Saving Me, a csi: new york fanfic

Saving Me

Saving Me

Summery: After Danny and Lindsay's Jaws reenactment in the lab 417 - Like Water For Murder Lindsay leave to visit the roof. Standing there she looks back on her relationship and her life in New York.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I write down. That includes the characters of CSI: NY or the song by Nickelback.

A/N: Ever since Danny and Lindsay got together I kindda went off their ship but with this whole rocky situation it just allows a lot of easy flowing ideas for FFs on them. This particular one is in Lindsay's POV so yes the lyrics may seem like they don't match at points but I hope you like it anyways. R&R pretty please XP

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'

'Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing,' I could feel my eyes drop down to the evidence, as I was trying so hard not to look at him. I started to giggle at myself thinking about the last time I sat alone in my apartment and watched a movie. Biting my bottom lip softly I had say to myself, 'That's such a good movie.'

Next to me I could see his head tilt in my direction. 'We should rent it sometime,' suddenly I could feel my body temperature drop dramatically. I stopped trying to focus on something on the desk as I felt my whole body start to shiver. I wanted so much to say, I'd love to, but actually that would be a lie. Though it wasn't that I didn't want to watch it, it was more like; I don't think I could watch it with you.

Slowly still thinking to myself, about what he just said, I pulled off my gloves. 'This is hard.'

I didn't want to leave but it was almost like an impulse that pulled me away form him. After what he said I didn't think I could stand there any longer. It was almost like I just didn't want to be near him. I wanted to be anywhere but near him.

As I walked away I could hear my conscience shouting. It wanted me to go back and ask him was something wrong or had I don't something to upset you, but I couldn't force my self to turn around. Not after the fact I was the one that walked out.

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

As I stepped out the lab and into the main hallway I felt lost and empty and almost soulless. I wanted to go somewhere else and the moment my eyes landed on the elevator I could feel myself being pulled towards it. I didn't know where I was going to go but I something told me the elevator was going to take me somewhere nice. As I got in alone, I stood with my back against the wall. Leaning towards the control I pressed 'ROOF'. I didn't know why but I just felt that I needed to go somewhere with air – and lots of it.

As the doors pinged open I stepped out. There was a small lobby area and one big door. There were no labs or offices, just a small white room. As I walked towards the door I reached out to the handle to turn the knob. The door was heavy and it took effort to push it completely open but once I stepped out of its metal frame I could feel the gust of wind push straight at me. My hair was flying in front my face and my lab coat was dragging along behind me. As I walked towards the edge of the roof top I looked down. The New York City streets were bustling with people and cars drove at its snail speed between the tall arching buildings like there wasn't a worry in the world.

It wasn't cold but there was a present of a chill in the air. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself to keep out the wind. Looking straight I could feel the horizon teasing me as I thought I saw the twinkles of blue water just below the sky. I could feel my mind taking a mental image of the glossy grey buildings, yellow taxis and clear skies and using it as a backdrop because for the next 20 minuets I thought nothing, felt nothing and saw nothing but that.

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin'

Coming out of my trance I realized I was actually thinking of him. Remembering all the fun times we used to have. There was almost never a time, before a few months ago, when we would argue or become upset with each other. I always thought, at first, that we were like this wonder-couple which never had arguments. I was so wrong. I couldn't believe how wrong I was. I realized after that that it didn't matter who you were dating - you would always end up with an argument. No matter how perfect everything is at the start it always ends shattered.

I didn't want to move from my spot on the roof. I was nice there - the cool breeze behind me and my calmness within - but no matter how serene the surroundings felt inside all I could do was think of him. The way he'd acted recently, the fact that he'd forgotten all the dates we had planned and even my birthday. I wished that I knew the reason for it.

It had occurred to me that it might have been something to do with Ruben's death but I thought I knew him well enough to know that he'd come to talk to me about something like that. It bothered me that he didn't. After the incident with Rikki he stayed rather quite. He wouldn't speak to me for a day afterwards but then again he wouldn't speak to anyone. A week after the arrest he took a day off work. It wasn't like him. I'd gone around his flat to ask him if anything was the problem but he didn't even answer his door. I was so tempted to go to Rikki's flat and asked her if she'd even heard from the whole day but something told me she wasn't going to be in.

In my pocket I realized my phone was buzzing. Pulling it out it was a message from Adam saying WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I have your results... if you want them. Taking a deep breath then sighing loudly I knew I had to get back to work. I shouldn't let something like this get to me. Maybe it would all smoothen out in the end. Maybe he'll actually come to me about his problems. There were lots of maybes and not enough answers. I looked out for one last time at the mechanical panorama of New York City remembering what an old friend had once told me, all things will smoothen out eventually – you just need the time and patience. How much I wished it wouldn't take so long.

As I turned to head towards the little box room that contained the elevator I felt my phone buzz again. Pulling it out the message read – danny asked where you were. He seems worried. Call him.

Hurry I'm fallin'

I wasn't sure if that moment was happiness or shock but inside it felt like I was suddenly lost - not knowing what to think or what to do.

A/N: I don't really FEEL like leaving an author's note but I thought why break tradition XP Anyways, hoped you liked it. I think it's a bit different from the rest of my writing and interestingly enough I quite like it. So, if you have anything to say about it R&R please! Cheers!