AN: I do not own Hetalia (except for in my imagination)

My initial thoughts when my friend told me what she got me for my birthday…That she was a frickin genius. However, about a month later, I was pretty sure that she knew exactly what happened, and the whole thing was some sort of sick plan for revenge for something I'm sure that I did, but just don't remember. Let me start from the beginning.

I walked into school on Tuesday morning and was instantly attacked by hugs. Actually, you know what? This part is boring, so I'm just going to skip to when the first unit arrived.

It was a Saturday morning and I had just opened my eyes when I heard my doorbell ring. As always, I was the first one up, so I lugged my butt downstairs and, despite knowing that I must have looked like a bag of smashed assholes, opened the door.

"Are you Maya?" asked the man at the door.

"Yeah, Kayla sent you right?"

"Uh… yeah," he said looking at his clipboard, "Your birthday present."

"Oh, yeah, that's for me."

"Okay then, I'll need you to sign here," He handed me the clipboard and I put my name by the big X.

"Here you go," I said and handed him back the clipboard.

"Awesome, I'll just wheel this in for you," he said and wheeled in a huge crate. He let it down in the middle of my front room. "Here you go, good luck," he said before handing me a folded up slip of paper and walking out the door.

At first, I had no idea what he meant by good luck, I thought that Kayla was the best gifter in the entire world ( based on how much I talked about Hetalia, I would have expected her to at least get something related, but an actual Hetalia unit was beyond amazing.) I took a deep breath and opened the paper to see who I got.

MATTIAS KØHLER: User Guide and Manual

Initial thoughts- Oh God… I was not sure whether I should be excited or horrified. Either way, I was apprehensive. I'm getting annoyed at writing this way, so I'm going to switch to present tense.

~Magical Time Portal That Brings The story To Present Tense~

"Okay then, how should I wake him up." My parents would definitely cleave me in half if they found any of our furniture cleaved in half, so I'd better be careful with this. Okay, let's take a look at this manual.

~Magical Time Portal That Brings The story To Past Tense~

None of the listed methods of activating him sounded particularly wonderful, I really didn't want to be his hug buddy, or make him a sandwich, so I decided to go with an option that would result in the least future damage to either of us. I took a step closer to the box and screamed "Norway and Iceland are leaving!" I pressed an ear against the box and heard loud crying. I scampered upstairs to get my crowbar from my room (don't ask) then returned and opened the box.

As soon as the box was open, I found myself practically holding up a man taller than my dad, as he cried on my shoulder.

"There, there, it's okay," I said as I reached up to pat him on the head.

"No, it's not okay, they're gone."

"It's okay; they'll probably come back someday." (I knew that they wouldn't but, I needed him to stop crying) I lead him over to a chair, and rid myself of his 5'10'' frame. He sank down in my squishy red chair.

"This chair is really comfy, I'm never getting up," he said through sniffles. At least I knew that he was returning to his relatively normal self. I sat down in the chair next to his and waited for him to stop crying. As his sniffles subsided, he finally realized what was going on.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm Maya, your new… roommate."

"Okay, so do I get to order you around like I did to my other roommates?"

"Not unless I'm in a really good mood. Now let me show you where you'll be sleeping." I led him up to my room (yeah I know, bad idea, but I didn't realize that at the time). I had set up a mattress on the floor next to my bed.

"You can have the bed until we figure something out some other sleeping arrangements."

"Are you going to be in there too?"

"You'll barely fit in there as it is, now let's go get your stuff." We went back downstairs and, after digging around in his box, found the rest of his stuff. He led the way back upstairs carrying his axe, with me trailing behind carrying the rest of his stuff.

"Just to let you know, me toting your stuff around is not going to become a regular thing."

"Boo, you suck."

"Sue me."

"Stop acting like Norway." At his own mention of Norway, he started to sniffle again, before dropping his axe, turning around, and hanging off my shoulder for the second time that morning. (Maybe I really hadn't chosen the best way to wake him up; I had become his hug buddy after all).

I rocked him back and forth in the middle of my upstairs landing until my mom woke up and came out of her bedroom.

"Maya?"

"My birthday present came."

"Should I ask?"

"Just give me a moment," I said to my mom, then turned Mattias around to face me, "Okay, Mattias, Why don't you go sit on the bed and I'll right back." He nodded then turned around and went into my room, so that my mom and I were alone on the landing.

"Maya, what is going on here?"

"So you know how Kayla got me a Hetalia Unit for my birthday," I started, "Well, this is it."

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?"

"I know, but there's nothing to worry about. Trust me; they're basically designed to live with teenage girls. Who else would order one?"

"I guess you're right, but are you sure that that this is a good idea?"

"I'm sure; otherwise Kayla wouldn't have gotten him for me."

"I know, but still, how do you think your dad's going to feel about you sharing your room with a grown man."

"Come on, it'll be fine. You guys know I'm responsible, plus he is way older than he looks, I'm talking hundreds of years older."

"Fine, but if we say so, you are returning him."

"Awesome, now I'd better go check on him." I turned around and went back into my room to see Mattias. I found him on my bed, hugging my pillow.

"Are you okay?" He instantly jumped up and latched on to me.

"I'm all alone," he cried. Apparently, I'd unlocked his depressed mode when I activated him.

"It's okay," I said, while awkwardly petting his head, "you stay here and I'll go get you some beer." I head a muffled "mmhhyy" in my shoulder before I pried Mattias off of my shoulder and headed downstairs to raid my fridge.

I returned upstairs with a beer in hand and entered my room. I prodded the lump on my bed till a hand emerged from the covers. I put the beer in it and it retracted.

"You better not get beer on my bed."

"mmppphhh."

I patted the lump on what I assumed to be a shoulder and headed downstairs to eat. I grabbed a plate of eggs and sat down across from my little brother.

"What's wrong with your person thing?"

"I accidentally put him into depressed mode."

"It was probably your face. It always puts me in depressed mode."

"You look just like me." Yup, it was pretty much a normal Saturday morning, aside from the fact that I had a depressed Denmark in my bed.

As I was finishing my eggs, my phone rang. I checked my phone and saw that it was Kayla.

"Heeeyyyy."

"What do you want?"

"Sooorrryyyy, I just wanted to see if you got your birthday gift yet."

"Yes, I did. So now I have a depressed Denmark in my bed."

"Oooh, see I told you that you would grow up to be a slut, I guess that it just took one birthday."

"I still don't get how you came to that conclusion. Anyway, I accidentally put him into a depressed mode, but I gave him some beer so he should be fine soon."

"I really don't know what that means, but good luck anyway. I have to go, bye."

"Bye." I closed my phone and finished my breakfast.

~Magical jump in time to that evening~

I waked up to my room where I was sure that Mattias was still asleep. I opened my door and peeked in to see the same lump in my bed, but now there were a few beer bottles were scattered around on top of my covers. I poked the lump to make sure that he was asleep, and eventually deemed it safe to change into my pajamas. Once in my fuzzy pants and tank top, I curled up on the mattress next to my bed.

~Magical Jump in Time to the Next Morning~

I woke up the next morning to find something large and warm wrapped around me. At first I snuggled closer to whatever it was, until I felt increased pressure and realized that the large, warm thing had arms. I turned around to find that Denmark had joined me on the floor.

"Get off me!" I shouted and tried to pry him off. I heard chuckling from behind me, apparently Denmark was back to normal.

"Nice rack by the way."

"Pervert!" I was really starting to regret sleeping without a bra. "I thought that you were asleep! Or at least drunk!"

"I don't get drunk," he said with a smile.

"Figures."

"I'm hungry!" he announced, jumping up from the floor, "Where do you keep your food?"

"I'm not letting you anywhere near my food unsupervised." I stood up and stretched, but then I caught him staring at my chest, and hurried out of my room and down the stairs. He followed my downstairs.

"You're making too much noise, you're going to wake up my parents."

He rolled his eyes and followed me downstairs to the kitchen. He sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you going to make me food?"

"No, get it yourself." He got up with a groan and started digging through my cupboard. He pulled out a box of cereal and grabbed a box of milk from the fridge. After eating three bowls of cereal, he started to pour another one until I took his box away.

"Hey, I was gonna eat that."

"You've had enough." I find it weird how I'm the responsible one out of the two of us. I really couldn't help but wonder what my family was going to think of him.

Speak of the devil, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Mattias had been curled up in my bed the entire day earlier, so my family never got to meet him. To be honest, I don't think that my dad even realized that anything had happened, either that or he just didn't do anything to indicate that he noticed. He never really indicated anything, most of my friends had never seen him change expression.

The footsteps grew louder until my dad stepped off of the bottom step and into the kitchen. He sat at the table and got himself a bowl of cereal, all without noticing Mattias. Eventually he looked up at Mattias, looked over at me, back at Mattias, then back to me.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"This is my birthday present from Kayla."

"Kayla gave you a person?"

I put hands over Mattias's ears so that he wouldn't hear the next part and go back into depressed mode. "He's a Hetalia unit. They're like robot people programmed to look and act just like Hetalia characters. This is Denmark/ Mattias." I took my hands off of Mattias's ears.

"So he acts just like a normal person?"

I put hands back over Mattias's ears and continued, "He acts just like the character of Denmark from Hetalia, who is a normalish person."

My dad never shows any kind of expression, but I could still tell that he wasn't exactly happy about this arrangement.

"Will you take your hands off my ears, I can tell that you're talking about me," said Denmark, who was apparently oblivious to the semi-glares that my dad was shooting his way. I could tell that this day was going to be interesting, and it sure was.

I had to take Mattias with me to my karate class because my parents refused to leave him at home alone. Since I go to adult classes, he insisted on joining in.

We arrived at class, and I instantly had everyone asking who he was. Of course I wasn't going to let Mattias explain who he was, so I had to explain why I came to class with a twenty-one year old who I was not related to. I decided to say that he was a friend of my cousin who was visiting from college and wanted to try some classes. Luckily he was immature enough to pass for a college student. I'm still pretty sure that my instructor thinks he's some foreign pedophile.

When we got home from karate, we were both a bit sweaty and needed cleaned off. I figured that he'd be fine to clean himself, but I asked just to be sure.

"Are you able to bathe yourself?" I asked, half joking.(I'd heard that some of the units needed help).

"I guess that I could use some help." Unfortunately, I didn't notice the grin that accompanied the statement.

"Fine, why am I not surprised." I showed him up to the bathroom and ushered him inside. I turned around so that he could strip, and very carefully avoided looking at the mirror.

"Aren't you going to undress too?"

"No! Why the hell would I do that?!"

"I thought you said you were going to help me bathe?" he asked, while wiggling his eyebrows.(I really did not look, I could just picture him wiggling his eyebrows).

"Yeah, that's what I said, so get in the shower!" I could hear him chuckling as he climbed behind the shower curtain.

"So how do I start this?"

"You push up the glass ball thingy." He did so, then I heard a chorus of rather feminine screams coming from the shower, and I couldn't help bet giggle, at it.

"Hot, hot, hot!"

"Turn the thingy to the left to make it colder, then once you like the temperature, soap and shampoo and things are on the rack hanging on the shower head."

"Ah! Cold, cold, cold!" Apparently he really did need help bathing.

"Here," I said, as I closed my eyes and reached into the shower to adjust the temperature, then felt something grab my wrist and pull me into the shower, "what the hell are you doing!?" I screamed quite a few profanities in quite a few languages.

"You said that you would help me shower."

"Not in the shower with you."

"Hmm, well you're already in here, so you might as well stay."

"No, I'm not going to shower in my clothes."

"Well, you wouldn't let me see you naked. God, you're hard to please."

I ultimately ended up taking a completely clothed show with my perverted birthday present. I'm just extremely glad I didn't get groped. We returned to my room, me sopping wet, him having refused to wear a towel.

"You are so lucky that my parents aren't home. Now get out of my room."

"Why?"

"I need to change."

"Fine," he skipped out of my room. (I really didn't need to see that) I changed into my pajamas and let him back in. He pulled out a dress shirt and pair of pants.

"You're going to sleep in those?"

"Yeah, I don't have anything else, other than my uniform."

"Fine. Sleep in that tonight and we'll need to go shopping tomorrow."