when Dean flirts and bag himself some blonde chick or if he really wants maybe another lady like Cassie or Lisa or maybe now he'll be able to bring Jo Harvelle to the prom. There's no in between because Dean - no matter how hot or perfect the girl he had his hands over - he'll always go if Castiel needs help, or if Castiel competes in a regional science fair that Mr. and Mrs. Novak never bothers to attend. Just one word from Castiel either from a simple paper cut and Dean comes running to him and maybe that should've been enough. Because the thing with Dean and Cas? They have each other's back. Best friends.
And now... Dean's done and deep inside Castiel feels it too, not Dean wanting to end their friendship but Castiel wanting to end it too.
Dean never question's Castiel's sexually, he was cool with it when Castiel came out gay.
"Why would I stopped hanging out with you?" Dean asked, sporting a genuinely confused look.
"I don't know Dean..." Castiel trails off, "I just thought you'd feel uncomfortable." he scratched the hair on his nape looking everywhere except Dean.
"You're my best friend because you're Cas and you like cheeseburgers and you don't get pop cultures and you don't get sarcasms. You stare too much and you don't have regards for personal space and I could list a hundred or more things I like about you and I assure you none of them is because you're straight." Dean said, a small smile tugs his lips as faint dust of pink fades across his cheeks.
"I- I just like you as Cas."
Two weeks ago, Dean didn't pick Castiel up for school and Castiel ended up walking. He was not angry at Dean, he was sad because the ride to school with Dean is one of the highlight of Castiel's day. It was then that he found out that Dean let Castiel wait in his porch to give Jo shut gun and have an 'alone time' with her.
Castiel felt sick at that point. He really don't know why, maybe it was the breakfast of the walk. Maybe he's just not feeling well because- just because. But whenever Dean leaned close to Jo the gnawing uncomfortable heatness inside Castiel is too much, it made his eyes water and the oxygen seems to lack around him and he just can't.
He never had this problem before, maybe it's because he knows Dean likes Jo. Maybe it's real with her, maybe the next time he opens his eyes there's no more 'Dean and Cas' because now there's just 'Dean and Jo' and it upsets him that he closes his eyes for a moment to regain his usual calmness. But just after he opened his eyes he imagines that Dean is leaning to his frame and not to a curvy slender one with blonde hair, he imagines Dean smiling down at him with promise of something more, probably something that involves less clothes and that his lips will finally meet his...
and maybe he wants that too. Want it so badly that he's at just scared how much.
It wasn't the first tell tale of his feelings. Castiel knows because he almost spent his life with Dean. He can see why Dean is liked by everyone though, because he himself likes Dean. He sees the fuss because Dean is nothing but beautiful. His eyes are the shade of green that makes you want to camp at the deepest part of the forrest, he makes getting lost feel so good. He have this black on the verge of being blonde and brown hair that frames his square face perfectly. He is pale but not like Castiel pale, because he is painted with scattering freckles and it's like a constelation up there. His lips that looks soft and plump, a mouth for debauching and that's just his face.
Then there's the matter about his body but let's not go there, it'll most likely take a while.
Maybe that's why Castiel started dating Balthazar a week after- because he's falling deeper than he's already have for his best friend.
They both spend staring at every surface, except each other. The ticking of the clock blending with their harsh breathing. Every tick a mocking sound, pushing them to talk, forcing them to look at sort things before they regret every word left unsaid.
Castiel don't understand neither do Dean that what they are doing is stupid and pathetic and just plain cowardice and it's so tragic Romeo and Juliet would want to die twice just to top it.
The words still hang from each other's shoulders like a burden.
"You're right" Castiel finally said, an air of resignation fills his words like a baloon in the middle of summer waiting to pop when it gets too close to the sun. "you're done. So am I." He looks up at Dean and that the greenest green you'd ever see. I guess you really have to save the best for last.
The atmosphere between them shifts, a little flicker of light will blow the place down and both of them knows it. Dean knows it. He doesn't say anything but turn his back and walk.
And that is probably the last time Dean lets him self get lost in those deep blue. And hopefully, the haunting memory of Castiel visiting his dreams naked and loving will stop now too. But the burning feeling he's feeding inside him when he thinks Castiel is with someone not him will remain until both of them grows a pair of balls for their dicks and admit they love each other.
And here I was, thinking they burried their feelings to keep the friendship but even that is lost, when they both took a dip in those green and the blue.
A/N: Leave review or what not. Please be gentle.