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Okay, guys, this is a new fanfic I'm writing for no particular reason. This marks a pretty drastic departure from my usual writing style (in some places, anyway). I would say it's a little more serious than my usual fare. Obviously, I'd like some reception for it- I'm really not asking for much, just some reviews here and there. Some encouraging words and constructive advice would really mean a lot to me =)
As usual, Kuroi= bad side, Shiroi= good side. Just like in my manga. Without further ado, we begin! Hope you like!
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Chapter One: Lackeys Don't Get A Break

The sound of cards snapping echoed uncomfortably in the Kuroi HQ. Apart from the constant FWIP- FWIP- FWIP, there was no sound from any of the men and (of a slightly lesser number) women gathered in an awkward group in the middle of the room, some people spreading out to the corners in a futile attempt to distance themselves from the others. It was not like they had much success, though. Back in those times- just after the creation of the Earth and Sky, where the idea of brick walls and a roof were futuristic, impossible commodities, the HQ was merely a cave deep underground. The way down there was a roughly- cut chute all the way to the bottom with a particularly nasty drop right at the end, where one would be dumped unceremoniously in the middle of the room. It was undignified and not exactly top- secret (the opening to the chute was a rather obvious hole above ground with a sign above it saying "Top- Secret Kuroi HQ" floating proudly), but it was all the dark side had at that time after being stripped of all they owned by the Shiroi.

Of course, this was a couple of centuries after the Sky Era as outlined in Hyrule Historia. The Kuroi and their leader, Demise, had been locked in a fierce and all- consuming battle against the Shiroi and their leader, Hylia. The Shiroi had won a previous war, and Hylia had sent a huge landmass up into the sky in order to protect the last surviving humans and the Triforce. However, Demise had reawakened and was demanding that she bring the landmass back down to Earth. Hylia had refused, and so yet another war had broken out.

So far the Shiroi were winning by quite a margin, having overpowered the Kuroi's usually unbreakable fighters with the promise of milk and cookies in a HQ that wasn't just a crude cave underground. It also helped that Hylia was significantly better- looking than Demise and didn't wear much either- rumours were rife that she had no underwear on underneath that thin white dress. Since the average demographic of the Kuroi were male (and usually ageless demonic beings), this was a surprisingly big pull.

But of course, there were always the faithful few that were determined to stick with their side to the bitter end. This few usually regretted it about twice a week, especially when they saw the high- tech (at that time) and inviting Shiroi facilities. But those who were truly evil knew their true god, and served Demise blindly. Not that the god ever acknowleged this, of course. He was more concerned about Saturday night telly and whether his evil robes were on straight (evil robes were a necessity at that time) than his minions. Every single one of the Kuroi who served under him was a number, and sometimes not even that. It was very rare that one of them would be known by their name, and even then it was usually the wrong name.

One of the Kuroi he did know by name, though, and it was the correct name, was one called Ghirahim.
Ghirahim was his second- in- command, his most staid and devoted follower. The quickest way to describe him would be to say he looked exactly like David Bowie in his Thin White Duke guise, except nobody ever said this to his face. After all, "You look like a Zelda character" would never be the first thing to say to David Bowie anyway. Still, the notion of celebrity didn't even exist back then, and would only really gain presence in Hyrule with the advent of the Hero Of Time. Some people would say that it was tantamount to child abuse to subject the boy to such worldwide fame, and indeed, when Young Link grew up he became an alcholic who would fart Zelda's Lullaby on street corners for Rupees. Alas, fame is a fickle mistress. And so is a cookie that can't decide whether or not to snap in half when dunked.

But I digress. Ghirahim was always to be found strutting around in a skintight leotard with sleeves and legs that reached to his wrists and ankles respectively. One would say he was very covered- up if this leotard were not so much like a second skin. A simple diamond pattern was cut into the chest area, revealing his ribs (although he liked to think it revealed his abs). As for his hair, it was brushed over to the left side of his face to cover his mysterious lack of a left ear. Rumour had it that he cut it off to use as a soup ladle. Hylian ears, although pointed, were very concave and perfect for the purpose. But Ghirahim was also quite a broody type, so another rumour was that he had decided to take up painting and cut said ear off, Van Gogh- style, to give himself a bit of "mystique". Of course, this would inspire Van Gogh himself many centuries later to mutilate his own.

There is not much more to be said about Ghirahim (Ghi for short), except that he had quite feminine looks. His eyes were thickly outlined with some sort of makeup- surely they had to be!- and his lips were as white as the rest of his body, which was a most unnatural colour. The only thing that was not white about Ghirahim was (excluding his iris, of course) was the sash he wore around his waist for no apparent reason, which was yellow in colour and fastened with a rather fetching red diamond.

All in all, he was quite unusual in appearance, even for a Kuroi. He was stood before those who were gathered in the HQ on the fateful day this story starts. The scene was as described at the beginning of this chapter, for it was the same day, strangely enough. The sound of the cards could still be heard as the two Kuroi doggedly continued with their game.

Ghirahim folded his arms and frowned upon the scene. This was simply not good enough- where was the charisma here?
"Excuse me?" He spoke loudly, even though he didn't need to. "All of you, stop milling about and look at me!"
Like reluctant pupils with a teacher they don't like, everyone froze on the spot and slowly turned their heads towards him in a display of wordless sarcasm. Ghirahim decided to overlook it.
"What's wrong with you lot? Just because we have been forced into hiding once again-" he began.
"We weren't forced. Demise gave the order to flee." came a voice from the back.
"Shut up, you!" Ghi snapped.
"He's a coward."
"He's our gracious and almighty leader!"
"He's a gracious and almighty wuss."
"Well, you ran with the rest of us!"
"Only 'cause your mama was on the other side. And she's so fat-"
"Don't start the "your mama" stuff already! We've only got through 9 lines of dialogue!"
The voice gave a huff and fell silent.
"Anyway-" Ghirahim began again. "Just because of the aforementioned scenario, which did not involve ANYONE'S mama, we should not have to fall victim to such a miserable atmosphere! How about we do something entertaining?"
"Entertaining like what?" came a different voice.
"Mass Rock, Paper, Scissors?"
"Can it be Rock, Paper, Scissors, Mama?"
"How does that work?"
The voice fell silent and considered. "Well... Mama beats Rock, 'cause it gets lost in her fat rolls-"
"But what if you hit her over the head with the rock?"
"That's not the point. Rock, Paper, Scissors doesn't depend on what- if scenarios."
"Well, that's a stupid game, isn't it? How about Hangman?"
The voice from before was heard to mutter darkly, "I know who I'D like to hang."
"Yeah. Your mama." another voice said.
Ghirahim put his head in his hands with a heavy sigh. Maybe he would allow the air of misery to continue for a little longer.

And so it did, for the rest of the day. Demise gave Ghirahim frequent telepathic updates on how the above- ground army was doing, and needless to say the news was not good. Every tactical advance they tried was failing, and once again the Shiroi were pushing them further back. Large numbers of their army were being massacred, and Demise was once again considering giving the order to retreat. What more could Ghirahim do, but agree with his master?

Minutes later, as the army trooped defeated back to the HQ, Ghirahim recieved an urgent message from the boss- man.
Come to my realm- immediately! I have formulated a plan for this ridiculous war.
The skinny mage jumped to his feet, summoning his trusty katana and sheathing it in his sash. Taking a quick glance around the HQ to ensure everything was in order, he whispered a protection spell for it and snapped his fingers. In a digital shower of monochrome diamonds, he disappeared.

Demise's realm was not a physical place as such; it was more another dimension in which he resided. There was nothing of note there, just an empty greyness that seemed to continue into the distance forever. The ground upon which visitors stood was never seen. It was covered instead by a shallow layer of water in which one could see one's reflection as if it were a mirror. Ghirahim arrived quickly, appearing before his master mere seconds after he had recieved the message. Demise stood clad in the obligatory evil threads, ornate robes that entwined his shoulders and trailed past his feet. The flames that substituted his hair flickered angrily atop his head as he glared down at his most trusted minion, who immediately sank into a deep kneel.
Ghirahim's sword stabbed him in the side. "Crap! Ow!"
"Pardon, Ghirahim?"
He looked up. "I meant crisps."
"So I thought."
There was a long silence between the two. Eventually Demise spoke again.
"The goddess, centuries ago, sent a landmass up into the sky."
"You don't say, Master."
"It's called Skyloft."
"Not Groundloft, Master?"
"GHIRAHIM!"
"Sorry, Master."
"I have decided..." Demise paused to twirl his hair between his fingers for effect, unfortunately forgetting that his scalp was on fire. "EEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAOH! LALALALALALALALALALABOOOOOOOO! EE YIE EE YIE OOOOOHHHHHHH!"
Ghirahim waited patiently until Demise thought to plunge his fingers into the water surrounding them. A plume of smoke rose up from his submerged hand and he gasped loudly. "Anyway, lackey, I shall continue." he whimpered, face screwed up in pain. "The goddess sent Skyloft up into the heavens long ago. I have decided that instead of bringing it down to us, WE shall- uh, hang on- WE shall bring it to... ourselves? ...Well, that analogy didn't make sense."
"Are you suggesting that-"
"SHUT UP! I'm trying to explain what I'm suggesting! What I'm trying to say is that we should stop forcing them to bring it down and instead go up there ourselves!"
"Interesting notion."
"Unfortunately, airspace is pretty crowded up there. It seems that all the citizens have been given Loftwings as gifts from the goddess, and they're taking up a lot of the sky. Air Traffic Control have had to lay on 300 extra people. So that not all of us can go up there as planned. I'm going to send ONE Kuroi up. Guess who?"
"Hrm." Ghirahim paused, assuming a "thinking" position complete with intelligent- looking chin stroking. "Ganondorf?"
"The incarnation of my hatred?! He's thick as a brick!"
"Master, that's a little harsh."
"Thick as a paving slab, then. He wouldn't know how to handle a Loftwing if- if-"
"You aren't seriously suggesting you've got a Loftwing down to fly ME up there?!"
Demise nodded, an expression of pride evident on his face.

Ghirahim had to admit, he had never come across an evil plan quite like it. As he stood before the pure white Loftwing Demise had sent down for him, which was quietly blowing off, he could not help but worry obsessively about the risks. He was going to stand out quite a bit in Skyloft, he imagined- he would stand out anywhere, but especially so on an isolated sky island whose people didn't even believe there was anything beneath the clouds. How would he be able to persuade them that he was a force of good? How far would his own wits be able to get him? He imagined the Skyloftians would be quite suspicious of outsiders who seemed to come from the Surface, especially at times like this.

He put a tentative hand out to stroke the Loftwing, which jumped bodily away from him and hissed loudly. Bird spit sprayed Ghirahim's face unpleasantly and he recoiled. Demise strode up beside him and regarded the scene happily.

"You two will get on eventually. Just give it a little time." he said encouragingly as the bird proceeded to stamp on his minion. "Fartbutt, stop that!"
"THIS gassy rat with wings is my means of transport? And it's called Fartbutt?" Ghi said disbelievingly. At the sound of his voice, Fartbutt proceeded to kick him in the face.
"Yup. Just give it a little time..."

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It WILL get better, I promise. Let me get acquainted with the story, and I will provide you with the goods. Please review if you can!
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